“Hi.”
Devlyn’s voice stirs me from the past. Looking over at her, she’s dressed in cutoff jean shorts, sandals, and a white t-shirt tied at the waist. Tonight, her outfit is simple. No crazy patterns, no tutu, no bright colors—nothing to distract from the real her. All her hair is pulled up into a bun, and every bone in my body wants to pull her into my arms.
“Does Mia know?” she asks. “I worried all day that she . . .”
“No,” I whisper, stepping a little closer. She freezes me to my spot with her eyes. I motion for her to sit, and we both take a seat, angled toward each other without touching. “Still sore?” I tease.
She raises an eyebrow at me. “I have one particular ache that needs some attention.”
My dick twitches. He’s the man for the job. “How about after the movie we . . .”
“What’s the movie tonight?” Mia asks, plopping down right between Devlyn and me.
Exhaling, I scoot over. This is the way the past eighteen years have been. Mia between me and the entire female population. Now it’s just more literal.
Devlyn looks over at me, her eyes telling me we’ll figure it out. She knows what she’s getting with me, and she’s okay with that. “So tell me about your roommate?” Devlyn asks Mia. “Your dad told me she’s from . . .”
Mia excitedly starts talking a mile a minute about her roommate, their plans to decorate their dorm, the matching headboards she wants me to build for them, the bedding they have picked out. Devlyn listens, seemingly just as excited as Mia. She glances at me a few times, smiling. I look around at all the families here. To an outsider, Mia, Devlyn, and I could pass as a family. There’s just one problem. We’re not. I’m not going home with Devlyn. She won’t be falling asleep in my bed or be there for me to kiss good morning.
“Evening,” my dad says, walking up to us. “Got room for one more?”
“Granddad!” Mia says. “I can’t remember the last time you came to one of these.”
He just smiles. We both know he hasn’t come since my mom died. Some things are just harder to do as a widower. Movie night was always special to him and my mom, so when she passed away, he just couldn’t bring himself to come without her. Wonder what brought him here tonight?
“The smell of the popcorn called to me,” he says, showing us the extra-large tub he bought. He motions to Mia. “I’m going to need some help eating all this.”
Mia moves beside him. My dad gives me a knowing glance as I scoot closer to Devlyn. He couldn’t possibly know, could he? He tosses the blanket on top of my lap, making sure it covers my and Devlyn’s legs. Yep, he knows!
He extends his arm, cuddling Mia into his side, and I slip my hand under the blanket, taking Devlyn’s hand in mine. Her fingers curl around mine, and from the corner of my eye, I see a little smile playing on her lips. It’s the simplest thing—holding her hand—and I can’t remember the last time I just held a woman’s hand and watched a movie.
In that moment, I realize exactly how much I’ve missed. When Sheena got pregnant, I had to grow up fast. I went from sixteen to like forty in an instant. Suddenly, I had to worry about taking care of someone else when I didn’t even know how to take care of myself. School, work, bills, insurance—I became an adult before I could vote, but there is a part of me that stayed stuck. Yeah, I had side pieces of ass through the years, but I never had this. There’s lots of things I never had—waking up with a woman, showering with her, making her breakfast in bed. The list is piling up.
I stroke Devlyn’s hand under the blanket. She turns to me, her blue eyes shining through the darkness. She’s always been here. How did I not see it? She yawns a little. We both smile, knowing why she’s tired. What I wouldn’t give to be in bed with her right now. Instead, I cock my head toward my shoulder. That’s all I can offer her right now.
Devlyn glances at Mia, and I mouth to her, “It’s okay.”
But Devlyn shakes her head at me. We’ve known each other our whole lives. It’s not as though she’s never laid her head on my shoulder, hugged me, but it’s different now. Now those small acts have big meaning even if we’re the only ones that know it.
Devlyn leans a little closer and whispers, “Think I’ll go home.”
