“Oh, no!”
Raine’s outburst had all four men turning to look at her and she felt her cheeks immediately turn red-hot.
“I mean—Geraldine shouldn’t go to that much trouble just for us,” she quickly tried to explain.
“I’m not certain how long I’ll be here,” Neil told the other man. “At least for the next few days.”
“Good. That will give Aunt Gerry time to put something together,” Cordero spoke up. “We like any excuse to have a shindig around here.”
“That’s right,” Matteo said, then added, “and while your fiancé is here, Raine, I don’t want you working. You need to spend time with him—show him around the place.”
Raine’s mouth fell open. Not in a million years had she expected the boss men to make this big a deal of her so-called engagement. But then she hadn’t been thinking straight last night when she’d popped off to her mother about marriage. The words had passed her lips impulsively, without giving her time to think of all the ways it would affect tomorrow and the days afterward.
“Oh but—but there’s all sorts of work that I need to be doing,” she protested. “Someone needs to be in the office to answer the phone and there’s—”
“Sara is fairly competent with the phone and she does a good job taking care of Mother’s personal accounts,” Lex interjected. “She can sit in for you for the next few days.”
Raine felt awful. She rarely asked for time off, and when she did, she always made sure her absence would be short and that someone would be readily available to take her place. She didn’t want to cause anyone on the ranch undue problems.
“Sara has her own duties and—”
Lex interrupted her with a loud chuckle. “Believe me, Mom knows how to write a check and post it in a ledger. She and Aunt Elizabeth could both give lessons in accounting and neither one of them had a day of college.”
The cousins all chuckled at this idea and as Raine’s gaze slipped from one man to the next, she realized that she couldn’t protest or make any more excuses than she already had. To do so would appear more than odd. They expected her to be walking on air and dying to spend time with her husband-to-be. She had to keep playing the game, even if it meant she and Neil were literally going to be thrown together.
“Okay,” she said with a forced smile. “If you guys are going to give me some time off, then I certainly will accept your offer. Thank you.”
“Yeah, I want to thank you all, too,” Neil said as he grinned broadly down at Raine and hugged her close to his side. “This will give me even more time to spend with my little honey.”
The cousins assured him he was more than welcome and after plenty of handshaking and back slapping, the men eventually left the couple and went on about their work.
Once the two of them were alone again, Raine looked up at Neil and sighed.
“What are we going to do now?” she asked bewilderedly. “Those guys think we’re getting married. I’d bet every last dollar I have that at this very moment Lex is going straight to his mother to give her the news. By tonight, she’ll have a party planned. And Mother—”
“Will what?” Neil interrupted. “What can Esther do? Cause a horrible scene in front of everyone here on the ranch? I doubt it, Raine. Now quit worrying. From what Cordero said, they have parties here on the ranch for any little reason. It won’t be a big thing.”
She groaned with dismay. “No big thing? You don’t know anything about the Sandbur. Everything they do here is big and noticed by all. I think—” She lifted her forefinger and tapped it against his chest in a gesture to reinforce her words. “You’d better ask your questions as fast as you can and make a hasty exit before things really get out of control.”
Grabbing her hand, Neil lifted the puncturing finger to his lips and kissed it with outrageous leisure. “And leave my beautiful bride-to-be? Don’t count on it, sweetie. As far as I’m concerned, the fun is just starting.”
Chapter Eight
Rolling her eyes toward the heavens, Raine plucked her hand from Neil’s grip and stepped around him.
“Come on,” she muttered while trying to get her fluttering nerves back under control. “Let’s get in the truck and I’ll drive you around the place.”
Nodding dutifully, he opened the driver’s door and helped her onto the seat before he walked around the vehicle and climbed into the cab to join her.
While she started the engine and pulled away from the mesquite tree, he gently asked, “Will you tell me one thing? Are you going to stay angry with me throughout this tour? Or can I settle back and enjoy it?”
Raine looked over at him and discovered an absurdly charming smile on his face and even if it meant her sudden death, she couldn’t stop herself from smiling back at him.
“I’m not angry. It’s obvious that you’re a complete and utter flirt. I’m learning not to take you seriously. Besides,” she added with a nonchalant shrug of one shoulder, “it’s not like we’re officially engaged and I’m going around showing them a big diamond on my finger.”
Her words prompted him to sit up on the edge of the seat. “A ring! I wasn’t thinking. Maybe I should drive into town and get one for you.”
The thoughtful tone in his voice told Raine he was actually serious and she stared at him in dismay. “No! That’s the last thing I would allow you to do. Engagement rings are expensive and then you’d be stuck with the thing. Unless—” She broke off, her expression wry. “You gave it to a real fiancée later on.”
Neil shot her a look of surprise, then dismissed her suggestion with a laugh. “Not a chance. I’ll never have a fiancée, bride, wife or anything close to the above. I’m a man who’s perfectly happy to go through life all by myself.” His eyes narrowed on her profile as she headed the truck on past the big barn. “Uh, now that you’ve brought it up, I think we’d better go into town and get a ring. It might help ease the tension with your mother. A ring might show her that I have real intentions of taking care of you.”
