“Are you looking for the family that lives here?” She pointed to Ethan’s house.
“Yes, do you know where they are?” I asked, hoping that finally someone could give me some answers.
“They moved out of state. I’m sorry. Were you a friend of theirs?”
“What?!” My heart started palpitating and I started feeling dizzy, like I was going to faint. “Are you sure?” I barely choked out.
“Yes. I don’t really know all the details. Something about an aunt that was sick or dying, I guess. Seemed like an odd story to me. They said they wouldn’t be coming back.”
“Oh no,” I started hyperventilating.
“Are you okay dear?” was the last thing I heard. Then blackness started closing in on me.
I woke up in the hospital. It was a little disconcerting at first. I blinked my eyes rapidly against the bright lights in my room. Once they became accustomed to the brightness, I noticed Sarah, Adam, Jackson, and another woman standing by my bed looking down at me. It was obvious the woman was a nurse. She was wearing one of those smocks you sometimes see medical people wearing with cartoon characters all over it. This one had a cute mouse in different poses. I liked it. As soon as I realized that I was staring, I quickly looked away and then to my parents.
“Maddie, how do you feel?” Adam asked me. He looked really scared.
“Okay, I guess.” I kind of croaked out the words. My throat was very dry. “What happened?” I managed to whisper. I felt very weak.
“Looks like you had a panic attack and fainted,” Sarah replied. “You were over at Ethan’s house and the neighbor called 911. She said she was talking to you and you just passed out in the driveway. The hospital called us.”
“Oh, yeah.” Everything was coming back to me. “What’s wrong with me?” I started getting worried about myself and my baby.
“The doctor said you are fine. You just haven’t been eating right. Especially being pregnant, you have to eat properly. You had low blood sugar,” Sarah explained.
“What were you doing over at Ethan’s house anyway?” Adam asked.
“You know why I was there. We need to talk. He wouldn’t return my calls.”
“Madison, forget him. He isn’t worth it,” Adam told me.
“Well it doesn’t matter anyway now. He and his dad moved out of state somewhere. I guess to get as far away from me as possible.” Having to admit that out loud, I was embarrassed and really mad at the same time.
No one in the room responded. I think they could sense how I felt and figured it would be better to just leave it alone.
Breaking the uncomfortable silence, “Can I go home now?” I really wanted out of that place.
“Let me go get the doctor,” Jackson finally chimed in. It was the first thing he said since I woke up.
After the doctor came in, gave me a quick exam and lectured me about stress and proper nutrition for the baby, he discharged me. The ride home was not fun. My parents pretty much went over the same things the doctor just said about taking care of the baby. Only they wouldn’t let up. They kept it up all the way home. I don’t think Jackson said a word. He was sitting next to me in the back seat and stared out the window the entire drive. Fine with me. I didn’t have anything to say to him anyway.
Chapter 23
I spent the next several months miserable. My 17th birthday came and went with barely a mention, which was absolutely fine with me. My parents still weren’t thrilled that I got pregnant at 16 by the ranch hand’s son, but they were warming up to the idea of a grandchild. Sarah bought a lot of stuff, like a crib, changing table, diapers, clothes, bottles, pretty much anything baby related that she could find. She spent thousands of dollars and it didn’t seem to phase her at all. I tried to tell her that we didn’t have to get top of the line stuff. It was just a baby. He or she wouldn’t know the difference anyway.
“Nonsense,” she replied. “Only the best of the best for my grandchild.”
I shuddered at that. She had no idea that I knew she wasn’t my biological mother. She was still playing the game. It was a game she lost a long time ago and just didn’t know it. I let her comment go for the time being, but there would be a time when I would make sure she knew that I knew.
Jackson was still angry at me about Ethan and hardly spoke to me. He was working a lot, probably so he wouldn’t have to see me. That made it really quiet in the house. I rarely left it, except to take walks around the estate. Sarah didn’t want me walking around town in the ‘obvious family way.’ What was this, 1950? The doctor told me to try and stay calm, so I just stayed home to avoid the fights.