I try to squeeze her hand tighter, but she stands up, the blanket falling to the ground and forcing me to release her hand. She kisses Mia and my dad on the cheek, making some excuse that she’s tired then quietly walks away. Shit! What the hell just happened?
I keep my eyes on the screen but feel my father’s stare. He pats Mia’s shoulder. “Could you help an old man out and go get a refill on the popcorn?” Smiling, Mia takes the bucket, heading for the popcorn machine. My dad continues to stare at me for a second then he leans over. “When you get old, you don’t sleep much. I think it’s nature’s way of letting you know that your time is running out.”
“Don’t talk like that,” I say, unable to picture a day without my dad.
“I get up early,” he says.
He lets the words linger, and I don’t know what he’s getting at. Then it hits me, and my head whips around.
“I saw Devlyn’s car,” he says.
It doesn’t matter that I’m a grown man. Getting caught with a woman at your place by a parent—who knows you were having sex—immediately makes you feel like a teenager again. My dad is completely old school about this stuff, too. He and my mom were each other’s only. Premarital sex and my father don’t mix. I get it. I’m a hypocrite, but I get it. I’ve preached to Mia endlessly about waiting, even though I didn’t. Correction, I don’t.
“Mia didn’t see anything,” he says. “I made sure of that.”
“Thanks, Dad. It’s . . .”
He holds up his wrinkled hand. “Long overdue, if you ask me.” He nods toward the diner. “That girl has been like a mother to Mia. She’s been a lot to you, too.”
“She has,” I whisper, staring at the dark windows of the diner, wishing this could all be easier, but there is nothing easy about dating and being a single parent.
“Just love her,” my dad says softly. “Love her crazy. Everything else you’re worried about will work itself out.”
Love? Sheena is the only woman I’ve ever said those words to, other than Mia and my mom. And I’m not sure it was true when I said it to her back then. Sure, my teenage hormone-fueled brain thought I loved her, but how real could it have been if she just left like she did?
Patting my shoulder, he says, “You need to be careful.”
“You don’t need to worry about another surprise . . .”
“Not that,” he says. “Mia! What if she’d seen you two? This is a small town. You don’t want Mia to find out from anyone other than you.”
“I know.”
“Good.”
“Devlyn and I haven’t had a chance to really talk.”
“I can help with that,” he says, nodding toward Mia walking back.
*
Letters to Mia
Thirteenth Birthday
Dear Mia,
You’re a teenager! I have a teenage daughter. No one knows that. I feel so guilty about that. My parents are the only people in my life that know about you. I wonder if that makes me horrible.
I guess everyone who gives up their child feels like this. You never stop thinking about them. They are always there. You are always here. Always with me. That’s the part you don’t realize when you give your child up. There is no “giving” them up. Children stay with you. You’ve stayed with me.
I wonder who you are. Are you funny or quiet? Did you like to play with dolls or in the mud? Do you eat vegetables or like only sweets? I suppose you probably wonder those things about me, too.
What will you become? Will I ever know? Do I deserve to know?
So many questions. Questions are all I have.
I hope you understand why I did what I did. I pray that you know I love you.
I wonder what you wish for when you blow out your birthday c
andles. I wonder . . .
That sums it up. Mia—you are wonder.
Until next year,
Your mom
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
DEVLYN
I’ve heard stories about waking up and not knowing whose bed you’re in, an unfortunate side effect of one-night stands and random hookups. I hope last night with Garrett wasn’t just for one night, and there was nothing random about it, but the shock of waking up in his arms, in his bed, is still very real.
I gave up on us having a shot years ago. I can’t pinpoint when it happened, exactly. It happened slowly, which is odd considering how fast I fell in love with him. I think I was about five. It was the first day of school, and I got separated from my parents during the school tour. I was crying when Garrett found me. He walked me back to my classroom, holding my hand. I went home and told my mom I was going to marry Garrett Hollis. It was silly, but no less real.
