The Loss (Heartache series #1)

by Green, Vicki

  My head flashes back to the other night when I felt those muscles, the look on his face when he came, how soft his skin was and how I traced a vein on his strong arm. “You’re gonna cut yourself.” I blink rapidly, and my eyes focus on him staring at me. He chuckles and then gets busy again and so do I. He’s right. I’m gonna end up cutting myself.

  A little later, the smell of food begins to invade the air. He’d shut the front door a little while ago, bolting the lock, which was good because it was starting to get cold in here. The fire in the fireplace is roaring. He’d cleaned the kitchen area and then started dinner. In between, he helped me over to the table so I could sit closer to him, and I just sat there watching him move around like he was a gourmet cook.

  My stomach growls embarrassingly loud when he sets down a bowl filled with steamed veggies. The very veggies I cut up. He winks at me, and my heart skips a beat. He brings over rolls, a small dish of butter and a bowl with salad. I lean over and close my eyes, breathing in the delectable aroma. I hear him set something else down and open my eyes to chicken breasts, smothered in some kind of sauce.

  “Wow! You’ve out done yourself, Jase. This all looks fantastic.” He looks at me and smiles. Breathtaking.

  “Help yourself. You’ll find here that it’s first come, first served,” he winks, grabs his shirt pulling it over his head and then turns to me. “I’ll be right back.” I turn my head and watch him unbolt the lock on the front door and leave again.

  “What in the hell is he doing now? It’s time to eat.” I take the spoon in the bowl of veggies and scoop some onto my plate then I put some on his. Picking up the salad spoon and fork, I pick up a bunch and place it on mine and then his plate. After grabbing a roll, I take my knife and spread a ton of butter on it and cram it in my mouth. “Mmmmm,” I moan.

  “That has to be the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen and heard.” I jump at his voice and lower my head in embarrassment. He sure has been doing that a lot to me today. Or I’ve been doing it to myself.

  I chew up my mouthful, swallowing deeply and smile. “Where’d you go?” He walks behind me, opening a door to a cabinet, and pulls out two beers. After closing the door he walks passed me and sits down, setting a beer down in front of me. “Oh,” I squeak and turn my head behind me then back at him. “Where’d you get that?” I pick it up and take a drink. “It’s so cold.”

  He chuckles again. I’ll never get tired of hearing that sexy laugh. “About three, maybe three and a half years ago, Dad bought a generator. I bought some gas at the Freeze Mart and started it when I got back but the beer is in a cooler filled with ice until the fridge gets cold enough.” Wow! I had no idea. He cuts into his chicken, then spears it with his fork and I watch his lips encase it. “I have another surprise after dinner for you too.”

  I set my knife down on my plate and my eyes widen. “You spoil me. You’ve really thought of everything, haven’t you?”

  “Just wait until after dinner,” he says, waggling his eyebrows.

  I am amazed at this man; resourceful, gentle, tender and tough all at the same time.

  Chapter 11

  I enjoy every second watching her eat. Her full lips as they move when she chews, her laughter at my corny jokes and how beautiful she looks in the natural light of the lamps and fire. She’s beyond beautiful.

  After dinner and helping her into the bathroom in the hall, I make her get comfy on the couch, putting a blanket over her and threatening her bodily harm if she didn’t comply. Okay, not really but I did threaten to tickle her if she didn’t and she knew I meant business. Once I get everything cleaned up and the leftovers put away, I walk over to a bag I’d put down next to the door and take it over to the couch. “What’s that?” She asks, trying to peek in the bag as I sit down next to her.

  “Geez, you’re worse than a kid on Christmas. Just give me a sec.” She giggles and sits back, pulling the blanket up higher around her. I pull out the portable DVD player and several movies. “Pick.”

  She looks up at me, her eyes wide and her mouth forming an ‘O’. “But how?”

  I reach down, pulling the cord up from the floor and plug it into the player. “Do you really think Dad wouldn’t have thought of how we’d entertain ourselves when we came up here the last time? Mom with her movies and Dad with his laptop. There’s a few of these in the cabin. They connect to the generator.” She clamps her mouth tight, and I chuckle. “Pick.” I know she is just being nice when she picks out Transformers, one of my favorites. As we watch, she leans against me, my elbow resting on the back of the couch and my fingers playing with her hair. Perfect. It’s only about halfway through when I look down, and she’s fast asleep. She has to be exhausted. I know she didn’t get much sleep, if any, the night before.

