by Paris Hansen
At this point she couldn’t tell if she was making sense although she knew she wasn’t slurring her words. She had always been really good at sounding clear even if she was beyond drunk; a particular skill that kept her out of trouble a lot when she shouldn’t have been drinking. She placed her hands on Gabriel’s shoulders and pushed up so that she was standing. Swaying a little, she steadied herself quickly and then let go of him so he could stand up too.
“I guess you don’t want to talk now huh? I screwed everything up, but damn it you make me so freaking nervous. And then he was such an asshole, wanting me to sell my business and be a happy little housewife who did as she was told.”
Gabriel grabbed her arm as she swayed again. She watched as he looked around the restaurant. Most everyone had gone back to what they were doing, although Meghan and Sylvia watched them intently from the host stand. The restaurant was still pretty full as was the bar. It donned on Savannah that with Gabriel helping her, the bar was unstaffed, but as she looked over she realized that she was wrong. Ray was behind the bar, pouring a glass of wine for a beautiful older brunette woman that was practically crawling over the bar to reach for him. She started to laugh again as Gabriel led her toward the front door. It felt as if he was escorting her out like some kind of nuisance and suddenly she felt like crying.
“Hey, tell Ray that he’s in charge while I’m gone and Meghan I’ll need you and the rest of the servers to cover his area until I get back. I’m gonna make sure Savannah gets home safe. Close out the bill and put it in my office. I’ll cover it, plus your tip.”
Savannah was so confused by his words and what was happening. She hated herself for drinking so much, but loved the way Gabriel’s arm felt around her back as he walked her outside. He asked her for directions and she gave them, a part of her excited that he was going to be at her house, the other part ashamed at the reason why. In that moment she hated herself for being such a coward. She was afraid of how he made her feel and afraid of what it could mean in the long run. They walked in silence until they reached her house. As soon as she was close to the comfort of her home, Savannah couldn’t keep it in any longer and the words started to tumble out against her better judgment which was still locked away behind a wall of drunken stupor.
“Why do you have to be so damn hot? And a bartender?”
“I’m sorry, what?” Gabriel asked, shocked by her sudden outburst.
“I mean, I know now you aren’t a player…at first I thought you would be considering how good looking you are and what you do for a living. I’ve had experiences with your kind before and I thought I knew what I was getting with you, but then you turned out to be the nicest guy I’ve ever met. But you’re still a bartender and that…well hell, that’s hot, but not stable. I need stable, someone who can help me provide for the household and the potential family that I think I want. Fuck!”
“Sav…”
“No, don’t say anything. Your voice makes me go all weak inside and I can’t deal with that right now. I’m drunk and horny and I’ve wanted you since I first saw you behind that bar over a year ago, but I’m looking for someone who’s ready to commit and make a life together. Can you honestly say that you are ready for something like that, Mr. Fun Time Bartender? Fuck…do I care anymore? Fighting this…whatever this is that I feel for you is making me crazy.”
“You’re making me crazy too, Savannah. Damn it, I’ve been ready for you since the first time you sat at the bar. I’ve watched you come into Arrow for over a year and I wanted nothing more than to talk to you, get to know you. Now that I have, I want more. I want to know you inside and out. I want to know the Savannah that no one else knows, not even you.”
She stilled, her body heating as his words registered through her foggy, yet rapidly sobering brain. On shaky legs, she quickly cleared the space that had formed between them when she started her rambling and wrapped her arms around his neck. She had to stand on her tip toes to lessen the difference in their height so she could reach the place she so desperately wanted. Without a second of hesitation, she pressed her lips against his. His initial surprise left his lips hard and unyielding, but in no time they softened and molded against hers. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer against him until every part of their bodies touched.
