“Ah-mazing,” I said, excitement running through me.
“They fart rainbows,” Ethan said dryly as he pushed toward the herd.
“Shut up! They do?” I practically danced after him.
“No.”
“Your attitude is not going to ruin this for me,” I said.
“I’ve never seen a guy react this way,” Wally said, jogging after us. “It’s refreshing that you are so secure in your masculinity as to be giddy over a unicorn.”
“Wait, you guys.”
Pete stood in the buff, pointing to a second herd behind us. Similar to the first, this group had two large differences: size…and wings!
“Ohmygod, ohmygod!” I jumped in place and clapped, not caring who saw me. “I didn’t even know unicorns could have wings! This is such a great day. The best. I could die now and die happy!”
Wally’s head tilted to the side as she looked at me, as though she were sussing out a secret.
I tried to tone it down. I did, but I just couldn’t.
“Those are ten times harder to ride,” Pete said. “Especially for me and Orin, since we smell like predators. We’d have to ride those to get the gold.” He shrugged. “But we’ve already won two challenges. Just getting to the end, riding a plenty-hard-but-not-impossible unicorn will still be a win.”
Ethan was already walking toward the winged unicorns, his expression set. I followed him without a second thought. This wasn’t about the money. If I had a choice between riding and flying, it was flying all day long.
“Why ride a unicorn when you could ride a winged unicorn?” I said excitedly.
“Alicorn,” Wally said, jogging to catch up to me. “The winged variety are called alicorn.”
“Good to know.” I sidestepped a pile of poop much like horse poop, but for one crucial difference. “Their poop glitters?!”
“Yeah. It’s really annoying to clean up. If you get hit with it, the glitter sticks for days, then everyone knows you got hit with unicorn dung,” Pete said dourly, looking between us. “Who grabbed my clothes?”
Ethan slowed about fifty paces from the alicorn herd, his focus intense. The rest of us swapped identical oops expressions.
“No one grabbed my clothes?” Pete demanded. “Seriously?”
“Do you always expect people to pick up after you?” Wally asked, no remorse.
“It’s a fair question,” Orin said. “I think your mother did you a disservice there.”
Pete’s mouth dropped open. He looked at me imploringly, and I barely kept from audibly siding with Wally and making him feel like everyone was ganging up on him. Pete’s clothes had been the last thing on my mind when he’d changed, and he certainly hadn’t mentioned it, either before he changed, or when in animal form.
I shrugged. “Sorry.”
“Sorry? How the hell am I going to ride one of these without clothes?” Pete demanded. “I can barely ride a unicorn with clothes, and those were the tamed ones without wings!”
“This might be a little awkward for you, Pete, but I think you’re about to find out how to ride one without clothes,” I hurried forward. This time, the guilt was alive and well. He had handed me his sweats, but I’d dropped them back in the savannah.
“Approach slowly, but without fear,” Ethan said softly, and I got the impression he was talking himself through it. “If the one you approach tries to nip or bite, dodge, back away, and give it another moment to adjust. Keep your hands out and up, showing them you are not trying to hurt them. If it tries to gore you with its horn, you’ve lost its trust. Choose another. Assuming you don’t have a new hole in you.”
“Are they as smart as horses?” I asked, sinking down into my game face. It was not easy. Glee kept bubbling up in my gut.
“Smarter. They can reason, to an extent. They have the intelligence of a chimpanzee,” Wally said.
Chimps were smart enough to truly interact according to my education from the Animal Planet channel. “Do they know sign language?”
That question stumped Wally. “I don’t think so? But I suppose it’s possible.”
“What would it take to have one of these as a pet?” I wondered out loud. I could already see an alicorn in our back field, giving Whiskers a run for his money. I didn’t bother to suppress a grin.
“These aren’t pets,” Pete said, scratching his bare chest with one hand, his other hand covering his man bits. “Unicorns can be domesticated, but no one has ever domesticated an alicorn.”
