We cleaned it off and decided that we both loved it. It was an odd painting of some sort of town or village. Nothing was in proportion. It was kind of cool. It was a large painting and we hung it up in our room. It looked great in there, though it took up quite a bit of the wall space.
One evening, about a week or so after arriving, we were all in the dining room having a nice, fun dinner together and in walked Jackson. All of a sudden it was dead silent in the room. It seemed to just hang there for several minutes. Sarah was the first one to jump up and welcome Jackson home. Adam was next, though he seemed a little embarrassed by the fact that he was breaking bread with the enemy.
Jackson looked over at Ethan and me during the hugfest going on. I couldn’t quite tell if he was angry or confused at my request that he come see us at the ranch. I could completely understand either one.
“Jackson, please, come sit down and have some dinner.” Sarah motioned for him to sit next to her. Without a word, one of the employees went to the kitchen to get a plate for him.
“Jackson, this is Ethan.” I introduced them. Everyone seemed a little nervous about it.
“Hi,” they both said at the same time. Neither one offering the obligatory handshake.
While we were eating, Sarah and Adam grilled him about school and all the things he was doing while away. They also caught him up on the goings on at the ranch. Jackson never said a word to me, in fact he barely looked my way. I did see him look at the twins a few times. They were over a year old then and very cute. He really had no reason to think they were his. I had been very matter-of-fact when I told him they weren’t, and my explanation seemed plausible. Boy, was he in for a big surprise.
After dinner I asked Ethan to take the twins upstairs while I went to talk to Jackson. I thought it would be easier to have that particular conversation if Ethan weren’t there. Ethan didn’t like it, he really wanted to be there, but he let me do it my way. Besides, I had promised Jackson that we would talk privately. It was going to be hard enough for him to hear from me. He didn’t need the added stress of Ethan there too.
Jackson and I met in the rose garden. Funny, that it was the same place that Ethan and I finally found each other again, on my wedding day to Jackson. I walked directly over to the bench and sat down, Jackson followed.
“So, Maddie, what is this all about? Is there really anything that you can say here that you couldn’t just tell me over the phone?” He seemed a little angry.
“Well, yes. I didn’t think this news was appropriate over the phone.”
Jackson’s brows furrowed. He definitely looked confused. “What news?”
“First, I want to sincerely apologize for what happened at our wedding. It was a terrible thing for me to do, and I feel really bad about it. More than you will ever know.”
“You’ve already apologized. I’m over it. Well, mostly anyway. I hope this isn’t why you made me come back here.”
“No, not really. I just wanted to start with that,” I sighed. He watched me intently. Wow, I didn’t think it was going to be so difficult. I was having a hard time getting the words to come out.
“I don’t want to sit here all day. What is it that you want?” He was getting annoyed with me.
“Okay, okay, just give me a second.” I took a deep breath. Here we go. I thought. “Ethan and I decided to do a paternity test on the girls. We were pretty sure they were his, but wanted to make absolutely sure.”
“Yeah, so?” He didn’t seem to see where I was going.
“It turns out they are your daughters, not his. Biologically anyway.”
Jackson jumped up off the bench like a scorpion had just bitten him in the butt. “What!” he yelled at me. “Are you freaking kidding me?”
I lowered my head in shame. “No, I’m not kidding. I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry. I can’t believe this.” He started pacing around the garden. “You told me that there was no way they could be mine.” He looked at me accusingly.
“I know. I was wrong.” I turned away. I couldn’t even look him in the eyes.
“Obviously. And, you have kept my daughters away from me all this time. What the hell?” He was starting to get really upset.
“Well, we just found out. I didn’t know for sure until just a few weeks ago.”
“Oh my god, I can’t deal with you right now.”
With that, he stormed into the house without even looking at me. He was so angry with me. I had no idea how we were going to work it all out. I was almost sorry that I had told him. But, he had a right to know, I knew that.
I didn’t see Jackson for the rest of the night. Sarah told me that he was in the study with Adam, and they had been in there for hours talking. Oh boy, that scared me. I told her what was going on and she said she had a bad feeling. Yeah, I knew how she felt.
Chapter 29
The next day Jackson didn’t show up for the family breakfast. I was relieved. We had a nice, calm breakfast with Adam, Sarah and the girls. No one brought up the subject of Jackson being the father of the twins. It kind of hung in the air though. People were obviously thinking about it.
My relief was short lived. About an hour later Jackson showed up at the stables, where Ethan and I were introducing the horses to the twins. They were having a great time. Rosie especially. She just wanted to hug all of them. She didn’t seem to notice that they were many many times her size. She kept calling them ‘puppies.’ It was the cutest thing I had ever seen.
“I want my daughters,” he just blurted out as he walked up.
“What? No, they are my daughters and are staying with me,” I responded, as Jackson got right into my face. He was a little scary and I backed up some.
“Hey buddy, you need to back off,” Ethan said as he squeezed himself in between Jackson and me.
That’s when Jackson shoved Ethan. Ethan lost his balance and fell backward into one of the stall doors. While Ethan was trying to get back up, Jackson jumped on him and started hitting him. In all the commotion, we forgot about the girls for a moment.
