“Don’t ask me to do something I don’t want to do it. Because I’ll do it.”
“What will happen if you do it?” she challenges, typical Sadie. She never backs down from anything. And that’s what I like about her.
“I’ll break your heart.” And I can’t live with myself if I do that to her.
Sadie
I hate this place.
I hate the oak dining room table.
I hate the smell of fresh lemons like one of the maids just got done mopping.
I hate the way this new manor feels—cold, empty, and strange.
My parents’ manor is not a home, but a house filled with stuff.
I sit at the dining table as the maid places a plate of food in front of me. My glass plate is filled with asparagus and mashed potatoes and Spanish rice. I’m a vegetarian. It’s not because I care about animals getting slaughtered, but because most of the meat sold in stores is processed, and I care what goes inside of my body.
Tonight, I wear a black strapless maxi dress that stops above my knee and black pumps. My curly hair is pinned in a tight bun and my style is light and simple.
My father wants us to dress up for every dinner we attend like we’re some kind of royal family, which is quite ridiculous. Why can’t we be like every other family in America where they dress normal and laugh and talk at the dinner table. My dad treats dinnertime like a business meeting with his colleagues.
My brother Axel and I don’t ever get along—ever. He’s always been carefree and gets everything handed to him whereas I had to work myself to the bone. He’s not lazy, but he’s not a hard worker either. He does the bare minimum. He looks more like my dad. I don’t look anything like our father. I have all my characteristics from my mom. But Axel is a spitting imagine of him. Same thick lips. Same bushy eyebrows. Same body structure. Bulky like the Hulk. And his skin is tan like Dad. The only difference between them is Axel’s eye color is seafoam green and his thick hair is charcoal like Mom’s hair.
He’s five years older than me and works in the marketing department of the record label.
He doesn’t speak to me as the maid places his lobster and fillet mignon and mashed potatoes in front of him. His demeanor is like Mom’s. Composed and stern.
My father sits at one end of the table and my mother sits at the other. Both of them don’t even spare each other a glance.
Their relationship is colder than Antarctica and they are distant, like they live separate lives. I can’t imagine staying married to someone over thirty years and not loving them. In public, they put up a front as if their love is like a Disney fairytale, but behind closed doors their love is like a Greek mythology tragic. Their relationship is more toxic than a waste dump. They won’t get a divorce because they are so worried about how they would look around their peers. The old joys of being a Bennett.
“Sit up straight, Sadie. No slouching at the table.” My mom’s tone is stern.
A black potato-sack dress covers her body. She looks as if she’s wearing an oversized pillowcase and she wears her hair blown out.
My mom has always been hard on me, always criticizing me for everything I do. From eating, to the way I talk, and the way I act.
“I’m not slouching,” I shoot back, and I stare at my food; I’m not even hungry.
Why would I even have an appetite while being around her? So she can scold me for the way I hold a damn spoon or fork?
“No talk back as well.”
I huff out a breath. This shit is getting old real quick.
My family eats in eerie silence and I can’t take it anymore, so I tap my foot under the table. But not loud enough for them to hear it.
“Have you cleared up the mess in the marketing department?” My dad’s tone is dry as he speaks to Axel.
“Yeah, ” my brother answers. My dad always treats me like I don’t work there. I always feel like a third wheel around them.
“You’re not going to eat, dear?” my mother asks.
For the love of God. Stop nitpicking. Next family dinner, I’m going come up with an excuse not to show up.
“I’m not hungry.”
“You could at least eat your asparagus. Julia worked so hard on our meals,” she says between bites. Julia is my parents’ chef; she’s been working for them since I was in diapers.
“I’ll tell her, I’m sorry.”
My mother bites her lips every time I disobey her, but I’m grown now, she can’t ground me like she did when I was a child for not eating.
“I have made my decision on who will fulfill my duties as CEO,” my dad says and instinctively my eyes glue to him. He sits up straighter and looks between my brother and me. “Axel will take my place.”
He slaps him on the back and my mother claps her hands. My throat becomes drier than a drought, and I grip the edge of the table, digging my fingers into the wood. The air in my lungs seizes and my heart beats into a frenzy. This. Is. Bullshit.
“Are you fucking serious?” I stand up from the table. “I worked my ass off to get here. I worked as the CEO, when you were sick with the flu. I sit at every board meeting; I even got my degree in business with a minor in finance, and you give it to him.” I grind my molars, tilting my nose to Axel. ”He doesn’t have a degree or anything,” I keep going, I’m on a roll. “And he gets the job because he has a dick between his legs.”
Normally, I can contain my emotions, but I explode like a Mentos candy inside a Coke. All the stuff I’ve held inside pours out onto the table.
Dad slams his hand on the table. “Sit down,” he grits out.
Reluctantly, I do. I fucking do. Like an obedient dog
Everyone’s eyes are on me. My mother’s lips turn down in disgust and pity plays on Axel’s face.
“You don’t need to run a business, you’re a Caldwell woman. You find a wealthy man to marry and stop this foolishness you’re doing at your dad’s job.” Her words smack me in the face.