“But they’ve been ridden?” I asked as the danger of the situation finally began to seep in, dulling the previous joy and excitement.
“Yes,” Ethan replied. “Rarely, but they have been ridden. It’s why they’re part of the trials.”
“Fair enough.” I pushed out a breath and shook out my hands. “If it’s possible, it’s worth a try.”
“I vote we let the farm boy go first, seeing as he is rather overconfident,” Orin said.
“You guys always vote that I go first, and it hasn’t had anything to do with the farm before,” I grumbled, not waiting for everyone to agree. They’d probably just shove me toward the herd, anyway.
Besides, this time, I wanted to go first. I wanted nothing more than to breathe in the smell of these fantastic creatures, to hop up and go for a ride.
Getting into the right mindset, I didn’t approach the herd as slowly as Ethan might’ve, and I didn’t keep my hands up and out like a teller in a bank robbery. Those two actions would’ve unconsciously relayed nervousness in the lines of my body, something an animal would pick up on immediately. Instead, I approached the fabulous horned creatures like I had Whiskers when I’d newly acquired him: with respect but no fear. The good news was, these creatures didn’t weigh as much as the two-ton bull, and they had half the number of horns. I was already ahead of the game.
I approached the nearest of the alicorns, a smaller beast a little removed from the rest of the herd. Its head shot up and its eyes pinned to me, its white wings tucked into its sides. They’d have a whole language with those wings, I just knew it. Pity I didn’t know the words that went with it.
“Easy now,” I said, not unlike Rory had said to me the night before. I slowed my advance. “Easy.”
It huffed through its nose and shook its head, its mane sparkling in the sun.
“Good lord, you are striking,” I said, unable to help it. “Congratulations on being the most awesome of beasts. You won the genetic lottery.”
It lowered its head minutely, tracking my advance as the other alicorns watched us.
“But I can tell you’re not amused. Maybe you don’t want to be here,” I said softly, changing my trajectory. “I get it. I’m a stranger. A stinky stranger with blood and sweat and wolf smell on me. I think you’re too low on the totem pole to take a chance on letting me ride you. I hear you.”
I backed up and did a slow perusal of the herd. This time I chose the largest, an alicorn stallion, with a proud bearing, jet black coat, and light red eyes. With his solid frame, robust chest, and muscular physique, this animal would fetch a pretty penny at the livestock auction. Stud fees on him would be enormous. He held his wings a little looser than the first alicorn I’d approached, their tips at a slant from his body.
You need to learn their body language, I noted to myself.
“Hey,” I said, and this time I did put out my hands, but not to demonstrate my lack of a weapon. In fact, I turned to show him the knife on my hip. An intelligent animal would know that humans were the top of the food chain. They wouldn’t trust us. It was better to show you knew that.
At least, I hoped it was. I’d be shipped off to the unicorns if not.
I bowed my head a little, submitting. He was the boss here, and I respected that.
“I’d like to ride you,” I said, knowing the intention of the words would color the positioning of my body. “My friends need a ride too. The shifters put you here. Hopefully with your blessing?” I paused, because that’s what you di
d when you asked a question to an animal that couldn’t understand you or answer, right?
My boot squished in sparkly poop as I continued my advance, and I wasn’t even sad. The glittery residue would be a good conversation starter.
“If you didn’t form some sort of peace treaty with them, you probably would’ve charged me already, I think.” Two steps closer and the fantastic beast lifted his head. A tremor ran through his wings, and he held them a little away from his body, bristling. Another step, ten feet away now, and he lowered his head, pointing the foot-long weapon in the center of his forehead at my face.
“Yeah, I hear ya. That would hurt.” I kept moving forward, moving through a small tingle of fear shaking my limbs. “But I’m not going to hurt you.”
He stamped his foot, ears pinning back, and blew a loud snort that cut the air like a bugle, sharp and shocking. Challenge accepted.
