by Stella Brie
What the fuck? Collin?
My panic becomes full-blown when I see Collin sitting before me. Terror rises, the image blurs, and my head shakes from side to side in denial.
“He’s dead. He’s dead.”
Yet all I can see is Collin’s face. Tremors start running all over my body as I scramble behind Lev. When he tries to pull around to face me, I grip his shirt and lock him into place. I need him to stay between me and Collin.
Lev yells for Shaw, who comes running into the kitchen. While he doesn’t understand the reason, he quickly grasps my terror. My eyes track him as he comes over and picks me up. The whirring sounds again, and I whimper.
Men are yelling as he takes me from the kitchen to his room. Sitting in a leather chair, he holds me close in his lap. My brain is swirling as I try to understand what just happened.
Collin is dead. He can’t be here in Montana. Was that Collin?
My breathing is erratic as I try to force a clear image of the man in the kitchen. I can’t get a deep breath. I realize I’m starting to hyperventilate. My hands grip Shaw’s shirt to get his attention.
“Easy, Angel. Breathe with me. In and hold. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. And let it out. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. That’s it. Again.” Shaw studies my face as he carefully counts breaths with me. His hand smooths over my hair and down my shoulders to calm me further.
After a couple minutes, my breathing subsides back to normal. My thoughts return to the situation. “Thanks. I...who is that man in the wheelchair?”
“That was Thayer.” Reaching over to the side table, he plucks up a frame with all four guys in it and hands it to me.
The man in the photo bears a strong resemblance to Collin. In this picture, his hair is cut short, not the tousled length I saw in the kitchen. While their faces have a similar shape, the man in this picture has a strong jawline and cleft chin, while Collin’s was rounder and fuller. The light blue eyes, though. They were almost identical in color. They pierce through me like ice, making me bleed.
I reluctantly hand the picture back to Shaw. “He looks like my husband, Collin.”
Shaw tenses as he takes the frame. “How much like him?”
“The same tousled blond hair, and the exact color blue of his eyes. Thayer’s face is shaped differently, more square than Collin’s, but he could definitely be his brother.” I pull up the photo of Collin from the beach on my phone and hand it to Shaw. He inhales sharply as he stares down at it. “Plus, you add in the wheelchair, and it’s as if Collin came back from the dead. I couldn’t see Thayer. I could only see Collin in his wheelchair. He was paraplegic after getting shot.” I flinch at the memory. “My mind keeps telling me he’s dead, but my eyes feel like it’s a lie when I look at Thayer.”
“Angel-.” His phone buzzes. Reading the messages, he sends back a quick reply. His hands wrap around my head. His eyes are reassuring pools of chocolate. “That’s definitely NOT Collin down there. Do you hear me? I promise you, it’s Thayer. I’ve known him for years. He’s my friend, and my brother.” He looks at me steadily as I take in his words. “Do you mind texting me that photo of Collin? I’d like to share it with everyone. It’ll help explain what’s going on.” He hands it back to me so I can text the photo.
After Shaw shares the photo and explanation, several pings come back. Lowering the phone, he shares the messages with me. Lev and Lowell have a couple ideas that could help the immediate situation.
“Thayer actually wears his hair more like the photo in the frame over there, not this tousled mess. He hasn’t had a chance to get it cut, but knowing his OCD behavior, I’m sure he’s already got an appointment scheduled for next week. In the meantime, what if we put a hat on him? And ask him to sit on the couch in the living room instead of in the wheelchair? Would you try to meet him again?”
My voice is silently screaming NO! as I sit there and stare at him for a few minutes. I know how much this means to our relationship. All of ours. But to go down there willingly and stare into Collin’s eyes again? I don’t know if I can do it. Just yesterday I was patting myself on the back for my strength, and yet today I feel my strength crumbling to dust. Looking down at my hands, I squeeze them together as I try to answer him.
“I’ll try. I’m sorry, but that’s all I can do.”
“That’s all we’re asking for, Angel. I’ll be right there with you, holding your hand the whole time. I swear.”
