But as soon as Miles had buried his pain, Letty sought to unbury it.
“Don’t you swallow that!” Letty spat. “You tell me what’s wrong! You speak!”
Miles stared down at Letty with a somber expression on his face.
“For the past seventeen years, the only way I got anything off my chest was to write to you. You’re the only person I trusted. You’re still the only person I trust fully,” Miles admitted. He shrugged his shoulder. “It’s true.”
Letty sighed. “So write me a letter…” she suggested wryly.
“Don’t you have enough letters from me?” Miles said with a laugh. “If it were up to me, I’d never write you another letter again!” Miles laughed heartily, as a sheepish smile tugged at Letty’s lips.
Letty wacked Miles in the arm as a more serious look took over his face. Shrugging his shoulders, Miles elaborated, “It was lonely. I was worried about whether you made it home or not. I watched the news for any mention of your name. I just wanted to know that you were all right.”
Letty sighed. “I wanted to come. My father wouldn’t let me. And when I didn’t get any letters from you, I thought you wanted to be left alone.”
Miles shook his head as he passed yet another letter to Letty. “Keep goin’…”
June 29, 1998
Miles Capadonno
Prisoner #27163972
Pennsylvania Corrections
Franklin Correctional Facility
1022 Race Street
Philadelphia, PA 19106
Letty,
This will be my final letter to you.
This is some fresh-ass bullshit. You were my girl. You said through thick and thin, we’d be together… Well, where are you? Is it another guy? I know you’re okay. Sasha told me she saw you at the library. Why haven’t you answered my letters? Why haven’t you at least called? Why Letty? I thought you were different. I thought you cared.
-Miles
Allowing the letter to drop to her lap, Letty snickered at Miles. “I see I made you mad… It was clearly not your last letter, though,” Letty said as she pointed to the hundreds of envelopes that covered her mattress.
“No, it’s certainly wasn’t. Keep reading.”
July 9, 1998
Miles Capadonno
Prisoner #27163972
Pennsylvania Corrections
Franklin Correctional Facility
1022 Race Street
Philadelphia, PA 19106
Letty,
I know I said that my last letter would be it. I guess this sorta makes me look something of a chump, but I’m past the point where I give a fuck. This is a hopeless place, Letty. I’m on a cell block with one hundred and fifty-nine other men, but I’ve never felt more alone in my entire life.
Night times are the hardest. All day long, I keep busy, with distractions and chores keeping me from falling too deep into my mind. But when darkness fades, my thoughts become loud. A constant stream of reminders of all my failures riddle my brain at night. I can’t escape it. I’m plagued with worry over you. What if the reason you’re not answering me is because you’re gone? Or maybe the reason you’re not answering me is because you need to move on with your life.
During the daylight, I can come to terms with living my life without you… but Letty, the night belongs to us. I stalk sleep, but it eludes me, and the memory of your face is never far from my mind.
Awake. Alone. 2 A.M. The darkness knows all of my secrets. Each day is another strike on the wall. Another day without you. Pain rips through my body as I lie in bed. It is indescribable the pain I feel. The mental anguish I cope with every night… It snakes through my body, curling around my stomach until I can barely breathe.
I want nothing more than to be rid of the pain. To escape from this hell I’m living in. So, for now, the nights still belong to us. Until you tell me otherwise. The tiniest strip of sky can be seen from my cot. I imagine we’re back in Carrion together. You’d tell me the sky is beautiful tonight. If I were with you, I’m sure I’d think so, too. But because I’m here, serving time for a crime I didn’t do, living my life away from the girl I was supposed to build a life with, all I feel is rage.
Shaking. Sweating. Night Tremors. A tortured soul that just wants to break free of this prison, this body, this hell. Fly out the window and exact revenge on the men that did this to me. Did this to us. But you need me alive to fight for you… so I’m just waiting for them to let me out of my cage.
’Til I see your face again.
