The Loss (Heartache series #1)

by Green, Vicki

  I wish I had known what Bill was really like when I’d met him. What a prick and manipulating man he really is. I was so blind by my crushed heart, trying to get over Jase and move on. How stupid I was thinking I could actually get over Jase. My heart is too full of him. My mind and soul. I must protect him. All of them.

  Morning came, and I think I only got about two hours sleep. Great! Bags under my eyes along with a bruise on my cheek that looks horrible. Standing in front of the mirror, in only a towel, I gently touch the bruise. I still, my heart beating fast, when Bill walks up behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist and looking at me in the mirror.

  “Morning, darling.” His eyes move over to my cheek as I slowly move my hand away. “I’m sorry about that. I guess I lost my head. Forgive me?” Is he kidding? He kisses my cheek and then looks at me again. “Remember your place tonight, Alena. Remember what’s at stake. Tomorrow, we’ll be headed home and things can return to normal.” I nod, shakily, but I feel like I could be ill. “I’m going down for breakfast. You should get a little something to eat. Not too much though. You look like you’ve put on a little weight since we’ve been here.” He kisses my head and then walks out. I breathe out a sigh of relief and look at my reflection again.

  “What in the hell am I doing?” I whisper. “I can’t do this alone. I need help.”

  Bill hasn’t let me out of his sight all day. He’s totally smothering me, as usual, and I really need to let off some steam. My mom has been giving me worried glances all day and finally, by early afternoon, he lets me go running. I head up our street, running like my life depends on it. Maybe it does. I need to get more in control of my emotions. I have things to take care of, things to put in place in order for my plan to work. I expect a lot of people to be getting ready for the reunion tonight, getting waxed, manicures and pedicures, shopping or maybe even relaxing. I finally reach the paved trail, the one that starts on the street in front of where Liv’s accident occurred, and chills run through me at the memories. My feet run harder, faster, like they have a mind of their own.

  About thirty minutes later, I turn right onto the dirt path and start the climb, my breathing heavy, sweat pouring from me from the exertion and the sun beating down on me. I finally reach the area where Jase and I always seem to run into each other. Slowing down to a walk, then stopping and pulling up each knee to my waist. I’m panting as I walk slowly over to the big rock and sit down, taking my bottled water from my pouch, twisting off the cap and taking some much needed drinks.

  “’Bout time you showed up.” I jump from the sound of his voice but then relax when I see Jase walking towards me. Sweat is evident on his gorgeous body, and his breathing is also noticeably heavy as he sits down beside me. I try not to stare at him, his muscles flexing in his arms as his hands press against the hardness of the rock, so I turn my head and take another drink. I close my eyes when I feel his tender touch, his fingers under my chin, turning my head towards him, and I take a deep and shaky breath. “Your bruise looks worse today or maybe it’s just the sun showing it more.” I open my eyes, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to leave them. “Look, I’m pretty sure there’s more going on than you’re willing to tell me. I want you to know I’m here for you. I’ll always be your friend, Alena. I’ll always be here for you.”

  My eyes search his as a tear drops from mine. I lean in quickly, without thinking, only feeling and press my lips against his. His hand tightens around my chin as his other hand wraps around the back of my neck, pulling me to him and smashing our lips together harder. I maneuver my hand up his firm chest, around his neck and weave my fingers into his hair. God! I want him so badly, need him. “Jase,” I breathe into his mouth. His tongue silences me but in the best way.

  “Fuck, Alena. I want you,” he whispers as his mouth pulls away but doesn’t go far. He lightly kisses the bruise on my cheek, my closed eyelids and then my forehead, lingering there. “Please tell me you want me as badly as I want you.” I only nod my head as his head lowers, and I find his full lips again. I don’t know how long we sit there, making out like long lost lovers, but finally he stands, taking my hand and leading me silently down the dirt path.