“Jack, stop it. The twins are watching!” I yelled.
That seemed to be enough for him to get his wits about him, and he stopped. We all looked over at the girls and they were crying. Watching a stranger hitting their daddy scared them. I ran over to them and took both of them into my arms to comfort them. They both were crying for their daddy.
“Oh my god, I’m sorry,” Jackson said to me, and he quickly got up and headed back toward the house. He just left Ethan laying there on the ground.
A few minutes later, we were in the kitchen getting an icepack for the back of Ethan’s head and Jackson walked in.
“Jackson, you need to leave,” I told him. I was furious and he knew it.
“Wait, hold on. I want to apologize. I was just angry about the whole situation. I handled it badly, I know.” He seemed sincere. “Are you okay?” he asked Ethan.
Ethan just nodded. “I’ll live.”
“Are the girls okay?” Jackson asked.
“Yes, they’re fine. And yes, you did handle it badly,” I replied back.
“Where are they?” he asked, looking around the room.
“They’re upstairs with Sarah,” I responded.
“Okay, good. Maddie, how could you do all of that to me?” He didn’t sound angry, just sounded like he needed answers. He didn’t seem like he cared at all that Ethan was there.
“I didn’t do anything on purpose. I just…” I trailed off. I tried to change the subject quickly, but it didn’t work.
“You just what?” Jackson wanted to know.
“Nothing, I didn’t mean anything.”
“You just what, Madison?” I could tell he wasn’t going to let it go.
“Okay, I’ll tell you. But I want to start by saying I was young and stupid, and I’m really sorry.”
“What are you talking about?” Jackson asked. Even Ethan was listening intently to what I had to say.
“I sort of lied when I first told you I was pregnant. I lied to both of you.” I looked shamefully at both men, who were hanging on my every word.
“What did you ‘sort of’ lie about?” Ethan chimed in. He looked worried that he wasn’t going to like what I had to say.
“Well, I told both of you that I was sure Ethan was the father. I told you, Jackson, that there was no way that they could be yours. Truth is I really had no idea at all who the father was. I just didn’t want there to be trouble. So, I figured that the easiest thing to do was to sound sure of myself when I told you who the father was. That way, it would be less likely that you would question it. I know it was the wrong thing to do. But, like I said, I was young and naive, and handled it really badly, I know.” It all came spilling out at once. I don’t think I even took a breath as fast as I was spewing out everything. They both just kind of stood there with their mouths hanging open.
“Oh my god, I could just kill you!” Jackson screamed and stormed out of the kitchen.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Madison.” Ethan said. It wasn’t a question. He took the ice pack and left the kitchen also. He looked hurt and I didn’t know if he would get over what I had done.
“Ethan, wait!” I called after him as he walked out. He didn’t even turn around.
So, there I was, standing all alone in the kitchen. It was all my fault and I wouldn’t blame either one of them if they never talked to me again. I walked over to the table that the cooks sat at while they ate their meals, and sat down. It all came out then. I cried like a baby for probably a half hour, which doesn’t sound like a long time, but it can really take it all out of you. It can really exhaust a person.
I finally got up and went into the nearest hallway bathroom to clean myself up. I was not very attractive at that point, and I’m not talking about the way I looked. I was a horrible person for what I did to those two guys, how I manipulated them. Unfortunately, what was done, was done. There was nothing I could do to change any of it. I just had to figure out what I was going to do moving forward. I think they both hated me.
Over the next several days Ethan and I talked and we were okay. He was still upset with me, but seemed to be coming around. We would be all right, it would just take some time for him to completely trust me again. I could live with that. I was just lucky he was talking to me at all. I had no idea what I would do without him. He was truly the love of my life.
Jackson was another story altogether. I tried to talk to him, but he would have nothing to do with me. He would come to mealtime with the family, but wouldn’t even look my way. He actually talked to Ethan. I didn’t think they would ever be buddies, but it seemed that he didn’t blame any of this on him. It was all on me.
He would deliberately not acknowledge my presence. I didn’t react in any way whatsoever. I figured I was lucky that he hadn’t killed me yet. Not literally killed me. As mad as he was with me, that was never something I worried about. He just hated my guts, but I don’t think he really wanted me dead.
About a week after the kitchen incident, I was served with custody papers. I was devastated. I had tried to come clean and tell everyone the truth for a change and this was the result. I could actually lose my beautiful girls. I didn’t think I could live without them.
Jackson moved out of the house, but was still on the ranch. I found out he was staying in one of the cabins on the property that the ranch hands used. There were several of those cabins peppered all over the ranch. It was a large ranch and I’m not sure I even knew where all of them were. I had to ask around, but I finally found out which one he was staying in, and I went to pay him a little visit. I had to try my best to talk him out of the ugly custody battle we were about to get into. I left Ethan at home to watch the twins. He didn’t like that I was going alone, but agreed that it would probably go better without him there. Actually, if I was really thinking, I would have just sent Ethan. I was literally the last person on earth that Jackson wanted to see.
