by Paris Hansen
Savannah closed her eyes trying to fight back the tears that had filled them. The more she talked about it, the more she worried that she was losing Gabriel to his ex. She knew Brooklyn was right and that she needed to talk to him about it, but she was scared of what he might say. What if she confronted him and he told her that it was over? What if he told her that she was wrong about him and he had slept with Valerie? The thought made her sick to her stomach and the tears she had been fighting off squeezed past her eyelids.
“Go to him Savvy. No matter what, at least you’ll know where you stand. You won’t have to spend all day wondering what’s going on and where his loyalties lie. And if things don’t work out, I’ll cut his balls off for you and I’m sure Finley will have her own imaginative way of making him pay for hurting you,” Brooklyn said as she squeezed Savannah’s hand.
Savannah wiped her eyes and checked the clock over her office door. It was just after four in the afternoon and she knew that Gabriel should be at Arrow. He had been planning on finally getting back to work after taking time off. Savannah just hoped he was actually there and that he was without his sidekick. The last thing she needed was to try and have the conversation with her around. She needed as much of Gabriel’s undivided attention as she could get.
Thankfully, she was working in her West Seattle office so she wasn’t far from Arrow. She shut down her computer and grabbed her purse. When she turned toward the door, her sister was standing near the chair she had been sitting in. Quickly she flung herself into Brooklyn’s arms and gave her a much deserved hug. Her sister always knew the right thing to say and had been nothing but a huge help over the last couple of months, both personally and professionally. Savannah wasn’t sure that she’d have survived without Brooklyn and she was pretty sure that her sister felt the same way about her. They were more than sister’s, they were best friends and Savannah knew she was lucky to have Brooklyn in her life.
Savannah let Brooklyn walk her out, reveling in the moments that they got to spend together no matter how small. She sucked up the strength that her sister was offering her and headed toward Arrow. It took her no time at all to reach the restaurant that had changed her life. Sylvia was behind the host stand when she walked through the door. She offered Savannah a hug and a smile and then told her that Gabriel was in his office. A scowl and a look toward the bar caused Savannah to follow her gaze. Sitting at the bar on Savannah’s stool was Valerie. Gabriel had always made sure that the stool was free for her even after they had started dating. Her heart sank as she took in the beauty that seemed to be taking her place.
Valerie’s thick black hair curled down her back and over her shoulders. She wore a skin tight white dress that seemed shorter than all of the barely there skirts that Savannah had seen her wear previously. On her feet were mile high red stilettos that Brooklyn always liked to call “fuck-me pumps”. There was no doubt in Savannah’s mind that was exactly the kind of thing Valerie had in mind. As if she knew she was being watched, Valerie turned toward the hostess stand, her eyes meeting Savannah’s. Her eyes were ringed in dark black eyeliner making the grey blue color pop more than usual. Her lips a deep, dark red made her look like the man eater that she was. Valerie smiled at Savannah and raised her glass before turning back to watch Ray behind the bar. She didn’t even wait for Savannah to react and that pissed her off. Valerie wasn’t threatened by Savannah’s presence and that spoke volumes to her.
With a forced smile, she thanked Sylvia and headed through the dining room, into the kitchen until she reached the hallway where Gabriel’s office was located. Her palms started to sweat, her heart racing. She felt like she was going to throw up, but she forced herself to continue forward. His office door was ajar and she could hear his voice coming through the opening. From what she could hear it sounded like he was on the phone with a supplier and when he said the name Declan, she knew who he was talking to. But the conversation was obviously all business even though Declan was Gabriel’s best friend. It seemed she wasn’t the only one that Gabriel was pushing away with his grief.
As the conversation died down, Savannah knocked lightly on the door before walking into the office. Gabriel barely looked up from his desk before holding up a finger to let her know that it would be a minute. It was the coldest greeting she had ever gotten from him and it hurt. Even at his busiest he had always smiled at her. If he was on the phone, he would motion for her to come to his side of the desk so he could kiss her. But all of that was apparently in the past. Today, he kept his head down, continued his conversation and motioned for her to take a seat in a chair she’d never seen before.
His office was tinier than most and the chair barely fit between the desk and the open door with any room for someone’s legs. She quietly closed the door behind her and then adjusted the chair so it wasn’t so close to the desk. It had been at least a week since she’d been in his office, but aside from the chair and a new frame that was on the wall to her right, the room looked the same. Curious, she moved past the chair to look at the new picture. She needed to make sure her eyes weren’t playing tricks on her and they weren’t. In the frame that was now hanging in a prominent place in Gabriel’s office was a picture of Valerie and Gabriel and an older man that Savannah assumed was Hank Meadows. Valerie and Gabriel were staring into each other’s eyes, holding hands, looking very much in love while Hank stood next to Gabriel, his hand patting Gabriel on the back, a huge smile on his face as he looked at the two of them. Her stomach was in knots as she got closer to the picture. In the background were balloons and party favors and when she looked at the entwined hands of her boyfriend and his ex, she saw the ring on Valerie’s hand and instantly realized that the picture was likely from their engagement party.