I’m more than a trophy wife. I’m more than a toy to sit on a shelf and be admired. Right now, I want Felix. It’s strange for me to think of him in the midst of this chaos, but he’s the only one that treats me like a human being, like I matter. Besides Jasper.
“I don’t want my daughter to whore herself to a man,” my dad says. “I want her to stay at our company and work or do what she loves. Stop trying to pimp her out, because you’re afraid she can’t make it in the world. She’s not a whore like you.”
My mother’s face turns redder than the blood moon and this is the first time I’ve ever seen her so hurt. So broken. So angry. This is the first time I’ve seen her show any type of emotion. She’s normally composed and stern.
Ladies and gents, this is what happens when you marry someone you hate.
“Your daughter?” she mocks. “That’s rich coming from you.”
She might as well punch him in the gut, that’s how deep the hurt registers on his face. He picks up his glass of wine and sips it slowly, glaring at her.
I’m done.
I’m done with this family and their toxic behavior.
I’m done with the hate my parents spew at each other.
I’m done being treated like I don’t have any feelings.
No one—and I mean, no one—in this family gives a flying fuck about how I feel.
I stand up from the table and strap my purse over my shoulder.
“Just where do you think you’re going?” my mother says. “We’re not finished. I have my own announcement to make, your father i-”
I wave my hand, cutting her off. “Save it, Trish. I’m getting out of here from this wacko-ass family.”
I call her by her nickname. Why call her Mom when she doesn’t even act like one? She doesn’t even deserve that title.
They all look stunned at my words, with their mouths wide open.
They push me until I can’t take it anymore.
I hurry out of the dining room as fast as my legs can carry me, and I hear footsteps behind
me as I rush through the hallway. I turn around to find Axel is on my heels. He stops by an expensive statue that mom had imported from Italy.
“Don’t follow me!”
I don’t want the golden child rubbing it in my face that he’ll be the new CEO.
We’re outside and the crickets sing in the background as the ground lamps light up my pathway to my black Mercedes. Lightning bugs, stars, and dim streetlamps brightens the dark sky.
“I’m on your side, Sadie.” His tone’s higher than his normal deep tone.
“Are you?” I lash out. I fiddle with my car keys, tap the pad unlocking the door. When I try to open the door, Axel blocks my way, leaning against door. He shoves his hands in his pockets.
“I told Dad to give it to you and that I don’t want the position. I want to travel to Europe with James.” He exhales and the night lights outline his jaw. James is his lifetime partner since high school. My parents weren’t to kin on the idea of him being gay. My dad isn’t a homophobic, he wants him to have a heir to the business, but my mom, she looks down on gay people. She finds it to be disgusting.
“Whatever.”
“Why do you always treat me as if I’m your enemy?” His tone is deep and laced with anger, and he folds his arms across his chest.
“Move out the way, Axel.” I try to push him out of the way, but he’s far too strong. I look like a pipsqueak.
“I can’t help that dad favors me. You’re punishing me for something that isn’t my fault.”
Hurt lingers in his face and his eyebrows knit together and his lips are thin.
“You don’t understand.”
He shakes his head. “No, I don’t. But I don’t want our relationship to be ruined over something that’s not my fault. We used to be so close when we were younger.”
I lean against my car and we stare at the stars and the crescent moon. The air is sticky like honeydew and the smell of pollen pollutes the air. He was my best friend up until I went off to high school. Before I realized my dad loves him more than me. Before I realized he was their golden child and I was the scapegoat. Before I realized I wasn’t good enough to love.
“You used to follow me and James around, wanting to hang out with us. We had so much fun playing in our treehouse, and at one point you used to tell me everything. Now… you’ve grown bitter and rather angry towards our family—towards me. But please don’t be angry at me. Be angry at our bastard parents. They deserve your wrath. Not me.”
I catch the sadness in his eyes, pleading with me to repair what is broken between us. My heart somersaults in my chest and a tint of nausea floods my body. And I miss having my brother around. I’m jealous of Axel—well, not of him. Of the love he gets from our parents. I want Dad to love me and joke with me the way he does with Axel. I want Dad to take me to the bar and have a few drinks like he does with Axel. And my mom, she treats everyone like shit. She’s as nurturing as a used condom.
I’m like a thrown-away broken toy no one wants to play with or show attention to. And Axel will forever be their shiny new toy that gets admired. It’s not his fault that we’re cursed with shitty parents.
I throw my hands around Axel’s shoulders, inhaling his expensive cologne, and rest my head on his hard, firm chest.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper as the wind blows my dark curls in my face and he rests his chin on my head. “I’m so so sorry, Axel.”
I mean every word.
“It’s fine.”
Maybe he thinks my sorry is empty. Maybe he’s tired of folks letting him down.
“No, it’s not,” I say louder. “It’s not okay.”
“Don’t worry, I don’t love you any less and I still see you as that annoying little sister that always wanted to tag along, my little ladybug,” he says and I release him and punch him in the arm. But his words flutter my heart and my chest tingles. He used to call me that when we were little. I had a sick obsession of dressing like a ladybug when I was a little kid.
He opens my driver’s door and the leather hisses under me as I lean back in the seat.
