He skirted the clearing until he found the trail that would take them down the mountain. They stomped through the thick snow in the pre-morning light. It was beautiful with the pine trees covered with a fresh layer of snow. It felt like they were in their own world. Unfortunately, it was a cold world with Abi upset with him, his heart feeling colder and more withdrawn than ever. The wind biting at his cheeks was just the icing on the cake.
They plowed down the trail for what felt like hours but was probably shorter. When he saw his cabin up through the trees, he should’ve felt relief, but he didn’t know what Abi was going to say or how he was going to keep her at a safe distance after last night.
Her red Cherokee and his black Chevy truck were both almost pure white with mounds of snow on them. It was going to be a while before they could dig out. He wondered if he could even get her Cherokee out or if he would have to run her home in his truck. Removing his snowshoes and leaving them on the porch, he grabbed the shovel he always kept by the door and shoved snow out of the way then pried the door open. He waited for Abi to walk through in front of him, but she didn’t come.
Turning to look at her, the vulnerable and almost scared expression on her face tore at him. For the thousandth time, he questioned why he had to keep Virginia’s secret and never have a relationship with Abi. He couldn’t have both, but he loved Abi too much to not be the kind of man she deserved. A man with integrity. It was a vicious cycle in his head, and the only way he ever saw out of it was if someone else shared the secret, but the only other person who knew the truth wasn’t showing his face around Stone anytime soon.
“Let’s get inside. I’ll make you some breakfast,” he said. His stomach was eating its own lining at this point.
“Then we’re going to talk about what happened between us last night.” She tilted her head, and the vulnerability was still there but combined with a challenge he didn’t know how to escape from.
“Abi.” He stopped. How to talk her down?
“Don’t you ‘Abi’ me!” she hollered. Stomping up the steps, she pulled her gloves off and threw them on the porch like a hockey player getting ready to throw some punches. “I am not putting up with it this time, you got me?”
Stone hid his smile. “Let’s get some breakfast. Okay?”
She folded her arms across her chest. “Then we’ll talk? Like real adults discussing serious stuff?”
“Yes, Abi.” He sighed, dreading this talk like he’d never dreaded anything. “Then we’ll talk.”
Abi nodded as if satisfied, slipped off her snowshoes, and stomped through the door. Stone picked up her gloves and followed. He had to tell Abi they couldn’t have a relationship. He couldn’t ever allow himself to kiss her again or admit how much he loved her. This was going to be almost as hard as burying his wife and baby.
Stone started a fire. Then they worked together to cook breakfast. Abi was aware of every movement Stone made and all the little things about him that she’d always noticed—how courteous he was, how he had that little scar above his lip that he’d gotten when he and Jace had ridden scooters down a steep Park City road and crashed back in middle school, the way his hair curled slightly at his neck and around his face. What would he do if she stepped up close and kissed that scar? He’d promised they’d talk. She had to calm down and take it as it came before she silenced him completely. She’d seen that happen far too often.
They ate the French toast, bacon, and fruit without saying anything. Abi hated silence. Usually, she’d be chattering on about something, but her mind was spinning, wondering what he would say. Already, she was formulating arguments against him saying they shouldn’t be together. Was she brave enough to reveal how much she loved him? What if the kiss was just some spontaneous thing that had happened? Maybe he’d been caught up in the passion of the moment, trying to shut her up, or just delirious from the snowstorm, long hike, and lack of sustenance.
They cleaned up breakfast with even less talking. Everything felt sticky and in the wrong place like the syrup she’d spilled on the table. She finished wiping up said table, dropped the rag in the sink, and pinned him with a look. “You ready to talk?”
Stone’s eyes were a deeper blue than she’d ever seen them. It should’ve given her hope to see them not their usual cold grayish color, but it was almost scarier to see that he seemed to be thinking and feeling something very deeply. “Sure.”
He gestured for her to go first. She wanted him to reach out and take her hand, but this was Stone. He wasn’t going to change overnight. “Maybe you could take your girlfriend’s hand.” she bit her lip, knowing immediately that had been the wrong tactic.
