by Tracy Kiely
“Ms. Reynolds,” Detective Stewart began. The thought was gone. So was I, for that matter. My eyelids lowered. I tried to yank them back open, but they were too heavy. Was it warm in here? Underneath me, the chair shifted and moved. I debated calling attention to the defective chair, but it seemed too much trouble. Detective Stewart kept talking. “I think I should tell you that …”
There was a terrific noise of something heavy hitting the floor. I think it was me. From above, I heard someone cry out, “Oh, my God! Someone get help! She’s fainted!” In a wry tone, I heard another voice add, “She hasn’t fainted. She’s passed out. She’s drunk.” I think it was Peter.
Strong arms reached underneath me and pulled me up. “No, I’ve got her,” said Peter. He lifted me and carried me up the stairs to my room, where he unceremoniously deposited me onto my bed. He said something about my being a damned idiot, but inasmuch as I already knew that, I ignored him and rolled over, burying my head in the pillow.
CHAPTER 22
The less I behave like Whistler’s mother the night before,
the more I look like her the morning after.
—TALLULAH BANKHEAD
I T IS A truth universally acknowledged that hangovers and funerals do not mix. Unfortunately, on the morning of Gerald’s funeral, I awoke—contrary to any wish of my own—feeling as if a small mariachi band had used my head for practice. Even my teeth hurt. I felt like Gregor Samsa on the morning of his transformation, but without all the underlying symbolism.
Concentrating on keeping my head from rolling off my neck, I eased out of bed and observed myself in the mirror. The reflection staring back was reminiscent of a carnival fun-house mirror—puffy face, slits for eyes, and a slumped and twisted body. But that was nothing compared to my hair, which was at once depressing and mildly hysterical.
A hot shower and shampoo helped. Some. If nothing else, I’m sure I smelled better. As I gingerly made my way down the stairs, Lady Catherine pounced at my ankles, her claws drawn. I stumbled but managed to grab the banister before I fell headlong down the stairs. My temper flared and I pulled my leg back to deliver a well-deserved kick to Lady Catherine’s hindquarters when a movement in the foyer caught my attention. Sitting in the green brocade chair usually favored by Lady Catherine was an armed police officer. He appeared more like a kid selling high school raffle tickets than a civil servant bent on protecting the peace. His boyish face looked as if it had only recently needed shaving, and his arms and legs had that gangly, not-quite-grown look. His eyes and Adam’s apple bulged alarmingly. But apparently he had been able to evict Lady Catherine from her favorite chair with no visible scars, so he clearly had some professional training in hand-to-hand combat.
Seeing me, he gravely nodded his head and said, “Good morning, Ms. Parker.” Unthinkingly, I nodded back at him. New waves of pain shot into the base of my skull, rendering me speechless. I was surprised that my face was known by the local police department—not exactly the fifteen minutes of fame I was shooting for in life.
“Were you about to kick that cat?” he asked.
Great. In addition to whatever else my reputation was at the station, low-life cat abuser would now be added. Shit. “I, um … well,” I stuttered. My mind was a blank. I was way too hungover to produce a convincing lie. I gave up. “Yes. Yes, I was. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize on my account,” he said, distastefully eyeing Lady Catherine. “Damn thing has already bitten me twice.” He glanced almost longingly at the gun in his holster. “Too bad someone didn’t put reflective tape on her.”
While I could sympathize with the sentiment, it didn’t seem in my best interest to outwardly agree. For all I knew, this could be one of those psychological tests used to evaluate suspects. I could almost hear the horrified gasp from the jury as the court testimony was read: “Suspect was observed trying to kick a defenseless cat and later heard expressing a wish to shoot said animal.”
“Yeah, well, I think I’m going to see where my aunt is,” I said, moving back down the hall. I left him glaring at Lady Catherine, his hand on his gun. Lady Catherine sat poised on the rug, unconcerned, her tail twitching rhythmically.
Pausing at the kitchen door, I could hear Aunt Winnie and Peter on the other side. My cheeks burned hot at the memory of my behavior last night, but I couldn’t put off the inevitable. I pushed open the door and stepped inside. The smell of fresh banana muffins was almost my undoing, but I pressed on. Peter clasped his hands together as if in prayer and sang out, “It’s a miracle! Lazarus! Back from the dead!”
