by M. K. Eidem
"No, Willie." William was instantly up and at Willie's side, pulling his trembling son into his arms. "No, Willie. You did nothing wrong. You followed every rule we gave you perfectly. Jacinda isn't 'wrong people' and Sabah is fine."
"Can I go check?" Willie questioned. "I want to make sure."
"Go." William put Willie down and the boy immediately scurried out of the room, the last bite of his Torta forgotten.
"Boys, if you're done you can go play," William told them as he returned to his chair.
"Yes, Father." Kayden immediately stood and left the room.
"Yes, Father." Jacob followed Kayden.
"Yes, Uncle William." Brett followed Jacob and they all followed Willie. Silence was left in their wake.
Jacinda looked from Peter to Cyndy to Cassandra to William, then to Jotham before finally returning back to Cassandra.
"Sabah wasn't fussy when we arrived for first meal and you weren't 'putting her down' before last meal because it was her normal time."
"No," Cassandra answered.
"I see." Jacinda nodded her face blank. She couldn't believe how much it hurt. She, better than most, understood why the birthmarks needed to be kept hidden. She even understood William and Cassandra not telling her, but Jotham? Jotham, who claimed he wanted her to be a part of his life? Part of his friends’ lives? Yet he kept something like this from her when she'd told him about her birthmark? Their being together was going to be hard enough, but if there wasn't trust they didn't have a chance.
"Jacinda..." Jotham reached out, but she pulled her hand out of reach.
"Just so it's on the record," Jacinda stared directly into Cassandra's eyes, ignoring Jotham. "I would never reveal what I accidentally learned here today. It would serve no purpose but to stir up the purists and they have never been among my favorite people. The ancestors have allowed this to happen for a reason and it's not my place to dispute them."
"Thank you, Jacinda." It was William who spoke.
"Not a problem, High Admiral." Jacinda looked to the man she'd always considered a friend and suddenly realized she had been naive. He was the High Admiral and a King, not her friend because of a casual acquaintance over forty cycles ago. Lifting the napkin from her lap, she wiped her mouth then set it on the table. "Thank you for a lovely meal. If you'll excuse me, I think I'll retire. The trip here seems to have tired me more than I expected."
Jotham immediately pushed his chair back as she rose.
"No." She touched his shoulder momentarily. "Stay. I know you have things to discuss with the High Admiral. Cyndy. Peter." She nodded to each of them, then with a last look at Jotham left the room.
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
"That could have gone better." Jotham threw his own napkin down disgusted with himself. Rising, he began to pace.
He had seen the betrayal and hurt that had flashed through Jacinda's eyes before they'd gone blank, blocking him from her thoughts. How had things gone so bad, so quickly? He hadn't considered that Cassandra and William were initially keeping Sabah away from Jacinda. It had never occurred to him, but Jacinda had instantly understood.
The boys' birthmarks, while unusual, could be explained by stating that William's bloodline was that strong. But Sabah's..... The birthmark for the House of Protection had never appeared on a female before.
Just like the birthmark for the House of Healing had never appeared on one. Yet Jacinda carried it, over her heart instead of on her hand, but she still carried it. She had trusted him with that secret.
He hadn't trusted her...
Not with any of his secrets.
How could they truly build a relationship without trust?
Trust took time to build and it was the one thing Jotham had little of. Because he'd intentionally made it that way. To fill the empty nights and the emptiness inside him. Both were filled now, with Jacinda, because of Jacinda. If he lost her now, it would be his own fault.
Gripping the cool stone of the balcony railing, Jotham was surprised to find himself outside, overlooking the Queen's Garden bathed in the light of the full moon. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled the dry, lightly-scented air of Kisurri, so different from the moist air of his own garden back in Pechora. A garden filled with the scent of roses.
Roses Lata had planted.
Roses given to her by Jacinda’s mother.
The two were as intricately intertwined in his life as the stems of that bush were.
"It will be okay, Jotham. Jacinda will understand."