“We should have drinks and go to the gym together. Hang out like old times,” he says. “You promise?”
Hope floods his eyes and I nod slightly.
“I’ll hold you to it,” he says, and he leans down and plants a kiss on my cheek before shutting the door.
One Week Later …
Felix and I lie naked in bed with our limbs tangled up together. We spent the whole evening fucking. Ever since that day that he told me he’s not interested in kissing me, I keep it short, and as soon as our fuck session is over, I leave in the middle of the night. I’m not about to get attached to anyone that’s emotionally closed off. His dick isn’t that good for me to get my feelings hurt.
I really, really, really like Felix but I’ve come to grips that he doesn’t feel the same way that I do. And I’m okay. Rejection is a territory that I’m familiar with. And my momma used to tell me all the time, don’t let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you. Felix made it known that he’s only interested in one thing and that’s sex. We get to use each other. And I’m okay with it.
He thrusts his hands through his hair, and I remove my legs from his and push myself off the bed. I pull my white blouse over my head and slide on my floral pencil skirt.
“Where are you going?” he says, sitting up, and I look back at him as his head rests on the oak headboard. The blanket is wrapped around his waist. He frowns. He’s as beautiful as the Northern Lights in Alaska. Shiny and glowing. Intriguing and rare.
“Home,” I say.
“It’s two in the morning. Leave later when the sun is up.” His words are calm as an open field. And something lights up in my belly. The thought of him not wanting me to leave sends an attack of happiness in my belly.
“I’ve got work in the morning.” I grab my black flat shoes and slide them on.
“I wasn’t giving you an option. “
“I said no.”
“Thumbelina,” he says the nickname he gave me gently like he’s pleading with a long-lost lover. “What’s wrong? You’ve been distant lately.” His tone is laced with concern. Concern that I don’t need. Concern that feeds me false hope. I haven’t thought about what I’m going to do about me working as their manager or my future. For once I don’t have my future mapped out. Normally, I plan everything, but I’m as lost as Waldo.
“Nothing. It’s… just work-related stuff.”
“You’re not leaving until we talk about this.” His face is littered with too much determination.
“You would make a good boyfriend, you know that?”
“I’m pretty sure I would. It’s not every day you meet a god with a eight inch dick who does pillow talk,” he states it like it’s a fact, and I roll my eyes.
“You love serving your cockiness on a silver platter.”
“You should be riding my cock, right now.” He pauses. “Real talk, though. Tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”
I pause for a few moments, debating if I should tell him about my dad and the whole situation. Maybe I can get it from a different perspective. Felix doesn’t know my father personally, so he would be unbiased to the situation.
“My dad announced that he’s making my older brother CEO of the company. And I’m so pissed at him because the only reason why he gave it to him is because he’s a guy and he’s his favorite child. He’s always given everything to him. Everything. While I always had to work for everything to prove myself to him to get anything. Even his love. My brother didn’t go to college to get his degree, all he did was shadow under my dad. I went to Harvard; I even took a position at the company so I could learn the ins and out so I could prove to him that I’m fit for the job. When Brody was fired, I took the job as your manager so I could prove to him that I can do whatever job is thrown my way. I’m sick of proving my worth to him.” My words come out rushed and salty.
He pulls me down back on the bed, remove my shoe
s, tossing them back on the carpet.
“Did your dad ask you to do all that stuff?” Then he yanks my legs over him, making me straddle him, and I have a direct line to his hard cock. “Did he ask you to go to college, work for his company and be our manager?”
“Well… no.”
“Would you have gone to Harvard if you knew he wasn’t going to give you that position?”
“I don’t know.” I grab my hair and chew the end of it.
“Your dad never asked you to do those things, and he already had his mind made up that the job was your brother’s. That’s the harsh reality of it, Thumbelina. People tend to want to prove themselves to others, and most of the time people already have their minds made up about us.” His words sucker punch me in the gut and hurt yanks the inside of my belly.
“It hurts when you put it in perspective. I just feel so lost and don’t know what to do.” I pause. “I made a fool of myself about this job.”
He strokes my cheeks and heat slithers around my neck, creeping its way up to my cheeks. “No, you didn’t. You were just a broken little girl who was trying to prove your worth to your dad by using your career to get close to him.”
I lie my head on his chest and listen to his steady heartbeat as he strokes my back. He holds me as if I’m his girlfriend, and for a split second, I entertain the idea of being his. The idea of having someone to come home to. I entertain the idea that we can be long-term.
Then I get my head out of the clouds and know that we will never happen, so I pull myself away from his delicious body and lie beside him. Hoping, he will catch my drift that this is too intimate and intense for me.
He tilts his head to the side. “Get up, I want to take you somewhere.”
“Where are we going this late at night?”
“It’s a surprise.” He eyes my clothes like they are foreign objects. “Change into your night clothes, we’re going to do a lot of walking.”
And I do, I change into my pink funnel shorts with matching tank top, and I follow him to his truck. He opens my door. I slide in, strapping my seat belt on, the leather hissing as I lie back in the seat. Felix gets in and plays a song off one of their current albums, Love Defies Us, and the lyrics touch my soul.
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