And then, Maisie told them everything. They listened attentively while she told them firsthand about her time with Jarmuk in the mine. She detailed everything, from the way he’d hugged her when they realized they were safe, to his lesson on using the mining equipment that got a bit more heated than intended, to the two of them sleeping together on the rug in the supply room. Then, she told them about their night at the bar, and how he’d insisted she go with him and she’d thought maybe that meant he liked her. But when she’d gotten drunk he’d taken her to his place and put her to bed without anything happening between them. The next morning, he’d seemed friendly at first, but that friendliness seemed to have cooled when he realized that she was about to leave for a week.
“It was the strangest thing,” Maisie said. “He brought me coffee, and I thought everything was going great between us. I thought he was about to bring up ‘us.’ We needed to have some sort of talk if things were going to get serious between us. But then, I told him about this trip and it’s like he shut down. In the end, he was just making jokes about the whole thing. That’s all he does, all the time, you know? Makes jokes. It’s like life is one great big giant joke. And I guess I was just the butt of one of those jokes.”
Nova shook her head. “Oh, Maisie, I don’t think you were the butt of one of those jokes. It sounds to me like he’s completely crazy for you, but is scared that you might not be interested in him, or you might be gone all the time for supply runs. The jokes are his way of covering up his fear.”
Maisie felt a flash of anger. “So what if they’re a cover-up? There are some things that shouldn’t be joked about. Look, I have feelings for him, but I’m not interested in being with someone who is going to turn everything into a comedy when things get tough.”
Nova sighed. “I think you two might have more in common than you think.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Have you ever really stopped to think about the fact that he came from a lowly background, too? He knows what it’s like to feel like everyone is going to discover that you’re a fraud, and that you don’t deserve what you have because you came from such a non-prestigious family. Which, by the way, is a ridiculous way for both of you to feel. You’ve both worked very hard for what you’ve accomplished, and you deserve every bit of success that has come your way. But in any case, his way of dealing with those feelings is to make a joke out of things. Yours is, apparently, to run away back to Earth. And I think both of you aren’t handling the situation well.”
“I’m not running away,” Maisie said, indignation rising in her chest. “Earth is my home.”
“Earth was your home. What’s there for you now?”
Anonymity. Maisie thought. She didn’t say the word aloud, but Nova seemed to know what she was thinking, anyway.
“You see? You’re running away. You’re trying to find a place you can hide from all the hard feelings, just like Jarmuk is trying to hide all the hard feelings behind a joke. And hiding is never going to make either of you happy.”
Maisie still said nothing. Nova was right, but Maisie wasn’t sure what to do about it. If both Jarmuk and she were so used to hiding, wouldn’t it be impossible to ever truly be themselves with each other? After a lifetime of standing in the shadows, it wouldn’t be easy to adjust to being open and honest, especially when it was with someone you cared so deeply about. What if Maisie opened up to Jarmuk, and he brushed her away or just made another joke out of it? The pain would be too great to bear.
“I can’t do this,” Maisie finally whispered.
Nova smiled kindly at her. “Yes, you can. If you truly want to go back to Earth, I won’t stop you. I’ll miss you like hell, but I won’t try to stop you. But don’t go straight from here. Go back to Zocrone, and talk to Jarmuk. Be honest with him, and give him the chance to be honest with you. If, after all that, you still feel like leaving Zocrone, then go. But at least you’ll have given Jarmuk your best shot. At least you’ll know the truth. I promise you, you’ll never regret finding out the truth.”
Maisie contemplated Nova’s words. “Maybe you’re right. I don’t want to always wonder what might have been.”
“That’s my girl. See where you really stand with Jarmuk, and then make your decision from there. Besides,” Nova said with a knowing wink. “There’s nothing quite like making love to a Zocronian. I know from personal experience that they are very, very good in bed. And now that you know it, too, you’ll never be satisfied with a human and his non-ridged dick.”
Maisie felt her cheeks turning red hot. “Nova! Seriously.”
Nova just laughed. “What? You know it’s true.”
