Still A Dog

by Mark Anthony

  “Emmmh, you drive me so fucking crazy!” Mashonda said as she pulled away from me and smiled. “You sure you didn’t slip nothing in my drink because I can’t explain this shit.”

  I chuckled and shook my head no as I grabbed my bag and prepared to leave. Mashonda said what she had said because she knew that the only explanation for her actions was that she was a whore. And since she, like most women, never want to believe that they’re a whore, tried to explain away her actions by making a joke about me slipping her a mickey.

  “The car is downstairs waiting for me. So here, take this. Get you some gas for your car and pay for your parking with it, a’ight?” I said as I handed her one hundred dollars.

  “Thank you. You’re so sweet,” she replied and gave me a kiss on my cheek as we stepped into the elevator.

  With the way Mashonda took the money so easily I knew that she was a gold-digging whore. She was no different than the big-butt strippers who would leave the strip club and fuck a nigga as long as he was putting up cash for the pussy. Yeah, Mashonda knew what time it was and so did I, but I couldn’t knock her hustle.

  When we got to the lobby I immediately saw my driver and I headed toward him.

  “Lance Thomas?”

  “Yeah, yeah, that’s me.”

  “Right this way,” the driver replied as he directed me outside into the freezing cold and toward the car. He held the rear-passenger door open for me and just before I stepped into the car I turned and gave Mashonda a hug and a peck on the lips.

  “It was real.”

  “Yeah, it was. Call me when you get back to New York.”

  “No doubt.”

  I sat into the plush leather seats, and the driver had already had the heat on so the car was very comfortable inside. But my mind wasn’t at ease simply because I knew that I should have left Philly the night before and had my ass back in New York. I kept my cell phone turned off, because I knew that Nicole would be blowing my phone up to no end.

  “Listen, here’s sixty dollars. Do whatever you can to get me back to New York as quick as possible.”

  The Arab driver thanked me for the generous tip and told me that he would do his best. Then he proceeded to maneuver toward the Ben Franklin Bridge and eventually we ended up on the New Jersey Turnpike where I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until we were in New York and on the Long Island Expressway.

  It was a little after eleven in the morning and I knew that my son’s game started at eleven, so instead of the driver taking me straight to my house I had him drop me at my son’s school.

  When I got to the school, I spoke to the security guard for a quick second and then I headed straight for the crowded gymnasium. As soon as I walked into the gym I could see that all of the seats in the bleachers were full so I decided to stand a few feet away from the entrance along with some of the other parents.

  Apparently my son LL had just gotten fouled and he was standing at the free throw line preparing to shoot a foul shot.

  “LL!” I shouted. “LL!”

  Just as the referee handed LL the ball I managed to get his attention and I made a fist with my right hand and thumped it across my chest two times. That was the sign that I had made up for LL and whenever I did that he knew that it meant for him to go hard and to play with heart.

  LL nodded his head to acknowledge me and then he bounced the ball three times, bent his knees, blew some air from his lungs, and took the shot and made it. He pointed in my direction before running back down the court to play defense.

  “Man, that kid is really good!” one of the white parents standing next to me said.

  “Yeah, that’s my boy, Little Lance,” I said with a huge, proud smile across my face. “I was hoping that I made it here on time. What quarter is this?”

  “Oh, you just got here? It’s the third quarter. Your son really put on a show in the first half, he’s definitely on another level for a sixth grader.”

  Just as the guy said that, LL came down court and sank a three-point shot that forced the other team to call a time-out. After the time-out LL’s coach left him on the bench and I know it was because he didn’t want to embarrass the other team. LL’s team was already up by twenty points and had he left LL in the game their lead only would have increased. But LL loved the game so much that he hated being on the bench, and you could see the anger in his eleven-year-old face.

  “Hey, baby,” Nicole said to me as she walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek.

  “Nicole, you just got here?” I asked with a surprised tone.

  “No, you just got here. I was sitting in the bleachers and I saw you when you walked in.”

  Right then and there I was bracing for the drama that I knew I was gonna get from Nicole for not having called her before I left Philly.

  “Look at your son sitting all slumped and dejected looking. It is so embarrassing. You better talk to him about that. He’s really gotta cut that out. It’s so bratty!”

  “Yeah, I will, as soon as he gets home today. Listen Nicole, I’m sorry I didn’t call you but the battery in my phone died and I forgot my charger at the crib,” I said in an attempt to preempt the barrage of questions that I knew she would hit me with for not having called her.

  “At least I thought I forgot it. It wasn’t until I was packing my stuff this morning, getting ready to leave, that I realized that my charger was in my back. It was just covered up by my pants.”

  Nicole laughed and replied, “Baby, it’s okay, I’m not trippin’. As long as you’re safe, I’m okay. I’m just glad you made it to his game because you know he would’ve had a fit if you didn’t come.”

  I felt some relief that Nicole didn’t grill me like I thought she would, and at the same time, more than anything, I realized that it was probably just my conscience making me feel guilty and causing me to expect the worst when I really had nothing to fear. Or at least that’s what I thought.