“Only the biggest, baddest, assholes try to ride you, right? Try to force you into submission?”
I stepped forward again. And again, only five feet away now. The air sizzled with the pent-up energy rolling off him. I ignored another stamp of his hoof. The pressure of anticipation wound up my insides.
“But you only allow the alphas to ride. Not the assholes who call themselves alphas because of their fragile egos, but the real alphas, right?” I swallowed, wondering if I should step forward again, or wait for the alicorn to make his move. I kept talking to stall and a drip of sweat ran between my breasts. “Real alphas wouldn’t force a creature like you to submit. Those guys garner respect through trust and level-headedness.
“They don’t strive to be the loudest in the room—they can sit quietly in the back, confident in themselves and their abilities. I’ve always wanted to date one of those guys, but they are surprisingly hard to find. So often, Mr. Alpha is a big dickhead who would throw you to the gargoyles while he escaped another way.”
“You’d salivate at the chance to be with me,” Ethan called out from a safe distance away.
“So he’s gay, then?” Wally asked. “That would explain the unicorn fetish.”
I smiled, a soft laugh escaping me as I kept my hands wide, feeling as though I were standing on a knife’s blade. One misstep, and I’d be dodging a horn thrust or a front kick.
“But that guy I described,” I said, “doesn’t have to be a guy.”
The alicorn’s wings snapped close to his body, and his head bobbed up, his mouth opening to expose some pearly white chompers. He reached forward, as I’d feared, intending to take a chunk out of my shoulder.
I reacted without thinking and dodged to the side. My right hook smashed into the sensitive if brutally hard-boned area just below his eye, a scary and painful spot on any creature who depended on sight for their safety and the safety of their herd. I grimaced and fought not to shake my hand. Damn it, that better have worked or I’d have a sore hand for nothing.
His head jerked up and he danced back. His eyes glowed crimson, and I nearly peed myself with fright. Two other alicorns bugled, the sound sharper and louder than the call of any natural horse. It resonated through the air, pushing against my chest and forcing me back a step. Another alicorn tossed its head, and a fourth pawed at the ground nervously. The whole herd’s wings were pressed tightly to their bodies, like a boxer with his hands pulled in.
I put out my hands in a well? Smiling and not sure why. “We’re even. Don’t try to bite, and I won’t punch you in the face.”
He whinnied and bucked once, then struck out at the air with his front hooves, one at a time. His wings snapped out to the sides with a sound like a loose sail taking a gust of wind. My heart leapt, but I didn’t so much as flinch. Instead of jogging backward and trying another approach like I would with a wild horse that needed to be gentled before it could be ridden, I stood my ground with grim determination. It took every ounce of courage I possessed.
The alicorn hopped, spun, and kicked out those two feet back again, the wind coming off them way too close for comfort. He pumped his wings, slapping me with a gust of air, and then rose and did it a second time.
I did not budge, but stood staring into his angry, glowing eyes, hoping I wasn’t about to die with glittering unicorn poop on my shoes.
Chapter 15
Another of the creatures, at the far edge of the herd, whinnied and tossed its head before trotting our way. The alicorns parted way for the newcomer, almost reverently, as though this alicorn was something special. The male alicorn in front of me blew a loud snort but backed off a few feet, bobbing its head. One ear cocked forward, the other toward the newcomer, and his eyes no longer pinched at the edges with irritation.
I just barely kept myself from letting out a shaky sigh.
The smaller alicorn, a female, moved in beside the male, her movements lither than her counterpart’s. With a gray coat covered in huge dapples and a dark mane and tail that shimmered with sparkles, she was stunning. But her wings were what truly drew my notice. The sunlight moved across them like a living thing, highlighting either a golden sheen or the colors of a rainbow depending on how the light touched the feathers. It was the most breathtakingly beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
I moved to her without thinking. Without hesitation. No bravado needed. I paused beside her flank and waited until she bent a front leg, just a little, before hopping up and onto her back, using her mane to steady me.
