by Toni Aleo
I feel like she is stabbing me with each word she says after because, but I can’t let her see that. So holding her gaze, I say, “So stop, let me take you to dinner tonight.”
“He’s taking me,” she whispers, looking sad as she says it. I hate the words. Hate them with everything inside me. I want to beg her to say no and go with me, but that would make me look desperate. “I’d feel weird dating both of you at the same time. It isn’t fair to either of you.”
I nod as my fingers bite into my thighs. “I guess I should have acted sooner. I lost my chance.”
She looks down at the bar, playing with the edge of it as she whispers, “Don’t say that.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to believe it. I know that we don’t know each other well, but I like you a lot, Declan. I would love the chance to get to know you better.”
I want to run and hide. But at the same time, I never want to leave, afraid that I’ll never see her like this again. In here, just us, life is great. Outside of these walls, life is shit, and it irritates the living hell out of me. My heart is out of control in my chest, and blood is rushing to my head. I want to say that to her. Knowing she has the same feelings has me holding on to the stool so I don’t fall off. I don’t know what to say next. When she looks up, looking at me through her long, dark lashes, I’m breathless.
“I like you, too.”
Did I just say that?
She slowly lets out a long breath. “I don’t know what will happen between Casey and me. It could be nothing, but I’ve said yes, so I need to honor that,” she says as she folds her hands nervously.
I nod my head, looking down at the bar. “I respect that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“I feel like I’m ruining everything between us,” she says, unsure of herself, so I reach out, my hand shaking as I take hers in mine. Her hand is small, warm, and so soft. It calms me but at the same time, it excites me at the possibility of her body feeling just like this.
When she looks up at me, I smile. “Never. I won’t say that my pride isn’t dented or that I’ll wait for you, but I hope that I get the chance to show you who I am.”
“Me too.”
I’m taking this better than I thought I would. Maybe because I know Casey can’t carry a candle compared to me. He is the slime of the universe, and the thought of her going out with him scares me.
Taking in a deep breath, I say, “Promise me something though, Amberlyn.”
“Anything.”
“Be careful,” I stress, my eyes locked on hers. “Call me whenever, don’t worry about the hour, and always text Fiona to let her know where you are.”
She looks confused, but she agrees. “Okay.”
When the door opens and we both look back to find the man of the hour walking in, our hands part, slowly sliding away from each other, and even though I don’t want to, I decide that it’s time for me to go.
Chapter 9
Amberlyn
Did that just happen?
My head is pounding and I feel like I’m going to puke, but I’m not sure if it is the hangover or what just happened with Declan. I want to cry, but at the same time, I want to cut Fiona. But then again, I should have freaking asked! Instead, I sat back and allowed myself to fall for a guy I thought I couldn’t have, when in all reality, I could. I mean, fuck! That’s not fair. Life isn’t fair! I mean seriously, the last couple of months have been hard, and then this? Really?
I guess I could cancel my date with Casey, but that is so incredibly rude. And I know if I make up an excuse, he’ll figure out another way to ask me. I’ve only spent a little bit of time with him, but I feel like I’ve known him for years. He is so open, very persistent, and I do like him. He is nice, hot, and funny, but he isn’t Declan. I’ve had a thing for Declan since the moment I saw him, and now he’s sitting here, telling me he has feelings for me, and I have to turn him down. How is that fair?
And to top it all off, now Casey is here, and Declan is pulling his hand from mine.
I mean, really, if someone would have told me I was going to be in this moment months ago, I would have laughed at them. I went from being the most unavailable person to having not only one guy wanting me but also the fucking royalty of Mayo. Seriously? How does this happen? I am having a hard time believing it, and to make sure this isn’t a drunken dream, I pinch myself. When pain shoots up my arm, I groan. Fucking hell.