-Miles
A gasp escaped from Letty’s mouth as the letter fluttered to the floor. Breaking down as her own mental anguish ripped from her in sobs, Miles wrapped his arms around Letty, stroking her hair softly with his hand. Letty tried to speak but the words wouldn’t come, her face showing all the signs of her gut-wrenching despair for Miles. In between gasps and staccato breaths, Letty said, “I feel terrible that you had to endure that alone. I feel absolutely rotten…”
“Hey,” Miles said, as he tilted Letty’s chin so he could see her eyes.
Letty looked up at Miles with her tear-streaked face, her red-rimmed eyes ripe with emotion.
“All that’s over now,” Miles said. “Things will be better for us. You’ll see. There’s just some stuff I gotta take care of first.”
“Like what?” Letty asked, her eyes going wild. “We can just leave. Let’s just leave.”
“It has to be done strategically, Letty. There are eyes on us,” Miles explained.
“So what has to be done?” Letty asked again. This was one question that Miles was not going to dodge.
Giving Letty a charged glance, he reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out his list. Unfolding it, he passed it to Letty. There were fifteen names written down. Three were already crossed out. As Letty’s eyes went down the list, she scrutinized it, immediately recognizing what it was. Knox Capadonno was on the top of the list, followed by Michael, Ruin, Fish, Dante, Big Bang, Six, Vic, Tony and some names that Letty didn’t recognize.
“Is this what I think it is?” Letty asked, knowing damn well it was a hit list.
“I have some clean-up to do, first.”
“No! Miles, no! We’re leaving. Tomorrow before the sun comes up. You’re not risking your freedom for them!”
“They’re gonna get what’s comin’ to them… and I’m gonna walk away without a target on my head. You wait. When all the eyes are off of us, and the targets are on somebody else’s heads, we’ll slip away… Me, you and G.”
“What about my father?”
“What about him? He can come if he wants, as long as he’s quiet.”
“My father? Quiet?” Letty asked as she broke out in boisterous laughter.
Miles smiled faintly before looking down at his hands.
“Promise me something, Miles.”
“Anything, babe.”
“Don’t you go doing anything that’s gonna get you taken away from me.”
Miles winked at Letty. “You’re gonna have to trust me.”
“I do, Miles, but—”
“No buts…” Miles said. “It’s gon’ be all right.”
Letty’s face fell against Miles’s shoulder. Inching closer to his neck, her lips gently kissed his neck, his beard brushing against her face.
In a whisper, Letty replied, “I hope you’re right, Miles. I hope you’re right.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
DANTE SABOTINO HID in the shadows of Juan Alves’s two-story Cape Cod as he glared at the black vintage Dodge Charger that stood parked in the driveway. Peering at the New Jersey plates, Dante immediately identified who the owner of the car was. The license plate read “BOSS” in big blue letters, and anyone that knew Miles well, knew that he was more than a little obsessed with Bruce Springsteen. But in light of other decisions that were made in the war room tonight, and decrees that were passed down to the soldiers of Carrion, the most ironic thing was that Miles Capadonno was indeed the Boss. Eve
n if he didn’t know it yet.
A slippery smile creased Dante’s badly scarred face.
“I got you, now. Boss or not. Just wait.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
THE LETTERS HAD A profound and heavy-hitting impact on Letty. While she tried to wrap her head around the words and the emotions that were included in Miles’s correspondence, Miles decided to give her a little bit of space. Lifting himself off of the mattress, Miles brushed a hand through Letty’s long dark hair that she had taken out of her bun. It flowed past her shoulders in wavy tendrils. Though she was not the stereotypical image of beauty—thin, blonde and tall—Letty was perfect in Miles’s eyes. She was strong. Letty exuded strength both physically and mentally, having withstood time and threats and heartbreak. Her curvaceous body was soft, but in each of those limbs were muscles used to build a life, carry a child, and love a man beyond measure. Miles never wanted anything or anyone to hurt Letty again. He vowed to himself that he would do everything in his power to prevent it from happening again.
