The other boys were pale under the smears of mud on their faces. Danny clearly had no idea what was going on, but seemed on the verge of tears.
“I can’t believe Sam let you outfit us with unfamiliar horses,” Rex said.
Clint gave another sharp bark of laughter. “Sam didn’t even look at the horses. He doesn’t care what’s going on anymore.”
“But we trusted you,” Rex said. “Lindsay gave you the responsibility of choosing safe horses and you let her down. That’s contemptible behavior.”
Clint stared at the big man for a long time, trying to look casual and offhand. He was the first to turn away, his cheeks flushing darkly.
Allan Larkin finally broke the edgy silence. “So what’s the deal? Are we lost?”
“Of course not,” Rex said, taking charge of the situation again. “We came this far on a well-marked trail, and we can just follow the same trail back out. Tomorrow we’ll turn around and start heading back down. It’ll be a whole lot easier,” he added in a comforting tone, sitting down and gathering Danny onto his lap, “because it’ll be all downhill.”
“But we won’t have the nice trip we’d planned,” Lindsay said bitterly. “We won’t be able to stop at the miner’s cabin or spend a day resting and fishing at the lake. In fact we’ll just barely have time to get back, now that we’ve come so deep into the mountains.”
“It was just a joke,” Clint muttered.
The other boys glared at him coldly.
“Some joke,” Lonnie Schneider muttered. “We could have got lost and run out of food.”
The other boys echoed Lonnie’s sentiments for once. Tim Bernstein looked especially frightened and began to cough, his body shaking. He relaxed a little when Lindsay assured him she had plenty of asthma medication and they would still get home from their trip on schedule.
But the rest of the group shunned Clint pointedly as they got ready for bed and settled down inside their pine shelters. The tall boy actually seemed grateful to have Danny crawl in under the branches with him.
From her tent Lindsay saw Clint murmur softly to the little boy, then tuck Danny’s teddy bear close to his face and draw the blankets up around him.
She let the tent flap drop and got ready to crawl into her bedroll, torn by conflicting emotions.
* * *
IT WAS AFTER MIDNIGHT and the boys were all sound asleep when she heard Rex’s voice outside the closed tent flap.
“Lin,” he whispered. “Are you awake?”
Her throat went tight with alarm. She clenched her hands into fists, listening tensely.
“Lin?” he whispered again.
She wanted to ignore him, to pretend sleep so he’d go away. But she was still anxious, a lot more worried about Clint’s startling disclosure than she wanted the boys to know.
This was a good chance to talk with Rex about the situation in private.
Finally Lindsay sat up and opened the tent flap, annoyed by the shaking of her hands.
He crawled in rapidly, his big body filling the small enclosed space. He smelled of wood smoke and pine, and his shoulders glistened with raindrops in the faint light of the fire.
“At least you’ve washed all that mud off your face,” she whispered as he stripped off his coat and stored it at the foot of the bedroll.
“Don’t you like me in jungle camouflage?” His teeth flashed white in the darkness.
“Actually, it’s kind of flattering.” Lindsay settled back on her pillow and gazed up at him. “You looked very primitive. Intriguingly savage.”
He laughed and pulled off his jeans, then stripped away his shirt.
“Hey, isn’t this just a bit presumptuous?” Lindsay asked. “I don’t remember inviting you to get naked.”
“I’m so cold,” he said. “I’ve been out for more than an hour checking the horses and having a look at the trail. With this rain, I’ll bet the temperature’s barely above freezing. I’m hoping you’ll be generous enough to warm me up.”
She touched him in quick sympathy and realized he wasn’t exaggerating. His teeth chattered, and his arms and shoulders were like sculpted ice.
“Come here,” she murmured, unzipping her big sleeping bag and holding it open. “Hurry. Oh, poor Rex.”
He crawled in next to her and pulled another blanket up over their bodies. She stifled a little scream as his chilly length enfolded her.
“God, I’m sorry,” he whispered. “This must be awful for you.”
He still shivered violently and his teeth continued to chatter. Lindsay realized he was rubbing his hands together behind her back, trying to warm them before touching her skin.
“Oh, for goodness sake.” She tugged at his arms. “Give me your hands.”
“Honey, they’re like ice. I don’t want to...”
“Give them to me!”
Reluctantly he offered his hands and she held them in both her own, rubbing and chafing them, distressed by their coldness. At last, slowly and deliberately, she placed them between her thighs and drew his body close.
“That’s the warmest place I can offer,” she whispered against his shoulder.
“Oh, sweetheart...”
“Rex, tell me the truth. How far into the mountains do you think we are? Did Clint...”
“I don’t want to talk about that little bastard right now,” he muttered through gritted teeth. “I just want to get warm.”
He lay in her arms, their bodies touching and pressing together from head to toe. Gradually her warmth began transferring to him, and his shivering stopped.
As they cuddled, Lindsay’s concern evaporated. In its place came a singing excitement and a wondering sense of joy. She’d never been so close to him, never held his naked body in her arms, and yet it felt so right.
His hands were warm now. One of them crept out and around to her back under her T-shirt, drawing her closer. The other remained between her thighs, but it began to move and quest upward.
“You’re right,” he whispered hoarsely in her ear as he tugged her panties away and continued to explore with gentle fingers. “This is the warmest place in the whole world.”