  No words are spoken nor necessary as we walk to his house. When we arrive there, he opens the door and holds it for me with his free hand as the other never lets go of my mine. He takes me to the couch, sitting down as close to me as he can. His lips press against mine, bowling me over, until I’m laying down and his body is hovering over me. I moan. I can’t help it or stop it. I don’t want to. My fingernails dig into the skin of his shoulders as he cups my breast. I want more. Bare. Raw. Uninhibited. He must read my mind because he pulls me up, standing with me wrapped around him like a cocoon. Our lips are still connected, his tongue tickling the inside of my mouth, and I didn’t even realize he’d carried me upstairs until I feel the softness of a mattress beneath me.

  My head raises as I try to hang on to his mouth when he pulls back but lay back down when I see why he left. He doesn’t hesitate to pull up my shirt. I raise my arms automatically so he can remove it, then he kisses me as his hands move under me, unclasping my bra, and then I watch with half closed eyes as he removes it. I hold out my hands, moving my fingers, telling him to come to me, but he gives me his sexy cocky grin, winks and then proceeds to pull down my running shorts, taking my panties with them. I lay there in all my naked glory, but I’m not ashamed or embarrassed. All I feel is need, want and the aching for him to be inside me.

  I rest my hands on the mattress. Wetness is already pooling down deep as I watch him reach behind his back, pulling his shirt up over his hard abs and broad chest, until it’s off. He drops it to the floor and then begins to pull down his shorts. My breath hitches when I see how big his rock hard cock is and how beautiful it is. I’m sure guys don’t think it’s manly to call their cock beautiful, but it truly is. The ache inside me grows instantly as he takes it in his hand. I look up for a second and into his glaring eyes. They are so full of desire that they are barely open. I lick my lips as I watch him touch himself, pull his hand over the thickness and across the tip. “Jase,” I moan from deep within my throat. My breathing is so rapid. My chest is heaving, and I feel like the warmth has built up to boiling by the time he walks over, crawls up the bed and settles in between my already opened legs.

  “God, Alena. You’re fucking beautiful,” he says reverently, right before his mouth goes down on me. His tongue is doing magical things while his finger pushes inside me, then another.

  “Ugh!” I moan as my head moves back and forth. My fingers find their way to his hair, threading, pulling then yanking as my body writhes underneath him. “Jase…. I….”

  “What, kitten? What do you want?” My eyes open and I look at his gorgeous face from underneath my long lashes. This, this would make the most beautiful picture in the world. Him, nestled in between my legs, his one hand splayed out around my hip, the other only half showing as his fingers are buried deep within me. My wetness is on his lips, my juices that he took, that I gave willingly.

  “I…. I want….” Another moan leaves me, and my fingers tighten in his hair.

  “What do you want, Alena?”

  “You! I want you so badly, Jase! Plea….”

  It takes him two seconds to release me, moving up my body and replacing his fingers with his firm, hard cock. “UGH!” I yell as he hits me deep inside, my head burrowing into the pillow. I barely open my eyes when he pulls out so far that only the tip is still inside, then he rams back into me again. He doesn’t take long to move in and out, each time I feel him, wanting him more. My temperature is rising, the heat from within moving up my body and the sensation I’ve been needing, longing for is building more and more. “Jase! God!” I whimper.

  His thumb hits my swollen and aching clit, rubbing, pressing. His lips encase my nipple, sucking, nipping until I almost can’t stand it anymore. A
lmost. The cool air breezes across my wet nipple when his mouth leaves. He kisses in between my breasts, my chest, still moving in and out, then he kisses my jaw, my cheek and nips at my earlobe. “You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen. So much better than my dreams.” My head tilts back, pressing into the pillow harder, as I come hard. So hard. Lights flash beneath my lids, tingles flow throughout me. I lazily open my eyes and look at the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen. His head is leaning back, showing the flawless skin on his neck. His eyes closed, and his brows are low over them. I tilt my head to the side as I watch peace overcome his face, pure peace as he releases inside me, giving himself to me, then he calls out my name, reverently, like I’m the only one he’ll ever want, ever need.

  “My Alena,” he whispers.

  I’m completely overwhelmed. The feeling of love, respect and gratification overtake me. I always dreamt of what it would be like to be in his strong arms, to feel him, touch his smooth skin, but I could only imagine how it could feel. His love, his strength, him inside me and I want to do it over and over again. Relive it. Feel it. Feel him.

