Finding Our Forever: (A Defining Moments Novel)

by Andee Michelle

  She lets go of me and slumps her body to the ground beside me. “He misses you too, Sara. He’s just too goddamn caught up in what he feels like his life path should be.”

  “I can’t do this. I love him, and I can’t be just his friend. I can’t be what he needs me to be right now,” I admit.

  “You love him?” she chokes out.

  I nod, my eyes filling again.

  “You know his dad screwed them up, right? I mean, Ben won’t tell me everything, but I do know his dad was a lying, cheating bastard, and I think the boys are afraid to end up like him, or ending up in a relationship that failed like their parents’ did.” For someone who isn’t in a “relationship” with Ben, she sure does seem to have his number.

  “I know all about their nasty divorce. I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to watch him with other women and to wait for him to figure it out. To figure out that we’re not them, and that just because their relationship started when they were young, doesn’t mean every relationship that starts out that way ends that way. The idea of a pregnancy scared him into backing away, but it made me see things more clearly about what I want.”

  I hear a truck coming down the street and we both jump to our feet. When it comes into view, I can breathe again.

  Ben.

  He pulls up to the house and gets out of the truck looking none too happy.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” he barks at me.

  Ramzi steps in front of me and points her finger at him. “This has nothing to do with you, Ben. This is between Sara and Eli.”

  “The hell it is. Three weeks. It’s been three weeks since you walked away from him and I finally got him to agree to go out and have dinner with Destry. To get out of the house and away from the damn computer, and then you show back up,” he fumes. “When are you leaving?”

  Ramzi starts to speak, but I grab her arm to stop her. Stepping around her, I stalk to Ben so we can stop yelling across my yard. My neighbors are already nosey as hell; I don’t need the added drama.

  “First of all, I didn’t walk away from him. He told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship right now. He’s the one who made that call.” I stop and let that sink in before I tell him the rest. “And I’m not going anywhere because I live here.”

  I watch as his face registers the shock of my words before I turn and stomp back toward my house. Ramzi steps around me and goes toward him, probably to try and get him to let it go.

  “What do you mean you live here?” he roars, causing me to cringe and then turn back toward him.

  “Ben, I like you, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, but what I do is none of your business. Eli made the choice to end whatever was going on between us, not me, so your anger is misplaced. Whether I live here or in Arizona has no bearing on the fact that he told me he does not want a relationship with me. End of story. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go drink a bottle or two of wine and try to erase the memory of him flirting with another woman.”

  I hear Ramzi trying to talk to him but don’t listen as I ascend the stairs into my house, shutting the door behind me.

  Taking a wine glass from the cabinet, I reach into the fridge and grab a bottle of wine from the door. Uncorking it and pouring myself a hefty glass, I make my way to my bedroom and strip out of my clothes. I throw on my sweats and a T-shirt and head back into the living room just as Ramzi comes in. Her face is red and I can tell she’s trying not to cry. Ramzi doesn’t cry.

  “You okay?” I ask her, genuinely concerned that she’s so upset.

  “No, I’m not. Are you okay?” she returns.

  “Nope. Want some wine?” I ask, heading back into the kitchen to fill her a glass.

  “Yep, a lot of it. I’m gonna use the bathroom,” she says before disappearing down the hallway.

  I set her glass down on the coffee table and wait for her to return. When she hasn’t come back after ten minutes, I make my way down the hall and can hear her sniffles before I even get there.

  “Z, you okay?” I ask softly through the door.

  “I’m fine. Just give me a minute,” she snaps.

  I lay my hand on the door handle and am about to open it when there’s a knock at my front door.

  Shit.

  Stepping up to the front door, I’m relieved when I see its Ben and not Eli.

  Before the door is even all the way open, he’s pushing his way in.

  “Ben! What the hell?” I shout at him. He looks furious.

  “Where is she?” he growls as he storms down the hallway.

