by M. K. Eidem
"Boarding school?"
"I don't know if you have them here. The closest thing I've heard to them is your Academy."
"At nine cycles?" Jacinda couldn't believe it. Carinian children didn't enter the Academy until they were fourteen cycles, and even then Jacinda had thought it too young when her own children went.
"Yes. It really hurt Cassie, made her pull away from people to books. Knowledge, she used to say, never left you."
Both women were silent for a moment, then Cyndy suddenly stood and walked to the stone.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you about all that. No one wants to hear something like that, especially a stranger."
"Cyndy..." Jacinda slowly walked to the small woman. "Have you talked to anyone about this?"
"They all already know about it, so why talk about it?"
"I'm not talking about the actual events. I'm talking about the guilt you feel."
"Guilt?" Cyndy turned confused eyes to her.
"Yes, guilt, about being grateful that the other three didn't make it to the bunker," Jacinda said quietly.
"That's not true!" Cyndy nearly shouted at her. "I'm not grateful! That would make me..."
"Human," Jacinda finished before Cyndy could. "Your son is alive because they didn't make it. Your husband is alive because they didn't make it. You are alive because of it. It makes you human."
"It makes me a monster, a horrible person."
"No, it doesn't."
"Cassie, Tori and Jacob they all died..."
"But they didn't die," Jacinda broke in, "not all of them."
"I didn't know that then."
"But you do now. Cyndy, I can't begin to imagine what you went through. Believing you'd lost nearly your entire family. Being sealed in that bunker and having to deliver a baby, not knowing if it was the only world he'd ever know. As parents, we always want the best for our children and try to give it to them. I'm sure you did what you could."
"I did. It wasn't much, but..."
"And from what I've seen of him, he isn't suffering any lasting effects from that time. He's growing, playing, interacting with his cousins."
"He is, he still needs to build up his strength and catch up on his schooling, but I've never seen him smile so much."
"And Peter, he's back doing what he loves."
"Yes."
"And now you know that Cassandra and Victoria are fine too. Your daughter is beautiful, wed to her life mate, and has a career that she loves."
"Yes."
"And Cassandra the Queen, wed to one of the finest men I've ever met, with a family of her own."
"Yes."
"You also know that Jacob," Jacinda looked at the stone, "never intended on getting into that bunker."
"No, he didn't."
"Then let go of the guilt. As terrible as it all was, it was the only way it could have happened for you all to survive. And while I never had the privilege of meeting Jacob Chamberlain, I do believe he would want you to forgive yourself."
"He would," Cyndy whispered.
"Then do it. Only you can. You have so much of your life left to live, Cyndy." Jacinda paused, then asked the question she rarely would. "How old are you anyway? I know Victoria is eighteen, but you don't look a day over thirty."
Cyndy just looked at Jacinda, stunned for a moment, then started to laugh... and laugh... and laugh until tears were streaming down her face and she had to wrap her arms around her stomach because it hurt so much.
"I'm thirty-nine," she finally got out.
"Seriously?" Jacinda's eyes narrowed. "I think I hate you."
"Really?" Cyndy asked wiping away her tears. "Why? I've honestly never seen a woman as beautiful as you. When you and Jotham walked in this morning, you stole my breath. The two of you together... my God, you looked perfect together."
"I... thank you. It's still new and we're trying to find our way."
"Aren't we all?"
The statement was revealing to Jacinda. "Cyndy, I'd like to ask you a question if you don't mind, but I don't want to insult you."
"Ask."
"What did you do back on your planet? Were you just a wife and mother or did you do something else? I don't mean that as an insult because it's basically what I am."
"It didn't sound that way around the table," Cyndy told her moving to sit back down on the bench. "It sounds to me like you were instrumental in making sure the Royals were safe when they were out with the Fleet."
"No one is ever 'safe' when they are out in the Fleet."
"But you did what you could, and that means my nephews are safer because of it, so thank you."
Jacinda blushed at the compliment. "So what about you? Tell me about Cyndy Chamberlain."
"Cyndy Chamberlain..." Cyndy leaned back, putting her arms on the back edge of the bench to support her weight as she closed her eyes, then tipped her head back to absorb the warmth of the Carinian suns. It was something she'd never get enough of. "Well, I started out life as Cyndy Griffin, a small town girl with a big dream."
"What was your dream?"
"To sing. To sing so beautifully that the whole world stopped and listened." She chuckled at the unrealistic dream. "I was so young when I dreamed that."
"How old were you?"
"Five."
"Five!" Jacinda couldn't believe it. At five, all she knew she wanted was another cookie.
"Hmmm, all I ever did was sing, from the moment I woke up to the time I went to bed. It drove my parents crazy so they finally hired a teacher, hoping that being forced to sing would make me not want to. They were wrong. It just made me sing more. By the time I was ten I was winning competitions and by twelve I had a record deal."
"Record deal?"
"It was something on Earth that allowed me to make music and get paid for it."
"At twelve?"
"Hmmm, I was considered an amazing new star. I started touring, going out to sing in front of large groups of people and making lots of money... credits. It pretty much destroyed my family."
"I don't understand? You and Peter?"