Breaking Letty from her thoughts, Miles asked in a gravelly voice, “Mind if I get a shower?”
She looked surprised that he was even asking. “I’m not your warden, babe. Towels are in the hall linen closet.”
Miles smiled at her response. Giving her a glance back as he walked out of the room, he noticed that Letty didn’t follow him, but instead dug into another letter, clearly invested in the words he wrote so long ago. Miles walked down the narrow hallway, his rough hand brushing along the polished oak banister as he approached the linen closet that was set between Letty and G’s bedrooms. Opening the door with a pull, Miles eyed the shelves of neatly folded linens. On the top shelf, Miles reached for a black terry bath towel. Pulling it down, he noticed something else—a piece of paper had fluttered to the ground. It looked like someone had discarded it quickly, tucking it away from view.
Reaching down to the floor to pick it up, Miles promptly realized that it wasn’t a piece of paper at all, but a photograph. Flipping it over, a pang of jealousy swirled through Miles’s stomach as he took in the image of Richie “Ruin” Rizzolli with his arm wrapped around Letty’s shoulder. They were dressed to the nines, with Letty wearing an elegant, champagne-colored gown, and Ruin dressed sharply in a tuxedo. Flashing his million watt smile up at the camera, Ruin looked like a movie star instead of a boxer. As he looked at the photograph, Miles wanted to break Ruin’s face. Once one of Miles’s best friends growing up, Ruin had clearly strayed from that role when he hooked up with and impregnated the only girl Miles had ever loved. A voice from behind Miles spoke, startling him as he looked down at the photograph.
“That was taken at your cousin Freddie’s wedding almost three years ago. That was the night. The only night. He can be quite charming when he wants to be, and I was lonely. It’s stupid, really.”
Turning around to face Letty, Miles had a look of understanding painted across his face. Letty found more kindness in Miles’s eyes than she expected to.
“Everybody has a past, Letty.”
Shrugging her shoulders, she replied, “Well, that’s over now. It was one night. I’d say I made out okay in the deal. I got G.”
“Gabriel deserves a father, though...” Miles said as he cast a hard look at Letty. Glancing down at the photograph, he flicked Ruin’s face with his index finger. “And if this idiot’s not gonna do it, I sure as hell will fill in the role.”
Miles passed Letty back the photograph. She watched, mouth gaping, as Miles walked down the hallway with the towel draped over his shoulder. Shaking her head, Letty tucked the photo away in the closet again, out of view, but not destroyed. She figured she should save one photograph to show her son once he was old enough to understand. While Ruin might not be much of a father to G, he deserved to know the truth. Letty’s heart hammered in her chest as Miles glanced back over his shoulder at her.
“I told you. Everything is gonna be all right in the end. You’ll see...” Miles assured her.
Not waiting for a reply, Miles turned and entered the bathroom, closing the door firmly behind him.
Miles opened the shower door and turned on the shower head, making the water as hot as he could tolerate. After years upon years of terrible water pressure and lukewarm water, what Miles truly needed right now was a hot shower. It cured so many ails. Placing his bath towel on the edge of the sink, Miles stared at himself in the vanity mirror while the water heated to his desired temperature. Miles Capadonno was the picture of rugged strength. His tattoos, muscles, beard and stature gave him the appearance of someone that you did not want to fuck with. Generally, Miles liked his appearance, but he didn’t look this way for vanity purposes. He needed to look a part to keep himself alive.
Miles’s eyes were transfixed on the mirror. There was one thing that hinted that his heart didn’t always match his appearance or his body language. It was all in the eyes. The eyes that Letty loved so dearly, and the eyes that Andie Cormack could always look into to gauge her son’s well-being, were the very same eyes that peered back from the mirror at Miles. There was a softness to them. His eyes revealed the sensitive heart that hammered within his chest. He was a man that understood the plight of others. He was a man that had been through hell and back and now had a score to settle, a family to silence. Despite his outward strength, Miles’s heart was much more like his mother’s. He was a kind man with a giving nature, and that is something that he has had to hide all his life from his family and from his cell mates. The only two people that ever got to see that side of him were his own mother, and Letty Alves.
