“Zuhra … please. I’m sorry I went to her first. Search my feelings. You can believe me.” He touched my chin and gently tilted my face back toward him. “You want the truth? Yes, I talked to her about Loukas. But I was really asking her for advice. About you.”
I swallowed. “About me?” I squeaked. Doing as he bid, I tried to search out his feelings—tried to separate them from my own. There was confusion, hope, an aching need that echoed the heat in my veins … and something deeper, something even more powerful than all the rest. It was similar to what I felt for Inara, a love so intense, it took my breath away, but different too … it did things to my heart and body that I’d never felt before.
His feelings or mine?
He cupped my face with one hand and took my other and pressed it to his chest. I could feel the thundering of his heart beneath my fingers. “Did you see anything else when we were healing Inara? Anything that had happened between us?”
The intensity of his gaze made my breath catch in my throat. The blue-fire in his eyes seemed to travel down his arm, through his fingertips on my face, and out into my body. My stomach tightened and my heart throbbed in the suddenly too small space beneath my lungs.
“Yes,” I admitted, my voice trembling. “I saw our flight together…” I couldn’t bring myself to say the rest. That I’d felt how much he’d wanted to kiss me. But he must have known, because his gaze dropped to my mouth. I could barely draw breath as he ran his thumb over my bottom lip.
“This is real, Zuhra,” he said, the words low and raspy. “What you and I are feeling right now.” Raidyn left my hand on his chest and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into his body. I tilted my chin to look up into his face. “This is real,” he repeated, so quiet, I wondered if it was more to himself than me.
Then, slowly, he bent his head toward me—achingly slow. Giving me the chance to stop him. When I didn’t move or speak, his arm tightened around me and then finally … finally his lips touched mine, as soft as a butterfly’s wings brushing my mouth.
As common as storms were, lightning had only struck the citadel once. I still remembered the charge in the air, how the hair on my arms stood on end in the instant before the room exploded with light and thunder and heat. Raidyn’s kiss was like that bolt of lightning, cleaving the darkness in me. That brief, life-altering touch burned through my body, making my muscles tremble, so that I had to clutch his shirt to stay standing. He made a noise deep in his throat, and then he kissed me again, harder this time. The heat from his lips erupted into a blaze that scorched through me. I pressed into him as his mouth moved on mine. His hand slid down my spine, his fingers plying my lower back, sending a rush of sensation around my hips, straight into the depths of my belly. I wished I’d worn pants and a top like I had in Visimperum, instead of a dress, so he could have pulled my top up, allowing me to feel his fingers on my skin, as he had when we’d ridden on Naiki together.
Everything I felt was enhanced by Raidyn’s emotions that flowed into me more fully than I’d ever experienced before. I wanted him closer, I wanted him to keep kissing me forever, and it was all compounded by the heat of his matching need, until we were consumed by it.
He suddenly started walking me backward, his mouth never leaving mine, until I bumped into the wall. Then he spun me around, our legs tangling together, so he leaned against the wall, and his hands could roam freely over my back. His mouth opened over mine. I moaned, feeling somehow completely weak and strong all at once. Growing braver by the minute, I slid my own hands off his shoulders and over the strong planes of his chest, down to his abdomen, feeling the ridges of his muscles beneath my fingers. He groaned and kissed me even harder, pulling me against him, trapping my hands on his stomach. His mouth left mine, but only to leave a scorching trail of fiery kisses across my jaw, to the groove below my ear, on my neck.
I gasped, lost in a mesmerizing sea of fire, and then a sudden scream split the night air.
We both froze and then sprang apart.
“Was that—”
“Inara,” I breathed and dashed for her door.
FOURTEEN
ZUHRA
I was still light-headed, my lips burning, when I shoved her door open and found Inara gasping for air, her eyes wide with terror, clutching her chest. Her lips were a terrifying lavender.
“Inara!” I cried, rushing to her side, all heat from kissing Raidyn draining away in an instant. I grabbed her shoulders. “What’s wrong with her?”