Savannah felt like she’d been punched in the stomach. She couldn’t catch her breath as she tried to walk back to the tacky chair that she figured had to have been purchased by Valerie. The model probably got tired of the uncomfortable break room chairs that Gabriel would usually bring into the office and wanted something that was comfortable since she rarely seemed to leave his side. She barely made it to the chair before her legs gave out on her. The room seemed to spin as she started hyperventilating. All she needed to do was calm down, but in that moment, where she felt like her world was ending, that was easier said than done. She just had to remember that the picture and the chair didn’t mean anything. In fact, they both made Valerie’s motives even more suspect.
With that thought in mind, Savannah tried to still her breathing, but when she finally looked at Gabriel’s desk, her breath caught in her throat. The last time she had been in the room, there had been three pictures on his desk, one of him with his brother, one of her by herself and then one of them together. Now, all three pictures were face down on the desk, papers strewn over the top of them. Did Gabriel even notice? Or was he the one who had knocked them over in the first place? She was freaking out and had no idea how to stop herself. This was exactly what she’d been afraid of. He was going to break her heart and there was nothing she could do to stop him.
As she continued to try to compose herself, she heard Gabriel end his phone call. She looked up at him hoping that he would finally notice that she was there, but he just kept looking down at the desk writing feverishly on a notepad. Savannah waited, figuring that maybe he needed to just finish what he was doing before he could give her his attention. When he looked up at her and set his pen down, she felt relieved to be right.
“What are you doing here Savannah? I thought I told you I was busy tonight,” he said, his voice rough and unfriendly.
“Too busy to stop for a second and have a conversation with your girlfriend or just too busy for me in general? I noticed Valerie was already sitting at the bar in my spot waiting for you.”
“Valerie can sit wherever she wants. She knows it’ll be a while before I’m able to get out there, if at all. I’ve got a lot to catch up on after missing the last two weeks. I don’t really have time for anything
else right now.”
Savannah bit the inside of her lip, willing the tears that she knew were coming to fade away instead. She would not cry about this; not in front of him. But the way he was speaking to her made her want to break into a thousand pieces. There was something she had to say and then she would leave. She would put everything into his hands, the ball in his court. It would be up to him where they would go from here, but there was one thing that she knew for certain. Never again would she let someone treat her the way he had been treating her the last two weeks. Grief or no, she was worth more than that.
“I know you’re hurting right now Gabriel. I’m sure Hank’s death brought up memories of Jonathan, but I’m your girlfriend, not Valerie. In case you’ve forgotten, she cheated on you for months with one of your best friends all while you were planning your wedding. When you’re hurting, you’re supposed to come to me, rely on me. I love you and I thought you loved me too. I want to be here for you, but you’ve shut me out and you have no idea how much that hurts me.”
Gabriel made a noise that sounded like a snarl, but Savannah couldn’t believe that was what she heard. But when he swiped his hand along the top of his desk, knocking papers and one of the frames to the floor, she realized that no matter what the sound actually was, it came from deep within him and it scared her. Trembling, she fell from the chair, kneeling down to pick up the frame and whatever else she could. As she set it down in front of her, she noticed that the glass in the frame was broken and had sliced through the picture inside. It wasn’t lost on her that the picture was the one of the two of them and that the slice was nearly directly down the center of the picture.
“Don’t talk to me about hurt Savannah. You’ve never lost someone the way I have. You don’t know what I’m going through. Only Val knows what I’m going through.”
“I don’t trust her Gabriel. I don’t trust her motives where you’re concerned. It’s not all about her dad with her; it’s about getting you back. Look at that fucking picture. I’m sure there were better pictures of her dad that she could have put up for you, but instead she chooses one that is of the two of you so in love with each other you don’t even notice the camera? Bullshit.”
“Savannah,” Gabriel sighed. “I’m not interested in Valerie that way. I just need someone who I can talk to about her dad and Jonathan. You didn’t know either of them and you don’t understand my guilt either. I can’t…damn it. I can’t talk to you about this right now. Or ever. Just let me deal with this my way and we’ll be fine.”
Savannah just stared at him unsure what to say. He was obviously brushing her off. He didn’t care about her feelings or her reservations about Valerie. And not once did he give her any kind of assurance that he loved her. Just that they’d be fine once he was done grieving with Valerie. She was no longer just hurt, she was furious. Standing in front of his desk, she clenched her fists at her sides fighting the urge to punch something.
“So how long am I supposed to wait for you Gabriel? How long am I supposed to let my boyfriend get black out drunk with is ex-fiancée and not be hurt by it? I don’t think you’ve betrayed my trust yet, but it’s only a matter of time before she gets you in a compromising position and then will you be able to say no? What if being with her is what you need to dispel your guilt, your grief? I’m sure it’d be really easy for her to convince you of that while you’re drunk out of your mind.”
“I..”
