Michelle was having a great time. The seminars were more interesting than she had imagined, and she was soaking it all in. She had bags full of brochures, books, and a myriad of other New Age trinkets in her room. She realized that she could spend hundreds of dollars at the booths in the ballroom. There was so much to learn and so many interesting things to try.
It was almost midnight, and she and Trevor were strolling back to their rooms, his arm slung over her shoulder.
“What a day,” he sighed.
“The best!” Michelle agreed.
“I hate to go back to my room by myself, but I’m beat,” Trevor admitted. He turned and hugged Michelle. His arms felt so good to her. She reached around him and embraced him. After a moment, she felt uneasy and pulled away.
“You okay?” he asked, lifting her chin with his index finger and looking into her eyes.
“Yeah. Just a little tired, too, I guess,” Michelle replied with a smile.
“Well, call me if you need me,” he said with a wink.
“Thanks, Trevor.”
“My pleasure, little butterfly,” he said softly.
Michelle stretched out her arms like wings, gently breaking away and “flew” toward the door to her room.
“See you in the morning!” she promised as she slipped inside.
“Looking forward to it.” Trevor winked again.
Michelle closed the door behind her, leaned back against it, and smiled a contented smile. She felt great. Trevor was really helping her. “Just what the doctor ordered!” she whispered to herself as she walked over toward the bed.
Lost in her daydreams, Michelle did not notice the message light blinking on the phone. She enjoyed a nice hot shower and then crawled into bed, drifting off to sleep almost immediately.
Sheila was beside herself with worry. Why didn’t Michelle return her calls? She needed to talk to her and figure out what to do. Should she go after John? Try to find him somehow? Or should she leave him alone like he was wanting? A nagging fear surrounded her. Something was very wrong, and she was certain John was in some kind of danger.
Finally, she sat down in utter exhaustion and picked up the telephone. She felt terrible calling so late, but she didn’t know what else to do. After four rings a familiar voice answered.
“Dad?” Sheila responded, “I need to talk to you.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Sheila’s mom, Joan, sat up in bed and listened while her husband tried to calm their daughter. It was clear from what she could hear that John had disappeared. She thought about her daughter, Sheila, a woman with grown children of her own, and couldn’t help but picture a little girl in pigtails perched on her daddy’s lap. Where had the years gone? And how had her precious baby girl strayed so far from the faith that sustained them?
Maybe this crisis was part of God’s plan. Perhaps He was allowing this trial in Sheila’s life to draw her back into His arms.
“Dad sure sounds strong, Sheila thought, her anxiety ebbing as she listened to his calming voice.
He spoke reassuringly to her, and then drew her gently into a prayer. As he prayed for John’s safety, she felt a warm sense of peace replace the fear gripping her. She closed her eyes, and she could almost feel her father’s protective embrace as she listened to his steady, clear voice committing her husband into God’s hands.
How she wished that she could find that solid faith she once knew as a small child. She wanted to turn away from all the complexities of life and crawl back into that little girl’s body and life.
It seemed as if life was suffocating her with worry. Between her husband’s lawsuit, his subsequent disappearance, and concerns about Michelle and Tim, she spent most of her waking moments in anxiety. This brief time of prayer with her father was like a refreshing oasis in the desert of darkness.
“Thanks, Dad,” she said softly, as his prayer ended. “I knew I could count on you.”
“Do you want to come home for a few days, sweetheart?” her father asked.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. Let me think about it.” She hesitated. “Maybe that would be the best thing for me now. I’ll call you back, OK?”
“OK, honey,” he replied. “Love you, sweetheart.”
“You too, Dad.”
Phil hung up the phone and wrapped his arms around Joan. They rocked each other and prayed together for their sweet daughter and her troubled husband.
John looked around the simply furnished accommodations at the Redwood Lodge and sighed. The lacquered log structure gave his room a rustic atmosphere. A turquoise vinyl armchair was stationed in the corner, a double bed with a tapestry bedspread that dated back to the seventies dominated the small quarters, and a rickety round table with two chairs looked out the one small window. Facing the bed was a 19-inch television bearing the only sign of high-tech living—a remote control.
Here he was in the middle of nowhere at a cheap motel, running from the world. John placed his suitcase on the floor, sat down on the foot of the bed, and dropped his head into his hands.
“How did I get myself into this mess?” he wondered sadly. “And how do I get out?”
Rubbing his scalp to attempt to soothe his throbbing head, he slowly sat up and scooted back to rest against the pillows at the headboard. Glancing at the phone he considered calling Sheila. Maybe just talking to her would help.
“No, I can’t drag her into this anymore,” he told himself.
Instead of picking up the phone, John reached for the television remote control. He flipped it on and began to surf the channels. Flitting from one talk show to another, he finally let fatigue take over and drifted off to sleep, the television droning on in the background of his mind.
Michelle woke up in her hotel room feeling rested and refreshed. The sunlight streamed in through the window as she parted the heavy drapes. “What a perfect day!” she exclaimed. Stretching and smiling, her reverie was broken by a knock at the door.