Maisie rolled her eyes at Nova, but her friend was right. Sex with Jarmuk had been so above and beyond anything else she had ever experienced. She couldn’t imagine ever being satisfied with another man.
Maisie felt a nervous pounding starting in her chest. She was really going to do this. She was going to be brave, and talk to Jarmuk. She didn’t know where she’d worked up the courage to decide to confront a big blue Zocronian, but she had done it—and she couldn’t back out now. Not when she’d committed to doing this in front of all of her friends.
She felt surprisingly confident, though. Instead of feeling terrified, she felt hopeful. That was a nice change from the despondency that she’d been feeling over the last several hours. Surely, the hopeful feeling was a good sign? And then, Maisie had an idea—an idea that was so perfect that she laughed out loud in delight. She quickly sipped down the rest of her cocktail and rose from the table.
“I have to go. I really need to buy something before we head back to Zocrone, and I’m not sure how long it will take me to find one.”
Nova frowned. “But we just sat down to lunch? What in the word could be so important that you need to buy right this minute?”
Maisie looked back at her captain and smiled. “A banana tree.”
Without another word, Maisie took off at a run to look for a shop where tropical trees would be sold. She didn’t look back again, but if she had, she would have seen very amused, very perplexed expressions on all three of her friends’ faces.
Chapter Twelve
Jarmuk scowled at the entrance to the city dome ahead of the rover, not saying a word as the miner who was driving the rover punched in the proper security access code to allow the rover to enter the city.
No one in the rover was speaking. Usually, on the way home from a hard day’s work at the mine, everyone would be in a jovial mood. The miners would all be talking and laughing, or sometimes even singing. But this afternoon, no one dared say a word. Not when Jarmuk was on the edge of exploding.
Jarmuk should feel guilty. He’d yelled at several miners for no real reason. They’d been talking, and their voices had grated on his nerves. He didn’t want to hear any noise. He just wanted silence, so he could brood. This wasn’t fair to the miners, and he knew it. And yet, he couldn’t find it in himself to feel guilty right now. Not when his heart was breaking right in his chest.
It was a new feeling for him. He’d always hidden so effectively behind his wall of humor that no one had been able to get to him. But now, Maisie had broken through that wall. As hard as he tried to put her out of his mind, or to pretend that it was all just a big joke, he couldn’t escape the aching in his chest.
He’d been watching the incoming space ship reports for the last three days, waiting for word that the Starburst was due to arrive back from Mognerth. He’d known on days one and two that it was too early, so he had managed to control his temper. But when today, day three, had arrived, and the ship was still not scheduled to come in, he’d lost his cool. He shouldn’t have even gone to the mines to work. He knew it wasn’t safe to be down there when his temper was flaring so badly, and goodness knew he had more than enough sick time and vacation time to take a day off. But Jarmuk couldn’t imagine sitting at home all day, twiddling his thumbs and thinking constantly about Maisie. So he’d gone to the mines anyway.<
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And he’d pissed off pretty much every last member of his mining team.
Oh well. Let them be pissed. He’d apologize on a day when he wasn’t feeling so frustrated.
The rover cycled through the airlock back into the city dome, and Jarmuk stormed off without a word to anyone. He heard someone whisper that he was acting like Daxar, and that was almost enough to make him laugh. Almost. Daxar was more relaxed now that Nova was his girlfriend, but for a long time the Chief’s temper had been infamous. People had even nicknamed him Grumpy Blue behind his back.
I must be really losing it if they’re comparing me to Grumpy Blue.
Jarmuk took the back way to his house, avoiding all the streets as he crept through the thick foliage of Zocrone’s wilder areas. He was getting close to home when he nearly tripped over a man sitting cross legged on the ground right in the middle of the unofficial footpath. Jarmuk cursed and was about to yell at the offender when he looked down and realized it was Merkin.
“Merkin! What the sludge are you doing out here?”