He stands up and lets my feet drop down. Sweeping his hand over my face, he pulls my head into his shoulder and gives me a crushing hug. I don’t know if he’s trying to lend me his strength or if he knows how much I just need to be held. Regardless, it helps. I squeeze him back and step out of his arms. Taking his hand, I follow him to the living room.
Stepping into the room, my eyes travel first to Lev and Lowell. Lev’s hands are clenched, and his eyes dark green with worry. Tightness around Lowell’s eyes and mouth are the only indication of the current underneath. Having stalled long enough, my eyes slide to the man sitting on the couch.
I hold my breath to stave off the panic as I search out every minute difference so I can catalog them. Having his hair up in the hat helps remove the immediate visual impression of Collin. Thayer has a strong, square jaw and cleft chin. He’s broader in the shoulders. His hands are blunt, not long and fine like Collin’s. With him sitting down, I can’t tell how tall he is, but he looks a bit taller than Collin’s 5’11”. The more I look, the more I can almost see Thayer instead of Collin. Until I look into his cold, sky blue eyes.
Collin...Shaking my head, I correct myself. Thayer. That’s Thayer Bradford. Dr. Thayer Bradford.
It’s hard to get past the eyes. Collin’s eyes were sparkling, blue bursts of light before the shooting, but afterward they resembled the same coldness reflected back to me right now.
Thayer frowns as I stare at him, without saying anything. His eyes travel over my face, trying to assess my mood, before traveling to the side where my hand tightly grips Shaw’s. As his eyes meet Shaw’s, I exhale for the first time since I entered the room. Without his eyes locked on mine, I sweep over the rest of his features and body, finding little resemblance to Collin. I sigh in relief.
My sigh brings all eyes back to me, including Thayer’s. My mind is reconciling the fact that this is Thayer. But I can’t meet his eyes without feeling the need to flinch, or scream, or run. I might be able to hold a conversation if I stare at his chin.
My voice is tight and raspy as I greet him. “Thayer. I’m very sorry for my reaction, and I hope you can forgive me for ruining your homecoming. I’m Kate.” I know I should say I’m happy to meet him, but I just can’t bring the words to my mouth.
“It’s fine. I understood once I saw the picture of your husband.” His voice is deep and clipped as he responds. Thankfully, his voice is nothing like Collin’s smooth, cultured voice, and it helps ease a bit more tension from my shoulders.
His blue eyes capture mine, and I shiver. I think that’s about all I can handle. “I’m going to go home now. I hope we can talk more next time.” His chin dips down in acknowledgement, but he doesn’t say anything more.
Shaw, Lowell, and Lev protest, but I insist. I need time to consider this new angle. I didn’t even get into the bigger issue of the wheelchair. Giving each of them a hug and a fake smile to Thayer, I pick up my purse and head out, leaving them to their private homecoming and me to the despair rolling over me.
CHAPTER 33
LEV
I’m mindlessly wiping down the bar when Shaw and Lowell walk in and plop themselves on a barstool. They both look as shitty as I feel. None of us is sleeping. I’m lost in the dark without my sunshine.
Lowell’s writing at all hours of the day and night. At this rate, he’ll have three books ready to publish in a month.
Shaw’s breaking his back, getting up before dawn, driving the ranch hands crazy with his demands.
Kate texted us a few times during the week, but the messages were sh
ort and non-committal. When I’d pushed to see her, she would only reply with a request for time. None of my jokes or memes got a reply, even though I know she read them. My heart aches for her pain, but I’m worried she’ll use this as an excuse to run.
“You look like hell, Lev.” Shaw’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts.
“Pot, meet kettle, Shaw. You, too, Lowell.” I throw down the towel and pour us all a beer. “What are you two doing here? Who’s with Thayer?”
“He’s at rehab right now.” Shaw picks up his beer and takes a long drink. “It’s hard to discuss Kate around him. He’s relieved she isn’t at the house.”
