I gave Sawyer a last pat and checked for the nearest door in hopes I could sneak out without being seen. Not that I could move that fast, but perhaps I could move that quietly. Sawyer nickered as I stepped back from his stall, but that wasn’t what stopped me from making my escape. Instead it was a girl’s voice where a child did not belong. Just as a sister should not be in this place where the brethren worked.
“Papa, why can’t I go look for Sister Faye? I know which house is hers. The Shaker children all live there together.”
“Surely with some older sisters,” the man said.
They had not seen me yet, but I recognized the man and the child from when I had carried a meal to the Trustee House for him and the girl had told me of her sorrows.
No doubt it would be another sin to confess to Eldress Maria, but I stayed where I was by Sawyer’s stall. The girl saw me first.
“Hello.” Her smile lit up her eyes. She was a beautiful child, and I thought of her poor mother who wasn’t getting to see how she was growing. “Are you feeding the horses?”
For her that seemed a natural thing, as she had probably helped her father feed their animals.
“No.” I saw no reason to abide by the Shaker rules with their nay saying with these two from outside the village. It was my morning for rebellion, however slight. “I came to see Sawyer. He used to be my husband’s horse.”
“He looks glad to see you.” The man stopped a respectful distance away and looked from me to the horse. “Have you come to visit him before now?”
“I have not. I thought he would be fine with the Shakers, but then you and Brother Hiram said something was wrong with him.”
Before the man could answer, the child spoke. “Horses can’t get chol’ra, can they?”
“No.” The man put his hand gently on the girl’s head. “Sawyer may just be lonesome. Some horses miss their former owners when they come to a new place.”
“Poor horse.” The child looked from Sawyer to me. “Why doesn’t your husband come see him?”
The man started to speak, but I held up a hand to stop him. “Worry not, sir. I don’t mind answering her question. My husband died.”
“The chol’ra?”
“No, an accident.”
“Did he fall off a horse like my mother?”
“A different kind of accident. On a riverboat.”
The child was satisfied with that. She had seen death. “I’m glad he didn’t fall off this horse. That might make Sawyer even sadder the way Sebastian is back in that field by himself.”
I caught the flash of pain on the man’s face. The child—I remembered Leatrice was her name—had told me she was four when her mother died. So years had passed since his wife died, but from the look on his face the sorrow was still fresh. He was the sad one. Not the horse.
Would I be the same even after years went by? I sneaked another look at him as he spoke to the child. “Enough about that. Sebastian is fine and Sawyer here will be fine too after I work with him.”
“Papa knows how to make horses right.” Leatrice looked around. “But I’d rather sweep floors than sit in a barn.” She wrinkled her nose and stared up at her father. “Please let me go find Sister Faye. She told me I could come anytime.” Her bottom lip jutted out a bit.
“You can’t go wandering around the village by yourself.” The man frowned at her.
“I’d be good. I promise.”
“Leatrice.” His voice carried a sound of warning.
I needed to leave the barn anyway. I had already broken too many of the Shaker rules. Eldress Maria would be aghast. So I smiled at the child. “If your father permits, I can take you to the Children’s House.”
“Please, Papa,” the child pleaded.
I could tell by his face he did not like to refuse her anything.
“If you’re sure it’s not a problem for you.” His gaze flashed to my middle and as quickly away.
“No problem at all.” I turned my smile toward him, then touched Sawyer’s nose in farewell as I thought of all the times Walter had surely done the same.
“Perhaps you should come back to visit the horse again,” the man said.
“I doubt that would be permitted,” I answered with regret.
“I understand,” he said.
Perhaps he did, although I wondered if anyone could understand life in the village if he had not lived it. Certainly I had not expected it to be thus, with every moment of my day arranged by others. I held my hand out to the child.
She came readily enough as he called after her. “Don’t get into trouble.”
After we were out of the barn, I asked, “Do you get into trouble often?” She had told me about falling through the ice on her pond.
She sighed. “I do. I don’t aim to, but Grandpa says I forget to use my head sometimes.”
“My mother sometimes said the same about me when I was your age.” I smiled. “It gets easier to figure out what you should do and what you shouldn’t as you get older.” I gently squeezed her hand.
“I can stay out of trouble here. With Sister Faye taking care of me.”
“It’s good to have somebody take care of you.”
“Mamaw Bea used to tell me the Lord would always take care of me. I guess he did when I fell through the ice. But he didn’t take care of Mamaw Bea. She died.”
“I’m sorry.” Those two small words weren’t enough. The child needed more. “The Lord helps us in different ways. Sometimes he wraps his arms around us and takes us to heaven to be with him.”
“That’s good, isn’t it? To be in heaven.” She sighed. “But I wanted her to stay with me. And my mama too.”
I gently touched her forehead with the tips of my fingers. “They will always be with you here in your memories.” I moved my hand to her chest. “And in your heart.”
She hugged me then as well as she could with her small arms and my large middle. With no more words necessary, we went on toward the Children’s House.
12
Flynn watched Leatrice leave with the woman. He hadn’t expected to find one of the sisters in the barn and certainly not that sister in her condition. Finding out the horse could be sick must have made her want to see him for herself. That showed she cared. Flynn smiled. People should care about their horses.