She looked at me, the whites visible all the way around her pale blue eyes, making awful sucking noises with each labored wheeze, as though her lungs were full of fluid.
Raidyn came up beside me, his veins already lit with his power. “I don’t know. But I’ll try to fix it.”
I moved out of his way. He put one hand on her shoulder and the other over hers where they still clutched at her chest. I stared at him, too frightened to look at my sister, to see if he was able to stop whatever was happening to her.
Raidyn’s eyes shut, and within seconds of touching her, his jaw tightened, his teeth clenched together. The tendons in his neck strained while his power coursed through his veins, glowing nearly as bright as the lightning that still split the sky outside Inara’s window.
Long minutes passed, while sweat gathered on his forehead, coating his hairline. I didn’t know if I should reach for him and add my power to his or not. I didn’t understand what was happening. We’d already healed her. She’d gone to sleep just fine, and we’d been outside her room the whole time—no one could have come in and attacked her again. So why did it seem like she was slipping away?
When his shoulders began to shake from the strain, I finally reached out and grabbed onto his hand.
His power exploded through me, lighting my own veins on fire. My fingers clamped over his. Awareness of Inara’s room faded away, until it was just me and Raidyn, our souls intertwining yet again. Like the first time, I felt him recognize my presence. The relief that went through him was so deep and profound, I experienced it on more than one level: through our connected power and the sanaulus we already shared.
As before, in the space of a heartbeat, a series of memories flashed through my mind: Raidyn walking beside the Paladin I recognized as his mother from the first time I’d seen moments in his life, his small hand clutched in hers; sitting in a row of young Paladin all looking at a baby gryphon, and the baby turning to him and biting his hand with its tiny beak, drawing blood and filling him with joy where before there had only been dark grief; standing in a field with my father, practicing shooting at targets together with their power; and sitting beside me as I slept, his hand on mine, his heart so full, it hurt.
Then, with a gentle yet insistent tug, he pulled me forward into Inara. The same thing happened again, in the space of just one more heartbeat, a handful of her memories flashed through my mind. Curled up next to me in bed, reading a story one winter night when she was lucid long enough for books; running her hands over the hedge and feeling it respond to her, opening to let them out to warn the town below—the town that hated and feared her; Barloc leaning over her, his teeth covered in the gore of ripping through her flesh like an animal, his eyes flashing bright blue with her power; a kiss with Halvor, and the respite his touch gave her from the constant fear and panic inside, the darkness that spread inside of her like a poison—
Then we were pressing on, into that darkness. The “stitches” we’d made last time to fill the void her power had left were coming unraveled, the emptiness trying to steal her from us again. Somehow I could tell Raidyn had been trying to fill that emptiness with his healing power, but it wasn’t enough—he couldn’t reach her. We had to do it together.
Just as we had the first time, Raidyn used my power to stretch his far enough forward to hold that darkness back, bridging the gap and reeling her soul back into her body, much like sewing a garment that had been torn apart, trying to pull the edges together—except with each of these “stitches,�
� a stabbing pain went through me. It was the cost of using my power to enhance Raidyn’s, and if it saved my sister, I would endure it over and over and over.
It seemed to take longer this time—either that, or knowing what was happening this time only made it seem longer. As the time passed, a growing weakness began to spread through me; it was all I could do to keep my hold on Raidyn. But I refused to let go, to fail. Inara’s soul, the bright shining light that kept her alive, was dimmer than before, as though the ongoing battle inside her was taking a toll.
Together, stitch by agonizing stitch of our combined power, we managed to seal off that emptiness one more time, pulling Inara back with us. Right when I thought I could bear no more, when I didn’t think I could hold on any longer, Raidyn reeled us both out.
There was a brief moment of just him and me together, a final tender stroke of his soul to mine that sent a shiver through me. It lasted less than a second, but I’d never felt anything more clearly than I did in that touch of our souls—of need, of peace, of power, of home … But then, before I could react, he unspooled his power from mine and suddenly I was back in my body.