“Shut up, Peter,” I mumbled, although, truth be told, it was nothing less than I would have done had the situation been reversed. I might not have yelled it quite so loudly, though. Hoping to change the subject, I said, “Why is there an armed guard in the foyer?”
“Detective Stewart has decided that from now on we are to have twenty-four-hour police protection. Although surveillance might be a more accurate term,” said Aunt Winnie. Holding out a mug of coffee for me, she asked, “Can I get you anything else?” My stomach lurched, but I took the mug. It was black. In simple white letters it read, THERE’S GOT TO BE A MORNING AFTER.
“Yes,” said Peter. “Want some breakfast? I could make you up a big plate of runny eggs if you’d like.”
For a brief moment, the contents of my stomach hung in the balance. I swallowed hard and carefully shook my head. Peter chuckled. Aunt Winnie elbowed him and said, “Enough, Peter. How are you feeling, honey?”
“About how I deserve. I’m really sorry about last night, Aunt Winnie. I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Elizabeth. Given the day you had, it’s no wonder that you—”
“Got blind stinking drunk and fell out of a chair,” Peter finished helpfully.
“That’s enough, Peter,” said Aunt Winnie.
“No, it’s okay,” I said. “Besides, he’s right. If nothing else, I’ve learned my lesson. Is there anything I can help with this morning?”
“No,” said Aunt Winnie. “Peter and I have it under control. Why don’t you go upstairs and get ready for the funeral? We should leave here soon. Randy is going with us.”
An image of Randy, his kindly bespectacled face, swam before me. I cringed inwardly. Had I really let myself suspect him of killing Gerald and Jackie last night? I felt a fool. I nodded in slow motion to Aunt Winnie and left. I felt awful for not helping, but I knew that if I didn’t get away from the smell of those muffins, very bad things involving my stomach were bound to occur.
I got ready as quickly as my pounding head would allow—which is to say, not very fast. Well, I thought with a sigh, maybe this was one time when pasty skin and bloodshot eyes were suitable; I certainly looked funereal. As I checked my reflection in the mirror one last time, I realized I was wearing the same outfit I’d worn the night Gerald had been murdered. My last thought as I left the room was that I hoped it wasn’t an omen. How ironic that thought turned out to be.
The church was a large, graceful structure located in the heart of downtown. We silently walked up the wide marble steps. I was surprised to see that the long wooden pews were filled to capacity. Randy went in first, to little notice. It was when Aunt Winnie stepped into the vestibule that several heads turned our way. Seconds later the church vibrated with the soft buzz of voices passing along the news of our arrival. More heads turned. Aunt Winnie smiled and nodded politely to those who turned to gawk at us, but her jaw was clenched. Finally, Peter spotted space for the four of us in one of the pews near the back and herded us in. Once we were settled, I leaned over to Aunt Winnie and said, “I’m surprised to see so many people here. I didn’t think that Gerald was this popular.”
“He wasn’t,” said Aunt Winnie, as she read the service program. “I suspect most are here just to make sure he’s really dead.”
She had a point. In my short time in town, I had not heard one person say anything nice about the man. He seemed to be universally hated o
r feared. In the front pew sat Polly, Lauren, and Daniel. Several rows behind them were Lily and Pansy. Farther back still sat Joan, Henry, and Linnet. Why had they come?
As the priest droned on, struggling to say something respectful about Gerald’s life, I felt as if I were in the midst of a play. Everyone’s dress and movements, while perfectly appropriate, were nothing more than costume and stagecraft. The thought brought a melancholy pang. How sad to go through life with no one loving you. Had that really been the case for Gerald? Had he really been so miserable that his own family felt no sorrow at his death? Then I remembered Lily’s—or was it Pansy’s?—words: If you were going to murder someone in this town, it would be Gerald. Kneeling in my pew, I said a sincere prayer, not so much for Gerald but for his family.
