Finding Our Forever: (A Defining Moments Novel)

by Andee Michelle

  As soon as I pull up to the building, I spot Ramzi sitting outside at one of the little pub tables. I fire off a quick text to Eli.

  Me: Think you’ll be up for dinner at my place tonight?

  I don’t expect to hear from him for a bit because I know he may be driving or in the mountains where the signal sucks, so I’m surprised when he responds almost immediately.

  Eli: Yes, ma’am. I’ll text you when I get to town. Probably around 6 p.m.

  Me: Sounds good. See you tonight. <3

  Eli: ;)

  I make it to the table just as the waitress arrives.

  “Hey, hooch. What you want to drink?” Ramzi asks me with a huge smile. “We doing mimosas?” She lifts her already half-empty glass and takes a sip.

  “Nah, I’m tired enough already. Alcohol will just make me more tired.” I laugh at the look of horror on her face. “I’ll just have iced tea with lemon please.”

  “Well, I’m having a mimosa or twelve. You may have to drive my drunk ass home later,” she exaggerates.

  “Why? What’s wrong?”

  “Oh, you know. The usual. Men.” She rolls her eyes as she takes another sip.

  “You mean one man in particular,” I assert, watching her scrunch her face up, which makes me laugh.

  “He’s so frustrating, girl! I mean, when we’re together, he’s so passionate and amazing, and we have fun together. But the moment we start connecting on more than a fling basis, he bails. Won’t talk about his family. Won’t talk about his work, other than that he works in the fitness industry. Hell, you probably know more about him than I do.” She huffs, crossing her arms over her chest.

  “I’m not going to put myself in the middle of that crazy. I really don’t know anything about Ben. Yes, I’ve met him, but I don’t know anything about him personally other than that he is Eli’s twin brother.” I honestly don’t know what to tell her. I guess I could ask Eli some questions to help ease Ramzi’s mind, but I don’t want to put him in the middle of whatever the hell they have going on either.

  “It’s whatever. I think I’m going to call it off. I totally dig hanging out with him, and the sex is off the charts, but I can’t get over the need for all the secrecy. It makes me wonder what he’s hiding. I know it’s something big and I don’t like it.”

  I just nod because I understand why she would feel that way. There is no way I’d be able to handle any type of relationship with someone who wouldn’t tell me anything about them. Whether it was friends with benefits or not. I want to know who I’m lying down with.

  “Anyway, enough about the asshole. What’s been going on with you?” she asks, taking a huge bite of the burger the waitress just set in front of her.

  The moment she asks the question, I feel my eyes start to fill with tears. Damn it.

  “Oh shit, what’s wrong?” she blurts out, reaching across the table and grabbing my hand.

  “I think I’m pregnant,” I whisper and watch her face immediately change from concerned to shocked. She knows I want to be set in my career before I go down this road. “You can’t tell anyone. He’s been out of town and I haven’t had a chance to talk to him about this yet,” I rush out.

  “What do you mean ‘you think’ you’re pregnant. Haven’t you taken a test?” she whisper-shouts back at me.

  “I haven’t taken a test yet, but I’m a week late. I figured if I didn’t start by the time he came back from going to get their other brother Destry from Boise—” I pause when I see the shock on her face again. She didn’t know they had another brother. Awesome. I quickly continue. “I want him to be with me when we find out for sure. Don’t real couples do that? I know we aren’t necessarily a real couple, but I really like him and could see us having a future. Someday. Maybe.” I stop talking and realize we both have tears pouring down our faces.

  “Are you scared?” she asks gently. I nod because I can’t find the words. Saying I’m terrified is an understatement. I mean, I just have so many questions.

  Will he be the “hero” type who wants to marry me immediately so we can live happily ever after in a house with a white picket fence?

  Will he tell me he wants nothing to do with me or the baby and disappear?

  Will he ask me to have an abortion?

  Ramzi is watching me, just holding my hands and letting me work this out in my own mind.

  “He’s coming over for dinner tonight. I guess we’ll find out his reaction soon enough.”