  He opens his eyes, slowly, and looks at me. He immediately moves over me, kisses my lips while he strokes my forehead with his thumb, up into my hairline, then back again. Over and over. “Alena? What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” I can’t speak. I’m so emotionally spent. “God! If I fucking hurt you I’ll….”

  I raise my hand, placing two fingers over his swollen lips and he kisses them. “No, Jase. I….” I don’t know how to explain how I’m feeling. I’m not sure I can.

  “Then why are you crying, baby?”

  I blink rapidly, reaching up to touch underneath my eye. Tears. I had no idea I was crying. I look into his love filled eyes and smile, my chin quivering without my consent. “That was just the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced.”

  His mouth lands on mine. His kiss so full of love, caring and gentleness. He pulls back but only a breath away. “God. You scared me.” He continues to soothe me with rubbing my forehead. “You’re so beautiful. I can’t even explain how much that meant to me. How much I dreamt of doing just that with you. It doesn’t compare to my dreams. Not even close.”

  “You dreamt of me?” I whisper.

  “Every night.”

  I lean up, taking his mouth, kissing it hard, needy, lovingly. I don’t ever want to let go.

  I jump when an alarm buzzes and we both turn our heads to his clock, our mouths still connected. We look at each other and he smiles. “It’s almost time to get ready for the reunion.” My heart stops. The reunion. Shit! He climbs off me and leaves me for the bathroom but returns in a moment, a wash cloth in his hand, and I open my legs for him, letting him clean me. It feels heavenly. I’ve never had anyone take such great care of me, unselfishly. He takes it away, picks up my discarded clothes and lays them next to me. I sit up, slowly, feeling wonderful, a little sore, but so much more myself. We both dress in silence then he takes my hand, and leads me downstairs and into his kitchen. He makes us both some iced tea, and we sit at the table staring at each other. We’re like teenagers. Sick puppy love teenagers and I love it. I love the feeling. I love me when I’m with him. And I love him. I always have.

  Chapter 9

  Why in the hell didn’t she open up to me sooner? Hmmm, I wonder if Hailey knew anything. Don’t girls tell each other everything? Hailey works during the day at her dad’s gas station down the street. Shit, she’s been helping out there way before she was actually old enough to work there. She’s a woman who’s sexy but yet can make her way through any garage tool and fix just about any kind of vehicle or motorcycle. Hell, she’s fixed my bike, more than once. But she also doesn’t make very wise decisions when it comes to dating and always seems to find the ones that love them and then leave them, breaking her heart each time. Me? I’ve guarded my heart, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t slept around. I am a man, after all. When in reality, there’s only been one woman for me. Alena.

  After Alena told me everything, I now realize why she didn’t tell me sooner. I wanted to go right over to her house and fucking beat the shit outta that asshole, then call the cops. She had to calm me down. That took a while. “I’m not proud of myself, Jase. I was with Bill, at the beginning, for the wrong reasons, and then I stayed with him out of need, support. I was stupid. Now, I just need to make sure I can get away from him without anyone getting hurt. If anything happened to Mom, Dad or you…. Anyone I love…. I don’t….”

  I grab her hand and hold it tight with both of mine. “We won’t let that happen. It’s a sound plan. It’ll work. Don’t worry.” She looks so scared and her face suddenly pales.

  “I need to get home. He’ll be angry I’ve been gone so long.”

  She rises and I follow, then stop her by putting arms around her chest as she turns to leave. “If he lays another hand on you, call me immediately. Plan or no plan. I won’t have him hurt you again. I’ll kill him first.” Her head turns up, her mouth presses against mine, but I feel her body trembling and I’m not sure if it’s because of him or me. “Promise me,” I whisper against her lips. She nods and then smiles.

  I stand on my front porch, watching her run down my street. She turns, giving me a small wave, and I give her one back. I feel weird, letting her leave. I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the beam and watch her run. She belongs here. In this town. With me. In my house. We belong together.

