Harry sighed. “Can I come to you?”
“I’m not in Ireland.”
“I’d be damn shocked if you were, plus I can see your background. That doesn’t look like Ireland. Just gimmie an address and I will get my ass there. We can go get drunk.”
“I will text you, but if Adrian gets the slightest detail of where I am...” I left the threat hanging heavy on the sea air.
“That moron is so blind drunk; he wouldn’t hear me even if I told him everything and walked him directly in front of you. He’s on day eleven I think of the latest bender.”
“Oh well, serves the lying toad right,” I snapped, hanging up the Skype call. I hesitated slightly before messaging the hotel details over. Let them come, I could still run if I wanted to. No one would ever box me in again. I would not allow myself to be hurt anymore. Certainly not by someone I hadn’t even thought was capable of hurting me. I felt like a messed up, ruined husk of a woman. Leeched of any emotions other than anger and hate. Going for a coffee and a cake seemed pointless now, so I shoved the computer back in my bag and slammed back to my hotel on the cliffs. To find Harry sat on a seat outside drinking a pint, one waiting for me that was still cold. “You knew where I was,” I muttered sulkily as I sat down.
Harry nodded towards my sketchbook. “You drew enough pictures of the coastline here that I took an easy guess, hoping I was right. If Ade were in his right mind, not drunk, he would have done the same thing.
“His addictions are not my fault nor my problem,” I snapped.
“Hey, girl, I never said that they were. Chill!” He rubbed my shoulders, a slight smile on his face as I cuddled into the crook of his arm. “Adrian loves you; he really does, and you love him. Does any of the rest of this shit matter?”
“Sometimes love isn’t enough, however much you wish it was.”
“Look, let me put this as simply as I can.” He pulled her up to face him. “Ade is a fucking twat. A dumbass, a drunk, a diva and a million other things as well. But he ain’t your ex. He wouldn’t do any of those things that the lowlife did to you. And yeah, I’m sorry you went through that, we all are. You didn’t deserve it, and no matter how many times we all say that, it is gonna take time for you to accept it and move on. Accept that you deserve better, a real chance of love. Yes, the boy fucked up and did so big time. That’s just who Adrian is. He loves with this fiery passion that is so intense he ends up ruining shit by trying so hard not to mess up that he ruins things completely. But that fool, he did what he did out of love for you. He just wanted to protect you from finding out stuff that would hurt you, I am not saying that I agree with what he did, but I see why he did. He wanted to give you all the things that brute never did. That man would tear out his heart and give it to you if he thought it would make ye smile. I’ve known him since we were kids, and I have never seen Adrian like this over anyone. And if you two stay broken up, I doubt I ever will again. Just think about that, take some time and clear your head. You can always call if you need me.”
I buried my face in his shirt breathing in that cologne the whole band wore, thinking of my beau. “What if I can’t move past it?”
Harry shrugged. “Only you can decide what to do from here on. The tour starts in six weeks, and you have just as much right to be there as any of us. Regardless of your past or current relationship status. You helped write this album, you worked on those songs, it is your vocals on the tracks. You sat there with us working your ass off same as us every single day. You should be there for opening night, and every night of the tour. We all think it, even Ade.”
“How can I face him after all I found out?”
“With the same fiery sass that made him fall in love with ye to start with.”
“Tell me something to take my mind off all of this shit,” I asked.
“Well, I would, but all I really have to say is something you might not want to hear.”
I sat up, cuddling into him more. “Tell me.”
“I met someone; it doesn’t feel like the right time to talk about it when you are all torn up.”
“Oooh, tell me all about him.”
“Sure, you don’t mind?”
“Hell no, I want to hear all the hot boy goodness!!”
“Well, he is sweet, funny, kind, loving, has an amazing ass. He makes me laugh after a long day at work. Makes me blueberry pancakes for breakfast, with extra whipped cream.”
“Oooh, I bet that whipped cream is fun to play with.”
Harry laughed. “Yeah that is why I was late for rehearsal, twice.”
“What’s his name?” I asked.
“Levi, I really think he might be the one.” Something suddenly crossed his mind. “What, why do you think it is a guy?”
I laughed, “A. You called him Levi. B. You referred to him as a male. C. You are gay.”
“I never said I was gay!” Harry insisted.
“You never look at the boobs when the girls get changed at the side of the stage.”
“I respect women!”
“You check out the roadie’s asses.”
“So do you!”
“I am straight, and they are hot, shirtless men!”
“Fair point,” he conceded. “I never told anyone I am gay.”
“Is Ireland really that homophobic?” I asked.
“No, well, in some places it is. I know the band probably have an idea, but still. I worry about it; I don’t want them seeing me any differently and I really do not want to lose this gig. I love working with them.”
“If they love you, it won’t matter.”
“I hope they do.”
“So, how did you meet him?” I asked.
“He was working with our opening act last tour, the one before you stepped in.”