After the service and burial, there was a reception at Lauren’s. Like the service, it was well attended, and again for the same reason, I thought: rabid curiosity. People milled about, eating the food, drinking the wine, and making quiet observations about who had killed their absent host. Lily and Pansy chatted in rapid succession with several other ladies, their excited whispers leaving little room for doubt as to the topic of their conversation. Henry and Joan circled with a professional eye, and Henry commented several times on the similarity of this room to one of Mrs. Dubois’s smaller guesthouses.
I also spotted Brooke, the salesclerk, standing with Polly and several of their friends. They stood awkwardly, shifting their drinks and plates of food, all the while eyeing Polly sympathetically. Polly noticed me. She gave a little wave and maneuvered her way through the crowd.
“Hello,” she said. Gone was the demure and modestly dressed girl whose comings and goings Gerald Ramsey had dictated. In her place stood a confident and self-assured young woman. Her black velvet dress still covered every inch of her body, but in a way that accentuated those inches. I had never noticed before—I doubt anyone had under all those shapeless dresses—that Polly had a stunning figure. She was alternately small and large in all the right places. The headband was gone, too. Her black hair was pulled into a tight bun, further accentuating her exotically shaped eyes. She couldn’t have made it any clearer that she wasn’t living by Gerald’s rules anymore. Polly was now her own woman.
She smiled politely at Peter and Randy before turning to Aunt Winnie. “Thank you for coming,” she said. “I heard about Ms. Tanner. I’m sorry that she’s dead. She seemed a nice woman.” Her unblinking slanted green eyes gazed at us much like Lady Catherine’s calculating stares.
What were we supposed to say? Aunt Winnie rallied. “I’m sorry for your loss, dear, and I wish you all the best. What are your plans now? Are you going to stay here?”
Polly’s lips pulled down in a slight frown. “No. Father left the house to me, but I don’t particularly want it. It feels more like a prison than a home. I suppose I’ll sell it.”
“Really?” said Aunt Winnie. “Where are you planning on going?”
“Oxford. I’ve been accepted into their graduate program for art history.”
“What about Lauren?” I asked. “Do you think she’ll stay here?”
Polly shook her head. “No. I asked her, but she doesn’t want the place, either. I suspect she feels the same as I do.” Polly regarded the expensively furnished room with little affection. “It’s funny,” she said. “I never really liked Lauren. I always thought she was sort of vapid, and after all, she was married to my father, which wasn’t exactly a point in her favor.” Polly glanced over to where Lauren stood with Denny tucked under one arm. She was trying to manage her cell phone with her free hand. “But now, I think we both understand each other a little better. She’s not that bad once you get to know her.”
Polly waved her hands as she tried to find the words to go on. “My father controlled everyone and everything in his life. Lauren and I were just pawns in his world and we both ended up doing things we didn’t want to. Now that he’s gone, well, we can be ourselves.”
Someone called to her and she excused herself. I thought about what she had said. She was by all accounts a determined young woman who had hated having her freedom curtailed by an overbearing father. She was young. She was pretty. And thanks to Gerald’s untimely death, she was now quite rich.
Aunt Winnie and I walked over to Lauren to offer our condolences. Seeing our approach, she smiled and signaled that she was almost done with her call. “All right,” she said into the phone. “I’d better go now. I’ll call you later. I love you, baby.”
Clicking the phone shut, she turned to us. “Sorry, that was Jamie. He couldn’t be here today, which is probably for the best. Having to deal with this would be too much for him right now.”
The memory of Lauren’s phone call the night of the murder came back. What had she said? “I love you, baby.” Of course! Lauren hadn’t been talking to a lover—she’d been talking to her son, Jamie. The one she’d do anything for. Would she have killed for him?
Lauren shifted Denny, holding him in both arms. Seeing me, his fat little tail thumped wildly and he strained to be let down. Thankfully, Lauren did not comply with his wishes. I was in no humor to have my only pair of stockings mutilated by a lusty pug. After a few futile lunges, he went limp and merely panted longingly at me.
“Thank you both for coming,” Lauren said. Wearing a simple black dress that set off her deep tan to perfection, she looked stunning. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “You’re so tan!”
Lauren glanced complacently at her tawny arms, saying, “I found a fabulous tanning salon downtown. I’ve been trying to get my base tan in good shape. I don’t want to go to Bermuda looking pasty.”
“Bermuda?” I echoed.