"Not that family, my parents." Cyndy sighed heavily. "You see back on Earth, a person wasn't considered an 'adult' capable of making their own decisions until they were eighteen."
"It’s similar here although there are exceptions."
"There were on Earth too and at sixteen I discovered that my parents, who were in charge of my finances, were spending every penny I made. There should have been millions set aside for me and there wasn't. So I went to court and became what was called an emancipated minor, meaning I was considered an adult and could control my life and finances. My parents never talked to me again, unless they needed money."
"I'm sorry."
"So am I, but it’s the way it was. So anyway, I continued to tour. Then I did a concert for the troops, the military like your coalition, and I met Peter."
"How old were you?"
"Just turned twenty. He just stood there, beside the stage and watched me. He didn't sing along or hoot and scream. He just watched me like I was the only person in the room. I was used to people, especially guys, trying to make me feel special, but he did."
"You loved him."
"From the moment I saw him, but we came from such different worlds. I was always travelling and he had to stay at his base. If I could come visit, he would suddenly have to leave on a mission. It just wasn't going to work."
"But it did."
"Yeah, but not until after a lot of heartache and soul searching. When I got pregnant with Tori, I stopped touring. It was only supposed to be for a couple years, but then the Regulians took her, and she was so traumatized.... She was getting better and I was just starting to consider going back when they returned."
"The Regulians?"
"Yes, and the rest you know."
"You've had an amazing life, Cyndy."
"I guess that's one word for it."
"What word would you use?"
"Insignificant."
"Because I have nothing to contribute here."
"I..."
"My daughter is full grown and happy, she doesn't need me. My son is growing and learning about things I know nothing about, and I can't help him. My husband... well he's back doing what he's always excelled at, training and protecting. They've all found their place here and then there's me... sitting in a Memory Garden staring at a stone."
"Then find your place."
"How? It's not like I have any skills that are needed here."
"You can still sing, can't you?"
"Well, yeah... not as well as I used to, the dust... but I'm sure no one on Carina would want to hear it."
"Come on," Jacinda stood and held out her hand. After a moment’s hesitation, Cyndy took it.
"Where are we going?"
"I happen to know someone that would know if anyone would want to 'hear' it."
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
Palma stood dumbfounded in the doorway. She'd had no idea who could be at her front door at this time of the day, but it definitely hadn't been her sister and the Queen's sister-in-law, she was the image of her daughter, Victoria.
"Are you going to let us in, Palma, or just stand there?" Jacinda asked.
"I... what... Oh, sorry. Of course. Please, come in." Stepping back, she allowed them in then led them into her living room. "Please. Sit."
"Palma, this is Cyndy Chamberlain. Queen Cassandra's sister-in-law."
"An honor to meet you, Princess Cyndy," Palma curtsied slightly.
"Uh, what? I'm not a princess," Cyndy instantly denied.
"Umm, Cyndy," Jacinda spoke up. "Actually you are. Your husband is the Queen's brother, which means, had they grown up on Carina their mother would have been the Queen, making Peter a Prince and you as his wife, a Princess.
"Well shit," Cyndy spit out, making Jacinda smile.
"Cyndy, this is my sister, Palma Metaxas."
"It's a pleasure to meet you," Cyndy replied. Getting over the shock that she had a title, she let her eyes travel from Palma around the room, stopping on what looked like a piano.
"Would you like something to drink? Coffee maybe?" Palma asked.
Jacinda watched Cyndy closely and immediately noticed how she seemed to still when she saw the Pianola tucked into the corner of the room and hid her smile.
"Why don't I help you make some coffee." Jacinda rose from the couch. "I brought you some of Pittaluga's special blend."
"You did!" Palma asked excitedly.
"Yes, and Cyndy has never had it before. Cyndy, we'll just be a few minutes. Make yourself at home." Jacinda told her even though it was her sister's house, taking Palma's arm she led her away.
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
"Jacinda, what in the name of the ancestors is going on?" Palma demanded as soon as they were out of earshot. "You show up here without even calling..."
"Can't I come visit my sister if I want?" Jacinda asked, trying not to smile.
"Of course you can! You know that! Stop trying to change the subject. You show up and you bring with you the Queen's newly arrived sister-in-law. The one it's being whispered about that is on her deathbed. The one no one has been allowed to see. You bring her here? With no Royal Guards?"
"Really? She hasn't been allowed to meet anyone?" Jacinda frowned at the 'royal guards' part.
"Only trusted Palace staff, like Javiera, and you know how tight-lipped they can be."
"Yes."
"So how did you sneak her out of the Palace? No, the better question is what were you doing at the Palace?"
"What I'm doing there can wait for another time." Jacinda held up a finger silencing her sister. "Seriously, I'll tell you, but what matters right now is Cyndy."
"Why? What's wrong with her?"
"Nothing is wrong with her, she's just struggling with all the changes she's had to face. Palma," Jacinda looked her sister straight in the eye. "I have never met a more amazing woman. What she's survived... the life she had on Earth... I want her to have just as an amazing life here, and I need you to help me with that."
"Me!" Palma squeaked. "What can I possibly do?"