  She nods. Letting go of my hands, she reaches over, grabs her mimosa, and downs the rest of it.

  “If I’m pregnant, I’m keeping it,” I blurt out, unsure why I felt the need to make that clear. I don’t have to make that decision right now.

  She nods in understanding and then continues to eat her burger without questioning my last comment. She’s known me long enough to know how I feel about abortion. I don’t know that I’ll ever understand why anyone thinks it’s their right to dictate what women do with their own bodies, but for me, personally, there is no way I could ever have one. No way. Not even a consideration.

  The rest of lunch is quiet, both of us lost in thought about my situation. By the time we’re finished eating, I’m on the verge of tears and need to get out of here. Ramzi insists on paying the bill, as always, and we stroll to the parking lot together. When we get there, she pulls me into a bone-crushing hug before pulling back and looking me right in the eye, deadly serious.

  “No matter what Eli says or how he responds to the news, we got this. I will not let you go through this alone, Sara. I’ll do everything in my ability to help,” she states firmly. “Other than my mom, you are the closest thing to family I’ve got. This baby will be my niece or nephew basically. I got your back, girl. I promise.”

  I don’t even attempt to stop the flow of tears. Ramzi of all people knows how it is to be raised by a single mom. Her father bailed the moment he found out her mom was pregnant and never looked back. Her mom had refused to talk about him, other than to say he sent her money to help take care of Ramzi, but he wanted nothing to do with either of them. Ramzi didn’t even know his name until he died. That’s when she found out he was a very rich man and he’d left her 25 percent of his estate. Come to find out, he had been married when he’d gotten her mom pregnant. Her “dad” left her enough money that she never had to work another day in her life if she didn’t want too. But that wasn’t Ramzi. He also left her a letter that, I assume, was an explanation of why he’d done what he did. She refuses to talk about him or that letter and has basically used the money to spoil the hell out of her mom and to get started with her dream of owning her own bar.

  “Thank you,” I manage to choke out before hugging her again.

  “Now, go to the store and buy a damn pregnancy test so you can get this over with tonight,” she barks, stressing the tonight part.

  I drive to the store in a daze. I can’t stop thinking about what I’m going to do about this baby. I mean, I can’t go to Arizona pregnant and alone to go to school. I’ll have to put that goal off for a few years until the baby is older. I mean, it’s not as if I don’t already have a good career. I can’t ask Ramzi to come with me to Arizona because her bar is here. Her life is here. For some odd reason, I just can’t consider the fact that Eli will take this well. He basically told me on our first date that he wanted to get married and have kids someday but not anytime soon. He has his goals he wants to accomplish before that.

  Grabbing a few things to make dinner and a pregnancy test, I head for the cashier. I drop my stuff on the conveyor belt and step in front of the cashier. She smiles politely and asks about my day. Just as she reaches for the pregnancy test, a throat clears behind me, and when I turn to see who it is, my heart drops into my toes.

  Ben Harper.

  And he’s looking at the pregnancy test in the cashier’s hand. Why can’t the earth just open up and swallow me whole?

  I can’t speak apparently because I’m standing here with my mouth hanging open.
Ben quirks his eyebrow up in question.

  “Oh hey, Ben,” I squeak out lamely. “How are you?”

  Maybe I can just avoid the subject of my possible pregnancy and he’ll ignore it.

  “Is it Eli’s?” he grunts out.

  What the hell? Does he think I’m a whore?

  “Well, not that it’s any of your business, but if I’m pregnant, then yes, the baby is Eli’s,” I bark at him. I turn my back on him, praying that the cashier hurries. I watch as her eyes scan my hand for a wedding ring, and a look of disgust crosses her face. Awesome. Someone else judging me.

  I pay for my things and almost run for my car. As soon as I put my hand on the door handle, a hand rests on my shoulder, and I know immediately that Ben followed me outside.

  “I didn’t mean to be an asshole, Sara,” he says gently. “I don’t trust people easily and seem to jump to conclusions quickly these days.”

