"You bet, handsome." The bartender gave me a flirty smile and turned to start working on my order.
"So brunettes?" The pretty blond from across the room smiled over at me.
"I'm sorry?" I turned to face her a little and took her in. Too thin. Always.
"I see you checking out the bartender. Do you only like brunettes?" She gave me a pouty look. Money and dick. That's all the women in my life wanted. It was a little sickening, and yet the bastard in me woke up and stretched. Time to play.
"I'm not concerned with the color of her hair. I just wanna know if she spits or swallows."
Her expression turned seductive. "And which do you prefer?"
"Come on now, baby doll. You know men like a woman who knows how to drink the good stuff." I turned back to the bartender and paid the tab. I turned back to her and let my eyes move down her body slowly, feeling nothing. "Why? You thirsty?"
"For you? Absolutely."
"Good. There's a room in the back just before the bathrooms. Head that way and I'll give you what you're after." I turned and walked away from her, not at all concerned with what she or anyone else thought. She wanted to suck a dick? She could borrow mine for a while.
"Fuck you, man." Jeremy moved up beside me.
"Not my type, handsome." I winked at him before setting the beers down. I grabbed one for myself.
"I'm talking about the blond. She was totally waiting to pounce on you, wasn't she?"
"Oh yeah." I hit my beer against his. "I'm going in for a blow job. Pull me out in about ten minutes. Closet before the bathrooms."
"What? Why?"
"Cause I'm not sticking my dick anywhere but her pretty mouth. Do what I said, or I'll get you back good for leaving me there." I turned and walked to the small closet, knowing that Jeremy would help me out. I'd done it for him a week or two before.
"Hi." She stood beside the door.
I opened the door and moved back. "After you, princess."
She moved into the closet and turned to face me as I reached up and pulled the string for the light. "I love watching you on the field."
"Great. On your knees, please." I reached out and helped her down before leaning back and pressing my upper back to the wall. "Have fun."
"What? Do you want me to just-"
"Pull it out and suck it. You asked for it. No playing shy. It's a waste of time." I reached down and slid my fingers into her blond hair, hating the stiff texture of it. She had too much of something in it.
"Okay." She moved in and worked me out of my pants, moaning and groaning about the size of my dick.
I pulled her closer and wrapped my fingers around a thick chunk of her hair to hold her in place as I slid the full length of my shaft down into her mouth and deeper into her throat.
She didn't gag. She knew exactly what she was doing. Good. It made me feel like less of a bastard. I closed my eyes and imagined Terra on her knees, her nighty a soft pink, her nipples hard and cheeks red from embarrassment. I'd let her suck me off a million times when we were kids, and fuck if she wasn't amazing at it.
I'd be her first, and she mine. I wanted the rest of her first times, but something told me that they were already gone.
My orgasm swelled in my balls, and I picked up my pace, fucking the pretty blond fast and hard. She gripped my thighs and held on like a champ, taking more and more of me until my shaft was covered to the base in sticky wetness.
"Fuck," I moaned and let myself go, pumping my hips and letting her drink me dry. Dizziness had me reaching for the wall behind me as I leaned back and pulled my cock from her. Guilt slammed into me as it always did. I wasn't the kind of man to fuck a girl's face in a closet, and yet there I stood, doing just that.
"Delicious." She stood up and smiled. "Fuck me?"
"Yeah, baby." I spun her around and bit my lip. Come on, Jeremy.
"I've wanted you since you started playing baseball seven years ago." She slid her hands up the wall and arched her back. Her ass barely caused a bump in her skirt. I needed so much more.
A knock on the door had her yelping. I jerked it open to find Jeremy standing there - wide-eyed. "Fuck, Dude. You need to get out here. Martin was in an accident and didn't make it."
"What?" I pulled my pants up and tucked myself inside, grateful for the bastard. "Sorry. I gotta go."
"Next time?" she called after me.