I was vaguely aware of my hand on his, of Inara stirring beside us, of pain so intense, it shot down from my skull out into my spine.
Then there was only darkness.
FIFTEEN
INARA
I tumbled back into awareness like rain being spit from the clouds to slam against my window. Taking that first gasp of air and opening my eyes to my room was painful.
Both Raidyn and Zuhra sat beside me, her hand on top of his. She looked at me for less than the space of a breath and then her eyes rolled back in her head and she crumpled. Raidyn barely caught her before she fell to the floor, cradling her tenderly against his body as he carefully lowered himself to the ground.
“W-what’s wrong?” My voice trembled and even though the terrifying darkness that had nearly taken me away again was gone, I was still too weak to do much more than just push myself up to my elbows.
“As the enhancer, it drains her more than me to do a healing that intense together. She’ll recover, but it might take some time.” Raidyn didn’t look up when he spoke, his whole focus bent on Zuhra. He kept one arm around her, holding her against him, and using his other hand to softly brush her sweaty hair back from her face. The connection between us was even stronger than before. After healing me a second time, I could feel his emotions so strongly, they nearly overwhelmed me.
He loved my sister.
So completely, it actually hurt.
I knew it as clearly and undeniably as I knew that I loved Zuhra.
“She’ll be fine,” he repeated, barely more than a whisper, perhaps more to himself than me.
I had to blink back unexpected tears. “Is there anything I can do?”
“No,” he murmured. “We just have to wait.”
After a long pause, I asked, “Why did you have to heal me again?”
Raidyn exhaled. “What we did the first time wasn’t enough. I was panicked. I’d never encountered something like that before, so I did the best I could—or so I thought. This time, I did quite a bit more. It should last longer.”
“Longer? What do you mean ‘longer’? This is going to happen again?”
He glanced up at me, his eyes dulled from the expenditure on his power. “I don’t know. But I’m afraid it might.”
“But … you healed me. Didn’t you?”
Raidyn looked back down at Zuhra. Her hair fanned out over his arm, a thick, dark waterfall that gathered on the floor beside him. “No one has ever survived what happened to you before. What we did—it’s unprecedented. I’ve never seen someone’s healing fail, but then again, I’ve never seen anyone whose power was taken from them survive at all. This is new territory—for everyone.”
I wanted to keep asking him questions, but Zuhra stirred then fell limp again, and we both went silent, his words ringing in my mind. I’d heard them say no one had ever survived what Barloc had done to me before … but I’d never realized how truly unique my situation was until that moment, as I stared at my unconscious sister and wondered how many more times she and Raidyn would have to do this for me.
If it would even continue to work.
Perhaps they’d only bought me time, delaying the inevitable.
Perhaps I really was going to die after all.
SIXTEEN
ZUHRA
I woke up slowly, clawing my way out of the sucking exhaustion that filled my mind and body. Part of me wished to stay under longer, but the murmur of concerned voices began to pierce the muffled silence of oblivion, dragging me toward them.
I was lying down, my body cushioned by something soft … Was I on a bed? It took a massive effort to peel my eyes open; when I finally succeeded, it was to a room full of worried faces. Mother and Father, Sami in the corner, and Raidyn beside me, holding my hand.
“Zuhra,” he breathed when he saw my eyes open, “you’re awake.”
“Praise the Great God,” Sami murmured.
My tongue was strangely thick and heavy against my teeth. When I tried to speak, it was like talking through a mouthful of sand. “Is Inara…”
“She’s fine. She’s sleeping,” Mother assured me.
“You gave us quite the scare, however.” Father stepped forward to take my other hand in his.
“Why?”
Raidyn answered this time, his hand tightening on mine. “You’ve been unconscious for hours.”
“Hours?” I repeated weakly. “What happened?”
My father and Raidyn exchanged a weighted glance, then Father turned to me. “I think it would be better to talk about it in the morning, when you’ve had more time to recover.”