“G-girlfriend?” He seemed to choke on the word.
Abi closed her eyes. Why? Why had she fallen in love with a man who was never going to commit to her? She took a deep breath and walked to the living room, sinking into the couch next to the fire. Fear, and the realization she was about to be rejected, made even the air feel heavy and dank.
Stone walked over too, but he didn’t sit down. He paced back and forth in front of the fire for long enough she wanted to jump up and grab his arm and drag him to a stop. Finally, he stopped and turned, but he didn’t look directly at her. He focused on the couch next to her, and her stomach tightened.
“Abi, you and I have been friends our entire lives.”
“Well, duh. Was that a light bulb thought for you?”
He let out a little laugh. “Oh, Abi.” He pushed a hand through his hair. Then he moved quickly. He hurried to her, dropped to his knees in front of her, and looked her straight in the eye. “I can’t lose your friendship, Abi. You’re all I’ve got.”
Emotion rose in her throat. She reached out and touched his shoulder. Stone was her best friend, and she loved him desperately. He would have to be the one to call their relationship quits because she couldn’t. “You aren’t going to lose me.”
He released a pent-up breath. “We can’t do this, Abi. We crossed a boundary last night that we shouldn’t have, and I promise you it will never happen again.”
She jumped to her feet, and her knee knocked into his chin. Stone rocked back.
“Sorry,” Abi cried out, bending down to examine his chin.
“I’m fine,” he said, standing and rubbing at his jaw.
They were inches apart, but miles seemed to be between them.
“You are not fine, and neither are we.” Abi hurled the words at him. “If we’re just ‘friends,’” she said, making air quotes with her fingers, “then why did you kiss me last night? Was it just convenient because I was lying there? Did you need to fulfill some manly desires? Why, Stone? Why?”
Stone stepped back, and Abi deflated. She hated him right now, hated that he would never let her in, but she would always love him.
“We have to be friends.” He insisted. “The kiss didn’t mean anything. It was impulsive and stupid. Please forgive me, Abi. Please, just be my friend.”
Abi’s neck tightened, and she felt like fire was leaping from her head. She was so stinking mad at him. “That kiss was not impulsive. You are never impulsive, Stone, never. I’m the impulsive one, and I’ve got news for you. You kissed me, and you liked it! If it meant nothing to you, that’s your issue because it meant a whole heck of a lot to me. The only thing stupid here is you, you dim-witted, thick-skulled, cold-hearted jerk!” She whirled, grabbed her coat, and strode to the door.
“Abi, stop, please.”
The please got her. She’d just called him awful names, and as always, Stone was patient and courteous. She stopped with her hand on the door handle. She prayed that something she’d said, or him remembering the feelings in the cave last night, would break through his freezing armor.
Stone took a long breath before saying, “You can’t go right now. There’s too much snow out there.”
“Too much snow.” She whirled and glared at him. “That is what you’re going with?”
His eyes were deep blue like a summer night. H
e searched her face for a few seconds, his lips pressed in a thin line and his jaw clenched. Finally, he gave her a short nod.
“Watch me.” She yanked open the door, hurried through, and slammed it shut. She didn’t bother retrieving her snowshoes or her other gear, didn’t really care. Stone would probably bring them to her later. Tears formed in her eyes as she thought about him. He was a dedicated, wonderful friend to her, but unfortunately, that was all they were ever going to be. He couldn’t lose her friendship? He was going to lose a lot more than that!
She pulled her coat on and pushed through the deep snow, blinded by the sunlight streaming through the trees and reflecting off the snow. When would she ever learn? Seven years, no her whole life, praying Stone would learn to love her. It was never going to happen.
She squared her shoulders. Today. She was finally giving up on Stone. She was going to say yes to every date that came her way, and she was going to actually give another man a chance. She was going to look at someone and not let herself compare him to Stone.