"Yeah. Of course." I wrapped an arm around Jeremy's shoulders as we walked back to the team. "Dude. Ten minutes. Not twelve. Not fifteen. Fuck."
"Danny-" he started.
"And don't mess around like that. Use something else next time. Martin is like a dad to me." We walked up to the team, and the pale faces and a few teary eyes caused me to stop. "What's going on?"
"Dude. I just told you." Jeremy pulled from me and turned to face me. "Martin got in a car accident on the way over here. Joe was driving and he's okay, but Martin didn't make it."
It was almost like time stilled. Everything moved in slow motion.
"No," I whispered and turned to walk toward the door. I pulled out my phone and found a message from Lance to call him as soon as possible. "Fuck."
I walked out into the cold night air, knowing I should call, but there was no way I could get my voice to work. Pain laced the center of my chest, and the memories of losing my sister, Jannie three years before, roared to life.
Death was finality. It was a fucking bastard that took and took and never gave back.
"No." I got on my bike and started it up. I'd just go to Martin's and find him there. He probably just skipped out. He had to have. My thoughts raced back to a couple days before as I pulled out of the parking lot with my heart racing.
We'd won the game and I'd finished showering last, leaving me the only one in the locker room. After getting my shit together, I had walked back up to the field. The bright lights were still on, and yet it was completely silent on the field. I walked toward the pitcher’s mound, something I'd done a million times, and yet that time it felt different.
I stepped on the mound and bounced my feet as the wind shifted and blew hard up against me. I let my eyes move along the outfield and breathed in the smell of the stadium. My heart swelled in my chest. My life was so damn full. Only one thing was missing.
"You've been in love with this place and this sport your whole life." It wasn't a question. I turned to find Martin standing in front of the first row of seats behind home plate.
"Yes, Sir. I have been." I walked toward him and smiled. "I hear you're coming out drinking with us tonight."
His chuckle was warm. "I guess I'm stuck then."
"I'm glad you are. The guys need to see you from time to time."
"Naw, but it's a nice gesture." He moved to sit down in one of the seats as I walked closer. "You know that my time here with the team is almost up, right Daniel?"
"I do." I slipped my hands into my jean pockets. "I'm not happy about it, but I understand you wanting to do something else with your life."
"That does sound nice." He leaned back and let out a long sigh. "I know everyone is nervous about Terra taking over when I resign, but she’d be so good for you guys. She’d wake you up."
I wanted to tell him that I loved her. That I always had, and that I probably wouldn't stay if she came back. It hurt too fucking much to watch her rule the world - my world - and not be able to reach out and take her as my own. A mixture of sadness and anger burned through me.
"Promise me something." He leaned forward, pressing his forearms to his legs.
"Yeah. Anything." I pulled my hands-free and reached up, gripping the bars above me. He'd been like a father to me most of my life, right alongside my own.
"Don't leave for at least one season after she gets here, okay? I know you two have a past-"
"Martin."
"I'm serious. You walking off the team would be hard for her to come back from, with the players and within herself."
Did he know what we were together? What she meant to me
.
"You don't know what you're asking me to do." I pleaded with him with my eyes.
"I do, and I'm sorry for asking, but you're like a son to me, Daniel. Do this thing for me and help my baby transition. She's going to come in screaming and kicking."
"And if I can't?"
"Then I respect that too." He smiled and leaned back. "Although seven years does seem long enough to suffer over a broken heart."
"I'm not sure it will ever heal." I dropped one hand and rubbed my chest. "You still miss Mrs. Harmon?"
"Every day. Every night." He glanced up at the heavens and smiled. "That's why I never remarried. There's no need to. Not when you had the best the first time around."
I chuckled. "I'll do my best to honor you, Martin. I'll stay as long as I can, especially if it helps Terra."
He turned his attention back to me. "Good. Now, get out of here and go live your life."