  Carefully, I lift her, moving her down onto the couch as I stand. I turn the player off and set it on the end table, unplugging the power cord, and then I gently lift her up into my arms. She startles. Her eyes open wide, and she grabs my arm in a death grip. “Shhhh, kitten. Just taking you where you’ll be more comfortable. Go back to sleep.” The corner of her mouth lifts a little, an attempt to smile but then fades as her eyes slowly close. I carry her through the small doorway, across the hall and into the bedroom, laying her on the bed. I lift her legs, pulling the covers down and then bring them up, tucking them around her. I stand there just looking. Her hair is fanned out on the pillow, her face serene and her breathing slow. She’s like a goddess. My goddess. The one from my dreams.

  I walk back into the main room, go outside and shut down the generator to conserve gas. After locking the front door and turning off all the lamps, I go back into the bedroom. I open the window a crack over the bed to bring in some fresh air and after removing my shirt and leaving my sweatpants on, I slide under the covers, put my arm under my head and stare up at the ceiling. So much has happened, so quickly. I’m pretty proud that we’re here and hopefully safe. My hand moves down to the side of the bed and under the mattress. The feel of metal making me feel safer. I’d do anything for her, to protect her. I hear her sigh and I watch as she turns towards me, closer until her head rests on my chest, and her arm moves over my waist. I grab the covers and bring them over her arm, then move my arm from underneath my head and wrap it around her shoulders. This is how it should be. This is how it always should have been. I’ve lost so much. My sister and then my best friend. So much time has passed when we should have been together. At least, I have her back now and hopefully to stay.

  The sun shines through the window above us. I open my eyes, feeling the warmth of her body so close to mine. I look down and smile. She’s sprawled out half on top of me. Her hand laying on my chest, her knee bent and on top of my waist, her leg in between mine. My cock is hard, not unusual for the morning, but it’s squashed underneath her leg and aching for her. Down boy. Now is not the time, although, I would love it. We have time. I’ll need plenty of it for what I want to do. I watch her sleep for a few minutes. She looks so relaxed, not stressed out like she has been. I want her to always be this way, to take care of her. Love her.

  Finally, nature calls so I gently move her arm, sliding out of bed. She rustles but turns over, hugging her pillow and sighs. I head out into the hallway, walking into the bathroom and make quick work of all my bathroom duties, even taking a quick shower using the pump. I walk out to the kitchen, gathering all the things needed to make breakfast. After loading the stove with paper and kindling, I get it lit and go back to whipping up some pancake batter. I proceed to get eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast ready. It’s a little different cooking here, most things having to be made on the pot belly stove, but I’ve learned to adjust coming here so often and watching Mom. Dad had upgraded the stove to a four burner when he fixed up the place a few years ago. He added the pumps to the shower and the kitchen sink, trying to get it to where it was more livable, more relaxing without all the taxing thi
ngs of a rugged stay. When we were young, we loved it, well, except for Liv. She was too busy playing with her Barbie’s to care. Those were the good old days.

  By the time everything is almost ready, I hear the sounds of her hobbling in the hallway and the bathroom door closes. My heart rate speeds up. It does that every time I think of her. Smiling, I place everything on two plates, take them to the table, and then go to the fridge to get out the butter and milk. My head snaps to my right, and I see a vision. My cock strains against my jeans as my eyes scour her body. She’s changed into one of my t-shirts, so large the hem hits mid-thigh. The sleeves hang down to the middle of her upper arms. Her hair is tousled, looking like she’d just had the best sex of her life, the smooth silky skin on her arms and legs, making me lick my lips. I want to kiss and suck every inch of it.

  “You okay, big boy?” I look back up into her eyes and notice they’re looking right where my cock is aching to get out. She smiles and I let out a chuckle then I set the things down in my hands on the table and storm right over to her.