She yanked at the frozen door handle of her Cherokee, immediately regretting leaving her gloves, but there was no way she was going back in his cabin. The door gave, and snow from the roof of the Jeep fell down onto the leather seat. She brushed it away, climbed in, pushed the brake, and hit the start button. Luckily, it fired up. Turning on all the heat and defrost buttons she could find, she grabbed the scraper, scrambled back out, and slammed the door shut. Some snow came off the side window and roof, but not near enough.
The cabin door opened and closed, but she refused to look at him. One glance and she’d probably forget her resolutions and beg him to let her stay in his life. Turning her back, she started shoving snow off the vehicle.
Stone came up right behind her. “Let me drive you home in my truck. I’ll get your Cherokee to you later.”
“No.” She stayed facing her vehicle and shoving at the snow, blinking quickly to keep the tears from coming. They were just tears of anger. She’d invested so many years in him. That was why she was upset, not because he was the love of her life and he would never see that. Never give them a chance.
“Abi.” His warm hand came over hers, and his voice was so tender she couldn’t help but glance at him. He stared at her. His eyes were full of emotion, and they were true blue. “I’m sorry. Let me take you home.”
“You’re sorry?”
He nodded.
“Sorry about what? That you kissed me? That you don’t love me?” Her temper and her voice escalated. “That you married my best friend, we both lost her, and you’ll never heal from it? That I’ve spent my entire life trying to get you to see me and you never will? What exactly are you sorry about, Stone?”
He looked away at the pine trees and shook his head. “All of it.”
“Argh!” Abi let out a frustrated yelp and slugged him right in the abdomen. Her hand connected with solid muscle, and it hurt. He grunted but didn’t move. Her hand throbbed like the dickens. She covered it with her other hand, wondering if she’d broken it. “Well, I’m sorry I ever called myself your friend in the first place,” she yelled.
She couldn’t let herself look at him. If he was all sad and dejected looking, she might break down. She almost laughed at herself through the anger and frustration. This was Stone Cold. He didn’t know how to feel. Pushing past him, she yanked her door open and flung herself inside. The interior was warm, her steering wheel and seat heaters had both done their job. She flipped on the wipers and they didn’t move. Dang it! She needed to go back out there and try to move some snow off. She laid her head back against the headrest. She couldn’t do it. She could not face him again. Was she truly done with their friendship? Had she really just admitted to him that she loved him? Had loved him for as long as she could remember? What a nightmare. Her heart ached for Stone, and he was on the other side of her door but completely out of her reach.
The snow on her side window cleared, and she started. Stone had a broom and was sweeping off her vehicle. He cleared off the front windshield and proceeded to clear all the side and rear windows. Abi just sat there. It was so Stone. Even though she’d just yelled at him and hit him, he still took care of her. He always had. Why would he stop now?
He stepped back and met her gaze through the window. His eyes were somber but not as cold as they usually were. She held them until she couldn’t handle it anymore. Then she dropped the Jeep into gear. He stepped out of her way as she pulled forward around the parking area, not daring to back up and get stuck. She cleared his driveway and couldn’t resist glancing back. She kind of hoped he would be watching her go, but no, he was clearing off his truck. He was probably relieved she was gone and not bugging him to “talk.”
Slowly driving down the road, she’d only gone a half a mile when his big black truck appeared in her rearview mirror. He lifted his hand and sort of saluted her. Fresh tears formed and rolled down her cheeks. Was he agreeing with her? Was this goodbye? She forced herself to concentrate on the road. He’d followed her to make sure she got home safe. He was a good guy. Unfortunately, he would never be her good guy.
Chapter Ten
Abi was passionate and dramatic about things. She knew that about herself, but she was usually happy and upbeat. The past three weeks were the biggest downers she could remember. She’d been a sobbing mess when Virginia died, but she’d had Stone. They’d always been there for each other, and even though he was distant emotionally, he was her best friend, and she loved him desperately. Not being around him was an ache she didn’t know how to cure, but she was truly done with him this time. Maybe. Each morning as she exercised, she strengthened her resolve to not call him or go to him. By evening, she was struggling and almost gave in. It was like when she tried to give up chocolate. Every morning, she was gung ho, but by nighttime, she would give up all her good intentions and binge on a bag of Dove chocolates.