Raine jammed on the brakes and the truck bounced to a stop. “That is—” Neil said as he rubbed the back of his neck, “if I don’t have to be hospitalized with a permanent whiplash.”
“Damn it, Neil, you’re making me crazy,” she practically yelled at him. “This isn’t real. Get it? All that talk with the cousins, it was just a bunch of hogwash. You’re not going to be taking care of me. In a few days, you’ll be going home, for Pete’s sake!”
Leaning across the seat, he placed his palm against her brow. “Calm down, honey, you’re getting so worked up you feel feverish. And you don’t have to remind me that we’re playacting. I’m not delusional. And, by the way, didn’t I just tell you I’d never have a real fiancée?”
The touch of his hand on her face made Raine go instantly still and for a moment all she could think about was sliding from beneath the steering wheel and falling into his arms. She didn’t have to wonder if he would hold her or even kiss her. He was a man who’d be more than glad to oblige her physical wants. But that’s where things ended with Neil. And instead of reminding him that they were playing fairy tale, she’d better start reminding herself.
Soberly she nodded. “That’s right. You’ve made that point very clear. That’s why it’s ludicrous for you to be talking about buying an engagement ring for me.”
Pulling his hand away from her, he leaned back to his part of the seat and looked out the passenger window. “I don’t want people thinking I’m cheap. Or that I don’t care enough about you to buy you a ring. If I’m going to stay around here for a few days, I want them to look at me and think you’ve found yourself a decent man. We both deserve that much, don’t you think? And quit worrying about the cost. I’ll write it off my taxes as a work expense.”
Put like that, the notion did make sense, Raine thought. And why was she worrying about this man’s expenses anyway? He had a client somewhere who was probably footing the bill for this whole trip. Someone, like her, who wanted to find a family member, or
a loved one. Could it be that person had known her mother in the past? she wondered. She hoped. Yet she understood the chances of that were slim to none.
“All right. If you want to buy some sort of ring for me, I won’t argue. Just don’t get gaudy on me. I am a Texas girl, but you can see by looking at me that I’m conservative.”
He looked around at her and smiled, although she noticed the expression wasn’t lighting his blue eyes like it normally did. The idea that she might have fallen in his opinion bothered her, but she tried not to dwell on it. He was here to do a job, not feed her damaged ego.
Easing her foot off the brake, she gassed the truck forward onto a dirt road. As they passed a pole barn with several tons of stacked hay, she said, “I’m sorry if I’m being difficult, Neil. I just feel so—like a phony.” She glanced at him, her expression vaguely hopeful. “If you want, we’ll go into town tomorrow and get the ring.”
He glanced at her briefly, then turned his attention back to the windshield and the landscape in front of them. “Sure,” he said. “We’ll go tomorrow and have lunch while we’re there.”
For the next few minutes the truck went quiet as they rocked over the rough track of road. Neil stared out at the huge patches of prickly pear and twisted mesquite trees and wondered what in hell was coming over him. He didn’t know why he’d made such an issue over the ring. Whether she had one or not shouldn’t mean anything to him. Good Lord, he was going home soon. Probably by the end of the week. So why was he throwing himself into this role with so much fervor? he wondered. He couldn’t be falling for Raine. No. Even if he wanted to fall in love with a woman, he wouldn’t know how. He’d closed the doors on his heart a long time ago.
“Neil, may I—ask you something personal?”
Her question roused him from his thoughts and he glanced over at her, a whimsical expression on his face. “Why not? We’ve already been—personal with each other,” he pointed out in a husky voice. “No need for you to be shy with me now.”
A sweep of pink color painted her cheeks. “No. I guess not. I was just wondering—” She shot a quick glance at him then turned her gaze back to the road ahead. “Why are you so adamant about remaining single? I know you told me a little about your mother and how she affected you, but surely there’s more to your thinking than that.”
Wasn’t seeing your father driven into the ground enough to warp a person? Neil wondered. Uncomfortable now, he shifted on the seat. “Because I like my life just the way it is. Why tamper with something that isn’t broken? A person might end up making things a lot worse.”
She nodded slowly, thoughtfully. “Yes. That’s sort of the way I feel about it. Why borrow trouble when you don’t have any? But then I start asking myself if that’s a coward’s way of dealing with things. And then I begin dreaming about how much I would like to have a family to share the rest of my life with. Don’t you? Or would you rather spend your golden years alone?”
“Golden years?” he asked with a humorous grin. “Honey, I’m not that old.”
She grimaced. “I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant—well, for the rest of your life.”
“For the rest of my life,” he repeated dryly, “I sure as hell don’t want someone around making my life miserable.”
Slowing the truck, she stared at him with a wounded gaze. “I thought you liked women. You’ve certainly given me every indication of it.”
A faint smile twisted his lips. “I adore women. In small doses.”
Deep lines of disapproval marred her forehead. “In other words, you consider them playthings and nothing more.”
Frowning, he stared out the window. “You make me sound criminal, or something.”
She sighed. “Sorry I asked. It’s none of my business anyway.”
She was right, Neil thought. His views on women sure as heck weren’t any of her business. And yet, it bothered the hell out of him to think she was viewing him as a piece of pond scum or something even lower.