I didn’t even know Casey was coming, and by the looks of it, Declan is not happy to see him. I have no clue what is going on between these two, but I have every intention on finding out. Casey, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to care one way or another. His eyes are on me, a grin on his face, and a single daisy in his hand. He looks great today, too. His blond hair is a mess, and it looks like he just rolled out of bed, but I find it sexy. As he comes around the bar, gathering me in his arms and hugging me tightly, I find myself breathless. He smells good, spicy and sexy. When I look up into his face, I find myself smiling, even though I feel like shit. His eyes are bright as he leans down and brushes his lips on my cheek.
I try to back away some because I don’t want Declan seeing this. I feel like an ass just hugging Casey, but he is grinning and he has a daisy. I can’t exactly just wave.
“You look like hell today,” he says, and I laugh.
“Wow, thanks.” I pull myself from his arms and glance over to the bar to find that Declan isn’t there. When I look out the window, I catch his car speeding out of the parking lot and my heart drops. Damn it, I might have just fucked that all up.
“Doesn’t mean you don’t look hot, too,” he whispers in my ear.
I laugh as I push him away, but he isn’t letting me go. He pulls me back into his arms and looks deep in my eyes. I look up, surprised, because I have never been handled like this before and it’s weird. I don’t like being pulled around, but it seems like Casey does that a lot. I’ve only known him for a day, and he’s kissed me more in one night than I’ve been kissed my whole life. It makes me nervous, but at the same time, I wonder if this is how a relationship is.
“Ugh, no making out in the pub. Take that shite outside,” Fiona says, causing me to jump in surprise. I wiggle out of Casey’s arms and grab a rag to act as if I am wiping the counter. He laughs as he comes around the bar, going on a stool and setting Fiona with a look.
“Don’t act like you have never done it.”
Fiona flips him the middle finger before going to the back, leaving me alone with him. I want to ask her to come back out. I don’t know why it is weird today with him. I was so comfortable with him yesterday. Was it the alcohol? Or is it the fact that I now know Declan is single? How shitty is that? Casey has done nothing but be nice to me. Yeah, we may need to set some ground rules on the whole touching me thing, but he’s a nice guy. He brought me a daisy. But then again, something is off. I don’t know. I just feel weird.
“What brings you in?”
He smiles. “You. I thought we’d make plans for tonight.”
I smile back at him. “Of course, what would you like to do?”
“Anything you want. We can go driving, we can go to dinner, go back to my place, whatever you like.”
The only thing that appeals to me is dinner. “Dinner would be great. I’m not working tonight.”
“Great. So I’ll pick you up at six?”
I nod. “That would be fine.”
“Awesome,” he says. Getting up, he leans over the bar toward me. I’m pretty sure he is going to kiss me, so I ask, “How do you know Declan O’Callaghan?”
He pauses, his strong forearms on the bar as he looks at me. “Went to school together.”
“Do you two get along?”
He shrugs. “Sure, why?”
“Just asking.”
“Do you talk?”
I nod. “Yeah, he comes in to eat almost every day.”
He eyes me suspiciously, and I have no clue
what that is about. “Yeah, like I said, we went to school together, used to be friends, but not so much anymore. He doesn’t really come out and mingle with the common folk anymore. He let the money go to his head like the rest of the O’Callaghans do.”
I don’t believe that for a second, but I smile anyway. “Oh, he seems nice to me when he comes by, but I guess I don’t know him that well.”
“Yeah, he’s a shithead. Watch out for that one,” he says before hopping off the stool. “I’ll see ya tonight.”
“All right, bye.”
He sends me one last grin before shutting the door behind him. I lean against the bar, resting my chin in my hand as I replay our conversation. Why was that weird? Forced even? And why can’t I stop thinking about the way Declan held my hand?
“Thank God, he’s gone.”
I jump once more and send Fiona a disgruntled look. “You scared the living shit out of me.”
She laughs. “My bad.”
“No worries,” I say as she passes by me, her arms full with the plastic tray from the dishwasher. “You don’t like Casey?”