Frowning, I give him a hard look. “We seem to have two issues, but it might be easier to tackle Thayer instead of Kate’s ghost.” Seeing their agreement, I continue. “How can we help him come to terms with Kate? I don’t even know what the fuck’s wrong with him. He’s never been the type to dismiss someone without getting to know them. Something else is going on, and we need to dig into it and help him. The first thing we should do is have a house meeting and tell him Kate’s background. If he understands her background, he’ll give her a chance. What do you think?”
“That might help. Thayer’s floundering right now. He went skiing and woke up several months later to find his life changed beyond recognition. It’s going to take time. Time for him to heal and find his footing.” Shaw’s face is pensive as he shares his view of Thayer’s behavior.
Our phones buzz. Lowell picks up his first. “It’s Kate. She is going to take a week off and visit her mother. Sarah will manage the patients next week, and she’s set up a back-up doctor from Helena. Sarah mentioned it’s the same one Thayer used in the past, so she feels they should be suitable.” Lowell’s hands tap a rhythm on the bar as he thinks about her message. “Is she running?”
Running a hand through my hair, I shrug. “I don’t know. Let’s give her some space while she is gone. In the meantime, we can work on Thayer.”
Be careful. I’ll miss you, sweetheart.
Hitting send, I hover over the phone to text her my love but end up putting it down. I don’t want to pressure her.
That evening, Thayer, Lowell, and Shaw are sitting in the living room when I get home. Grabbing a beer, I join them. Shaw and Lowell have been telling Thayer about Kate’s past, but I’m not sure it’s going well. His face is impassive as he listens, asking few questions.
Once they stop, Thayer pulls out a report and hands it to Shaw. “Her story’s sad, but that doesn’t rule out her being a gold digger. Her husband came from old money and had a substantial trust fund. She inherited everything when he died. Over thirty million dollars. A year later, she barely had five million in the bank.” Frowning, Shaw skims through the report before handing it to me and Lowell to look through it.
Shaw gives a growl of frustration. “I don’t care what she did with the money. If she gave it away or went on a shopping spree. It says she hasn’t spent any of it since then. Why is this important?”
“I’ve spent my whole life avoiding gold diggers. I go into the hospital for six months, and all of you fall for this stranger. Did you even complete a background check on her?” Thayer’s face twists as he answers.
Lowell’s normally placid face erupts in anger as he answers Thayer. “I completed an employment background only. We thought about conducting a more thorough investigation, but we decided it wasn’t necessary for her employment. Later, when we became involved personally, we decided to wait for her to tell us. It’s obvious her past is painful. We needed time to build our trust, and hers.”
Lowell starts pacing around the room, as if to control the emotions overflowing him. “In one day, she lost almost everything that mattered to her. Guilt weighs on her like a boulder. She’s rootless because people who discover her past automatically judge her guilty, making it difficult for her to stay in one place. Two years after the shooting, her husband killed himself. And maybe she is hiding something else. I can’t imagine what it is, but if she hasn’t told us yet, you can bet your ass it’s bad. But you know what? I don’t fucking care. She can tell me when she is damn good and ready.” He throws his hands up in the air.
“I would have thought you of all people would see the logic in digging deeper. You’ve let someone filled with secrets into our home. She comes here for a temporary assignment, and within five months she is ingrained in the lives of three very wealthy men? Come on. That’s a bit fast, don’t you think?”
“Why would I care? I know she’s not after my money. Once you get to know her, you will understand she isn’t remotely interested in it. But the bottom line? For me? I love her. I love the fact that she sees me. Not the author, not the robot. She sees the person I thought I’d left behind a long time ago. So no, I don’t care what information you think you have on her. I know her.” Lowell breathes heavily as he stares down at Thayer.
Thayer’s jaw, wide open from watching Lowell combust, closes with a snap. “You’re not even acting like the old Lowell! Neither is Lev. He’s just sitting there quietly instead of blowing up at me. The only person here acting somewhat normal is Shaw. This is what I mean. She’s turned this house, and all of you, upside down.”