  I don’t turn around but nod my head, pulling up on the door handle to get out of here.

  “When are you going to tell him?” he continues.

  “He and Destry are supposed to be home this evening. He’s coming over for dinner. I’ll tell him and take the test then,” I reply quickly, setting my bags in the backseat and shutting the door harder than I had planned.

  “Sara, listen, I didn’t mean to offend you,” he says with caution. “Eli is a good guy. He may freak out a little, but he’ll be an amazing father. I have zero doubt about that.”

  “Neither of us are ready to be parents though,” I choke out before I can stop myself. I do not need to confide in Eli’s twin brother about my fears right now. Eli doesn’t even know yet.

  “I’ve never believed in the bullshit saying ‘everything happens for a reason,’ but I do believe that even in bad situations, good people usually make the right decision, together,” he tells me. “I know Eli better than anyone. He’s going to freak out, but he’ll make the right decision.”

  I nod because I can’t speak. I take a step toward him and his body goes rigid as I wrap my arms around his waist and hug him quickly before getting in the car and driving away. I’m not sure why I hugged him. I guess knowing that he thinks Eli will make the right decision helps my fears a little.

  The whole drive home, I go over scenarios in my head on how this night is going to play out. My mind goes from best possible to worst-case scenario in the ten minutes it takes me to drive home.

  I KNOW HE’S HERE before he even knocks because Diesel is at the front door scratching at it. He must’ve heard Eli’s truck pull up.

  I walk to the front door, unlock it, and let him in. As soon as he’s through the doorway, he pulls me into his arms and hugs me tightly.

  “I missed you,” he whispers into my hair.

  “I missed you too.”

  He lets me go but grabs my hand as we make our way back into the kitchen so I can finish up dinner.

  “How was work?” he asks nonchalantly.

  “Long,” I reply with a chuckle. “I don’t mind long shifts normally, but the night ones are killer. Usually by the time my body adjusts to the change, I’m switching back to days.”

  “Is something burning?” Eli asks just as the smell of smoke hits my nose.

  “Damn it,” I scream, running for the oven. Too late.

  I pull the roasting pan from the oven and see the black charred remains of the yummy chicken and vegetables I was making.

  “Take out seems to be the viable option at this point,” Eli says, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me back into him. “Thanks for making me dinner. I’m sorry it burned.”

  “It would’ve been awesome too. I followed the recipe to a tee,” I grumble, pushing the pan to the back of the stove top so Diesel can’t get to it while it cools. That was a waste of twenty-five dollars.

  “How about I just take you out to dinner?” Eli asks, stepping back and turning me around to look at him. He presses his lips to my forehead, and if my brain wasn’t on overload with the discussion we’re about to have, I’d probably melt at how sweet he’s being.

  “I think we probably should be alone when we talk. Let’s just order pizza or Chinese. Which would you rather have?” I ask, trying to sound cheerful but failing miserably.

  “Let’s go for Chinese. I just spent four days with a bunch of eighteen-year-old guys. We ate pizza every day for at least one meal. I could go for some variety,” he responds easily. “I’ll call and order it. What do you want?”

  After telling him what I want, he heads into the living room, and I start cleaning up the kitchen from the disastrous dinner I tried to make.

  I swear one of these days, I’m going to make an amazing meal. I love to cook. I love to try new recipes, but nine times out of ten they are horrible, and I know I had to have done something majorly wrong for them to go so wrong. I’ll get there. I just need more practice.

  Eli comes back into the kitchen, grabs my hand, and pulls me into the living room. He sits me down on the couch and then takes a seat beside me, not letting go of my hand in the process. Rubbing his thumb across the top of my hand, he watches me for a moment before he finally speaks.