"Oh, she understands now, Will. She understands perfectly." Jotham tipped his head up to look at the stars. They had once seemed so exciting for him, the thought of getting out there and exploring them. And he had, for a while, but they didn't pull at him now the way they did as a young man. Now all he wanted was to be here with Jacinda.
"I should never have gone on that second tour, Will."
"What?" William looked at his friend in shock, wondering at the change in topic.
"I was only required to serve one cycle, but I wanted everyone to know that I wasn't there just for a token assignment like it was for Dadrian. I wanted everyone to know that I earned every medal I wear on my jacket, that my father hadn't just granted them to me."
"You did, Jotham. No one can ever dispute that."
"But why did I let it matter so much? The only person's opinion that should have mattered to me was Lata's. That decision that need cost me a cycle with Lata. It cost you your Union with Salish.
"We were young, Jotham, trying to find our way."
"Would you make the same decision now as you did then, Will? If you were needed, would you return to the Fleet, leaving your wife and children behind, knowing you may never see them again?"
"No." William didn't even have to think about it. "I've done my time, Jotham. I know who I am and know I've earned my position. I've sacrificed and lost for it. I won't do it again."
"Neither will I." Jotham turned to his friend and straightened. When he spoke, he spoke to him as the King of the House of Protection to the High Admiral. "I am officially informing the High Admiral that I am recalling Prince Barek Tibullus from active duty in the Fleet."
"What?" William couldn't hide his shock.
"I want him back on planet within two weeks."
"He's going to be furious."
"It doesn't matter. Its time he started to learn the duties of the King. He can't do that serving in the Fleet."
"Jotham," William felt his throat tightening. "Are you ill?"
"No." Jotham dropped his 'Royal air' when he saw the honest concern in Will's eyes. "No, Will, I'm perfectly healthy but I'm tired. I'm tired of carrying this burden alone and I've been reminded that I don't have to."
"By Jacinda."
"Yes. I don't want Barek to have to go through what I did, Will. Being thrown into the position when your father suddenly dies. I had so little training on what the King's role truly was and had no one I felt I could truly rely on. If it hadn't been for Stephan Michelakakis, I don't know what I would have done."
"Is that why you supported his and Jacinda's Union?"
"No. I supported their Union because it was the right thing to do. Can you imagine what we would have lost if my father had forced him out?"
"I'm sure King Kado wouldn't have..."
"He sent Stephan a letter, Will," Jotham's eyes were hard as he met his. "It told him to choose between his wife and his position."
"Seriously?" William couldn't hide his shock.
"He sent it right before he died. Jacinda told me about it, so I had Chesney go through my father's old papers and there it was. How could I not have known my mother and father were 'purists'?"
"Jotham..."
"If he'd still been King, he would never have supported your and Cassandra's Union, Will. He never would have given you his protection."
William was silent for a moment then nodded. "No, he wouldn't have."
"Our entire world would have suffered because of that decision."
"That you recognize that is what makes you a great King, Jotham. You're firm but fair, you protect but don't try to control, and you are loyal and true. You have dedicated your entire life to your people and we are better for it."
"I dedicated my life to my people because I have had nothing else to live for. Not after Lata died. I was busy, so I didn't have to deal with what I had lost. How I had lost it and why I had lost it. Barek suffered because I couldn't even handle seeing Lata's image, because I refused to speak of her or allow anyone else to speak of her in my presence. How could I have done that to my own son, Will? To Lata's son?"
"You were young, Jotham, younger than Barek is now. You had a lot to deal with."
"That's the polite, easy answer, but the truth is I became my father. I put my 'duties' over those I loved. I did it to Lata too. If I hadn't been spending so much time trying to prove I deserved my position, I would have realized what it was costing me. I'm not going to make that mistake again."
"With Jacinda."
"Yes. I love her, Will. I want to be with her... really be with her... not just show up for meals that are always interrupted."