  “See what you do to me?” I ask as I wrap my arms around her, pushing my hardness against her leg, and kissing those full lips I’ve been dying to kiss all morning. She moans as I slide my tongue into her eager mouth. Her hand moves from the side of my neck to around the back, her fingers in my hair, and I’m lost in her warmth, her touch. “God, Alena,” I whisper as I release her mouth then kiss her cheek, her closed eyes, her forehead and slide the side of my face against her smooth skin, ending at her ear. “I want you so fucking bad.”

  Her face moves against mine. Her fingers tug my hair, and I feel her breath against my ear. “Take me. I’m yours. Please.” Fuck!

  I bend down and lift her in my arms, breakfast forgotten, and carry her into the bedroom. I set her down on the end of the bed, lift up her shirt, pulling it over her head fast and lean down finding her mouth again. She practically rips off my shirt, and I stop kissing her long enough to help her get rid of it, then my mouth is back on hers. “Jase,” she moans and starts tugging at my jeans button. I grab under her arms, moving her up the bed until her head hits a pillow. I climb back and off the bed, making quick time removing my jeans. Her eyes grow wide, full of desire, when she realizes I’m commando. Yeah, who needs boxers out in the wild? As I stroke my already hard cock, she reaches out to me, her fingers almost waving at me to hurry the fuck up. So I do. I crawl up the bed, settling in between her spread legs, leaning down to kiss her lips as I plunge into her wetness.

  “So wet,” I whisper against her mouth. “Already so wet for me.” She moans as she bucks her hips, causing my cock to sink even deeper within her. “God, Alena. You respond so quickly to me. To my touch….” I cup one of her ample breasts, tweaking the nipple and her hips buck again. “To my cock that’s always aching for you.” I pull out until only the tip is in her and then thrust hard. She meets my movement and writhes underneath me. We don’t last long. Okay, I don’t last long. It doesn’t take me much when I’m inside her, feeling her muscles clamp my pulsing cock, and the look on her beautiful face when she cums. It’s a sight, a vision, one that I’d love to capture. Embed it in my memory.

  She winces as I move off of her, resting back against my legs beside her, and I feel terrible. I wasn’t thinking. Well, my cock was doing all the thinking. “Are you okay? Did I fucking hurt you?” I all but growl. She smiles and turns over and I see what hurts. There’s blood from the wound on her shoulder from when she fell. “Damn, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” She turns slightly, her hand cups my jaw and smiles.

  “I’m not sorry.”

  I quickly move from the bed, grabbing my jeans, and I walk to the bathroom to get the first aid kit. When I return to the bedroom, she’s sitting up, trying to look over her shoulder at her wound. “Here. Let me.” I sit down beside her and open the box. After cleaning it up, I place a big bandage on it and then kiss it. “All better.” Her smiles makes my heart stop. “Come on. I made you the most awesome breakfast. Now, I’ll just heat it back up.” She laughs and looks at me shyly then giggles.

  “Totally worth it.” Her look turns from laughter to seriousness. I take her hand, pull her up and scoop her into my arms. She looks at me and smiles. “I can walk, Tarzan.”

  “Oh, I know.” I kiss her lips as I carry her out of the room and into the kitchen, depositing her on a chair at the table. “Will you pour the milk while I get this ready?”

  “Sure.”

  I grab the plates, loading everything back into the skillets and turn on the burners again. It doesn’t take long before everything’s reheated and back on the plates. We eat in silence, until….

  “Mmmmm”

  Damn, that was hot. I watch her eyes close as her fork slides into her mouth, full of pancakes topped with the raspberry jam I bought. My cock hardens immediately, and I reach down under the table and adjust. It doesn’t take much for me when it comes to her. A smile. A brush of her hair. Her lips. Eating. Chewing. Damn! Yes, really anything she does makes me hard. “What?” My eyes focus in on hers, and I sit up straight, grabbing my fork and take a bite of my own.

  “Nothing.” I adjust myself again. She giggles. Man, I love that sound. The silence after is filled with tension. I look up and see her just staring off into space. “Alena?”