“And?”
“We have been texting and meeting up sometimes on half days off.”
“Just texting?”
“Interesting texting.”
I laughed. “You dirty little sexter.”
“Hey, I have needs, I haven’t seen him in six weeks!” he laughed.
“Why don’t you ask him on tour?” I suggested.
“You think I should?”
“Yeah, why not? It would be fun and a way to introduce him to the band before they find out the truth.”
“I will call him.”
“Good, I want to meet him too.”
“Want to have dinner with both of us before tour starts?”
“Yeah, I think I would like that. So, tell me more about him. Any photos of something other than his dick?”
Chapter 25
Lily’s POV
I sat in my hotel staring out at the sea, listening to the waves crash. A half-finished sketch laying on my lap. I’d been trying to work on it for days. My mind kept wandering back to the fight. The day where my world had come tumbling down. The day I found out that even Adrian could betray me. My falling tears blending with the charcoal turning it into a damp mess, ruining the half sketch. I couldn’t go on like this. Harry was right, I had to decide if I was returning to the band and the tour or walking away for good.
The largest part of me said fuck no, he isn’t worth it, so just cut your losses and run. Then the other part of me bitched back, why should I give up the tour just because he betrayed me? I made as much of this album as him. I wrote at least two of the final tracks solo. I recorded the album with the band. I deserved both my royalties and my moment in the spotlight. Instead of the diva stars getting all the credit to themselves. How dare they always take, take, take and never give anything back? Ruining my life and my career efforts however hard I worked at it all. What was the point of bettering myself when they stole everything?
I knew I was being a little childish and possibly just as divaish as he was being. Maybe I just needed a good long break away from all of it and then launch my own solo career? I wasn’t even sure which of my two exes I was more annoyed with currently. Both were fighting for the top spot of my one hundred hate l
ist.
I wished Harry didn’t go back to rehearsal, having him around helped a lot. Getting drunk and talking about everything for a few days, even listening to the tales from rehearsal. Although he always kept to the other band members, politely leaving Ade out of the jokes. Even as he left, I knew I was no clearer about what I had to do. At the end of the day, I missed Adrian, even though I still hated his lies and betrayal.
The email on my laptop chirped, Adrian sent me over a hundred emails to date, all still unread. I wasn’t ready to face him or his bullshit yet. I didn’t want to know whatever pathetic excuses he had left for his actions. I glanced over at the screen expecting it to just be another message from him to be moved into a junk mail folder and forgotten about. Why I didn’t just delete them I had no idea. I guess in case I did need or want them for closure one day. Chimes kept ringing as incessant emails dropped into my inbox. That was not his style, he couldn’t type that fast. He spent hours reworking an email before he sent it even when it was to his manager. Anything he did fast was done by phone call. For a heart breaking second, I was scared the other ex-had found my new email account. Holding my breath, I checked who the emails were from… Shelly.
Lily we need to talk.
Lily Answer me now.
Lily, you can’t avoid us forever.
Lily, answer your messages before I kick your skinny ass.
Lily, I swear if you do not answer me, I will strangle you.
Lily Marie Charmaine, you pick up this instant!
Rolling my eyes, I logged into my Skype account, the call from ger came about three seconds later.
“You look like shit,” Shelly commented.
I sighed. “Yeah, well, been a rough couple of months.” I tilted my glass of wine at her before downing it.
“Yeah, Adrian’s not much different. I swear he sent you a billion emails.”
I snorted, refilling the glass. “He can send a billion more, I am not reading anything from that asshole.” I slammed the bottle back in the wine cooler with the other empty and half empty bottles.
“Fair point. I’ve been giving him a hard time, so has the band. He should have told you sooner.”
“No shit Sherlock!” I snapped, downing the glass again. “’Cause fucking knowing my abuser while initiating a relationship with me is really classy. I had sex with that prick, I thought he cared. But, hey, the joke is on me! Just another game from my ex friend to break me when I dare to start to believe I deserve more. That I could be something as scandalous as happy!” I searched for the near empty bottle to refill my glass again, my drunken fingers slipping on the bottle neck as I tried to work out which one was real and not just double vision.
“No.” Shelly’s snap broke through my self-absorbed drunkenness.
“Huh?”
“You were never a game to him. Adrian loves you; if you saw the state of him you wouldn’t question that. Right now, we do not even know if the tour is going ahead without you being there. I haven’t seen him this bad, not even after his hugest break ups. The last time, Ade swore to me that he would never love anyone again. He hasn’t dated nor let anyone close to him from that person until you. Always keeping an emotional distance from every new person he meets. You are the very first person to break that wall down to get into his heart. He fetched his mother’s engagement ring out of storage for you. Adrian is an all or nothing person. Someone who gives his whole heart or completely ignores you. The fact that this man is, yes, a total asshole for hiding everything, I abuse him for that every morning. But I honestly believe what he did was out of love, not spite. The fact he is even trying to give you his heart after his past is incredible, that man went through horrendous abuse, same as you. Think about that and see how you feel about both him and the tour.”