“Are you up, Michelle?” Trevor’s familiar voice called from the hallway.
She opened the door a crack and peered out. “Hey, you!” she giggled. “I just got up.”
“You sure look beautiful when you get up!” he said with a smile.
“Funny, Trevor. Come back in about twenty minutes,” she told him firmly.
“I don’t want to come back. Just let me in. I promise I’ll behave myself,” Trevor teased.
“I’m not even dressed yet, Trevor.”
“I don’t mind,” he said with a chuckle. “Seriously, Michelle, I won’t look. Just let me in. It’s lonely out here.”
Michelle groaned. “OK, just a second.” She closed the door, threw on her robe, and finger combed her hair.
“Welcome to my humble abode,” she teased as she opened the door.
“My little butterfly, all dressed in yellow,” Trevor crooned gesturing to her yellow terry cloth robe.
Michelle picked up a pillow off the bed and nailed him with it. In a moment the room was a flurry of pillows as they exchanged fire. Trevor finally tackled her, landing both of them on the bed. The whole escapade reminded her so much of the pillow fights she and Steve had, that she just naturally responded as if it were her husband. She yielded freely to his embrace and a moment later was kissing Trevor.
“STOP, MICHELLE!” a voice in her head exploded. She pulled away a tiny bit, but her body was crying for more. She let herself go for another moment. Then simultaneously she and Trevor pulled away from each other.
“I’m sorry, Michelle. I don’t know what got into me.”
“No, it was my fault. I shouldn’t have let you in my room in the first place,” she replied.
They sat side by side on the edge of the bed. “What’s happening here?” she finally asked.
“I don’t know, Michelle. But from the moment I met you at class, I’ve felt this connection to you. I can’t explain it, but some power is drawing us together.”
“I know what you mean,” she said. “I�
�ve felt it, too. But, Trevor, I’m married. I can’t do this.”
“Tell you what. Let’s not worry about it for now. Let’s just enjoy the rest of the conference, and let whatever this is go away on its own,” he suggested, seeming to ignore her comment about being married.
“Okay,” she agreed reluctantly.
He patted her hand and stood up. “I’ll go downstairs to the lobby and get us some coffee while you get dressed.”
After he walked out the door, a barrage of emotions hit Michelle. Guilt was first to attack, followed by fear that Steve might find out about her encounter with Trevor. But those were not the only feelings she was experiencing.
Much as she loved Steve, she could not deny her growing attraction for Trevor. He was so good for her in so many ways. Already she had learned so much more about herself and her nightmares. He was the only one who seemed to really understand her from the inside out.
Just then the hotel phone rang. As she picked it up, she noticed the blinking message light.
“Hello?” she said.
“Hi, babe!” Steve replied affectionately.
Michelle was thankful that he could not see her cheeks turn crimson. “Hi back!” she said in a voice as light as she could muster.
“How’s everything?” he asked innocently.
“Fine,” she said. “How are things at home? Is Max okay?”
“Everything’s fine here, Michelle, but I’m really worried about your parents. Did your mom get a hold of you yet?”
“No, why? What’s up?” Michelle asked, feeling her body tense. She dug through her purse on the nightstand and pulled out her cell phone. Flipping it open, she saw that she had a voicemail. Then she remembered she’d silenced the ringer for one of the sessions and had forgotten to turn it back up.
Steve’s voice interrupted her thoughts, “I think you’d better call her, honey. Your dad just took off. Left some kind of note for her saying that he had to get away from everything and think. Your mom is really upset and worried.”
“Oh no,” Michelle started twisting her hair. “Is she at home?”
“As far as I know. Oh, and Michelle, you got a letter from your dad in the mail yesterday. Do you have any idea what that’s about?”
“A letter? That’s strange. Dad never sends me letters. What does it say, Steve?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t opened it. Do you want me to read it to you?” he asked.
“Yeah, I think you’d better.”
She could hear him rustling papers, and then he began to read it to her. She listened silently, a strand of her hair wrapped so firmly around her finger that it almost cut off the circulation.
“Are you still there?” he asked when he finished and she was still silently searching her mind for an explanation.
“Yeah. I’m thinking. Something is really wrong, Steve. This is not like my father.”
“I know. That’s just what your mom said about his leaving.”
“I’ll call her right now. Thanks for calling me. Let me know if you hear any more.”
“I will. Try not to worry too much, Michelle. Your dad’s got a good head on his shoulders.”
“I know. Thanks. I’ll call from the airport before our plane takes off,” she said, remembering her earlier promise to let him know when she left.
“Good. I’m eager to see you and hear all about your conference,” Steve said lovingly. “Miss you, babe.”
“Me, too,” she replied, realizing with gratitude that she really meant it. Whatever this thing was with Trevor, she really did love Steve.
“How did she sound?” Ben asked.
“Worried,” Steve replied.
Ben nodded and bowed his head in another silent prayer. He rested his hand on his shaking leg, a nervous habit he’d started in childhood. He wished he had the right words for Steve. Sometimes he felt so inept. Maybe he wasn’t really cut out to be a pastor after all. Sure he had a lot of knowledge about the Bible. But wasn’t a pastor supposed to know what to do or say in a situation like this?