  What happened was after the game was over, LL continued on with his day at school and I went home and went to sleep. Nicole had told me that she was heading back to her office and that she wouldn’t be home until about six-thirty that evening. But apparently she made it home much sooner.

  “Lance, Lance, wake up,” Nicole said as she shook me.

  Although I felt like I had been sleeping for days, I groggily turned and looked at the clock and saw that it was only a little past two o’clock in the afternoon.

  “Hey, baby, I thought you was going to the office?” I said, still half-asleep.

  “Lance, sit up. Get up. We got a problem.”

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, but I was too tired to sit up.

  “This is what’s wrong!” Nicole barked out as she threw something at me.

  I felt something hit my face and that got me to finally sit up and pay attention.

  “Lance, whatever you do, please don’t lie to me! Just tell me the truth!”

  “Ahhh shit!” I screamed out in my head as I saw a condom laying on the floor of my bedroom. That was what Nicole had thrown at me.

  “Tell you the truth about what?” I asked, trying to play dumb.

  “About that condom!”

  “What condom? What are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about I came back home early to surprise you with a afternoon quickie. When I saw you sleeping I figured you were probably too tired to put your stuff away from your trip, so I was gonna put it away for you, and that’s when I found a condom in your bag. And not three condoms or a box of condoms, I only found one condom, Lance! One condom! And since we don’t use condoms, my question is, what was it doing in your bag? And better yet, what happened to the other condoms?” Nicole screamed. I knew she was heated.

  All of a sudden I was wide awake and I knew I had to think quick.

  “Nicole, I don’t know where that came from or how it got there,” I calmly said, trying my hardest to play things cool.

  Nicole looked at me with twisted lips, and she shook her head.

&
nbsp; “I don’t! Why you giving me that look?”

  “Lance, just tell me the truth!”

  “I told you the truth! I don’t know where it came from! I mean I don’t know, Lameek or Fifth coulda put it there as a joke or something,” I barked, as I was starting to get angry.

  “So let’s get them on the phone right now then,” Nicole vented, calling my bluff.

  My heart was pounding like crazy and I didn’t need this shit, but I knew that I had forgotten my number-one rule about never being sloppy with shit. But there was no way in hell that I was gonna forget rule number two. I was not gonna admit to shit under no circumstances.

  “Nicole, give me my phone!” I yelled as I got up and tried to retrieve my cell phone.

  “No! Let’s get Lameek and Fifth on the phone and ask them about this condom thing!” Nicole angrily yelled while scrolling through the phone book on my phone.

  “Give me my phone! I’m not calling them with no bullshit like that. You know how stupid I would look?” I replied with both fear and anger.

  Nicole sucked her teeth and then threw the phone at me with all her strength. The phone hit me and then fell to the ground.

  “So you’re more worried about how you would look in front of your boys than your wife?” Nicole shook her head. “Do you know how pathetic you sound right now?”

  I couldn’t have cared less how pathetic I sounded, but there was no way I was gonna call anybody and catch them off guard and make a bad situation worse. So I kept my mouth shut and bent down and picked up the phone.

  “Okay, you know what, we don’t have to call anybody, just give me your phone so I can check something,” Nicole said calmly. She was calm but it was one of those clenched-teeth calm looks where she could have blew off the handle at any time.

  “So you can check what?”

  “I wanna check your phone, Lance! What is the problem?”

  “The problem is, what happened to the trust, Nicole? It’s been six years now, cut me some slack!”

  “What happened to the trust? Trust is something that you have to earn!”

  “So in six years I haven’t earned it?”

  “Lance, as much as this is about trust, this is also about openness and honesty.”

  “Whatever, but you ain’t looking at my phone. I don’t know what you gotta do, but Nicole, you need to get over this shit. It’s been six years! Six years, Nicole! Niggas in the street kill people and they do less time than that!” I was acting angry and I was hoping that my reverse psychology would work.

  “Oh, so you’ve been in prison, huh? Well, I tell you what, that phone in your hand can be your get out of jail free card because if you don’t let me see it then you gotta get outta this house! And I mean that, Lance.”

  “Babe, you are really bugging out right now and overreacting.”

  “Lance, I been through this before, and I cannot go through this again.”

  I knew I hadn’t deleted all of my texts from my phone and I still had all of my recent calls from the night before. Plus I didn’t know if Mashonda had texted me or left me any voice mail messages while I had my phone turned off, so there was no way I was going to give Nicole that phone.

  “Nicole, this is some bullshit!” I said as I started to put on my pants. “I’m gonna step out and get some food and when I come back home and when you come back home we need to just press the reset button and start over.” That was the only thing I could think to do or say. It was either fight or flight. I knew the fight option would have been the wrong option so I just needed some time to think of my next move.

  Nicole was quiet. She shook her head and started heading out of the bedroom and toward the downstairs steps. As she walked away I could hear her sobbing.

  “What are you crying for, baby?”

  “Lance, pack up your shit and get the fuck outta this house!” Nicole shouted as she stopped dead in her tracks. I knew that whenever my wife cursed that she was highly upset and was not playing games.

  I caught up to her and put my arms around her. “Baby, please just—”

  “Lance, get your hands off of me! Pack up your shit and get the fuck out!”