“Look, Raine, I respect women. Some of my best friends are female. I just don’t want to sit across the breakfast table from one every morning.”
Her nostrils flared. “Afraid you might have to cook breakfast for her?”
Neil let out a humorless laugh. “If only that was enough to keep a woman happy,” he said with a bitterness he couldn’t hide.
She didn’t make any response to that and Neil found himself irritated that she’d dropped the debate. He wanted, needed to defend himself. He wanted her to understand that his heart wasn’t made of stone. He just had practical views.
For the next few minutes, the road they were traveling began to curve until the truck finally topped out on a short hilltop dotted with several spreading live oak trees.
Raine parked beneath the drooping branches of one and motioned to the scene in front of them. “Want to get out and stretch your legs?”
Nodding, Neil joined her at the front of the truck and gazed out at the endless range below. It was rough country covered with thorny vegetation, rattlesnakes, fire ants and no water except for the occasional tank filled by a windmill. But the grass was thick and almost knee high in places.
“The land probably looks wild and worthless to you,” Raine said, “but it raises some of the best cattle in the state.”
She sounded proud and Neil could understand why. Since a small child, the Sandbur had been the only home she’d known. The Saddlers and Sanchezes were her standin family. Her roots here were deep.
“In my corner of New Mexico, the land is rough and dry. It’s high desert country and is so barren in spots that it takes acres and acres just to feed one cow. The grass appears to be more plentiful around here.” He gazed toward the western horizon. “Are there any more houses or buildings farther out on the property?”
“Not in this direction. If you’d like we can drive on,” she suggested.
Shaking his head, he turned to face her, his gaze solemn as he studied her face. “Maybe later. Right now I want to say something.”
Sensing he was getting serious, she squinted warily up at him. “If it’s something about this engagement thing, I don’t want to hear it. We’ve beaten that subject to death, don’t you think?”
He reached for her hand and was relieved when she didn’t pull back. Rubbing the tips of his fingers over her soft skin, he said, “It’s not about that. It’s—what we were talking about a few minutes ago. I shouldn’t have been so short with you. Forgive me.”
Her features softened as her eyes fluttered up to meet his. “Don’t apologize. You were only being honest.”
The corners of his lips drooped downward. “A little honest. But not totally.”
Her brows arched with curiosity, yet she contradicted the expression by saying, “You don’t have to explain. Like I said, it’s none of my business.”
He groaned with misgivings. “This isn’t something I go around discussing with anyone, Raine. But there are times when I feel very alone and I imagine what my life will be like ten years from now, then twenty, and so on. I wonder if there will be anyone around who’ll care. I think about children and wonder if I’m ruining my life by not having any.”
Surprise flickered in her eyes. “Do you like children?”
A wan smile tilted the corners of his lips as he thought of the Ketchums back home and the babies they were quickly adding to their families. Oh, yes, he was envious of his good friends. Even through the hard times they were surrounded with love and shoulders to lean on. “I enjoy being around my friend’s children. And I think it would be great to have a son or daughter, or even both. But—”
“The idea of having a wife outweighs the need for children. Is that it?”
A long breath eased from him as he looked at her with a measure of regret. “I guess you could put it that way. Sounds chauvinistic, I know. But I’m living proof of what happens to a child when their parents’ marriage is miserable.”
Sadness slipped across her features. “And you blame your mot
her for the problems in your parents’ marriage?”
Glancing away from her, he looked out at the Brahman cattle grazing along the nearby fence. The huge, grayish-blue-colored cows and calves were strong and fierce looking, yet Neil knew if they were taken from this warm climate and placed in the frigid temperatures that swept across the T Bar K in winter, they would all perish. Like the Brahmans, he understood that not all people could survive in certain situations. His mother was one of those people.
“She’s a needy person, Raine. Some people are just like that. They can’t help themselves. I used to be very bitter about it. I used to blame her outright for my father’s death. But I’ve gotten past that. Now I just think it would be better for me if I live the single life. No kids to mess up. No wife to make demands.”
No kids. No wife. No love. No heartache. In many ways, Raine could understand his thinking. Since her college days, she’d actually run from any man who’d wanted to get closer than a kiss on the cheek. Why take the chance of putting herself through the pain and humiliation of being used again, she often asked herself. And yet there were deep holes inside of her. Holes that she realized would never be filled up unless she had a mate by her side, a man to give her love and children.
“I understand, Neil,” she said simply. Then gently she squeezed his hand and smiled. “C’mon. I’ll show you a bit more of the ranch and then we’ll go to the Saddler house and you can see my office. I’ll bet it’s not nearly as fancy as yours.”
He laughed then, and the sound filled her with warm pleasure.
“My office is a little log cabin with two rooms. The front room is where my secretary greets clients. The back room is where I work. You can’t count the restroom, it’s more like a closet.”
She smiled at his description. “It sounds charming to me. I wish I could see it some time.”
A provocative light glinted in his eyes. “Why don’t you fly back to New Mexico with me and I’ll show you all my stomping grounds?”
A South Texas Christmas Page 10