In the meantime I was getting huge. One day in my ninth month of pregnancy I was taking a short walk around the stable area, which was about all I could do at that point, and I saw Jackson talking to one of the stable hands. I decided it was time to clear things up with him, so I stood there waiting for him to finish his conversation. I was probably 30 feet away from them. Jackson saw me and kept on talking. I noticed that he kept looking over at me out of the corner of his eye. I’m not sure if he was hoping I would stay or hoping I would leave. So, I just stood my ground. He seemed to cut the conversation short and walked over to me.
“Hi. Were you waiting for me?”
“Yes, I want to talk.”
“Okay, so talk.” It didn’t come out rude. He seemed like he genuinely wanted to hear what I had to say. We decided to walk and talk where there wouldn’t be prying ears. The ranch hands were known for being very gossipy, and I didn’t want to be the latest topic of laughter during one of their nightly beer binges.
“Jack, I’m sorry about everything. I’m sorry I hurt you. I was just so lonely when you were sick and Ethan was so nice to me. I am sorry all of this happened.” He didn’t say a word, just listened. “I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to talk to me again, but I was hoping we could be friends. I could really use a friend now.” I stopped talking to see if he would respond.
Jackson didn’t say anything for probably a full minute, which was like eternity when you have just poured out your heart and are waiting for a response.
“Maddie, I’m probably stupid for saying this, but I still love you. I never stopped, even when I was terribly hurt by all of this. I want to be part of your life.”
Wow, I never expected that. I thought he would tell me to go to hell and that would be the end of it. Did I still have feelings for Jackson? Yes, I think I did. It wasn’t the same thing that I felt for Ethan, but I did care for Jackson, probably even loved him. Regardless of what Ethan did to me by leaving, I felt he was the love of my life. But, he was gone and I couldn’t do anything about it. Jackson was there, right then, and he loved me. I didn’t want to be an idiot and throw that away.
“I want you to be a part of my life too.”
After that, we were inseparable. Even Sarah and Adam came to accept it. They didn’t say so, obviously, but it was probably not a big deal since they knew we really weren’t cousins after all.
My feelings were growing for him. I did love Jackson, even if he would never be Ethan. We talked about the baby and raising him or her together. Jackson said it didn’t matter to him that it wasn’t his biological baby. He would be there for us. He wanted to be the baby’s father. So, it was decided. We would raise the baby together.
About two weeks later, just as I was walking into breakfast I felt a warm gush of liquid between my legs. Apparently everyone noticed it at the same time, because Sarah, Adam, and Jackson all jumped up and ran to me simultaneously.
“Oh my god, your water broke!” Sarah yelled
“Yeah, I know, and I’m not deaf,” I said calmly. She backed away.
Then Jackson took over. “Sarah, go get her bag out of the front closet and meet us at the car,” he ordered. We headed directly for the front door. “And, call her doctor and tell him we are on our way to the hospital,” he yelled after her as we got in the car. It was fantastic that I had someone that was level headed in a crisis. He just
took control and I knew right then that everything would be all right.
When we reached the hospital, the doctor was already there. I found out later that he had just delivered a baby boy and was leaving when he got Sarah’s call. He had the nurse get me into a room and changed into a hospital gown immediately. When he examined me, he said it would still be a few hours until I delivered. The nurse put a monitor on my stomach to listen to the heartbeat. Then she had a strange look on her face. I watched her as she reached over and picked up my medical chart. She flipped through a few pages, closed it back up and put the chart back down on the table.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
She hesitated before answering. “Oh, nothing. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She grabbed the chart and left the room without another word.
“Jack, did you see that look she had?”
“No, why?” he asked.
“I don’t know. It just seemed like a look of worry. She had just put the monitor on me. I think something’s wrong.” I sounded scared.