"Jacinda would understand, Jotham."
"She does, but she's also stated it's not the life she wants." Jotham saw Will's eyes widen in shock and smiled. "Oh she understands it's going to happen, but she doesn't want it to be the norm. Do you know that the meal we just had is the first the two of us have ever had together that wasn't interrupted?"
"We always make sure that unless it is vital, that we're not to be interrupted during meals. Cassandra insists we need to have 'family' time together. If we don't, we lose touch."
"Cassandra is a very smart woman. It's taken me nearly sixty cycles to learn that. I'm not going to lose Jacinda like I did Lata, and I'm finally going to truly connect with my son. We are going to talk about his mother, about his life, and about what he sees as the future and who he might want to share it with."
"And if that person isn't from the House of Protection?" Will couldn't help but ask.
"Then I'll step down, make him the King, and then he can choose whomever he wants."
"Jotham!" Will couldn't hide his shock. Something like that had never been done in the history of Carina!
"Our world is changing, Will. Sons born to the House of Knowledge carry the House of Protection birthmark. It's future Queen could possibly rule both Houses. The Houses are merging, Will. You and Cassandra are the first, but I don't see you being the last."
William was silent for a moment, just looking at his friend and King. "I will have the orders drawn up and transmitted immediately," he told him. "I suspect you'll be receiving a transmission from Barek before first sun."
"I'm sure I will."
Chapter Twenty-Three
As Jacinda approached the outer doors of the Queen's Wing, she found herself pausing. She knew if she left, Jotham's guards would escort her directly back to the Royal Wing. Jotham would follow shortly because he knew she was upset and he would want to explain. It might be childish of her, but she didn't want to talk to him right now. She needed some time and a place where she could be alone for a while. She knew exactly where she needed to go.
Changing directions, she passed through the doors she knew would take her out into the Queen's Garden. She knew she shouldn't be in the Garden without permission, but right now she didn't care. Letting the light of Carina's moon guide her, she followed the path Cyndy had shown her earlier to the Memory Garden.
As soon as she crossed the threshold, it was as if she were being wrapped up in a warm, welcoming hug and she felt tears fill her eyes. Was this what Cyndy experienced when she came here upset? If it was, Jacinda totally understood the draw.
Moving to the bench she sat, letting the feeling of acceptance and love sooth her hurt feelings. Who was it coming from? Stephan? Lata? Jacob? Her eyes traveled to the stone that was bathed in the warm glow of the moon.
"You must have truly been an amazing man, Jacob Chamberlain, to still be able to touch the lives of so many."
She didn't receive a reply, but then she hadn't expected one. What she did get was the soft crunch of footsteps along the path. Leaning back into the shadows, she hoped that whoever it was would just pass by. That didn't happen either and her eyes widened as she was surprised by who entered the garden.
Brett.
Carrying the bag, he'd had before slung over his shoulder.
"Hi, Grandpa." Brett sat cross-legged down in front of the stone and talked to it as if the man was sitting there. "Sorry I'm late, but last meal was a little different tonight. King Jotham was there and he brought this really pretty woman with him. I drew her, see?" He reached in to his bag, and pulled out a piece of paper and held it up to the stone. "Aunt Cassie wasn't very happy about it at first meal, she was kinda mean to her, but she seemed better at last meal. At least until Willie told her about Sabah's birthmarks." Brett set the paper aside.
"Anyway, what else happened today? Oh, Mom and Dad were arguing, they never think I can hear them from my room, but I can, especially when Dad yells. Then they suddenly stopped and I heard the strangest sounds. I came out and Mom was sitting there playing this thing she said was a Pianola, crying and smiling. Even Dad was. So I guess it's a good thing."
His voice turned into a whisper. "I still don't understand half of what my tutor is saying, Grandpa. I know he thinks I'm stupid, maybe I am."