"This is my life." I turned and walked toward the parking lot, waving over my shoulder and thinking about the promise he wanted from me. It was an asinine thing to do to me, but he loved Terra too much to let her stand alone, and she wouldn't. I'd help as long as my heart could bare it.
Tears blurred my gaze as I tried to stay focused on the road. It was my fucking fault that Martin had come to Ruska's in the first fucking place. How could I ever explain that to Lance? Or better yet, to Terra?
I couldn't, and it was pointless trying.
Chapter 8
Terra
I couldn't get a red eye out the night before. So instead, I paced the floor at my house, vomiting every couple of hours when I let my emotions get the best of me. Lance checked in several times during the night, but we did no good talking to each other. It only seemed to make matters worse, like we couldn't find comfort in each other.
My flight wasn't leaving until ten, which gave me far too much time left on my hands. I waited until the sun came up to call Niki. She needed to know what was going on, and with any hope, she would get to come to Seattle to help me through my dad's funeral and such.
"Hey. Shit. What time is it." She yawned loudly in the phone.
Just the sound of her left me crippled. I dropped down on the couch and let out a little sob, unable to help myself.
"Terra?" Panic filled her voice.
"Daddy got in a car accident last night and didn't make it." I pressed my hand to my face.
"Oh my God! I'm so sorry. I should be closer. I could come over and hold you."
"It's okay. I just wish I could quit crying." I wiped at my eyes, angrily. "I'm still in shock."
"You will be for a while, sweetheart. When are you flying back to Washington?"
"At ten this morning." I forced myself up and took a deep breath. "Is there any way that-"
"Yes. Whatever it is. I'll be there for you. I'm here for you now."
Her kindness left me fending off another wave of tears. "Thank you. I just wanted to see if you could come to the funeral. I'm going to need you. Lance is going to have to lean on Danny or one of his other friends. Every time we talk, we just end up balling on the phone together."
"Oh, Terra. I'm sorry, honey. I'll be there. I'll get a flight in today and will stand beside you the whole time. My Aunt Catherine lives here in New York. I'll see if she can keep Benji for a few days."
"Okay." I took a shaky breath. "I'll tell you everything when I see you in Seattle. I don't want to go through all of it again right now."
"I understand. Text or call me anytime you need to, and be safe. Let me know when you get home for sure."
"Okay. See you there." I tossed the phone behind me onto the couch and walked to the living room, just concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other.
Home. Seattle would always be home. It's where I was raised. Where I went to school and fell in love for the first time. It's where every good memory I had left of my mother lived.
"How did this happen?" I sat down and pressed my face to my hands as weariness rolled over me in thick waves. How in the world could I ever make it without my father? As far as I was concerned, I couldn't.
A knock at the door surprised me. I stood and walked to the door, grabbing a robe on my way. I was a little surprised to see Paul standing on the other side. It was way too damn early for him to be up.
"Hey." He reached out and touched my arm. "I heard about your dad."
"What? How?" I moved back and opened the door wider. "Come on in."
"I guess Barry found out late last night." He walked in and made his way to the kitchen. "Maybe there's some channel for owners?"
"Who knows." I followed him, a little bit glad that he was there. It was nice to be around someone, even Paul. "I'm leaving for Seattle at ten this morning."
"I figured you'd already be gone, but I wanted to stop by just in case." He turned to face me and pulled me close, wrapping his strong arms around me. "You left so fast last night. I wish you would have let me go with you, Terra."
I pulled back. Life was too short to pretend that I was happy with what we had. It was the worst fucking time in the world to tell him, but he needed to know. "I appreciate you coming over, Paul, but this thing between us is over."
He slipped his hands into his pockets. "I think you're just reacting out of pain, which I get. You go to Seattle and we'll take a break. If you decide that you don't want us when you get back, then I'll respect that. Just don't make that decision now."
I nodded, not willing to respond. I'd already made the decision, but I didn't have the energy to explain that to him.