“Oh, I’m sure everything is fine. The doctor will be in soon to check on you. We can ask him then.”
“Okay,” I said. I wasn’t convinced.
About ten minutes later, the doctor arrived and went straight to the fetal monitor to look at it. Then he pulled a strange machine over toward me.
“Madison, we are going to do an ultrasound test on you,” he told me.
“Why, is something wrong?”
“No, of course not. I just want to take a look.”
After a minute he said the one thing that has ever shocked me in my life, even more than finding out I was kidnapped. “Looks like you’re having twins, young lady.”
Jackson and I looked at each other in disbelief.
“Are you serious?” I asked. I think my mouth was hanging open. What were we going to do with twins?
“I never tease about twins,” he said, smiling. “This is going to make your delivery a little more complicated, but we can handle it.”
“Gina, keep a close eye on her and call me if you need me,” he told the nurse.
“Madison, I’ll be back in a bit, just hang in there,” he said, and left the room again.
Jackson left soon after the doctor did to go tell Sarah and Adam about the twins. They had gone to the cafeteria for some breakfast, since I had interrupted theirs at the house. Everyone came back to the room really excited. I guess I was too. But, having twins scared the bejeezus out of me.
“Sarah, how did you not know that Madison was having twins?” Jackson asked her. It kind of sounded accusatory.
Sarah was a doctor and had been keeping an eye on me while I was pregnant. She took my blood pressure and even drew blood and sent it to the lab. But, she didn’t want me to go into town and be seen by anyone.
She seemed a little put off by Jackson’s question. “Well, I don’t have an ultrasound machine at the house. That’s the only way to tell for sure. Her blood tests and everything were fine, so there really was no reason to take her in for an ultrasound,” she told him. “Besides, it really doesn’t matter now, does it?” Not really expecting an answer.
It was a difficult labor and delivery, but when all was said and done, we had identical baby girls. It was love at first sight. They were the most beautiful things I had ever seen. I just couldn’t take my eyes off of them. We named the oldest one, by four minutes and twelve seconds, Jaclyn. I figured that if Jackson was going to help me raise daughters that probably weren’t his biologically, then I could at least name one after him. We would call her Jackie. Baby number two was named Rosemary, after my grandmother. Rosie for short.
About an hour after the twins were born, my grandmother and Charlie walked in. I was ecstatic.
“How did you know I was here?” I asked as I hugged them both at the same time.
“Jackson called me,” Grandma said.
I looked over at Jackson and he was smiling. I mouthed ‘thank you’ to him across the room.
Adam and Sarah didn’t say a word about Grandma and Charlie being there. I don’t know if they were warming up to the idea of the two of them being in my life, or just didn’t want to ruin the happy day. Either way, I was proud of their behavior. Grandma was thrilled that I named one of the babies after her. She said that Grandpa would be so taken with them and she was really sorry that he wasn’t there. That made me sad. I missed Grandpa terribly. But, I didn’t let it spoil my happy day. Funny thing is that Grandma never said a word about me getting pregnant at 16. She probably figured that it was a little late for lectures.
We all sat and talked and cooed over the babies for a little longer, until the nurse kicked everyone out, except Jackson. I think she assumed he was the father. Well technically he was. He was going to help me raise the babies.
When everyone left the room, we finally had a little time with just us and the twins.
“Maddie, thank you for naming her after me,” he said, as he picked up Jackie from the bassinet.
“Well, why wouldn’t I? She’s your daughter, isn’t she?”
He thought for a second. “Yes, she is,” he said with a smile.
Chapter 24
Once we got home from the hospital, life changed dramatically. You never know what it is like raising two babies at once, unless you have to do it. They would cry at different times, sleep and eat at different times, they drove me crazy. Thankfully, I had Jackson and Sarah to help. Even some of the staff helped out, though it wasn’t part of their jobs. They just all fell in love with the twins. Adam didn’t help much, but he did hold them from time to time. It just wasn’t in his nature, I guess, to take care of babies. Sarah said that even when I was a baby, he didn’t really help much.