Taking a drink, I decide to correct his impression. “She’s not turning it upside down. She’s making it right. For so long, Lowell shut himself away. Shut his emotions behind a fucking brick wall for years. Kate refuses to accept the façade. He’s able to show her how much he cares.” I take another long drink. “For me, Kate’s sunshine and laughter. She eases the intense emotions that rage within me. I don’t feel like I need to be a workaholic to exhaust myself, so those same emotions don’t spill out and hurt someone.” Blowing out a deep breath, I look at Shaw.
“When she came here, I pushed her away and held her at arm’s length for months. Even though I knew she was meant for me. I didn’t want another Vanessa coming in to destroy us when she left. Kate’s honesty and willingness to risk everything for us is intoxicating. Vanessa never risked anything; she only took everything we gave her. She makes me see more is possible, and so is our future.” Shaw stops, letting Thayer digest his words.
“You called her Vanessa,” Thayer murmurs quietly, his eyes downcast as he realizes Shaw has moved on completely from Nessa. “I’m sorry. I don’t trust her. She wouldn’t even look me in the eye. I know she told us it was because of her husband, but was it? There’s something else there, I can feel it. You know my gut is usually right. She’s jumpy, and I want to know why.” He looks up and leans forward to catch our attention. “Invite her over when she gets back. Let’s see if I’m right. If I’m wrong, I’ll back off.” Using the controls, he leaves the room, the wheelchair whir a quiet backdrop after the shouting.
Rubbing his hand over his scruff, Shaw blows out a deep breath. “He’s not wrong, you know. Something about the whole episode was off the other night.” Holding up his hand to stop Lowell from speaking, he says wearily, “I’m not saying I don’t trust Kate, or that I think Thayer’s right about the gold digging. Looking at the picture of her husband, I know she was freaked out about how closely Thayer resembled Collin, but there was something else under the surface. And whatever it is, we need to resolve it. For her sake. Not for Thayer’s. But I also won’t push her if she doesn’t want to talk about anything. When she gets back, let’s invite her over for Sunday dinner.” Standing, he strides out of the room.
Lowell shakes his head at the turn of events. “I would rather just be honest and straightforward instead of inviting her over for dinner and hoping it comes to light.” Taking off his black frames, he rubs his eyes, then puts them back on. “I’m going to bed.” He follows Shaw’s path out of the room.
Sitting there, looking out at the starry night, I sip my beer and think about my sunshine. I understand both sides, but my biggest fear is that if we keep pushing her, she will run away. For good.
CHAPTER 34
KATE
Shortly after getting back to town, I get a
text from Shaw, inviting me over for dinner tomorrow. Biting my lip with worry, a million thoughts swirl in my brain. What if I can’t handle being around Thayer? What if they choose him without giving me a chance? This could blow up in so many ways.
Exhaling, I drop onto the couch with exhaustion. Spending a week with my mom had been a much needed distraction, and it gave me some distance from the situation, but it didn’t resolve anything. Time was ticking with Thayer’s return, and I’d gone from absolute bliss to a pool of anxiousness.
My phone buzzes again as he adds a few details and asks for a confirmation. I take a deep breath and slowly exhale. I need to see them so badly. My heart physically aches without them near.
I’ll be there tomorrow. I’ve missed you.
When I get to the house the next afternoon, I hear the whirring of the wheelchair, and my body tenses. Opening the door, Thayer looks me over before backing up to let me in the house. I step in and move to the side so he can close the door.
Glancing over to him, I notice he’s cut his hair since I went away, and it helps. My first thought isn’t of Collin, thank goodness.
“Hello, Thayer. Where is everybody?” My voice trembles slightly.
Scowling, he flings his hand towards the living room. I wait for him to lead the way, but he’s too much of a gentleman and motions for me to go first. Sweat breaks out on my upper lip. My eyes scramble to find an escape.
“Are you going to stand there all day?” he sneers.
Taking a few steps forward, I hear the wheelchair roll behind me. The soft whirring sound is universal. My hands shake as I wipe off the sweat on my upper lip. Thankfully, my back is to Thayer, so he can’t see what I’m doing, or I’m sure he’d find a reason to be hateful. I stride off towards the living room quickly, hoping to outrun the sound. But the more steps I take, the louder the whirring gets, until I’m almost panicking.