  I feel stupid, all dressed up. Well, for me. Nice slacks, a button down shirt but no tie. I grab my jacket when my phone rings from my bed. “Yo! You about ready?” Scott yells in my ear. “We’re meeting at Danny’s in five! Having a few before we go.”

  “Be there.” I end the call and put it in my pocket, grab my jacket and turn, taking one more look at myself in the mirror. “Guess it’s show time.”

  Danny’s place is packed when I walk in. “Hey, Jase!” I turn and look at the back corner. Hailey’s waving at me and as I walk there and I notice the big round booth is full. Nervousness floods me. People in town know about my knee, the injury, and there are some who moved away that had read about it in the newspapers, however, there are some who may not know. It’s something I don’t like to talk about. I’m reminded of it daily. As I slide into the booth, people are hollering at me, patting my arm and back. “Here, buddy. Have a cold one on me.” Scott smiles and pours me a big glass of beer from his pitcher.

  “Well, I’ll be damned. If it isn’t our star track runner. How the hell are you, Jase?” I look up, swallowing the mouthful of beer, and stand when Tom Masten walks over. We shake hands, and I can feel everyone watching us. “Good to see you. How’s the running?”

  Tom’s one of those who went to college out of state and then moved to an even bigger state for his career. Apparently, he didn’t read the newspaper article. I decide to play it off. “It’s good, man. Run daily.”

  “Good. Good.” He seems at a loss of what to say so I sit back down and grab my glass. I shift my eyes and he’s gone. It’s gonna be a long night.

  “Hey, drink up. It’s about time to go,” Tate squeals and then giggles.

  A very long night.

  Music is blaring from the high school when we get there. The loud beat of the bass making everything vibrate as we walk inside. Everything seems so small. The lockers. The classrooms. I look into the small windows on the doors as I pass the rooms. We walk to a table outside the auditorium, and Annette Sims is standing there talking to people, handing out name tags and laughing. “Jase! Good to see you! Glad you came.” I lean over, kiss her cheek, and then take the name tag she hands me. She’s the librarian at our library in town, has been there for a few years and loves it. She’s great with the kids who come in there. They have readings and fun games for them every Saturday. “Not like you need a name tag. Everyone knows you.” Yeah, everyone. I smile politely, place the tag on my shirt
and turn towards the open doors.

  I turn my head as Scott pats my back. He gives me a wink and a smile, and then I follow him in. There are people everywhere, some dancing already, most standing around talking. I stop, moving over to the side, to take it all in. My nerves just kicked up a notch when I look around, seeing posters plastered on the walls. There’s a few of me. One, I’m all muddy. State track meet and it was pouring. Second, my arms are raised, holding a trophy I’d won. I think that was a meet against our rival school. Third, standing next to Alena, crowned King and Queen at our junior year prom. My eyes don’t want to leave her face. It was before everything changed. Before our lives changed. Liv’s accident, Alena leaving for college, both leaving me. I take a shaky breath and look over at the refreshment tables. Liquor. Thank God!

  I walk over to the table, make myself a jack and coke and turn around. I nod at some familiar faces, most that I see almost every day. “Alena Spencer.” My head turns swiftly, and I see her standing just inside the room, talking to a few people and that asshole is right beside her holding her arm. My heart beats hard, not just from the new song that started, but from looking at her. She’s wearing a dark lavender dress, flowing down to the top of her feet, the waist fitting snuggly and showing how fit she is. The top part is a halter, the neckline dipping down into the valley between her ample breasts. The breasts I kissed earlier. Fuck, my cock’s already hard and aching for her. Just then her head turns my way, like she could feel the beat of my heart. She smiles shyly, discreetly, then turns back to the person talking to her.

  I stand there silently, the occasional nod to someone, a pat on my back from another person, and I watch her. Her body is stiff, her smile a little fake as she talks. Asshole leans into her, whispers something close by her ear, and she nods slightly. They start to walk over, and I straighten my stance. “Jase,” asshole remarks as he walks close then starts to make drinks for them. She’s so close to me. I can feel her warmth, and can almost touch her.