I nodded slowly. “Yeah, I guess. Always here to kick my ass for me.”
Shelly smiled. “That is what I am here for. If you want to be on the tour, and you damn well should be, I can book you both hotels in separate areas and on separate floors. Sort the dining so you two eat at different times. Relocate dressing rooms. Whatever you need to keep you up and running. You would only have to see him at rehearsal, soundcheck, and on stage. I promise that, no tricks, no trying to force you two together to talk it out.”
“Thanks, hun.”
“I am here for you, day or night,” Shelly promised, ending the call.
I swilled my leftover wine around in my glass. Could I really face him again? Could I ever forgive him? Only time would tell.
Chapter 26
Adrian’s POV
I stood at soundcheck staring out into an empty stadium. I looked beautiful, the set, the stage. It was a perfect opening night for a tour, and in my own country as well, Belfast today and tomorrow and then back to Dublin for the St Patrick’s Day celebrations the next day. We had been asked to play during the festival. I still wasn’t quite sure how Shelly had convinced me to even get to soundcheck today. I would much rather be nursing a bottle of whisky or six in my hotel room.
The band around me chattering away starting to edge into my hangover, making my head pound even more. They were all excited, but my heart was heavy as a stone. I still couldn’t reach Lily. Messages were all unread, emails not returned, it was starting to feel helpless. The extra mic stand had been set for my leading lady, but it seemed like it may just be wasted. I sighed, opening night just didn’t feel that same without her being there. The whole band was waiting to see if Lily came, holding soundcheck back to the last possible second. They all knew what they were doing, but no one commented. Just tried to keep the conversation light. She was family to them; it wouldn’t be the same without her.
Eventually, they had to give in, there were no more excuses. Although something inside of each of them died a little in that moment as they moved into position to start sound checking. Guitars were plugged in, mics tests, picks dug out of jeans pockets, the lighting rig tested so many times it was a joke. As the first tune came over the speakers, I closed my eyes. Damn them for deciding to open with Lily’s song.
She wrote it about her ex, but now it felt just as much about me. It was still clinging the charts faster than any song the band ever released. Of course, it had to be played, just did it have to be now? The mic felt loose in my hand as I tried to collect my thoughts. Think of that opening line, if I could just get over the opening line, I would be okay. Hopefully.
And then, I heard it, ringing out, strong and true over the stadium. In a familiar female voice.
Lily?
My eyes flew open, there she was a vision of beauty and power standing there in a skin-tight skull vest top, skinny jeans and knee-high lace up black boots covered in skulls. Her hair freshly cut and dyed into a sleek layered look around her face. It was not just the new look that had my attention, it was her whole-body language. Power, confidence, vibe, she had it all as she strode to the stage, singing every line as she came forward. She was perfect, the star I had always seen laying under her broken heart. My face wet as she matched his every vocal and motion running through the soundcheck until they could finally hang up their mic.
“Lily, I am so glad to see youse again. I was so worried.” I reached out to grab her arm, but she pulled away, a disgusted look on her face.
“I am here for the music and for the tour, not for you. Let me make it perfectly clear that this is purely a professional business relationship. I will sing, smile for the cameras and do my job. Other than that, you leave me the hell alone. And touch me again, I will break your pretty face,” she said coldly.
I didn’t know what to answer to that, she was already gone before I could even think of a first word.
“At least she is here,” Harry commented as we disbanded to get ready for the show and eat.
“Here, but cold as ice. I am not sure which is worse,” I commented.
Lily’s POV
I managed to get back into my dressing room before the tears started falling, ruining the makeup that I spent h
ours doing on the train here. An armour of sorts to protect me from seeing just another man who hurt me. I slunk down the door frame, as sobs wracked my body. “I can’t do this.”
A bang on the door. “Are you okay?” Harry shouted.
“No.”
“Let me in.”
I edged the door open slightly, just enough he could squeeze by but not enough anyone else could see me in this state. Pulling her into his arms as she broke down. “It is going to be okay, I dunno how, but it will be. It has to be. We are a family,” he promised.
Chapter 27
Lily’s POV
Somehow, I found the strength to send that message telling Shelly I would do the tour if Adrian was. Then spent the next thirty-six hours constantly changing my mind over it. Until I eventually managed to not only pack my suitcase but get on the plane and then the train to get to the first tour date. I didn’t even leave enough time to go to my hotel after the flight, I didn’t trust myself to carry on to the stadium if I did. I fell into a taxi and back out of it at the venue. Showing my battered old ID to stumble through the stage door, barely awake from jet lag. I spent the last week laying on a beach drinking rum trying to run away from everything, but in the end, I had to do this.
Love and The Liffey Page 11