The animal must care for her too. He still had his head out over the stall door, peering after the woman. Horses sometimes followed Lena around a pasture like puppy dogs, anxious for a word from her. Lena did love them, but at times, she could be impatient if they didn’t do what she wanted.
This Sister Darcie appeared to have plenty of patience as she walked away with Leatrice. Heaven knew a person often needed a double dose of patience to deal with his child.
He had been surprised that morning when Leatrice was so eager to come back to the village. Not that she had a choice. With Silas still gone, she had to come with him. He was getting worried about Silas. That was why he had come to the village early, so he could ride into town later to look for him.
Leatrice would have to go then too. He wasn’t about to leave her alone to get in trouble. At least here in the village she had eyes watching her while he worked with the horse.
He’d heard that eyes were always watching in the village to prevent furtive meetings of men and women in the shadows. Of course, rumors swirled about the Shakers. Some said they kept the young people captive or that the elders had multiple wives instead of sisters. Plenty of others claimed their dancing worship was far from holy.
Flynn put no stock in any of those tales. The Shakers he knew were hardworking, decent people who chose to live a different way. Not how Flynn wanted to live, but then he had not thought to remarry after he lost Lena. So maybe he was more like the Shakers than he was ready to admit.
Perhaps Silas was right that he should have looked for a new wife by now. He didn’t deny he was lonely at times or that Leatrice needed a woman in her life to usher her through girlhood. Perhaps that was why she h
adn’t complained when he roused her before daylight to come to the Shaker village. She got to be with other females here. She had quite happily taken Sister Darcie’s hand and left with a bare glance back at him.
What would it be like to leave her here the way Silas had suggested last fall? He didn’t want to think about that. Leatrice was his daughter and she belonged with him. But what if living with him wasn’t best for her? He shuddered, remembering the pond ice breaking under her feet.
He shut away that thought and turned his attention to the horse in front of him. While he might not be able to solve every problem, he could generally figure out how to fix a horse. Sawyer was showing more life. Head up. Eyes watching. Tail doing a slow swishing dance that meant he wanted to move. Maybe instead of a cat, all the horse needed was a visit from the woman. Brother Hiram would probably chase him out of the village if he suggested letting the woman keep visiting the barn.
Not that she looked like that would be easy for her right now. She wasn’t far from birthing her baby or he missed his guess. An expectant mother was not somebody he expected to see at the Shaker village. Seeing her in a horse barn was even more surprising.
“We best stick with the plan of making friends with yon mare, Sawyer.” He stroked the horse’s neck before he led him out of the stall.
Out in the corral, Sawyer trailed the mare around. A good sign, but at the same time, the way the horse moved made Flynn suspect he might have stomach trouble. Horses could be fragile. A pebble in a hoof, a sore on their hock, even a bad tooth could take one down.
Stomach problems were sometimes the worst. If he still had that suspicion when he next worked with Sawyer, he’d suggest the Shakers add some cider vinegar to his feed and give him more time in the pasture to graze on the winter grass.
After he brushed the horse and put him in the stall, Flynn retrieved his own horse and led it through the village. He wasn’t sure how to find Leatrice. He should have asked one of the men in the barn to point out the Children’s House.
Sounds of commerce came from every building. Hammering. Sanding. Wood being split. A blacksmith hammer rang down on a piece of metal. The Shakers believed in work. Whatever the season. Whatever the weather. Behind the houses, hens cackled to announce their eggs. A cow bawled for her calf.
A few sisters were hanging out clothes, but he didn’t ask them about the Children’s House in case the sisters weren’t supposed to speak to strangers. But then Sister Darcie had shown no hesitation to talk with him earlier in the barn.
He wondered about Sister Darcie. She didn’t seem to belong among the Shakers and not just because she was carrying a child. He didn’t know why he thought that. Perhaps because of the sorrow he saw in her eyes. She was an attractive woman even with the cap hiding all but a few strands of her hair.
Lena had never taken to wearing bonnets, much to her mother’s distress. Ma Beatrice worried Lena would freckle, but she never did. This Sister Darcie on the other hand had a scattering of freckles across her nose, even with the bonnet shading her face from the sun. The copper-colored hair peeking out of her cap would be to blame for that.
As if he had called her up by his thoughts, Sister Darcie stepped on the pathway alongside the road a few yards in front of him. She could point him toward the Children’s House. He called out to her. “Sister Darcie.”
Not hiding her surprise, she turned toward him. “Mr. Keller, did you want to speak to me?”
“Sorry to startle you, ma’am, but I’m looking for Leatrice. If you could point me in the right direction, I’d be grateful.”
“Yes, of course.” She gestured on up the road. “The Children’s House is two buildings down.”
Her face was flushed, whether from exertion or because of him, he wasn’t sure. She had seemed comfortable talking to him in the barn, but now she appeared to be uneasy.
“Thank you. I didn’t mean to cause you trouble.” Flynn looked around to see if he had drawn attention or disapproval from any nearby Shakers. They seemed to be alone on this area of the walkway. “Is it breaking rules for you to talk to me?”