“No. Don’t say anything. I don’t even want to hear you speak right now. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest, yet I’m so mad I want to smash my fist through that fucking picture that she put up. I know you’re hurting Gabriel, but you need to think long and hard about what we have. Is it worth losing us over your guilt and your grief? If it is, then so be it. But you need to have the decency to tell me. I’m not going to sit around and wait for you to be ready to be with me again. I have a life I want to live. I wanted to do that with you, but I can’t be with someone who doesn’t want to let me in. I may not know what it’s like to lose people I love to death, but I’m sure learning and you’re right…it hurts like hell. But the really fucked up thing…you’re not dead.”
Without another word, she marched out of his office, her head held high, shoulders back. She would not allow herself to cry, instead she forced herself to smile as she waved at the sous chef and line cooks that she knew. By the time she reached the dining room, she wished she had gone out the back door. Her shoulders shook with the sobs that wanted to escape from her chest. Eyes burning with unshed tears, she hurried through the restaurant with a wave over her shoulder at Sylvia and Meghan. Once outside, she broke. Tears streamed down her face as she walked as fast as she could to her house. She didn’t want to lose too much of herself where almost everyone knew her. Unfortunately, by the time she was home, her cell phone was ringing off the hook. Turning the ringer off, she crawled into her bed and curled up and cried. She needed to be alone; she needed to lose herself to her own grief. Maybe later she could listen to Finley and Brooklyn plot Gabriel’s demise and maybe later, she’d join them.
*******************
It had been a week since she’d stormed out of Gabriel’s office. A week since she had her heart nearly severed in two. She hadn’t spoken to him since that day, refusing his calls and avoiding his attempts to see her at home or her office. When she told him he needed to think things over, she meant it. His voicemails tried to assure her that he had thought about things and that he loved her. But none of that mattered, not when he was still hanging out with Valerie. Sylvia and Meghan had informed her of as much, plus he admitted it in one of his voicemails.
The last thing Savannah wanted to do was dictate who he could hang out with and who his friends were. She never wanted to be that kind of girlfriend, but it was obvious what Valerie was up to and she wasn’t the only one that saw it. The girls at the restaurant hated Valerie and always did whatever they could to make sure that any time she spent at Arrow was interrupted by whatever they could think of. Sylvia had even shoved a bunch of maxi pads down one of the toilets in the women’s restroom so that Gabriel would have to deal with that instead of hanging out with Valerie. While Meghan was constantly bumping into Valerie’s stool whenever she had to go to the bar, which was way more often than necessary. If Savannah hadn’t already adored the two girls, she would have after the stunts they pulled. They had her back and she appreciated that.
There were even more stories like that, which had been divulged one night while drinking too many bottles of wine at Savannah’s house. Brooklyn and Finley had decided that they all needed a girl’s night that had quickly turned into a Valerie bashing night once the wine started flowing. Surprisingly though they all backed Gabriel up. They told her not to give up on him that he was hurting more from her not talking to him than he had been from the rest of the crap he had been dealing with. It was evident in the way he snapped at everyone, including Valerie and the way he moped around Arrow. He even called Finley when Savannah wouldn’t answer.
“I think he’s thought about it enough Savvy. He wants to be with you. Yeah, he’s still hanging out with that vulture, but only because you’re not taking his calls. Go see him. Talk to him,” Finley told her.
“He hasn’t called me in three days. I think that’s a sign. Don’t you?” Savannah asked.
Finely took a sip of her wine and then smiled. “Sav…he’s head over heels in love with you. Look, there are things I know that I can’t tell you, but you have to trust me when I say that you’re the one that he wants. Bad shit happens and people deal with it differently. His way was to cut you out so you wouldn’t be tainted by it. He’s ready to move on and he’s ready to do that with you. Not calling for three days is probably just his way of giving you a taste of your own medicine.”
“Yeah, the boss man has been at Arrow far more this week than in the last four months. And I know he’s there tonight since that’s the only way we could both get the night off,” Sylvia pointed out.
“You’re both sad. I think you should put the both of you out of your misery and talk to him.”
After another twenty minutes of singing Gabriel’s praises, Savannah finally relented and agreed to go see him in the morning. She was ready to talk to him and if he was ready to move past his pain, then maybe things would work out between them. Tired of hurting, she hoped that the girls were right and there was really only one way to know if they were. She had to talk things out with him. They needed to figure out where they stood and what needed to happen to get them back to where they were before Valerie came back into the picture. She missed him like crazy and she could only hope that he missed her just as much, if not more.
“Now that we’ve got you feeling better could we please talk about Gabriel’s hot friends for a minute?” Sylvia asked.
“Yes, can we?” Meghan agreed. “Savannah, what can you tell us about them? Are they single? Nice? Gay? Inquiring minds want to know.”
For the first time since the girls had arrived at her house, a smile formed on Savannah’s lips. If she was honest, it was the first time she had felt like smiling in weeks. Not even the stories of sabotage could make her break out of her heavy hearted mood. But seeing her friends get excited about talking about boys made her remember that there was life outside of Gabriel. She couldn’t let her uncertainty about their relationship get her so down that she couldn’t enjoy time with her friends. That wasn’t the kind of person that she was and she had to remember that.