Lauren nodded and stroked Denny’s fur with her glossy pink nails. “Yes, I leave next week. Of course, I still have to clear the trip with Detective Stewart, but I don’t think it will be a problem.” She smiled at me, and I wondered if she thought she was going to charm Detective Stewart into letting her go. If that was the case, she had another think coming. Say what you might about the man (and I could say plenty), Detective Stewart didn’t strike me as someone who let feminine charms influence his work.
“Are you going with anyone?” Aunt Winnie asked.
Lauren shook her head. “Not this time. I wish I could bring Jamie, but I don’t think he’s ready to leave South Carolina yet. I hope to take him next year. Who knows, maybe we could even move there. I’ve never been a fan of the cold. Bermuda might be just the place for us to start over.”
Changing the subject, Lauren now said, “I heard about that poor woman, Ms. Tanner. Do they really think the person who killed Gerald also killed her?”
“I think so,” I said. Lauren shook her head, sending her blond hair cascading over her shoulders. “How awful. She was a strange little woman, though. A terrible gossip.” Linnet passed unnoticed behind Lauren as she said this. I saw a faint blush of crimson stain Linnet’s neck as she quickly moved away. “Well, in any case, I hope they catch him soon,” Lauren said, oblivious to her insensitivity. “What about her friend, Mrs. Westin. Does she have any idea who did it?” Lauren’s tone was light, but her hand was not. Tense and rigid, it hovered above Denny’s fur.
“No,” I said. The hand relaxed and resumed its affections.
“What are your plans?” asked Aunt Winnie. “Polly says that neither of you are going to stay here.”
“That’s right,” said Lauren. “I want to find a place near Jamie. I’m hoping that he’ll be able to come live with me soon. He’s really making progress.” She smiled. “You know, for the first time, I really think everything is going to turn out all right.” A petite woman in a red dress came to offer Lauren her condolences and ask for a phone number of a mutual acquaintance. Lauren shifted Denny into her right hand to write out the number with her left. As she did so, Denny broke free and leaped from her arms. I jumped back, but he bolted past me. Great. No wonder I couldn’t keep a boyfriend; I couldn’t even hold the interest of a horny p
ug.
“Denny! No!” Lauren yelped, but he ignored her and ran across the room. Turning to me, Lauren said, “Elizabeth? Would you mind terribly getting Denny? Thanks.”
She turned back to the woman, leaving me no option other than to retrieve the wayward Denny. I followed him down the hall toward the back of the house, muttering obscenities under my breath. As I rounded the corner, I walked straight into Peter. His face was contorted with anger. Putting his arm out, he tried to turn me around. I spun out of his grip. “What are you doing?” I asked. “I have to get Denny.”
“No, you don’t,” Peter said briskly. “Turn around.”
“Peter! Stop this. What’s the matter with you?”
“Nothing,” he bit out through clenched teeth. “I don’t want you to go in there.”
I glanced at him in surprise. Why was he so angry? “Peter! This is ridiculous. Let me go.”
Abruptly releasing me, he said, “Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Pushing past him, I said, “Warn me about what? You know, sometimes you can be so …” But the rest of my words died on my lips. In the sunroom stood Daniel and Polly. Kissing.
I backed out slowly so as not to be heard, but in truth they were so wrapped up in each other that I probably could have led a marching band in there without either of them noticing. The implications of what I’d seen made my head spin. Daniel and Polly? Not Daniel and Lauren. Not Daniel and me. How long had they been together? When had Polly morphed into a little Lolita, or had she been that way all along? And what did it mean?
As I backed into the hall, I bumped into Peter. His arms came up around me. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth,” he said. “Are you okay?”
I was only half listening. I twisted away from his grasp. I had to go somewhere quiet and think. In addition to feeling punched in the stomach, there were more sinister implications I needed to sort out. Peter said something, but I didn’t hear him. I walked back to the sitting room where only a few days before I’d had tea with Jackie. It was during that visit that Jackie had unaccountably become upset—but about what? Daniel and Polly had been having what I had thought was a mundane conversation about smoking. But given what I had just seen, maybe nothing between them was mundane. Could Jackie have realized that as well? Could that have been what had upset her?