  “I think I know what you want to talk about, Sara,” he tells me, causing my heart to start beating rapidly. Holy shit. Did Ben tell him? He doesn’t seem pissed. He’s speaking gently as though I’m a scared cat or something. “We both knew going into whatever this is”—he gestures between us with the hand not holding mine—“that you were leaving at the end of the summer.” And my heart falls. He’s breaking up with me. He drops his eyes to our joined hand, letting go and bringing his hand up to cup my face. “The past few days, while I’ve been away, I’ve done a lot of thinking about what is next for us. Do we say good-bye when you go to Arizona? Do we stay just friends? Do we try to make a long-distance relationship work?”

  “Eli, I need to—” I try to stop him before he breaks my heart, but he puts his thumb on my lips to stop me.

  “I like you a lot, Sara. I’ve never felt like this before and I don’t want to lose it. I realize our relationship is new, and that we’re still getting to know each other, but I think we should give the long-distance-relationship thing a try. I mean, we both have a couple of years of school left so we could visit each other during holiday breaks or whatever.”

  I’m trying to fight back the tears that are threatening to spill over. I’m both happy he cares about me enough to want to try but terrified because he’s already told me he isn’t ready for a family anytime soon.

  “Can I talk now?” I choke out. He chuckles and nods before I continue. “I have something I need to tell you before we discuss anything else.” I take a deep breath and watch his face pull back in confusion.

  My phone chimes with an incoming message, but I don’t even look at it, keeping my eyes on Eli’s when I say the words that could ruin everything he just said.

  “I think I’m pregnant,” I blurt out, and I watch as the color drains from his face.

  His eyes roam my face before dropping to my stomach. With his elbows on his knees, he drops his head into his hands and is shaking his head back and forth. I don’t interrupt his internal discussion, thinking he probably needs time to process what I said. I’ve had a few days to process it.

  “How could I have let this happen?” he mumbles to himself. His head snaps up and he narrows his eyes at me. “We use protection, Sara. How did this happen?” he accuses.

  Okay. So, he’s going to start with being angry. Deep breath.

  “No protection is 100 percent reliable, Eli,” I reply as calmly as possible. Over the next few minutes, I watch as his face falls and he looks so confused and lost. “We can do this, ya know,” I tell him quietly. “It’ll be okay.”

  The lost look is replaced by the pissed one, and he’s back to barking at me. “Nothing about this is okay, Sara! Nothing!” He starts to pace back and forth, and I’m too stunned at the depth of his anger to reply. “Wait. You said you think you’re pregnant. Have yo
u taken a test?” he shouts at me.

  “I haven’t. I thought we should do that part together,” I tell him honestly. “I’m a week late. I’m never late.”

  “Do you have a test? Go take the test.” He immediately heads for the bathroom, not even paying attention to whether I’m following him.

  Just then the doorbell rings. I pay for our takeout and send the guy on his way quickly. Setting the food on the kitchen counter, I go in search of Eli.

  I walk slowly into the bathroom to find him digging through cabinets.

  “It’s right here,” I tell him, picking up the test that I’d laid on the back of the toilet earlier.

  “Right. Okay. Let’s do this,” he says, ripping the box from my hand and tearing it open. “You’re a nurse, Sara. Jesus, how have you not taken the test yet?” he barks, looking over the directions and not at me. “At least we’d know for sure if our lives are over,” he mumbles under his breath.

  My body goes rigid, and I clench my teeth together to keep from screaming at him. Who the hell does he think he is? I mean, I get that this is scary and that he just found out, but he’s being a dick, and I’m about five seconds away from just kicking his ass out.

  I take the test from his hand and look him in the eyes before I speak. “If you step out of the bathroom, I’ll take it.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he growls. “I need to know now if my life is going to get thrown completely off track.”

  I feel the tears coming and I need him out of the bathroom now. “I have to pee on it, Eli. You don’t need to be in here for that. I’ll let you back in when I’m done,” I say as firmly as I can because I don’t want him to know that he’s ripping my heart out.

  “Fine.” He storms out of the bathroom, slamming the door on his way out. I flip the lock and sit on the edge of the bathtub. Letting the tears fall as I open the plastic the test is wrapped in, I quickly glance over the directions and follow them.

  “Are you done yet?” he fumes through the door.