Steve stirred his coffee absentmindedly as he stared into space. “John’s always been such a pillar of strength. I’d hate to see him crack over something like this.”
“Where does your father-in-law stand with God?” Ben asked.
“Where do any of us stand with God?” Steve shrugged his shoulders as he looked up from his coffee.
Ben prayed silently, Help me know how to answer that one, Lord. He paused for a moment and replied, “Well, that’s a loaded question. If you’ve invited Jesus to be the Lord of your life, then you can know for certain you are a member of His family.” Ben could see the concern on Steve’s face.
“If that’s what you’re talking about, then I’d say that John is standing outside of what you call the family of God. He’s always referred to religion as a crutch for weak people. He raised Michelle and Tim to believe in themselves and to believe that they could do anything they set their minds to.” Steve paused. “But if you're talking about being a decent human being and trying to live by the Golden Rule, I’d say John Ackerman is a good role model for the rest of us.”
“Too bad you can’t earn your way into heaven,” Ben said somberly as he shook his head. Was that too harsh? Please help me, God.
“What do you mean?” Steve asked.
“Let me see if I can explain it,” Ben replied. He stretched his legs and stood up. “Mind if I grab a refill for my coffee first?”
“Help yourself,” Steve stood up, grabbing his coffee cup and following Ben over to the kitchen counter.
After they had gotten more coffee, they walked into the family room. Ben spent the next hour explaining to Steve about the gospel. He showed him scriptures that explained the imperfection of man and the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross to reconcile humanity to God. He talked a lot about grace and God’s love.
“I see what you’re saying, Ben. It’s not like I don’t believe in God or anything like that. It’s just that I’m not sure about this ‘born again’ stuff,” Steve explained.
“I know what you mean. That was hard for me, too. But check this out, Steve.” Ben showed him the passage in the book of John where Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.”
“So are you basically saying that you really believe that Jesus and Christianity are the only way to God? That seems so narrow-minded to me.”
“I’m not saying that, Steve. Jesus himself is the one who said that. Listen to this passage in chapter fourteen verse six: ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.’ That was Jesus, Steve. He said it.” Ben paused for a minute and studied Steve’s face. “Maybe this is the time for you to decide if you believe it.” Ben sat back in the couch and watched for his reaction.
Steve turned and looked earnestly at him. “I want to make sure I understand all of this, Ben. I can see that you really believe in what you’re saying. Keep going. Tell me more.”
Ben smiled with relief and anticipation. “Instead of reading you more scriptures, let me tell you about what God has done for me in my life.”
Steve nodded. “Sounds good to me.”
“You remember how I was in high school. I thought I was God’s gift to planet Earth, and I treated the girls like they were my toys.” He cringed and shook his head as he looked away.
“I remember. They didn’t seem to mind at the time,” Steve added.
“Hmmm. Well, the part you didn’t see was the beer bottle I kept hidden in the glove box of my car. I’d start sipping from that bottle before first period even began.”
Now it was Steve’s turn to shake his head. “So that’s where you got your confidence?”
“That’s where I got my courage. The courage to face another day. Yeah, I was the big man on the outside, but a coward on the inside.”
“So what happened? How did you get into the Bible?”
“About a year after I graduated, I reali
zed I had a serious drinking problem. I’d shake like a leaf if I wasn’t drinking. But I was still convinced that I had the power to do anything. So I made up my mind to quit.”
“Just like that? Cold turkey?”
“Well, yeah, except I gave myself one last fling. I decided to go out and party with some friends I’d met at the beach.” He paused and winced as the memories flooded back.
“So what happened?”
“When I came to in the morning, I was in bed with some girl. I didn’t even know her name. She was crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she just kept shaking her head and hugging herself, kind of rocking back and forth.”
He stood up and started to pace the floor. “I kept asking, ‘Did I hurt you?’ but she just ignored me. Finally, I got up and left. I still don’t know what happened that night. I can’t remember anything after my buddies and I were drinking on the pier.”
Ben turned and looked at Steve. “God used that night to get my attention. I looked in the mirror and saw what a jerk I had become. As much as I’d like to have blamed it on the booze, I knew it was more than just my drinking. I’d lost all sight of right and wrong. All I cared about was having a good time.”
Steve listened intently. He seemed surprised that Ben was being so candid about such painful memories.
“That afternoon my cousin called. He asked me if I wanted to go to a concert with him at his church. I don’t know why, but I said yes. The music was great—awesome bands. But it was weird because they were all Christians. Their music sounded a lot like the music I listened to on the radio, but their message was totally different.
“It got my attention, and afterward I went up and talked to a couple of them. Before I knew it, I was telling them what a mess my life was.
“Those guys took the time to spend hours with me that night. We went to a coffee shop. They told me a lot of the stuff I’ve been telling you tonight. It was my time, Steve. Know what I mean?”
Out of a Dream (Sandy Cove Series Book 1) Page 12