  “Get the hell out of my house! I don’t know who you think you are bursting in here! Plus, she doesn’t want to talk to you!” I scream at his back as he stomps away.

  Diesel comes out of my bedroom, hair on end and starts growling at Ben as he makes his way past him and to my side.

  “It’s okay, boy,” I assure him, patting his head. “Stay.”

  “Ramzi!” he bellows.

  The bathroom door flies open and she storms out just before he gets there.

  “What do you want from me, Ben?” she screams, bringing her fists up and smashing them into his chest when he tries to pull her into him. “No. Do not touch me,” she demands, her voice cracking as she tries to push him away.

  I can barely hear his words, but my heart cracks when I hear Ramzi sob.

  “I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t mean it,” he mumbles into her hair.

  She stops pushing against him and goes limp in his arms. I don’t know what he said to her to make her this upset, but it couldn’t have been good. Ramzi doesn’t get upset. She’s a tough bitch.

  He grabs her hand and pulls her down the hallway back toward the front door. He turns to me, not letting his hold on Ramzi go.

  “I’m sorry, Sara. You’re right. It’s not my business and I won’t ask again. Just know that you’re not the only one upset about your split. Whether he wants to admit it or not, he misses you,” he tells me before reaching for the door.

  He turns to Ramzi, grabs the back of her neck, and pulls her to him. He leans his forehead against hers and whispers, “Please come with me, baby.”

  She nods, turning to me, and I smile in return. She loves him, and who am I to stand in the way of that. I just hope he admits it before it’s too late and he breaks her heart completely.

  She kisses my cheek and follows Ben out of the house. I watch them get into his truck and drive away, leaving her car in my driveway. Guess I won’t be going anywhere until she comes back to get it since she parked behind my car. Rolling my eyes, I return to the living room and the two glasses of wine waiting for me.

  Diesel lays down at my feet, having not left my side since the moment I said “stay.” Such a good boy.

  The silence is cathartic after the screaming that just took place. I’m surprised my neighbors didn’t call the cops.

  Today was definitely way more than I’d bargained for. As excited as I am to have gotten the job, a better celebration would’ve been girls’ night in with Ramzi here. Now I have a burned-in memory of Eli touching another woman, and Ben and Ramzi are fighting. Awesome.

  I get my Kindle so I can read to take my mind off the craziness in my life, but I once again find myself reading words but not comprehending them. Two chapters in and I can’t remember a single thing about what I read.

  I down the rest of my wine and dump the second glass that I’d poured for Ramzi. One was enough to help me sleep.

  I put my phone on silent and plug it in in the living room. I don’t want to be distracted by it tonight. I need a good solid eight hours of sleep, which hasn’t happened in weeks. My dreams of Samuel have continued. I’ve even had a few that I knew I was dreaming but still couldn’t shake the heartache I feel when I wake up to the realization that he’s not real.

  As I make my way down the hall, I hear my phone buzz and realize it could be Ramzi. I can’t leave her unable to get a hold of me in case shit goes bad with Ben and she needs me.
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br />   Picking up the phone, I almost wish I hadn’t.

  Eli.

  I still haven’t read any of the texts he sent since the night I told him good-bye, and I’m still not going too, but I need to know what he’s going to say knowing I saw him with another woman.

  I open my messages and click on his face. His handsome smiling face.

  Eli: How long are you back in town for? Can I see you while you’re here.

  I consider ignoring it, but God I miss him. Over the last three weeks, I’ve been able to somewhat numb myself to just how much because I didn’t have to see him. After seeing he and Ben both in the same day, there’s no denying how much I miss him. Although I know it’s not my right, because he’s not mine and never has been, the memory of him caressing that woman’s face is burned into my brain. In all honesty, it makes me feel a little bit pissy.

  Me: Probably not a good idea. Doubt your girlfriend would appreciate that.

  I know she’s not his girlfriend. He doesn’t do relationships. But I needed to get that jab in so he knew I saw him with her. I don’t even get a chance to set my phone down before it goes off again.