It took me a lot longer to give up on the hope I had for me and Garrett. Teenage pregnancy didn’t do it. Sheena herself didn’t do it. Other guys didn’t do it. It wasn’t just one thing. It was a combination of everything, I guess. I’m not saying I ever really fell out of love with Garrett, I know I didn’t. I just sort of accepted it wasn’t ever going to happen.
But now it has.
Perhaps I’m overthinking this. I tend to do that when Garrett is involved. Like the time he called me in the middle of the night. I answered the phone thinking it was a booty call or he was drunk dialing me, ready to confess his love. Instead, Mia had the flu, and he needed me to bring over chicken soup. I get it, kids get sick, but a booty call would’ve been better.
Maybe that’s what last night was—the standard nail and bail. I wanted him too much to stop and ask. Even if it was just sex for him, I will forever remember our night. Even if it’s all we ever get.
The man is one solid piece of hard muscle—the definition in his abs, that delicious little trail of hair from his belly button, the feel of his arms tight around me. His abs are nice, his ass is even better, those blue eyes can melt any girl’s heart, but it’s his arms that slay me—tan, rock hard biceps. Being wrapped up in them was everything I imagined it would be. It’s the feeling that there is no safer place in the world. I hope that’s true.
Garrett’s burned me before. He doesn’t even know it. That’s the thing about unrequited love—it hurts, and the other person doesn’t even know they are hurting you. Every glance that you read too much into. Every touch that you think is leading to more but doesn’t. Every time he leans in and you think he’s going to kiss you. Every phone call, text, email. Every laugh you share. Every time you see them and want more, and they have no idea.
I think that’s why I gave up on us. The alternative hurt too much. Our friendship became enough. From kids to teenagers to Mia, our relationship has lasted longer than most marriages these days. Last night, we risked it all.
I’ve been at every one of Mia’s birthday parties. Heard her first words, watched her first steps. I’ve made that girl breakfast more times than even Garrett has. It seems like just yesterday I was helping Garrett feed her mashed-up banana and peas for the first time in a high chair at Biscuit Girl.
Now I could not only lose him, but I could lose Mia, too. I don’t know what last night meant to him. If I know Garrett, I doubt he even knows, but I couldn’t sit at movie night, holding his hand. I certainly couldn’t put my head on his shoulder. Until I know where his head is, I have to protect myself a little bit.
So I lied and told Garrett I was going home when, instead, I walked to the Falls. Probably stupid to come here alone in the dark. I could trip, hit my head, and die. That would be my luck. Just when I bed Garrett Hollis, I have a freak accident and die.
I come upon a few teenagers walking through the woods, laughing. Guess the movie is over, and it’s time for the extracurricular activities to begin. What’s supposed to be a romantic spot has long been the town’s make-out point.
The moonlight bounces off the rush of the waterfall. No rainbows promising forever love tonight.
Maybe Garrett’s right. All love is hard. Especially when you suspect you love the other person more than they love you.
I know that’s not entirely fair. Garrett just figured out I was a woman, so he needs a little time to catch up. After all, I’ve loved him my whole life.
My phone rings, lighting up the darkness. I see Garrett’s name. Drawing a deep breath, I answer.
“Wish you were in my bed,” he says quietly.
“Is this Bryan? Or Steven? Or Mark? Or that fella I was with last night, whose name I can’t remember? Starts with a G, I think.”
“That’s me, the one from last night,” he says, and I can hear his grin through the phone. “I was wondering if you might want to do it again sometime. Like maybe for three nights straight?”
“What?” I cry out.
“Where are you?” he asks. “I hear . . . Is that water? Are you at the Falls?”
“Yeah,” I say. “What’s this about three nights?”
“Why are you at the Falls?” he asks. “You said you were tired, going home.”
“I needed to think.”
“So you’re not with Bryan, Steven, or Mark?”
I laugh. “No, I’m alone. I was just about to walk back.”
“Good, talk to me while you walk back. That way I’ll know you get home safe.”