About three weeks into motherhood, I hadn’t had a lot of sleep and was really cranky. Poor Jackson found this out the hard way when he walked into the nursery while I was feeding Jackie, and Rosie was screaming her head off in the crib.
“Well it’s about time!” I practically screamed at him. If my eyes had death lasers in them, he would have been fried.
“What? I was just here an hour ago. Can’t I go get lunch without getting yelled at?” He acted so innocent.
“I haven’t had lunch. Did anyone bother to see if I needed an hour off?” I was still yelling.
“Chill out. I’ll take care of the twins while you go get something.” He walked over and picked up Rosie out of the crib.
“No! Forget it. I’ll take care of my kids. I don’t need you.” I was very angry by then.
He spun around toward me with lightning speed. “Did you just say ‘your kids?’ Are you serious?” He looked shocked and hurt at the same time. Can’t say I blame him.
“Yes, they are my kids. They’re not really yours. So, you don’t have to try very hard, do you?” I knew I was crossing the line. But, at that moment I was tired, cranky and overworked. It just came out of my mouth before I could stop it.
“I see. Well, if they are ‘your kids,’ then you take care of them. I’m out of here. I’m not going to live my life with you throwing that in my face every couple of weeks.” Then he left.
Strange thing is, Jackson really did leave. Not just for a long walk to cool off, but permanently. Several months passed without a word from him at all. I tried calling him, but he never answered and never called me back. I found out that he moved out of state. Adam said that Jackson could do his work from there. He didn’t really need to be at the ranch. It sounded like he wasn’t coming back ever. Why does everyone have to leave the state to get away from me? Was I that horrible to be around? I know I was rough on Jackson, but he just abandoned us, after he said he would be there to help raise the twins.
I became very depressed. I had two children to take care of and no father to help out. I had scared off Ethan when I got pregnant and then I had run off Jackson by holding the fact that the babies weren’t his in his face. So, I was all alone and it was all my fault.
It was a really good thing that I
had so many people around to help. I barely wanted to get out of bed, much less take care of the twins. I did my best, but I couldn’t help the sadness that enveloped my entire world. I knew the girls deserved better, so I made a point of being a better mother for them. They were worth it.
When I turned 18, we had a small party. I didn’t want it, but Adam and Sarah insisted. They said I needed something to lift my spirits, so I caved and let them throw me a small party. I was adamant about it not being too over the top, like my 16th. That party was ridiculous, and the worst party ever.
A few of the people that were at my 16th birthday party showed up, but it was mostly friends of my parents. It was a little fun and I was starting to come out of my depression. There were a couple of really cute boys there that were my age. They asked me to dance, and I did, but I really wasn’t interested in them. It wasn’t a secret that I was 18 and had two kids, so I don’t think the boys were too unhappy about me not being into them. They were probably relieved. It’s probably my imagination, but I think I actually saw one of them breathe a sigh of relief when I walked away after our dance.
In the last two years I had really screwed things up with guys, and my life, and I just didn’t want to go down that road again. The party was still going on when I thought I would go outside to get some fresh air and take a walk to the stables to see Jett. I had just started getting into riding him again and thought I might go for a short ride. I knew it was rude to leave my party, but the twins were asleep and I didn’t get a lot of time to myself. Besides, I don’t think anyone at the party cared, or even noticed, for that matter. They could stay and drink and party all night for all I cared. I just wanted to be out of there.
As I saddled up Jett, I heard someone walk up behind me. It startled me and I and spun around. There he stood. I was speechless. I had missed him deeply, it had been so long. I longed to hold him and kiss him, but wasn’t sure if I should. Why was he here? What if he didn’t want me back after all this time? Did he even know what I had been going through without him? I really did love him.
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