Jacinda had been content to sit there in the shadows without letting Brett know she was there. She realized while listening to him that he did this every night, that his talking to the stone was a lot like Cyndy's talking to it. It was something that didn't judge or criticize him, but she couldn't just sit there and let him think he was stupid. "You're not, Brett."
Brett spun around, his eyes wide when Jacinda leaned forward so he could see her in the light of the full moon.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"The same thing you are, I think. I wanted some time alone and this is the perfect spot."
"Yeah... well... I'll just go and let you..." He turned and started gathering up his things.
"You're not stupid, Brett." Her words halted his movements.
"You can't know that," he whispered.
"I can, but you tell me why you think you are?"
"Because I don't learn as fast as Kayden and Jacob. They're way ahead of me in all our classes."
"That's because they have had cycles to learn what you just are. What else?"
"The teacher... he looks at me and just scowls when I can't answer a question."
"He shouldn't do that. Everyone learns differently, Brett, at their own speed and in their own way."
"Even Mom is disappointed in me." He turned sad eyes to her.
"What are you talking about? You could never disappoint your mother. She loves you."
"But I do. When I ask her to help me like I used to back in the bunker, she just shakes her head at me and walks away. I've even seen tears in her eyes. She's so disappointed in me she cries." He dropped his head in shame.
"Oh, Brett, no." Jacinda dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms around the boy, surprised to find how thin he still was. "That's not why."
"Then why?" The eyes he raised to hers begged for answers.
"You're Mom doesn't help you, Brett, because she can't."
"What?" Brett gave her a confused look.
"She doesn't know the answers to the questions either, Brett," Jacinda told him again.
"Mom knows everything," he argued back angrily.
"Back on Earth, maybe she did, but you're not on Earth anymore, Brett, and your mom is having to learn things just like you are. She walks away because she doesn't like letting you down. Doesn't want you to think that she's stupid."
"Really?"
"Really, and if you ask her, I'm sure she'll tell you the same thing."
"I could never think Mom was stupid."
"As she would never think you were." Jacinda hugged him
. "Can I see what you drew?" she asked gesturing to the piece of paper still face down on the ground.
"Drew?"
"The drawing of me. The one you showed your grandpa."
"Oh," Brett's gaze turned to the paper. "It’s just a dumb drawing. I shouldn't be doing them. I should be concentrating on my school work or I'll never get into the Academy."
"Is that what your teacher has been telling you?" Jacinda felt her anger at this man beginning to grow. "That you have to get into the Academy?"
"Well, yeah. All the Zafar men go there and both Dad and Grandpa Jacob went into the military on Earth. I have to go too."
"Oh, Brett." Jacinda's heart broke for the boy. "No one has to go to the Academy. It's a choice."
"Dad would be disappointed if I don't," he whispered.
"Did he say that to you?" Jacinda demanded.
"Well no, but..."
"But nothing, Brett." Jacinda used her best 'mother's' voice. "Never let someone else tell you what your father thinks. If you have a question, ask him. You might not always like the answer, but at least you'll know it's the truth."
"Alright."
"So can I see the drawing?" She gestured to the paper he still held in his hand.
"I guess, but it's not very good."
"Well, since the best I can do is stick figures I'm not one to judge."
"Stick figures?" Brett frowned at her.
"Yeah, you know." Jacinda put her finger in the dirt, drew a circle with a straight line from it for the body, with two lines jutting off from the end of the line for the legs and then one on each side of the line about half way up for arms. "See?"
Brett giggled. "That doesn't look like anyone."
"True, but it's the best I can do. So can I see?"
"Okay," he said softly then very slowly, he handed her his drawing.
Smiling at him, Jacinda knew she was going to tell him she liked it no matter how it looked but turning it over she found herself speechless. She expected to find a very rudimentary drawing, one better than hers but what she found was extraordinary.
With just a few simple lines, Brett had captured her profile in a way that anyone that knew her would recognize her. Everything was perfectly proportioned and accurate, right down to the fine lines around her eyes and mouth. That was something she wished he hadn't noticed.