by Hazel Grace
“I know you’re open season around here,” he claims, deepening his brows. “But you don’t need to jump from one guy to another. Find someone that’ll be—”
“I don’t need dating advice,” I sneer. “I’ll do what I want, you do what you want. I think we’ve covered all our points so—” My body slams into his chest, his hands digging into my hips and through my jeans.
“Why don’t you just stay out of my way, Bases? I don’t need you flaunting yourself around my friends or teammates just to piss me off,” he scowls in a low, menacing voice. I’m frozen to the ground, but the heat of his body is counteracting my lack of movement.
We’re body to body, no space between us, and my body is melting against his. The need to have him kiss me like his previous makeout buddy eats at me, but I don’t want the taste of her in my mouth. I want him on me, lighting me on fire with the desire to know what it feels like to be mauled by Colson Hayes during a passionate kiss.
Just to be turned into ashes afterward.
I deserve better. He’s doing me a favor by staying away, and I should be thanking him for it. But all I want to do is punch him in the gut for giving me this twist and turn of jealousy that shouldn’t be brewing inside me.
“You piss yourself off,” I counter, my hands placed on his stomach to keep myself centered.
“Remember what I said about repeating myself,” Colson chides, lowering his head closer to mine.
“And remember what I said about you not having the ability to order me around,” I retort.
“You’re a pain in the ass.”
“You’re a dickhead.” The tip of his tongue appears between his lips as he licks them. God, he’s too much for me. I’m a Cutting Crew song and literally will die in his arms if he doesn’t just let me go.
“Fuck, I love when you swear. I always knew I’d love that hidden layer under the innocent facade you wear.”
“You don’t know me.”
“God, I wish I did,” he blurts. “To know what drives you crazy with every moan and sharp breath. It fucking kills me to know Gavin screwed up but still got the chance to kiss every inch of your body. He got to hold you in his arms and have your skin pressed up against him with all the other fucking shit I won’t mention.”
I narrow my eyes. “Maybe if you didn’t suck so bad, I would’ve kissed you that night.”
Colson’s eyes widen like I just slapped him in the face. I wish I had the courage to, but here, even though we’re far enough away from the crowds, I don’t want the sting of his skin on my palm. It’ll just keep the feel of him on me as I walk away.
“You don’t know how much I want you, Bases,” he mumbles, his brown eyes fused in irritation and aspiration. “I think I’ve wanted you since the first moment I saw you with that stupid white cover-up on holding that ping-pong ball.”
“You didn’t even know my name,” I accuse.
He smirks. “I knew it after the first time.”
“I’m no different than anyone else here, you just proved that. You gave me a stupid trust ring and then days later you’re tonguing a girl who—”
“Fuck her,” he seizes out. “She’s a—”
“Nobody,” I finish. “I’ve heard that before.”
“We’re not dating. I’d never do something like that to you. It’d just give you another reason to hate me.”
“Aw, Colson,” I coo sweetly. “I don’t hate you. I think you’re a class A asshole with a huge—”
“Dick,” he conveys. “And I’d love for you to get to know it.” I start to pull from him, but he counters my efforts with a step of his own.
“You have a hard time with directions, don’t you?”
“With ones I don’t like,” he offers. “Yeah.” Then his lips slam into mine, fierce, needy.
I’m thunderstruck, hit with a wave of lust and want, muddling my mind with what we were just talking about. His mouth confiscates my bottom lip, coaxing it to open wider for him. His tongue intertwines softly with mine, my palms rest on his chest, feeling his pounding heart along my skin. I’m the cause of that vital organ beating fiercely in his chest, and it makes me feel powerful. Colson pulls me closer by the loophole of my jeans while cupping one of my cheeks, taking control of what he’s wanted that I’ve denied him for so long.
What I gave to him over a week ago and what he returned days ago.
No way.
I break my lips from his in a gasp, while his breath brushes against my skin.
“The more we kiss, the more I see why,” he emits matter of factly. “Gavin is a fucking idiot to let you go.” He presses his forehead to mine, and I want to scoot away from him, I just can’t.
His presence sucks me in, mindless and, again, naive as all hell.
“Do you hate me?” I shake my head slowly, closing my eyes just to sear this memory because we’ll never have it again.
“Only when you do things like this to me,” I convey. “You make me question everything.”