The moment was nearly perfect. In fact, the kiss was exactly as amazing as she dreamed it would be, but she wanted more. She parted her lips and flicked her tongue out to lick at his supple bottom lip. He groaned, a sound that vibrated through both of their bodies, but he didn’t part his lips. She moved her hands up from behind his neck to tangle in his hair and pressed her body tighter against his, but he still didn’t take the kiss further. Finally, he pulled away from her and took a step back causing her to lose her balance a little.
“I’m sorry, Savannah,” he whispered as he steadied her. “I can’t do this.”
“What do you mean you can’t do this?” she asked as she stepped back disengaging her arm from his hand. Her stomach sank at his words and the look on his face. He didn’t want her. Despite what he had just said, he didn’t really want her. At least not like this, not intimately. She felt tears fill her eyes, but she fought them off. He would not see her cry, not after he’d already seen her drunk and stupid and now humiliated.
“You don’t want me, is that it?”
“God, no, that’s not it. I want you more than I should, but I won’t do this now. I can’t. You’re far too drunk for us to have a serious conversation, let alone do anything else. I want our first time together to be special, not some sloppy drunk moment that you might not remember. I want to make love to you Savannah and I want you to remember every blissful second of it.”
And just like that, her anger melted away. For a bartender he definitely had a way with words, but it didn’t change the fact that she was mortified by what happened. He pushed her away, turned her down and no amount of romantic words could make her feel less stupid in that moment. She turned to leave, but realized as she tried to walk toward the door he had his hand on her elbow again.
“Just let me go Gabriel. Please,” she pleaded without looking at him.
“Fine,” he conceded. “I’ll let you go for now, but I want you to come into Arrow tomorrow night for dinner. We obviously need to have a talk because from what I’ve gathered I have some explaining to do to you. Not everything is as it seems Savannah and I really want to clear that up with you.”
Before she could respond, he kissed her on the forehead and let go of her elbow. She couldn’t look at him, so she walked toward her door, the jangle of her keys filling the night with noise as she pulled them from her purse. Without looking back, she knew that Gabriel stood on the sidewalk watching her, making sure that she got inside safely. Just one more thing to add to the list of reasons that he was an amazing man and even though she was embarrassed, she knew that stopping them from doing anything was going to be added to that list as well. She just wasn’t sure how long it would take her to get over the humiliation. All she knew was that she sure as hell wasn’t having dinner at Arrow the next night and possibly not on the night of her next date either. She needed a little space from Gabriel so that she didn’t end up drunk and humiliated again. Once was enough for her lifetime.
Chapter 4
Gabriel wasn’t surprised when Savannah stood him up for dinner on Sunday night. Hurt, yes, surprised no. He also wasn’t surprised when she ignored his texts and calls until she ignored them on Monday too. He figured that on Sunday she was recovering from her night of heavy drinking, but when Monday came around and he still hadn’t heard from her, he knew that it was personal and that hurt even more. Even though she’d been drunk Saturday night, he felt like there was a breakthrough of sorts, that maybe they were finally on the same page, or at least reading the same book. Now he wasn’t so sure.
The only bright side he could see was that it was Tuesday night and she was scheduled for a date. Hopefully they’d be able to talk when she came in early
and he’d finally be able to clear the air between them. She obviously had some strange misconceptions about him and what he did at Arrow. And those misconceptions seemed to be holding her back, that and the fact that she had at one point thought he was a player. The thought made him laugh, even though he knew where she had gotten the idea from. He couldn’t dispute the fact that a lot of the bartenders he knew, both men and women, were players. It was relatively easy to take what was offered, but that wasn’t something Gabriel had ever been interested in. Not once, since he’d taken over Arrow, had he done anything with a customer, he’d never even been tempted. At least not until Savannah started sitting at his bar. She made him break one of his rules and if he was honest, he’d let her make him break a hundred more if he could just be with her.