  She flung herself free from me and continued on downstairs and she hollered the whole way down to the living room.

  “You brought another child into this world by another woman and I stood by you! I did my part big-time! You can’t even begin to understand how hard it is to deal with something like that on an everyday basis and now you wanna just throw that up in my face like I’m supposed to just get over it? No, I don’t need to get over anything but your black ass and your bullshit. You quit your job a few years ago to follow your dream as a writer, and I overlooked my reservations about that because I didn’t want to be selfish, but this is the exact reason why I knew you writing and getting into that career wasn’t a good idea. But did I hold you back? No, I didn’t and this is the thanks I get, right? You got some serious problems, Lance. You need to get help and work out those problems, but you just gonna have to work it out outside of this house because I’m telling you right now that you are not staying here.”

  I went back into my room and quickly turned my phone on and it seemed like it was taking forever to turn on.

  “Hurry up!” I pleaded with the phone until it finally came on. I knew that after all Nicole had just said that I couldn’t just turn away and run to my room the second that she was done talking. It would have come across as crazy disrespectful, but I had to get rid of any incriminating evidence.

  I feverishly started deleting all of my old text messages but new texts were coming in just as fast as I was deleting the old texts. Finally, after five minutes I had deleted all of the texts and my recent call log of any remotely incriminating phone calls that I had made or received. I wanted to check my voice mail but I knew that I didn’t have that kind of time, so I took my chances without listening to the voice mail messages, and I ran downstairs to Nicole.

  “Baby, here, you want my phone, take it,” I said as I threw the phone on to the granite kitchen countertop. “This is really a waste of time but if this is gonna make you feel more comfortable, then look through the phone, I don’t care. All I know is this is gonna set us back like the whole six years that we been rebuilding.” I said that in an attempt to deflect attention from myself. I was a master at causing problems and then painting myself as the victim.

  Nicole was still slightly sobbing and she didn’t initially say anything nor did she make a move for my phone. Then after about a minute or so she wiped the tears from her face and she calmly began to talk and said, “Lance, you know the truth. You know why you didn’t answer my calls last night. You know why you didn’t call me back. You know why there was a condom in your bag, and you know why you didn’t want me to look at your phone until after you deleted what you wanted to delete. Yup, you know all of that and all of the details. I may not know all of the details that you know, and to be honest I don’t wanna know all of the details, but I do know what I know, Lance, and it’s time for you to get your things and go.”

  “Baby—”

  “Lance, just go!” Nicole yelled and gave me this look to kill.

  I shook my head and blew some air from my lungs and calmly headed back up to my room. I sat on my bed for a couple of minutes thinking how I had really just fucked up but I also trying to think of a way to make things right. I knew that Nicole wasn’t playing games and that I had to quickly get my shit and get the hell out of Dodge.

  Chapter Five

  Steve had been my right-hand man for as long as I could remember. Whenever I was in a crisis situation he was usually the first person that I would reach out to. And with Nicole putting me out of the house, I definitely was in a crisis situation. But as I figured he would, Steve took me in with open arms.

  “So my nigga is putting his jersey back on! Ha-ha! Yeah, baby! That’s what I’m talking about.”

  “Steve, this is serious, man. Nicole ain’t playing this time.”

/>   Steve made his way to the bar in his dining room and poured us both a glass of Hennessy. He didn’t mix it with soda nor did he put any ice in it.

  “Drink that. Just gulp it down. Don’t sip that shit.”

  I listened to Steve and I drank the Hennessy as he instructed and he did the same.

  “See, that’s grown-man shit right there. Here, drink some more of this shit,” he said as he poured some more liquor in my glass.

  “Listen, Lance, you my man, so you know I can tell you what’s up without you trippin’. And what the problem witchu is that you was in retirement and you came outta retirement on a whim. You came out all rusty and shit and you fucked up! That’s all that happened; nothing more, nothing less. But the main thing is your ass is back in the game, you feel me?”

  Steve was always gonna be Steve and he wasn’t gonna change or conform for nobody, so I had to respect him for that. At the same time, it didn’t make sense for me to try and get him to understand any of the guilt or anxiety I was feeling because he wouldn’t have been able to process it.

  “So Mashonda is off the chain? Fill a nigga in!”

  I was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol and I had a nice buzz.

  “Whaaaat? Yo, her body is sick! She’s a young, tender twenty-year-old thing, so you know it was bananas! And she looks good as hell too.”

  “Say word! She’s only twenty?”

  “Yeah, I mean when I first saw her I was thinking she was like twenty-seven or twenty-eight, but she showed me her license and she’s only twenty years old, and her body is tight as hell even after one baby. The stomach is still flat and her titties are still standing up.”

  “So you saying you met the chick in the bank, invited her to the book signing and the release party and hit it the same night? Yo, my ass needs to start writing fucking books! That shit is crazy.”

  “It’s that The Unit affiliation. That’s what she’s seeing, and that’s what got her open like that,” I explained.

  “So the hell what! Play that shit up to your advantage. Matter of fact, take my ass witchu to the next book shit that you got going on so some of this shit can rub off on my ass,” Steve said with a laugh.