“Holy cats—”
Pete’s words were lost in the snap of her wings spreading out, one side above the male. She pulled them back in and trotted a bit before turning, allowing me to be the passenger. I let her have all the control, not using my legs to steer like I would one of our old ponies back home. An expectant stillness rolled through the herd.
“She’s waiting for you guys to pick, I think,” I called out, totally guessing on that one. But why else would she be waiting? They must know why they were in these trials.
Ethan was the first to saunter forward with his shoulders swinging and his head high. As expected, he headed directly for the large male I’d just proven myself to. Not following his own advice from earlier, apparently thinking I had it all locked down and he could coast, like normal, he didn’t slow in his approach or put out his hands. He just waltzed over and reached out to the alicorn.
The male pushed forward, fast and powerful, jutting out his wings and swinging his head low. His horn cut through the air, inches from Ethan’s chest as Ethan backpedaled with comically rounded eyes. The alicorn tucked his wings back into his body, and the edge sliced across Ethan’s skin.
“Walk away,” I called out, fear churning low in my gut. My cockeyed grin didn’t match my tone. Part of me couldn’t help but cheer this creature for putting Ethan in his damn place. “He’s not meant for you.”
“I thought you said we could pick,” Ethan yelled out, his face red.
“I said I think you can pick, moron. I don’t speak their sign language, remember?”
Wally added, “Technically no one speaks sign language—”
“Just pick another,” I yelled at Ethan, cutting her off.
Wally and Orin left Pete standing on his own, cupping his junk and staring at the herd. They each chose the closest alicorn to them. Orin approached his quarry with his head and body slightly bowed, the perfect posture for submission. The alicorn tried to gore him, flapping its wings and swinging its daunting horn. Without hesitation, he approached the next alicorn, which accepted him, and gracefully hopped onto its back, not blustering once.
Wally was easily accepted by the first one she approached. Her issue came with trying to get on. She jumped over and fell off the other side. Grabbed the mane and tried to scramble up, only to slip again. I was pretty sure her alicorn was laughing at her, tossing its head up and down and flapping its lips.
Ten minutes later, after Wally had finally managed to mount with an assist from one of her alicorn’s wings, and Ethan had found an alicorn that would accept him, it was just Pete on his two feet in the fie
ld, staring at us with somber eyes.
“I’d be okay just calling it a day,” he said in a low voice. “I’ve passed two trials—and I helped to get us here through the first two legs of the course. That oughta be plenty to get accepted into the academy. It would be more gold for you guys.”
“Come on, Pete, this is your house. You need to finish strong,” I said. “We all need to finish this, including your bare butt.”
“Do you have any idea what it feels like to ride a horse bareback?” he demanded.
“Yes,” I replied.
“With your balls hanging out?”
I grimaced. “Got me there.”
“And horsehair up the crack of your ass?”
“Again, not a clue.”
“Do you?” Wally asked seriously.
“Of course, I don’t,” he retorted, his face screwed up in anger.
“Sorry, it was just the way you were asking. I assumed—”
“And I’d rather not know!” he finished.
“Come on, Pete. Take one for the team, buddy,” I called. “I got us in the door. You need to take us home.”
“Dang it.” He shook his head and shot a longing look at the unicorns.
“Those won’t feel any better on your bells and whistle,” I yelled. “Go big or go home, Pete!”
Grumbling the whole way, he walked into the alicorn herd and stopped by the first available alicorn. It pranced out of the way. The next did the same.
“Come on, buddy, put your best game face on,” I said, holding down giggles. It was pretty funny to watch Pete’s bare butt wiggle remarkably like it did in his honey badger form.
“Easy for you to say,” he groused. “You have pants.”
I barked out laughter, I couldn’t help it.
“No one ever said winning these challenges would be easy,” I called.
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