She looks up at me as she loads the glasses in the cabinets. “He’s annoying. I went to school with him, dated him for a while too. He’s okay but not really my favorite person. I’m surprised you fancy him, actually. He’s an eejit. You should ignore him.”
“Why’s that? And when did y’all date? Is it okay that I’m dating him?
Fiona throws her hands up, palms facing me, as she sets me with a look. “Whoa! You’re dating him?”
“Yeah, he asked me to dinner.”
She lays the tray on the bar and wipes her hands on her apron. “Okay, first, we dated when I was like fifteen. It was mainly just sex.”
“You had sex with him?” I gasp. “That is not cool! I can’t date him when you slept with him.”
“That’s not the reason you can’t date him.”
I’m confused. “Huh? This doesn’t make sense. You’re my cousin, my best friend… Why would he go after me if he’s slept with you?”
Fiona only looks at me, her eyes holding mine for so long that I don’t know if I should say something. She looks as if she is deep in thought, and I’m not sure what to think of it. “Listen, Casey has some history. He may think you don’t know his history and that you’ll give him a fair chance. Most of the ladies in this town already know, but I’m not letting this happen. Like you said, you are my cousin, my best friend, so no way.”
My heart speeds up as she continues to hold my gaze. “What? What history?”
Fiona lets out a breath. “Don’t get mad, okay? I didn’t think you’d actually go out with him. I thought we were just having fun last night, and he is the best tattoo artist in town. Now I see he is blinding you, and there is no way I can let you go out with him. I mean, it’s your choice, but I strongly advise that you don’t.”
“What are you talking about? What’s going on?”
“He was accused of raping someone.”
My heart drops. Surely not. Casey? “Excuse me?”
“It wasn’t proven. It is only rumored, but yeah. Mostly everyone believes it.”
My heart is pounding, my throat dry, and I feel dirty. “I let him touch me. Why didn’t you say anything last night?”
“Kane was there, I was there, nothing was going to happen, and like I said, I didn’t think you really fancied him, Amberlyn. I understand that he is hot, but I thought you were only havin’ a bit of craic.”
I’m shaking my head before she finishes talking. “I was, but I liked him. I thought he was nice.”
Fiona shrugs her shoulders. “He’s charming. He never treated me badly. That’s why I find it hard to believe, but people who know the girl claim it to be true.”
“The girl?”
“Lena O’Callaghan.”
Declan’s sister. “Oh, fuck.”
Fiona nods. “Yeah, it wasn’t pretty, but a lot of it was covered up because Lena was out with an eighteen-year-old, drinking at fifteen. He apparently left her outside the gate, drunk and passed out. She was found by the guards, and when her ma was getting her to bed, she noticed bruises and scratches all over Lena’s thighs. They took her to the clinic, and they said she had been raped, but since her mom gave her a bath, there was no evidence to get, ya know? Everyone saw her with Casey though, but he still claims it wasn’t him. I don’t think anyone believed him. Lena doesn’t remember what happened, so they couldn’t really press charges. Old Man O’Callaghan has been trying to get him out of town for years. Last I heard, he offered to pay him to leave. He won’t, though.”
While I want to know why, my head is spinning, and I feel like I might throw up again. That is insane. The guy who touched me, gave me a tattoo, and kissed me had apparently raped a girl? Left her outside a gate, drunk? And I was about to go out with said guy? Shaking my head, I lean against the bar, before crying out and standing back up. I leaned right up against where my new tattoo is. Rubbing my tender skin, I look over at Fiona. “I can’t go out with him.”
“No, you can’t. Ma and Da will have a fit. Ma doesn’t even like him in the bar.”
“Wow. I wish you’d never let me go anywhere near him.”
“I honestly didn’t think anything of it. I mean, you like Declan. They are completely opposite.”
She was right. “Yeah, I guess. No wonder Declan hates him.”