“It’s Eden Valley. What could happen? I could die of boredom.”
“I don’t like the idea of you alone in the dark,” he whispers.
“I’m walking back,” I say. “So what’s this about three nights?”
“My dad’s decided to take Mia on a little trip.”
“Just like that?” I ask, walking the bridge.
I hear Garrett exhale. “Don’t freak out, but he saw your car at my house until the early morning. He knows.”
“I’ll never be able to look him in the eye again,” I say.
“He’s happy for us.”
Us? Two little letters—only these two don’t crush my heart.
“So I was thinking, the hardware store is closed on Sundays, and Monday is my scheduled off day. Maybe I could get Tuesday covered. You’re all mine for three nights.”
I’m speechless. All his? Three nights? Us?
“Devlyn,” he says. “Sorry, guess I should’ve asked if you . . .”
“My place or yours?” I ask, letting him know my answer.
He laughs quietly. “I don’t care as long as it involves you naked.”
“Well, we’ve already christened your place, so how about my house?”
“Not sure how I’m going to make it until Sunday.”
“It’s only one more day,” I say, smiling so wide my cheeks hurt.
“Why’d you really leave the movie tonight?” he asks. “Why’d you say you were going home?”
Lying to Garrett is the crust of my relationship with him. I’ve been lying to him about how I feel about him my whole life. Now I’m just supposed to spill it all out?
Loving Garrett is kind of like pounding on a locked door. No matter how hard you love or how hard you pound, he’s not going to open the door to his heart until he’s ready. Is he now?
My legs start moving faster, not wanting to have this conversation, scared of what he’ll say. I forget he knows me as well as I know him. When I don’t answer, he softly says my name, urging me to respond. My pace stays fast, as my words come out slow. “Now I’m the one that doesn’t want to freak you out.”
“I won’t.”
Taking a huge breath, I say, “I wasn’t sure if last night meant anything to you other than sex.”
“Are you sure now?”
“I’m sure I need to hear you say it.”
He chuckles. “Devlyn, last night was not just about sex.”
“And you’re not just saying that because I asked you to?”
“Women are insane,” he says, laughing. “Devlyn, even if you had a biz
arre accident and your pussy had to be sewed permanently shut, I’d still want to be with you.”
I start laughing. “That’s because I’d still have my ass and mouth.”
“Even if those are gone, too,” he says, laughing. “In fact, assume you have no holes. Not even in your ears or nose. Nothing.”
“You’d still want me?” I ask, giggling.
“Still,” he says.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
DEVLYN
Three nights alone with Garrett—how will we spend our time?
I can’t seem to stop smiling as I walk toward the hardware store. His father is taking Mia to the beach for a few days. They’re leaving tomorrow, which means I have less than twenty-four hours to wait. I want things to be perfect, so once the lunch crowd died down, I decided to duck out early (perk of being the owner) and do a little shopping.
Three days alone with Garrett calls for some new lacy panties, maybe even a sexy corset or bustier. Although he certainly didn’t seem to mind me showing up in my pajamas, fresh from the shower the other night. The local shopping scene isn’t going to do. There’s not a lingerie store in sight. Antiques we’ve got by the dozen. A bookstore, a couple clothing boutiques, an old-fashioned toy store, but nothing in the realm of ladies’ underwear unless you want some granny panties.
Eden Valley prides itself on not having any big chain stores. That’s good for small business owners like myself, but bad when you need a thong.
I peer through the window of the hardware store. Garrett’s by the register, leaning over, sketching something. I’m sure it’s the plans for the Falls. I know the look in those eyes. Before, I’d only seen it when he was working, but the other night the intensity was focused right on me. My skin covers in goose bumps remembering.
I walk inside, and he looks up. Dear God, the smile he gives me makes my heart flip-flop in my chest. Feeling my skin heat, I want to say something sexy, something mysterious, something that will have him thinking about me non-stop until tomorrow, but his blue eyes have me dumbstruck.
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