“What are you thinking?” Colson asks me, his hand coming up to brush my back with his fingers. His tone is so mellow and tender and, if I didn’t know better, I’d say Colson was a sweet and kind guy.
Now, I just think he’s a confused one with a lot of stress on his shoulders that he is having a hard time holding on his own.
“I’m thinking how it must feel for the other girls,” I reply.
“The other girls?”
“After you leave them.” His fingers twine into my hair, and he tugs for me to look up at him. His eyes glistening in irritation and desire.
“You’re not like other girls,” he objects, his fingers swirling in flaccid circles along my scalp. “Nor will I ever treat you like one. Why do you think I’m trying to save you?”
“I’m okay,” I whisper.
He shakes his head, his gaze boring into me like he’s having an inner battle with himself.
I want to tell him that I won’t hurt him, that I’d never make him choose me over his future, but I won’t let the words leave my mouth. I don’t want to make him designate between the two right now.
“Fuck, I’m not okay,” Colson admits. “I can’t go back after all of this. I can’t watch you talk to other guys at school trying to win you over with their cheap words. I don’t need to see or hear guys talking about how nice your ass is and how much they want to fuck you because you’re beautiful.”
He draws in a long inhale. “I’m sorry, Bases, I’m fucked up. I don’t want you to be with anyone else, but I don’t want you to stick around and wait for me. You know that I’m not staying here.”
“I know,” I mutter. “Honestly, Colson, I’ve known about this before we...started letting ourselves get away with this. We’re attracted to each other, but we’re strong enough to do this. To stay away from each other and be friends.”
I feel him tremble against me, and my body softens. It’s like we’re linked together, I can feel everything he’s trying to hide. He’s upset, but he isn’t going to cry because his body reacts in another way.
“Why are you shaking?” I ask.
His jaw opens, but it closes as he averts his gaze from me. “I don’t know what to fucking do. Either way I choose, I’ll lose...I’ll lose everything.”
“You don’t have to,” I reply. “I don’t want to be in the equation of anything.”
He narrows his eyes, searching my face for something. “Why do you do that? Why are you denying this when you just said—”
“Because,” I stress. “You’re making this harder than it has to be.” He takes an abrupt step away from me, slowly shaking his head like I just told him something so shocking that he couldn’t accept it. “What?”
“You don’t fucking—” He cuts off his next words, raking his hand through his hair and blowing out a breath. With his other hand, he pulls out a pack of cigarettes and pulls one out.
“What?”
His lips set in a hard line as he focuses on finding his lighter. The laughter
of children and chatter of parents filter off in the distance but, by us, there is the sound of birds who sing and whistle.
“What Colson?” I repeat. “I’m only telling you the truth. I’m not going to lie to you.”
“You’re lying now,” he retorts, putting his cigarette between his lips and lighting the end.
I cross my arms along my chest. “How?”
He inhales his cancer stick, closing his eyes and letting the nicotine fill his lungs. Then I’m met again with whiskey-colored eyes and a look of calmness.
“You seriously don’t get it,” he censures. “I’m not going to spell it out.”
“Spell out what? That you don’t know how to communicate for shit?”
He bristles and averts his gaze. “Sure, Bases.”
“Alright, Hayes, I think this concludes our talk.” I round him, and this time, he doesn’t stop me with his hands but something else.
Something else entirely that I never saw coming. Again, no warning, no sirens, no written words in the sky but the ones off his lips.
“I think I’m in love with you, and I fucking hate you for it.”
To be continued...
This book was difficult for many reasons with many transitions happening in my life. But thanks to an amazing support system and my hashtag #TeamNoSleep — Double Play has happened.
Colson and Sawyer have been with me for almost a year now and with the last book, Shutout, coming next month, it’s bittersweet for me. I’ve changed their story, I’ve heard them harassing me and I feel the tug and pull for each other. Colson and Sawyer are something different, characters I wanted to develop and try. And I’m glad I did it.
To my PA’s; Sue Lue & Keke — Thank you for letting me harass you on a daily basis, bounce ideas and for helping my babies makes sense in words.
To my Athenas — I love you all! The excitement and love you guys show me, it’s indescribable.
To Dom — Thank you for keeping me updated while you have my words and for loving them as much as I do.
To Bae — BAEEE!!! <3 I seriously don’t know what the hell I would do without you.
To my kids, my other half — I love you so much, thank you for letting me do what I love to do.
My newbie readers — Thank you for giving me a chance and time. <3