Merkin put a finger up to his lips. “Shh. I’m trying to get a picture of Zocrone’s newest baby monkey. Ashariz told me he’d spotted a baby Klican monkey, so I had to come out here to check. It’s so rare to see a baby one. I wanted a picture. Here sit with me a minute and see if your sharp young eyes can spot it.”
Jarmuk sighed, but sat down. Merkin was a bit crazy, but he was pretty much the only person who could have asked Jarmuk to sit down right now without getting his head bitten off. Merkin was perhaps the oldest Zocronian alive. Jarmuk wasn’t quite sure if there was anyone else older, but he was pretty sure that if there was a list somewhere of the oldest residents in Zocrone, Merkin was at least in the top three. Merkin had been best friends with Daxar’s father, the old Chief. Daxar hadn’t always liked Merkin—the two of them had often had words after Daxar’s father had died. But Jarmuk had always liked the old man, despite his quirks. Thankfully, Daxar and Merkin were getting along much better these days, so Jarmuk didn’t feel like he was betraying his best friend by hanging out with Merkin.
“New camera?” Jarmuk asked, pointing to the large, strange contraption in Merkin’s hands. Merkin owned an electronics repair shop in town, and he always seemed to come by the strangest electronics. Right now, he was holding what looked vaguely like a camera, but was about ten times bigger than any camera Jarmuk had ever seen.
Merkin grinned. “Yup. This baby is apparently dated from the year two thousand seven.”
Jarmuk’s eyes widened. “Two thousand seven? As in, the twenty-first century?”
“Yup. It was apparently one of the fanciest digital cameras available back then. Ancient now, obviously. But it has some interesting features that are fun to play with.”
Jarmuk shook his head in wonder. “You always have the coolest stuff.”
Merkin just smiled back at him. For a few moments, the pair sat in silence. Jarmuk peered carefully up into the trees, but he didn’t see any movement. He wasn’t surprised. He’d been barreling through the forest like an angry dinosaur. No wonder the monkeys were hiding. It would probably be a while before they showed their faces again, if they were even still close by. Sitting here might be a complete waste of time, but Merkin was no idiot. He knew that. And if the old man was happy to sit around and wait, Jarmuk figured he was, too. The only other thing he had to do tonight was to go home and rage alone in his house, wishing he hadn’t been such an idiot in the way he’d acted toward Maisie. Raging could wait.
Jarmuk felt his whole body tensing up at the thought of Maisie, and he tried to direct his thoughts back to the monkeys. It wasn’t easy. It felt like at least every other thought he had was of her. And then, of course, wise old Merkin noticed that something was bothering Jarmuk.
“You alright, son?” Merkin asked in a low voice, so as not to scare away any of the monkeys.
“I’m great,” Jarmuk lied. Merkin gave him a sidelong glance and raised an eyebrow at him.
“Okay, okay. I’m not great,” Jarmuk said, struggling to keep his voice low like Merkin. “It’s been a long week.”
“Girl trouble?”
Jarmuk’s eyes widened in surprise. “What? How did you…?”
“How did I know? I’m so old now that I can read thoughts,” Merkin said. When Jarmuk gave him an eye roll, Merkin laughed quietly.
“Okay, okay. I can’t read thoughts. But when a man is as upset as you are, there’s usually at least a seventy-five percent chance that it has something to do with a girl. That is something I learned from living so many years. Not much has changed since I was young.”
Jarmuk sighed. “Well, you’re right. It is a girl. And I’m pretty sure I’ve screwed things up beyond repair with her.”
“I very much doubt that. You might have made some mistakes, but you’re much too honorable of a man to do the kinds of things that normally send females running away for good.”
“Ha. Well thanks for the vote of confidence, but if you knew what I did you might change your mind on that.”
“Try me.”
Jarmuk glanced over at Merkin, unsure of whether he really wanted to rehash his love life. But he figured if anyone would have advice that was actually useful, it would be someone as old and experienced in life as Merkin.
“Well, I liked this girl, even though I didn’t know her that well. I slept with her a little over a week ago without really thinking of the consequences. It was one of those really passionate moments where your heart just takes over your head. It was amazing, but then life got in the way and I didn’t get a chance to talk to her about it right away.”