  Eli: Not my girlfriend. I want to see you while you’re here. Just to catch up and hear about Arizona. I miss talking to you.

  Okay, so, I’m not sure how I feel about the non-descript “not my girlfriend” reply. Makes me wonder if I’d just witnessed a probable one-night stand hookup. Gross. But my heart flutters a little with his admission that he misses talking to me. Not misses kissing me or having sex with me, but talking to me. Which means he misses me.

  Me: Shouldn’t you be talking to your date and not me?

  Because I can’t help but continue thinking about him being with her.

  Eli: Stop it, Sara. I’m at home. I had dinner with Destry and a friend and then came home.

  A friend.

  Me: Sorry. A little bit of the green-eyed monster popped up. If it’s just talking to me that you miss, we don’t necessarily need to see each other. Texting seems to be working just fine. :-)

  Eli: Jealous, huh? You have nothing to be jealous of. Nothing.

  I don’t know how to respond to that. I was just being honest about my bitchy comments. Does he expect me to respond to that?

  Ding.

  Eli: Anyway, I would love to take you to lunch while you’re here. Thoughts?

  Me: I don’t know, Eli.

  Eli: It’s just lunch. To catch up.

  Me: Can’t we just talk on the phone or something? I’m not sure that seeing each other is a good idea.

  I almost regret it the moment I hit send because seconds later, my phone rings.

  Shit.

  I hadn’t necessarily meant right now.

  “Hey,” I sigh into the phone. “Ya know, that wasn’t exactly an invitation to call me immediately.” I throw in a chuckle so he doesn’t think I’m just being bitchy.

  “Well hello to you too, beautiful,” his strong, sexy voice purrs into the phone.

  “Hi,” I reply, sounding like a total idiot because I already answered the phone “Hey.”

  He laughs gently before continuing. “Why don’t you want to have lunch with me?” he asks, sounding a little bit defeated.

  I try not to, but a sigh slips out. “Eli, I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  Jesus, I miss him.

  “Look, I know you said you didn’t think we could be friends, but I think you’re wrong. You’re probably only in town for a few days, and I want to take my friend to lunch.” His no-nonsense tone makes me sort of weak-kneed.

  “Fine. Lunch. As friends.”

  “Great. How long are you in town? We could do it tomorrow?” he asks with a lot less stress in his voice.

  “Tomorrow’s fine,” I respond quickly, avoiding the first question. “Where do you wanna meet?”

  “I can pick you up,” he tells me with zero reservation.

  “Nope. This is not a date. It’s lunch between friends. Where do you want to meet?” I reply, sounding a little bitchier than I intended it too.

  He doesn’t say anything for a second and I’m about to apologize when he finally replies, “How about we just meet at Chino’s at eleven thirty? I doubt they have a Chino’s in Arizona and I know how much you love it,” he answers, a hint of sadness returning to his voice.

  “That sounds perfect. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I reply, trying to make my voice sound friendly without being overly excited.

  Truthfully, I’m terrified to see him.

  “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Bye.”

  He hangs up without another word. It makes me feel like an asshole that I was too snappy about it. It’s not as if he asked me out on a date. He specified it was lunch as friends. He’s the one who said he doesn’t want a relationship, so why would I assume he would consider it a date. I need to pull my head together before our lunch tomorrow.

  I need to make a game plan for how to tell him I live here. I have to tell him. Ben knows and will eventually tell him and I’d rather him hear it from me.

  Making my way into my bedroom, I open my closet to try to find something not overly sexy, so I don’t appear to be trying too hard, but cute and sassy to wear tomorrow. Seeing how most of my clothes are too big right now, I don’t really have much choice, so I dig through the back of my closet where I still have some clothes from twenty pounds ago. Wrinkled and faded, but probably the right size for now, I grab a cute pair of cutoff jean shorts, and dig further into the pile for a shirt. When I find my perfectly broken-in Doctor Who T-shirt from my teenage years, I’m almost giddy. I love that damn shirt! Why the hell did it ever end up in the back of my closet?