“I’m sure it’s not recommended. I have not learned all the rules.” She breathed out a little sigh. “But don’t concern yourself. The Shakers are kind. Even to one in my condition.” She gently touched the front of her dress. “They know I have nowhere else to go.” The sorrow in those words showed on her face.
“I am sorry,” Flynn said.
“So am I, even when I should be grateful.”
“Grateful?”
“For their kindness. For having a table to put my feet under. A widow without property or family has few choices.” She shook her head a little and smiled. A genuine smile that erased the weariness from her face and lit up her eyes. “But forgive me. You didn’t stop me to hear my worries.”
He wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he merely nodded to acknowledge her words.
That seemed enough for the woman as she went on. “Your daughter is a lovely girl. Someone at the Children’s House will fetch her for you.” She looked up at the sun. “You have a few minutes before the bell for the midday meal rings.”
She turned toward one of the houses.
He called after her. “Sawyer did well today. I think your visit made him better.”
“That is good to know.” She smiled over her shoulder at him, then lifted her skirts a bare inch and hurried on up the walkway to disappear around the side of the brick house.
For a moment, he stared after her. Something about the woman drew him. Perhaps because he knew she’d lost her husband and now faced delivering a child alone. But she wasn’t alone. She would have many sisters to aid her. Yet she looked so lost somehow.
He had probably looked the same after Lena died. It took a while to adjust to being alone again after being joined by love and marriage. As he moved on toward the house the woman had pointed out, he wondered if he had adjusted even now. Nearly three years had passed. When he again thought of Silas telling him he should remarry, he couldn’t keep from smiling. He was certainly in the wrong place to wife hunt.
Leatrice wasn’t happy when she came out to where he waited. “We were lining up to eat. They were letting me go in their eating room instead of them just bringing me a plate like the first time we were here. Sister Faye told me I would have to Shaker my plate.”
“Shaker your plate?” Flynn mounted his horse and then pulled Leatrice up in front of him. “What on earth does that mean?”
“Sounds funny, doesn’t it?” Leatrice leaned back against him. “But Sister Faye said it just meant I had to eat everything I put on my plate. I was hungry so that would have been easy. Now I don’t get to eat anything.”
“Don’t pout. We’ll find something at the house. Then we need to go find your grandfather.”
She twisted around to look up at him. “Do you think he got sick and can’t come home?”
He tightened his arm around her. “I don’t know. But it could be he’ll be there when we get to the house.”
“I don’t want Grandpa to die.”
“No need borrowing trouble. Your grandpa is probably fine.” At least he hoped so.
When they rode over the hill, Flynn was relieved to see smoke rising from their chimney. Silas must be home.
At the barn, he slid off his horse and lifted Leatrice down. “Looks like your grandfather is here.” He turned the horse into the corral. He’d brush him down after he fixed Leatrice something to eat.
As she ran on ahead, Flynn trailed after her, smiling at her eagerness. She was through the door before he was halfway across the yard. Then when he reached the porch steps, she burst back out of the house as if hornets were after her.
“Whoa.” He caught her and held her in front of him. “Slow down. What’s going on?”
She stared up at him with wide eyes. “It’s her. She’s in there.”
“Who’s in there?”
“That woman. The one that said bears were going to eat me.”
Before she could answer, Silas stepped out onto the porch.
“What’s the matter with you, girl? Running out of the house like that.” Silas frowned at Leatrice. “You know Miss Black.”
“Not Miss Black anymore.” Irene was behind Silas with a smile on her face that Flynn didn’t like. “Isn’t that right, Silas?”
Flynn put his hand on Leatrice’s shoulder and held her next to him as he looked at Silas.
“That’s right,” Silas said.
“Well, tell him.” The woman reached for Silas’s hand and gave it a little shake. “Oh, if you’re too shy about it, I will. Silas and I got married yesterday. I’m Mrs. Cox now.”
Flynn wished he could believe she was lying. If only. Instead he had the sinking feeling she was laughing at him.
He turned to glare at Silas. Did the man not know how this woman had treated Leatrice? “What have you done?”
Silas didn’t back down as he narrowed his eyes and stared back at Flynn. “What you should have done months ago. Got married.”
“Till death do us part.” Irene touched Silas’s cheek. “For better or worse.”
Flynn knew which that was going to be. Worse. But nothing he could say would change things now. Silas had made his bed. He’d have to lie in it, comfortable or not.
Flynn managed a smile. “Well then, I guess congratulations are in order.”
Silas nodded shortly. He didn’t exactly look like a happy newlywed. But some wrong choices weren’t easy to undo. Silas would have to figure out that problem. Flynn had to think of Leatrice and make sure the woman left his daughter alone.
As if she read his thoughts, she held out her hand toward Leatrice. “Come on, sweetheart. I’ll fix you something to eat. I’m your grandmamma now.”
“No.” Leatrice jerked away from Flynn and ran toward the barn to no doubt climb up into the loft to hide out with her cats.
“Why don’t you go on inside?” Flynn told Irene. “I’ll get Leatrice and we’ll come eat.”
The Refuge Page 9