The only way she knew how to stop herself from running back to Stone was to be ridiculously busy and bawl to Julia every night when they both made it home from a long day. Work was insane, so that helped, and instead of being picky about who she said yes to for dates, she said yes to everyone. Monday night, she was at the Blue Iguana with the inspirational speaker from one of the conferences she’d managed last weekend. He was staying in town for another week for business meetings. Truman was a charismatic, good-looking guy, and she assumed she was responding correctly to his monologue. It was funny that he could talk about himself nonstop when his keynote address had been on people skills and how to listen to others.
She took a bite of her seafood chimichanga, savoring the creamy white sauce, shrimp, and tuna. At least she’d been able to get a few bites down. Her stomach had been unsettled since she’d declared herself done with Stone. It was like she’d ripped her own arm off, and now, she had to figure out how to live life without a limb. Oh my, she was pathetic.
“Abi?”
“Yes?” She straightened and focused on Truman.
“I just asked if you’d like to come back and sit in my hot tub.” He smiled suggestively. “I have a private one in my suite.”
I know. I set that all up for you. She forced a smile. “Oh, thank you for the offer, but I’ve got to work early in the morning.” She was actually taking tomorrow off of work, but he didn’t need to know that. If only she could go skiing with Stone. She calculated quickly in her mind the days Stone had been at the station and days he’d been off. He would be off tomorrow. No, no, no. Don’t let yourself go there.
“Oh. Okay.” The disappointment in his voice was thick.
Abi was grateful that she’d insisted they meet at the restaurant. She never allowed her dates to pick her up at her house, and she never went back to their hotels, homes, or condos. Being moral had kept her safe and out of a lot of sticky situations. Anger rose within her as her thoughts returned to Stone. If he and Virginia had been moral and not crossed the lines they’d all agreed on, Virginia would probably still be alive, and maybe Stone m
ight not have become a cold-hearted tard.
The waiter came by, and Abi was quick to ask for a box for her leftovers and the check. Truman stared at her. “I’d like to get to know you better, Abi. You’re an impressive woman.”
She wished the feeling was mutual. Why couldn’t it be? He was an ultra-successful, good-looking guy. True, he bragged a little bit too much, okay, a lot too much, but maybe he was just trying to impress her and would calm down once she got to know him better. Stone would never brag about himself. That stinking voice in her head. She was done with Stone. Done, you hear me? She was pretty sure the annoying voice was having a good cackle about now.
Looking into Truman’s green eyes, she knew she only liked blue eyes, bluish-gray to be exact. You are truly pathetic, woman.
Truman arched an eyebrow, obviously awaiting her positive response.
“Hmm, well, thank you.” She managed to get out.
The waiter arrived with the check. Abi tried to reach for it, but he was closer to Truman, and Truman had a credit card out and shoved at the man before she could beat him to it. Whatever. She didn’t care who won, but she didn’t want to feel beholden to him. Stone bought her dinner all the time, and she never felt like she owed him anything.
Please stop, brain.
Abi took the leftover container from the waiter and boxed her barely-touched dinner. She stood, and Truman was on his feet quickly and pulling out her chair. He wrapped an arm around her and leaned down, whispering too close to her ear, “Please wait, and I’ll walk you out. Give you a proper goodbye.”
Abi tried to pull away and bumped into the chair.
“Abi?”
She’d know that deep, tantalizing voice anywhere. She glanced over Truman’s shoulder and met Stone’s gaze. He stood in the aisle, and she worried how long he’d been there. Her stomach sank as she realized that it probably looked like she was in Truman’s arms, but why did she care? She was done with Stone, remember? Keep telling yourself that.
Stone Cold Sparks Page 5