"Thanks for coming over." I walked to the coffee pot. "It's really sweet of you."
He moved in behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders before leaning down and kissing the side of my neck. "I want to be here for you, Terra. You know I care about you."
"Obviously, or you wouldn't hang out without getting laid." I laughed bitterly.
"Hey. Don't do that right now. You're hurting. Let me make you some breakfast and then take you to the airport."
I reached up to cup my face as another wave of tears burned my eyes. "I'm sorry. Just ignore me."
He forced me to turn and held me tightly. "Never. It's going to be okay. Time heals all wounds."
I bit my tongue and kept my snappy comebacks to myself. Time might heal his wounds, but there was no way in hell they would ever wipe away the need to see my dad smile, to hear him laugh, to get 'a look' from him.
No one would understand that but Lance and of course Danny.
Though it was stupid, the thought of sinking into his embrace was the only thing that kept me standing upright.
It was sick, but it was what it was.
"Sis." Lance walked toward me as I jogged down the hall to the baggage claim. There was an urgency inside of me to see my brother. I crashed into him and tucked my face into the crook of his neck as I cried. "It's okay. I'm here. We're going to get through this together."
I nodded, but held on tightly to him and cried as my response. I wasn't normally so dramatic, but everything felt muted, wrong without my father in the world. It took a few minutes to pull myself together, but I finally did.
"It's not fair." I moved out of Lance's arms and walked to the baggage claim.
"I know it's not." He wiped at his face and reached for my bag, lugging it off the belt. "Is Niki coming home too?"
"Yeah. It's not until tomorrow though." I slipped my arm into my brother's and walked with him to the door. "Have you seen anyone yet or made any arrangements?"
"No. I got in at three this morning." He released my arm and held the door for me. "I plan on going to see Danny and maybe Alan today."
"How is Joe?" I wrapped my arms around me, unnerved by the fact that it was wet and cold in Seattle. It was late spring for shit's sake.
"No clue. I'm going to see him later today too. You want to come?"
"No. I don't want to see anyone just yet." I took a deep breath and let it out. "I'm not sure I could hold myself together around any
one but you and maybe Niki."
"And that's perfectly fine." He moved up to a small red Honda and popped the trunk. "You want to drive or want me to?"
"You can." I got in the car and leaned back, closing my eyes. Weariness sat on me like a well-worn coat. It was nice to be home for the first time in years, but I hated the reason for being there. I waited until Lance was in the car to speak up again. "Have you talked with Danny?"
"No. I told him to call me, but he didn't. If I know him well enough, he's pretty fucked up over this too."
"Of course he is. Daddy meant the world to him too." I turned and looked out the window at the dismal weather. "I'm thinking we'll do the funeral on Friday. That will give us time to get everyone in town. That sound okay to you?"
"Yes. That gives us two days." Lance reached over and took my hand. "We're going to figure this out."
"Figure what out?" I turned my attention to him as anger burned down to the depths of my soul. "Figure out that everyone we love is gone besides each other?" My voice cracked again.
"Terra. Don't do that. Dad wouldn't want you to-"
"You don't know what Dad would have wanted, Lance. We left him, remember? We both split and left him alone with one thing to focus on and love. That fucking baseball team."
"Sis."
"No. Please. Just leave me be for now. Please." I pulled my hand from his and turned back to the window. There were no words that could heal my heart, not yet at least.
I just prayed no one else would try and help me get over it.
I wasn't anywhere near ready, and I couldn't see a time when I would be.
Life was fleeting. Short. Fucked up and ugly.
At least mine was.
Chapter 9
Daniel
I somehow made it home the night before. My emotions were all over the fucking place and I couldn't shake the fact that Terra needed me. Truth be known, I was probably the last person she needed. I was a horde of bad memories mixed among the good ones to her. The only place I could find her where she still loved me was in my dreams.
We Belong Together: A BBW Second Chance Romance Page 5