“Oh yeah, so does Kane. They all used to play on the same hurling team together in school. That’s how Casey met Lena. He claimed he loved her and all kinds of other stuff before this happened, but her da wasn’t having any of it. He said that Casey wasn’t good enough for Lena. So they saw each other in secret. Lena claimed they never had sex, so did Casey, but he could have gotten in trouble if they had. So no one really knows, but it was quite the scandal.”
I am flabbergasted by all this. I know that these kinds of things happen in the world all the time, but I’ve never been face-to-face with it. It has me trembling, and I can’t believe it. Plus, what the hell do I say to him? I mean, this is insane. Do I tell him the truth that yes, there could be a chance that this is all hoopla, but I can’t risk the chance that it’s not? I mean, how is that fair to him? He has been nice to me, and I am going to write him off from one rumor. At the same time, what if Aunt Shelia forbids it? I know I am a grown woman, but I respect her. Oh for goodness’ sake, why am I even entertaining this? I may not know if it is true, but I know I won’t be able to look at Casey Burke the same. He has been ruined for me.
“This is nuts.”
Fiona nods as she wipes up the water on the floor from the plastic tray. “Yeah, the town talked about it for a good year before rumors of Declan’s engagement came to surface.”
“Which, by the way, isn’t true.”
She glances up at me. “What?”
“He isn’t engaged.”
“Yes, he is,” she insists.
“No, he told me he isn’t. He asked me out.”
Her eyes go wide as she slowly stands. “The Whiskey Prince, Declan O’fucking-Callaghan, asked you out?”
I nod, my eyes wide, as I say, “Yeah.”
“What the hell did you say?” she screeches.
“I said no. I was going out with Casey! I thought I would be a slut if I dated both of them!”
Fiona’s hands shoot up in the air. “Are you kidding me? You don’t say no to the Whiskey Prince! Are you crazy? And how does that make you a slut? I’ve dated multiple guys at once. You got to weed out the bad ones.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m new to this, remember?”
“Oh yeah, but still, I can’t believe you said no.”
“Yeah, I can’t either,” I say as I let out a breath. “I’m pretty sure I’ve ruined everything with him too. Casey came in when he was here.”
“Ack, and he didn’t hit him? They don’t usually coexist in the same place.”
I shake my head, my mind still going a mile a minute from all of this. “Nope, he just left.
He didn’t even say bye to me.”
And I feel so…so…lost. I don’t know what to do about Casey, or Declan, for that matter. Of course, I’m going to call off the date with Casey, but do I call Declan? Do I tell him that I decided I don’t want to date Casey and that I want to date him? Will he even want to see me?
“You look so sad, Amberlyn. I hate that. I’m sorry. You have to understand why I told you.”
I nod, looking over at my cousin. She is working her lip, and I can tell she is worried about me too. “No, I know, and I think that Casey had no chance. Not when I really want Declan.”
She comes over and wraps her arms around me. I lean into her, needing the comfort and love. I rest my head on her shoulder as I say, “I just hope he still wants me.”
* * *
I’m still wearing my apron when Casey comes in later that night. His brows come together as he heads toward the bar, and my stomach drops. He cleaned up, his hair brushed, and his clothes neatly ironed. He really had tried, and I’m about to cancel our plans, but it wasn’t fair to him or me. I can’t believe I actually thought Casey had a chance. The more I thought about it, the more I know I was stupid to think that. I also really need to work on my judgment of character. The first time he kissed me should have been a warning sign, but no, I thought my mom sent him to me. Blah, I’m so naïve.
Leaning against the bar, he reaches for me, but I sidestep out of the way. I’m not sure if he notices, but still, with a grin, he says, “You ready?”
“Hey, sorry, can we go outside real fast?”
“To leave?” he asks as I go around the bar. I don’t answer him as I walk past him, heading out the side door. He follows behind me, and when I shut it, he is practically towering over me. I take a step back, crossing my arms as he asks, “What’s going on?”
“I am sorry, but I can’t go out with you tonight, or any night for that matter,” I say softly, watching his face as it slowly turns from confusion to annoyance.