Jackson must have seen me coming, because he opened the door before I even got up the steps to the front porch.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, and he sounded kind of snarky.
“I just want to talk to you. Can I come in?” I asked. I was trying my best to sound nice and sweet. I didn’t want to set him off. It needed to be a cordial visit. It was really important that he understand what he was doing, what he would be putting his daughters through.
“I guess.” He stepped aside to allow me in.
“Jackson, I’m sorry. I know I screwed things up.”
“You already said that. Do you have anything new to tell me?” He was definitely snarky.
“Please don’t try to take my girls away from me. I’m all they know. They don’t even know you.”
“Whose fault is that?” he asked me. He had a point.
“I know. It’s my fault. But, there’s nothing I can do about that now. You know, I really didn’t know they were your daughters until recently.” I was hoping for some sympathy from him. A stretch, I know.
“Really? You’re going with that? You knew all along that it was a possibility and you should have told me! You let me believe that there was no way they could be mine!” He was yelling.
“I know, I know, I know! It’s all my fault. Christ, how many times do I have to say it?!” I yelled right back.
“Get the hell out. I don’t want you here. I don’t ever want to see you again.” He ordered me out and I refused. I stood my ground. If he wanted me out, he was going to have to physically pick me up and dump me outside. I knew that wasn’t going to happen.
“Jack, look, I’ve got a solution to all of this. If you will just hear me out.” I lowered my voice to try and diffuse the situation.
He calmed down for a moment. “This should be good,” dripping with sarcasm.
“You can see the girls whenever you like. I will make sure they know who you are. But you have to drop this custody suit. It will only hurt them,” I offered.
He thought for a moment. “Whenever I want? You won’t give me any trouble?” He seemed suspicious.
“Yes, I promise. You have a right to know your daughters and they have a right to know you. I’m doing this for you and for them. I don’t want them growing up with secrets like I did. It’s not right and I won’t do that to them. That’s why I told you the truth in the first place. I didn’t have to do that. We could have just gone about our lives without you ever knowing, but that’s not the right thing to do.” I meant every word. I think he could see that.
“What about Ethan?”
“Believe it or not, this was Ethan’s idea. He wants us all to get along. He doesn’t want to lie to the girls anymore than I do. They will grow up with Ethan and me, but they will know you as their father. They will see you whenever they want to. I promise.”
With that, his face softened. He genuinely seemed to understand. “Okay, you are right. We need to do what is right for the twins. I won’t fight you for custody as long as I get to be part of their lives.”
I burst into tears. This time they were tears of joy, or of relief maybe.
Jackson walked over and put his arms around me. That kind of surprised me.
“Look, I know you were young and scared and didn’t really think all of this through,” he said to me. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m still mad at you, but I understand how this all happened.” I hugged him back.
“I should go,” I said as I wiped my tears with my sleeve and headed toward the door.
“Wait, one more thing,” he said.
I stopped at the door and turned around to face him.
“I want a divorce.” He smiled at me.
“Yeah,” I nodded and smiled back as I walked out the door.
Chapter 30
“Madison, you have a phone call!” Adam called from the study one day.
I figured it was Grandma or Charlie. They were the only ones that ever called me.
“Hello?”
&nbs
p; “Hi Madison. It’s Sam Perez. How are you sweetheart?”
Sam was like a surrogate father to me. I had called him many times during my ordeal. Even at the beginning when I didn’t like him very much, he was always there for me. I adored him now.
“Hi Sam! I miss you. When are you coming to visit?”
“Soon, I promise. How are those beautiful girls of yours?”
“They’re great. You should come see for yourself.”
“I will. But hey, I have some news for you.” He seemed a little apprehensive.
“What news?” I was puzzled.
“Well, we think that Abbey is still alive.” He paused after dropping that bombshell.
“What? Are you serious? How do you know? Where is she?” I kept throwing questions at him.
“Hold on, I don’t know for sure yet. I’ve got some leads, someone that told me they know her. But, I haven’t found her yet. I really didn’t want to get your hopes up, but I thought you should know what’s going on. It’s been so long without any news.”
“Oh.” I was a little disappointed. He must have heard it in my voice.
“Hey now, darling, don’t get discouraged. I really think my investigation is going somewhere. I think I will find her, it’s just a matter of time. Hang in there, okay?”
“Okay, I will. Please call me if you find anything out at all, all right?” I asked him.
“You know I will. You have a great rest of the day and I’ll call you very soon. Bye sweetie.” He hung up before I could say anything else.
I just stood there holding the phone, partially in shock. What if it were true and she really was alive? Where has she been all this time? It couldn’t have been hard to find me because I lived my whole life, until just a couple of years ago, in the same house she grew up in. Now I was living with my father in the house she took me from. She had to know where I was. Maybe she didn’t want to have anything to do with me. She never wanted a kid and never wanted to deal with me, that’s why she dropped me off and never looked back. God, I hoped that wasn’t the case. But, I couldn’t help all the thoughts going through my head. How could I not think those things? The fact was that she did drop me off and has had no contact with me at all my entire life. How could someone do that? I have kids now and couldn’t possibly ever abandon them.
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