“I’m fine.” I struggled to push myself to a sitting position to prove my point. “Tell me what’s going on,” I insisted, even though my arms shook and both Raidyn and my father had to pull the hands they held to help me.
Still, no one responded.
“If she wishes for answers, she deserves to know,” Sami spoke up from the corner where she stood, arms crossed over her belly. “She certainly earned the right.”
“It’s not about earning it or not.” Father couldn’t quite keep the tightness from his voice. “She’s barely woken up—and I’ve never seen a Paladin stay under for so long after a healing before.”
Before anyone else could say something, I squeezed both of their hands. “Please,” I whispered. “I need to know what’s happening.”
After a deep sigh, Father relented with a nod.
Raidyn exhaled slowly. “You know that no one has ever survived what Barloc did to your sister before, right?”
“Yes.”
“When you and I healed her, nothing like that had ever been done before, either. It took the combined power of an enhancer and my healing to do it.”
“I know that.”
Raidyn’s eyes were still dull from the expenditure on his power. “It didn’t last. For some reason, the healing … it reversed. If we hadn’t heard her cry out…”
I swallowed thickly, my mouth drier than ever. “She would have died?”
He nodded grimly.
If he hadn’t been waiting for me outside her room, if we hadn’t been kissing … I would have lost my sister. As if he’d read my thoughts, his gaze dropped to my lips briefly, but instead of any heat, my body went cold, my stomach clenched as if I’d been punched. “But she’s fine—right? You said she’s sleeping!”
“Yes—she’s fine … for now. We healed her again,” Raidyn assured me. “But … I don’t know how long it will last.”
His dismay and fear amplified my own. “Why won’t it last? Why didn’t it last the first time?”
“When we healed her, we were patching together a hole where her power used to be. And for some reason, that hole broke open again—negating our healing.” He flushed, a stab of guilt darkening his emotions. Why would he feel guilty? “I did more this time, hoping it wo
uld last longer, but while it depleted me, it was almost too much for you. I had no idea … or I never…” He trailed off, his voice strained. His fingers tightened over mine. I remembered feeling like the “stitches” we’d created were coming undone, and that this healing took longer than the last time—that I’d barely been able to hold on to finish the job. I’d been right after all. “Because we did so much more, it should hold longer. But … I’m afraid we’re going to have to keep doing this, over and over.”
The reality of his words took a moment to sink in. “For the rest of her life?” I glanced at my father, who still clung to my other hand. He grimaced in confirmation. “You mean … if the healing reverses when we’re not there, she’ll … she’ll…”
“I’m so sorry.” Raidyn looked at our clasped hands, his powerful shoulders caving forward.
“What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know, Zuhra. I really don’t know.”
* * *
It was a testament to how truly exhausted the healing had left me that I managed to sleep for a couple more hours, despite the awful truth that Raidyn had admitted to me before everyone left to try to get some more rest before morning came. Mercifully, my dreams were made of heat and lips touching and hands clutching—wonderful dreams, not the nightmares I was accustomed to.
But the moment the sun crested the eastern horizon, I snapped awake. As much as I wanted to continue to relive the heart-stopping kiss with Raidyn, my mind instantly whirred into action, running through what he’d said and what had happened with Inara, over and over. My stomach twisted, a den of writhing snakes. I had to go see her—to make certain for myself she was healed. They wouldn’t lie to me, would they? To convince me to rest?
I pushed off my sheets and stood. The stones were cold beneath my bare feet, chilled by the damp night and the lingering humidity from the storm that had blown over sometime while I slept. After quickly switching into clean clothes—a tunic, leggings, and the boots Sharmaine had given me in Soluselis—and braiding my hair back, I hurried to Inara’s room next to mine. I didn’t knock, not wanting to wake her if she was sleeping; instead, I slowly slipped the door open, praying for it to remain quiet. In a stroke of sheer luck, the citadel complied for once; the door swung open silently.
Warriors of Wing and Flame Page 11