  “I was just thinking about everything. What a mess I’ve made of my life. I used to be so strong. Nothing could hurt me or hurt the ones I love. I wouldn’t let it.” She looks at me, sadness overcasting her beautiful face. “Once my business really started taking off, he…. I was so stupid. I signed a contract that he would handle the business part, the money.” She puts her arms on the table and leans in. “I don’t care about the money, Jase. Let me just give it to him. You don’t know what he’ll do to keep it. There’s a stipulation in the contract that says he gets half after we’re married and of course, he will get it all when I’m dead. He’ll stop at nothing.”

  I reach for her hand, anger welling up inside me. “Nothing will happen. I promise. He doesn’t know who he’s dealing with either. I bought a pre-paid phone while I was at the store. It can’t be traced. I called Scott, filled him in.” Her eyebrows raise, and I can see the concern in them. “He was getting with Dad last night. Somewhere private. He said….” She leans closer, her lips part. “I guess Bill went crazy after he figured out you left him. He questioned my parents, yours, Scott, Jolie, and even Hailey. I guess he tore into Battle Ground and really messed up some stuff.”

  Her hand leaves mine, both of them covering her mouth as her eyes fill with tears. “Oh, no!”

  “Hey, hey. Those things can be replaced. You can’t. You don’t worry about that shit.”

  She stands, knocking her chair back and has to grab the table when she couldn’t get her balance. “Where is he? I should go back, go with him. This is….”

  I stand up and walk quickly to her, putting my arm around her waist and drawing her to me. “No, Alena! No!” She lays her head on my chest, her arms wrapping around me, squeezing me tight. I place my hand on the side of her face and rub my thumb across her skin. “Everything’s going to be fine. I knew this would happen. Don’t worry. Please, don’t worry.”

  “I was trying to avoid all this by running away and look what that did,” she says with a shaky breath.

  I cup her chin and pull her face up to look at me. Her long lashes wet from her tears and her eyes are so sad. “Look. You did what you thought was right and truthfully, you were in danger. I won’t let anything happen to you. I can’t. He can’t touch anyone else and is just embarrassing himself and showing his true colors by acting out like he did. Trust me.” A tear falls from her eye, down her face and onto my hand. “Trust me?”

  She nods and rests her head on my chest again. “I used to be so strong. Invincible. I don’t know what happened to me along the way. I became weak.” Her head rises and she looks up at me. “B
ut no more. I won’t let him do this to you, to our parents or friends. I won’t let him do it to me.”

  “That’s my girl.” I kiss the top of her head, and we stand there in silence for a couple of minutes. “Now, let’s finish breakfast. No way am I heating all that up again.”

  She laughs and rises up, kissing my lips. We untangle ourselves from each other and go back to sit down and eat.

  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  I’m angry. So angry. How dare he do that? I want to pace the floor, but my foot won’t allow it. Damnit! We spent most of the day outside on the porch. The sun is shining, but it’s still cooler up here in the hills. I sat on his lap, with one of his blankets wrapped around us, and we talked. Really talked. I’m so proud of how he overcame his loss of Liv. He says he still has a ways to go yet he’s come so far. We laughed and talked about a ton of memories. My favorite was when we laid in the grass on a blanket, beyond the trees that outlined the vacant lot where we always played stick ball, and talked. We did that a lot when we got to our teenage years. Seems like all the joy in my life, all the happiness, has always involved him.

  Jase left a little bit ago to get more wood, and I’m bored. I limp over to the kitchen, opening cabinets and then the fridge. Smiling, I take out the ingredients I need and get a bowl and small plate to put them on. I manage to get over to the fire, put the last logs on and in a few minutes, I watch it roar to life. I go into the bedroom, open the closet and smile then gather a couple of blankets and pillows and head back out by the fire. There! All set.

  I’m laying down, half under a blanket. The bowl of goodies is on the floor in front of me, and as I pick up a strawberry, placing it against my lips, the door opens. God, I hope that’s Jase and not someone lost in the woods. That would be embarrassing. He walks in, turning around to shut and lock the door, when he turns and faces me, his eyes snap down and a log drops to the floor with a loud thud. I didn’t jerk, didn’t twitch, but I had to hold in my giggle at the look of shock on his face. I bite into the strawberry, its juices sliding down my chin, and I lick my lower lip, trying to look seductive. Shit, I hope it’s working. My eyes travel down, down, and I see that it is by the look of his cock pushing against the fly in his jeans. Perfect!