"Palma," just as Jacinda started to speak, they both heard the first tentative notes coming from the Pianola. The notes of someone exploring the instrument for the first time. Slowly, the notes grew in strength and confidence turning into a melody.
"She's..."
"A musician. An artist. A singer."
"That's what she was on Earth?" Palma couldn't hide her shock.
"Yes, and she doesn't think she can continue to do that here, that there is no place for her here. That's why I brought her to you."
"Is she any good?"
No sooner had Palma asked, a husky voice joined the melody playing on the Pianola, and both women froze. Coffee forgotten, they let the music wrap around them and it dared them to come closer.
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
Cyndy couldn't take her eyes off what she knew was a musical instrument, tucked away in the corner of the room. It was obviously well used and loved and it called to her.
Rising, she moved closer and saw that it resembled a piano, even down to the black and white keys. She needed to know if it sounded the same. Sitting down, she ran her fingers over the keys and smiled. It was the same. Amazing.
Without conscious thought, her fingers began to play an old familiar melody and she smiled. When it ended, she played it again, hesitantly adding the words, testing the feel of them, wondering if she could still sing them. What she discovered was that her voice was huskier, deeper, more mature than it had been the last time that she had sung the song and she suddenly realized she'd never truly sung it before. Oh she’d thought she had, thought that she had fully understood the words about not knowing her own strength, but she had been a child then, one who had yet to experience the traumas life could inflict on someone. Now she truly understood and sang with a conviction in her attitude and voice she'd never had before.
When she finished, she felt as if a piece of her very soul had been returned to her. With tears freely flowing down her face, she closed the lid to the Pianola.
"That was the most incredible thing I've ever heard," Palma whispered, tears running down her own cheeks as she stood at the opposite end of the Pianola.
"I'm sorry," Cyndy stood, wiping the tears from her own eyes before clasping her hands behind her back as if she were a naughty child caught doing something she shouldn't. "I shouldn't have played it without asking."
"Ancestors, Cyndy, why would you think that?" Jacinda asked.
"Because... well I mean I could have damaged it or something."
"Cyndy," Palma moved closer to her, "that Pianola has been in my husband's family for hundreds of cycles. It's a treasured family heirloom that my husband plays daily, and in all the cycles we've been wed, I've never heard a more beautiful sound come from it."
"I... thank you. I still shouldn't have..."
"Done something you loved? Something that made you feel whole?" Jacinda asked.
"How could you possibly have known that?"
"Because I heard it, Cyndy. In your voice. My ancestors, if this is you singing not as well as you used to then, I can't imagine what you sounded like before. It must have been like hearing the universe sing."
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
"What do you mean she's not in the Palace?" Jotham demanded surging to his feet. He and William had just finished up a two-hour comm with Lucas. The Guardian had been sent to investigate the explosion on Nuga, as they were the closest ship to the planet. It had been the largest loss of life on the planet since the Regulians had attacked back in 49 and they all wanted answers.
"I'm sorry, Majesty," Deffand spoke. "I was only just informed she had left the Palace. Apparently
, the order regarding her security level wasn't immediately relayed to the Palace guard. When she requested a limisin, one was issued."
"Jotham," William spoke up. "She will be alright."
"I might add, High Admiral, that she left with Princess Cyndy."
"What!" Now William surged to his feet. "With no Royal guards?!!"
"Two Palace guards accompanied them."
"Where did they go?" William demanded.
"The guards reported that they went directly to Palma Metaxas' residence."
"Hadar!" William roared.
"Yes, High Admiral!" Hadar came rushing into the office.
"Have my limisin brought around immediately. Tell Paa I want two more filled with Royal Guards."
"Yes, High Admiral!" Hadar hurried away to follow his orders.
"If Cassandra finds out about this, there will be hell to pay," William muttered, looking at Jotham. "What was Jacinda thinking taking Cyndy outside the Palace walls?"
Jotham bristled at the condemnation in his friend’s gaze. "First of all, why shouldn't Cyndy be allowed outside the Palace walls, and second, why is Cassandra treating Jacinda this way!"
"Jotham..."
"Don't use that tone on me, Will. Cassandra spoke to Jacinda as if she were the enemy as if she were someone to suspect."
"The same way you treated Cassandra when you first met her?"
"Are you saying this is some kind of payback?"
"NO! I'm just saying the situations are similar. You are someone Cassandra greatly cares about and respects. She knows you've been hurt in the past and doesn't want it to happen again. And Jotham, we both know the lengths she will go to protect those she loves."
"I don't need protection from Jacinda. What I need is for my friends to accept that she is in my life."
"Give her some time, Jotham. Cassandra doesn't know Jacinda the way we do, she doesn't know that she has had struggles of her own. You know, I hate to admit it, but I'm almost afraid of what will happen when those two becomes friends. Can you imagine?"
Jotham looked at his friend thoughtfully. Jacinda had always been a confident and powerful woman in his Assembly. He knew she and Evadne Terwilliger, as wives of the longest-serving Assemblymen, had seen to many of the duties Lata would have performed, had she lived, when especially important events occurred within the House of Protection. What would she do if she had complete authority?