  I throw the jean shorts, newly rediscovered T-shirt, and a few other things that were in my laundry into the washer. It’s late, but I start the load anyway. I’ll just dry them in the morning if I fall asleep.

  Now that I’ve spoken to Eli, my nerves are wired. It’s only 10:00 p.m., but I’m usually getting ready for bed now. I grab a glass of ice water from the kitchen and make my way back to my bedroom, Kindle and phone tucked under my arm.

  Propping myself up on a bunch of pillows, I set my phone on the nightstand and open my Kindle to read for a bit. The novella series I’m reading right now is freaking hilarious. It’s called Three Little Lies by Sara Ney, and I’ve devoured it over the past few days. It was definitely a much-needed break from the crime/drama books I’d been reading lately. I love them, but I’ve missed my fun romances.

  I consider starting another book, but when I glance at the clock and see it’s after midnight I figure it’s time for bed. I do the nightly routine and am snuggled down into my covers when I hear Diesel whine.

  Getting up to let him out, I hear something outside my front door, and I freeze. Diesel makes his way to the front door, his hair rising and his growl creeping out. As I’m tiptoeing to the door to peek out, two loud bangs hit the door, followed by Diesel losing his mind barking. My heart jumps into my throat and I’m afraid to even look out the door before I hear, “Sara, open up.”

  Ramzi.

  Flipping the lock and wrenching the door open as fast as I can, Ramzi pushes her way in and slams the door behind her. She leans back against the door, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against it. Her face is red and blotchy, so I know she’s been crying, but she looks more pissed than anything right now.

  “Z, what’s going on?” I ask her quietly, trying to keep from freaking out.

  She sighs heavily, opening her eyes slowly, and turning and peeking out the window before finally answering me.

  “I don’t want to talk about it right now,” she grumbles, peeking out the window once more before walking into the living room and slumping onto the couch.

  “So, you staying here tonight?” I ask her calmly, as though she didn’t just scare the shit out of me.

  “No, I’m going home. I just want to make sure Ben is gone before I leave,” she replies coldly.

 
; “Did he drop you off?” I ask, still confused about why the hell she’s banging on my door at this hour.

  “Yes,” she barks before getting up and storming toward the bathroom.

  “Z, stop right now!” I shout at her, halting her movement. I don’t yell. Especially at her.

  She turns her head toward me with her eyebrows raised.

  “You tell me what the hell is going on,” I beg her, my voice laced with concern for her.

  She stares at me for a minute before she finally responds. “Ben and I went to my place to talk. It didn’t go well. I told him to get the fuck out of my house, and he refused to leave me alone because I was upset. Said either he was staying with me or he’d drop me off here. I chose here.” She starts back toward the bathroom again.

  “So, you’re staying the night?” I ask her again.

  She doesn’t stop to answer this time, but responds, “Nope, I’m leaving as soon as I know that big bastard is gone,” before slamming the bathroom door behind her.

  That went well.

  A few minutes later, she comes out of the bathroom looking better than when she went it.

  “You okay?” I ask her, trying not to be irritating.

  “Nope, but I will be,” she replies before wiping away a tear that sneaks past her eyes. “I’m going home. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  She walks to me and hugs me tight. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay and talk about it?” I ask her before she lets go.

  “Not right now. I need to process what just happened,” she replies before squeezing me one last time and heading toward the door.

  “Call me tomorrow,” I say to her retreating back.

  She holds her hand up in acknowledgment but doesn’t stop as she heads to her car. I know Ramzi. Whatever happened between her and Ben was rock bottom. I can see it written all over her face.

  I head back inside, throw my now clean clothes in the dryer, and then return to my Kindle. My worry for Ramzi will keep me awake anyway, so I guess I’m starting the new book, Juked by ME Carter. Just like that, I’m lost in a world about a smoking hot soccer player named Daniel Zavaro. Swoon.