The day dragged on at an unbelievably slow pace. Every time he’d look at the clock it felt like an hour had passed, but it had only been ten minutes. He tried to busy himself with side tasks and other random things, but since he couldn’t leave the bar, his options were limited. More and more Gabriel was beginning to think that it was time to hire another bartender. Most nights it was almost too busy for him to handle everything alone. If he had a second bartender, he could actually take a night off here and there. Or maybe catch up on the miles of paperwork in his office without having to spend 15 hours of his day at the restaurant. First, he figured he’d offer the position to Ray and see if he wanted to make the move from the dining room to the bar. The other man knew what he was doing and had covered nicely for Gabriel on Saturday night when he had to take Savannah home.
When five o’clock rolled around, Gabriel started to feel nervous like he usually did when he knew he was going to see her, but the nerves were almost ten times worse than normal. What if she came in and told him she never wanted to see him again? What if she didn’t come in at all? The possibilities were endless and frustrating. Of course he couldn’t think of anything other than the worst case scenarios. Those situations kept getting worse as the minutes ticked down to six and Savannah still hadn’t shown up. Gabriel felt his heart sink as he started to think that she really wasn’t coming.
At six on the dot, Gabriel heard Sylvia greet Savannah and watched as the blond escorted her to her usual table. When she sat with her back to him, Gabriel wanted to walk over to her table and shake her. Then he remembered how she had told him that looking at him during her dates was too difficult, so he let it go, hoping that was the reason she wasn’t facing him. He no longer wanted to think about the bad possibilities. She was there, it didn’t matter that she hadn’t come in early she had at least come in. That meant he could grab her before she left so they could have the talk he desperately needed to have with her.
Her date lasted an hour and a half, which felt like the longest ninety minutes of his life. Of course as her date was winding down, life behind the bar got a little hectic. He nearly missed her completely and was barely able to catch her on the street before she got in her car. At first when he called her name, she ignored him, but when he grabbed her elbow she finally turned to face him.
“Hey, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you. I really need to talk to you,” he told her as he put his hand under her chin so he could lift her eyes up to meet his. She tried not to make eye contact with him, looking anywhere but into his eyes. “Savannah, talk to me.”
“I can’t…I don’t…damn it,” she stammered.
“Look, I know you think I rejected you Saturday night, but I didn’t. I want to be with you so bad, saying no was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I just didn’t want you to regret things in the morning. When we finally get together I want you to be 100% into it and I don’t want you to have any regrets.”
Savannah sighed, but still didn’t lock her eyes with his. He wanted to know what was going through her head. He wanted her to talk to him, to finally tell him, while sober, how she felt and what she wanted. There was no way he was going to let her leave without hearing what he had to say.
“I really need to talk to you so can we please just go back inside? We’ll go into my office where it’ll be just the two of us and we can get everything out in the open. I have a few things that I think you should know; that I need you to know. Hell, you don’t even have to say anything if you don’t want to. Just please come back inside with me,” he pleaded trying once again in vain to make eye contact with her.
She still didn’t speak to him, but with a nod of her head and a sweep of her arm, she started toward the entrance to Arrow. He grabbed her hand so that he could lead her to his office and was surprised when she didn’t try to pull it away. Their hands fit together like they were made for each other, which he had no doubt they were. He had felt a pull toward her since the very first time he watched her walk into Arrow, but he hadn’t been in the right frame of mind to take any steps toward discovering what that pull meant. Now, it was the only thing he thought about…she was the only thing he thought about.
Once inside the front door, Gabriel told Sylvia where he was going and to have Ray cover the bar while he was gone. The blonde gave him a sympathetic look and then headed off to relay his message. Not wanting to waste any more time, Gabriel led Savannah passed the bar and through the kitchen doors. Thankfully the restaurant wasn’t too busy, so the kitchen wasn’t a frantic mess and they didn’t have to dodge the chefs or any of the other staff members. As soon as they were past the prep counters and the ovens, he took a sharp left to walk down a narrow hallway where the employee break room and his office were located. As soon as they were at their destination, he guided Savannah inside then closed the door behind them.