“It happens.”
“Right. Well, I went to the bar with her a few nights ago and she got really drunk, so I took her back to my place. But I didn’t sleep with her while she was drunk, because I didn’t know where we stood and I didn’t want to take advantage of her unfairly. The next morning, she obviously wanted to talk about things but I kind of froze up and just made a joke out of it.”
Merkin laughed. “Goofy Blue.”
“Huh?”
“Daxar is Grumpy Blue, but you’re Goofy Blue. He takes everything too seriously and you don’t take things seriously enough.”
Jarmuk frowned. “Great. Well, I guess being goofy is better than being grumpy. But it doesn’t matter. After I couldn’t man up enough to admit I cared about this girl, she left without even saying goodbye. Now I haven’t talked to her in a week, and I’m sure she’s furious with me. The one time I finally find a girl who actually makes me feel something, I manage to screw it up completely. Figures.”
Merkin chuckled, which made Jarmuk angry.
“What? You think it’s funny.” Jarmuk glared at the old man, raising his voice again but not caring. So what if he scared off every damn monkey in this city dome? Jarmuk might be “Goofy Blue,” but Merkin should know better than to make fun of a man in love.
Love? Do I love her? Are my feelings that strong? Jarmuk had been avoiding using the “L” word, even just in his mind. But in that moment, he knew for sure that he definitely loved her.
“The only thing that I think is funny,” Merkin said in a calm voice. “Is that you think it’s too late for you to get this girl.”
“Merkin, I screwed up. She’s got her life together. She’s smart and talented, and she’s not the type to put up with some guy who only makes a joke of everything and doesn’t do any more with his life than work in the mines.”
Merkin smiled. “Look, Jarmuk. There’s nothing wrong with ‘just’ working in the mines. It’s a respectable career, one that takes hard work and skill. And I know you’re one of the best miners. Even so, you do so much more than that. You help Daxar out with the government more than you realize. He relies on your advice. You’re one of Zocrone’s most dedicated citizens. There’s honor in that. But I can tell you right now that this girl cares more about what you think of her than what about you’re doing for Zocrone. I’m sure she’s annoyed with you.
Angry even. But you haven’t done anything unforgiveable. You’re hardly the first man to clam up and not say anything when he likes a girl.”
Jarmuk sighed and shook his head. “She’s not like other girls. She deserves a guy who mans up. And I wasn’t that guy. I’ve always thought I was. I work in the mines after all. All day long, I work in a very dirty, very physical environment. It doesn’t get much manlier than that. But when it comes down to it, I’m a fraud.”
Merkin only laughed again. “Look, Jarmuk. If she wants a man who mans up, then man up. You can sit here whining to me about it, or you can get over your fear of talking to her and just go talk. You might be surprised what you find if you just give things a chance.”
“Well, that’s the thing. I can’t talk to her. Literally can’t.”
Merkin gave him a sidelong glance. “And why not?”
Jarmuk shifted his weight uncomfortably on the rainforest floor. “Because she’s not here right now. She’s on the Starburst, which went on a supply run to Mognerth this week.”
Understanding dawned across Merkin’s face, and the old man grinned. “Ah, one of the humans. You youngsters find them irresistible, don’t you?”
“Only one of them. Maisie. She’s absolutely irresistible.”
Merkin’s smile widened. “I should have known. You two are perfect for each other.”
Jarmuk was surprised to hear Merkin say this so confidently. “We are? Why? What makes you say that? You don’t even know her that well, do you?”
“I know she’s always got her hands dirty, just like you. What is it Ashariz said they call her…oh, yes. Grease monkey. Or Grease Maisie. You two would make quite a sight when you’ve both just gotten off of work. Covered in grease and dirt, and happy from a hard day’s work.”
Jarmuk rolled his eyes. “Well, that’s a very romantic thought and everything. But it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t even talk to her right now.”
The Alphas of the Seven Galaxies Page 29