Removing his t-shirt and dropping it to the floor. Miles stared at his reflection again. His eyes tracing the tattoos on his chest, the long scar that covered his stomach where Michael Capadonno’s own men had tried to kill Miles in jail just a few months after his arrival in prison. Miles was a hard man to take down. He knew he’d end up with more scars before this fight was done. Miles knew three things for sure:
1. He is smarter than Michael Capadonno and all his men combined.
2. There will be blood.
3. When the target is off his head, he will take Letty and G away from this place.
Miles took a deep breath as he broke his gaze from the mirror. Stepping into the hot shower, Miles let the scolding hot water break upon his skin. Leaning against the shower wall, he let the hot water hit his back, the steam relaxing his muscles, the heat of the droplets reminding him that he was alive—reminding him of his high tolerance for pain. After a moment his tolerance level increased as the water felt normal again. Running his hair under the spray, he let the shower take away his worries that he couldn’t voice aloud, and let the relaxing pressure of the water soothe his weary mind.
Letty took a deep breath as she set yet another letter aside. She had made major progress during Miles’s hour-long shower. She could only imagine how good it must feel to be in a home and be able to move about without someone else screaming at you and telling you what to do. She hoped that he felt at home with her, but she also understood that it would take some time for Miles to adjust to living life on the outside, especially with their own future held up in the balance. Life was not easy under the watchful eye of the Capadonno family. Nobody knew this better than Miles himself. So when he said that he had a plan, Letty knew that she had to trust it. Miles was not a stupid man by any stretch of the imagination and anyone who underestimated him would be proven wrong in time. Letty was always amazed by Miles’s intelligence, and she knew that it would serve him well in the years ahead. He had always been street smart, but more than that, Miles was calculating. He planned his movements three steps ahead, and in the past has likened business with his father and his constituents as a lethal game of chess.
Letty grabbed one envelope after another, hell bent upon reading them all, then using her bed for its intended purpose. It quickly became clear to Letty that Miles had poured all his hopes and dreams, fears and regrets into the letters he wrote to her. He knew she would
n’t judge him, but there was still a self-conscious worry that Letty would have forgotten him by the time he was up for parole. Letty laughed at his points of humor or unbridled frustration, cried at his sadness and hopelessness, and got angry every time he thought she had abandoned him.
There was one letter left, and it had just arrived at her father’s house today. Letty’s heart raced as she stared at the postmark. Sliding her finger along the seam of the envelope, Letty tore it open, eager to read the final letter. As her eyes met Miles’s messy scrawl, Letty’s blood began to rush.
October 8, 2015
Miles Capadonno
Prisoner #27163972
Pennsylvania Corrections
Franklin Correctional Facility
1022 Race Street
Philadelphia, PA 19106
Letty,
I haven’t gotten a response from you in seventeen years, so I’m not expecting a response to this. My mailing address will be changing. I don’t know how you’ll react to this news, I don’t even know what I’m coming home to, but, baby, I’m coming home. The parole board has approved my release and the date is set for this Friday. It’s been seventeen years since I’ve seen your face, but I’m determined to see it again. I’m going home first to see my father. There’s a conversation that needs to be had, then I’m coming straight to you.
I won’t go away without an explanation, Letty. You told me you loved me, and I believed you. Hope you don’t have a new man, because he’s gonna be pissed off when I camp out on your couch demanding everything you promised me. I’m gonna ask you to marry me. Not now. When the time is right. Just give me a chance to talk. To explain. I’ve written you weekly for the last seventeen years, the least you can do is give me a chance. I assume you still live at your father’s house. None of the mail was returned to me.
I have just two questions for you. Why did you ignore me for seventeen years? Do you still love me?
Miles Away (Carrion #1) Page 16