Arrow’s office was tiny, which was usually fine since he rarely used it, but now as he maneuvered the single chair in the room from behind his desk to the front of it, he hated how small it was. He motioned for Savannah to sit in the chair before he cleared off a spot on top of his desk for him to sit on. Normally if he had to meet with someone he did it in the break room because it was bigger, but he didn’t want to take the chance of someone walking in on their conversation, so the office would have to do. For some reason the air felt stuffy and hot. His palms started to sweat and it was then he realized how nervous he was about being in such a confined space with Savannah.
“Ummm, do you want anything to drink, water or wine or something?” he asked, his throat suddenly dry.
Savannah shook her head so he figured he should go without as well. There was an uncomfortable silence that filled the room, but he wasn’t sure where to start. He hated bringing Saturday back up, but it was really the beginning of what he knew. All that mattered was that if he didn’t start talking, she was going to walk out of his office and probably out of his life. That was the last thing he wanted.
“So, Saturday night you said some things,” he started and felt bad when he noticed the blush that crept up her cheeks. “Things about me just being a bartender and not being stable. How you’re looking for commitment and you didn’t think that since I was “Mr. Fun Time Bartender” I could give you that. Do you remember saying those things?”
The blush on Savannah’s cheeks darkened, but she nodded her head. Her eyes were focused intently on her hands in her lap. If he wasn’t so frustrated by her lack of connection, Gabriel might have thought she looked adorable, but instead looking at her made him want to shake her. He wanted to snap her out of whatever head space she was in at the moment. What he was going to tell her was important and he needed her to understand, so he grabbed a framed photo that was sitting on his cluttered desk and handed it to her.
“That is my brother Jonathan. He was two years younger than me and because he was the baby of the family he got away with breaking tradition and venturing out into the world on his own. He always loved to cook and when he was 18 he went off to culinary school. When he was 26, he came back to Seattle and opened Arrow. My father still wasn’t happy that he didn’t follow in our footsteps and become a lawyer, but he wanted to make mom happy so he supported my brother’
s endeavor,” Gabriel paused,
taking a deep breath hoping that he could fight back the emotions that were threatening to overtake him.
“For three years Jonathan ran Arrow, watching as it became one of the best new restaurants in Seattle. Things were going really well for everyone at the time. His restaurant was a success; I was about to become the youngest senior partner at my father’s law firm. We were both engaged, getting ready to start families of our own and then one night, Jonathan and Lacey were driving home to West Seattle from a party at our parents’ house on Mercer Island. A drunk was driving the wrong way, Jonathan tried to swerve out of the drunk’s way, but got hit by him anyway, sending them into the cement barrier.”
Savannah’s gasp brought Gabriel out of the horror of the memory for a moment. She was staring at the picture of the two brother’s smiling, their arms draped over each other’s shoulders. It had been taken the night of the party. They were celebrating their parent’s 30th wedding anniversary and although their dad was a hard ass, they were still family. Gabriel and Jonathan were best friends and their mother had been affectionate and amazing, up until that night.
“Jonathan died instantly. Lacey was in a coma for a month before she passed away. When they read Jonathan’s will, he had left me Arrow and his house out here in West Seattle. Despite my father’s best efforts to keep me in the family business, I quit working at the firm and rented out my townhouse near Green Lake so I could come keep my brother’s dream alive,” Gabriel hesitated for a moment, unsure if he should tell her the rest of the story. “About a year after that, only a month before our wedding, I caught my fiancée in bed with one of my best friends, but when I called off the wedding, I took the heat. Her father was too good of a man to break it to him that his daughter was so horrible. She was all he had after his wife died eight years earlier, so I let him think everything was my fault. I was going through a really rough time, so it was easy for everyone to believe. Of course, that didn’t go over well with my dad, since he thought Valerie was the perfect kind of trophy wife for me and he had hoped that she would lead me back to the firm where I could make the family proud. He hasn’t talked to me since the day I told him we broke up.”