“Well, you’re certainly feeling much better.” Lindsay smiled against his shoulder. “I guess you can probably go to your own bedroll now.”
“I don’t think so,” he muttered. “It’s best if I stay here for a while, at least.”
“Why?”
“Because it seems I’ve got the tent pole.”
He took one of her hands and placed it on himself. She gasped at his size and hardness. “My goodness, Rex,” she whispered. “What on earth is that?”
“You’ve never run across one of these, Linnie?” he teased.
“Not quite like this one.” Mesmerized, she stroked him, feeling her body begin to open with excitement.
“Oh, you little flatterer.” He chuckled, then moaned with pleasure at her touch.
He was fondling her now, one hand caressing her body with long gentle strokes while the other continued to play and tease between her thighs.
She was amazed at herself and her body’s response to the rich sweetness of their love play. The warmth of the tent enclosed them, and the rain pattered on the waterproof cover overhead, beating a steady rhythm to their rising passion. From outside, firelight flickered and danced against the curved nylon sides.
Lindsay pressed against him, her mouth seeking and questing, all the tortured memories wiped from her mind for the moment. It was such a blessed relief to be simply a woman, alone with a man she desired, and not have to think about anything else.
Their bodies moved together with slow purpose, arousing each other to an unbearable frenzy. When he entered her, Lindsay felt a brief alarm, even a flash of pain.
“Are you all right,
darling?” he asked, instantly concerned.
“I’m fine,” she whispered. “It’s just...it’s been a while for me, Rex.”
Well, that was certainly an understatement, she thought grimly.
“But don’t stop!” she whispered, pounding at his shoulder. “For heaven’s sake, you can’t stop now!”
He laughed and continued his gentle thrusting rhythm. By now all the pain had vanished, swallowed up in a warm, rich tide of happiness.
Though Lindsay had known this man for most of her life, Rex felt strange in her arms, different from what she’d expected. He was bigger and his body was so hard. Even his chest was hairier than she remembered from long-ago summer days at the swimming hole.
And he made her feel so delicious...
Lindsay closed her eyes and thought about how he’d looked earlier that day. Dreamily she pictured those blue eyes glittering above the smears of mud on his blunt cheekbones.
“My warrior,” she whispered as he moved within her. “My big sweet savage...”
He was lost in passion now, his face taut, and she sensed the iron control he was using to keep from reaching his climax. Lindsay had a fleeting moment to think about his unselfishness, another thing that surprised her.
Then her own release flooded over her, pulsing and ebbing in rich bursts of pleasure that carried her off into a world of dreams where sunlight glowed on her face, red-gold and shimmering.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
WHEN SHE RECOVERED, Rex lay spent in her arms.
She patted his back gently, then wrapped her arms around him, feeling weak with tenderness. “That was so nice,” she whispered.
“Nice?” He nuzzled her shoulder drowsily. “Is that the best you can do?”
“Well, how would you describe it?”
He drew her closer, kissing her hair with a gentleness that astonished her. “Earth-shaking,” he suggested huskily. “Monumental. Life-altering.”
“Oh, go on,” she scoffed, though she was deeply moved by his words. “I’ll bet you say things like that to all the girls.”
“I’ve never said anything like that to a woman in my whole life.” His arms tightened around her, and his voice was suddenly sober and intense.
“Rex...”
But he was still holding her, running his hands slowly up and down the curve of her back. “I feel like such an idiot,” he muttered. “After all these years I finally get to sleep with my princess, and then I forget everything I should be thinking of.”
“Like what?” she asked.
“Like birth control, and some kind of responsible protection. I just jumped on you like a horny teenager. I’m so sorry, Lin.”
She drew away, looking at him. “Do I need some kind of protection besides birth control?”
“Oh, no. Not from me.” He drew a forefinger down the line of her nose and lips. “I’m a really clean guy, sweetheart.”
She relaxed and smiled, moving back into his arms again.
“In fact,” he said, holding her close, “you’d probably be surprised how boring my sex life is. I haven’t been with anybody for a long, long time.”
“No kidding? That is a surprise to me.”
He continued to stroke her hair. “You know, there’s always one major flaw with any woman I date.”
“What’s that?”
“She isn’t you.” He bent to kiss her again.
Lindsay pulled away to stare up at him in the flickering darkness. “I had no idea you felt that way about me, Rex.”
“I guess I didn’t, either,” he said. “At least not until last year at that bachelor auction, when you let me know spending a weekend with me was just about the most ridiculous idea in the world. Because when I started thinking how much fun that weekend might be, I was a goner.”
She smiled against his chest. “Really?”
“I’ve been nuts about you over this past year, Lin. Out of my head. Every minute of the day, I find myself thinking about you. I even started taking team roping lessons from Sam so I could impress you with what a great cowboy I was.”
She sat up and looked at him in astonishment. “You didn’t!”
“Yeah, I did.” Rex reached up with a lazy hand to caress her breasts. “Every evening I lie around my house and think about you. I daydream like a kid about having you there with me.”
She was genuinely amazed. “Rex, I can’t believe all this.”
“Wait, there’s more,” he said, looking abashed. “I even phoned you just to hear your voice, and then hung up because I couldn’t think of anything to say and I was too embarrassed to let you know what I’d done.”
Her eyes widened in shock. “When?” she said, clutching his arm. “How many times did you do that?”
“Just once, a couple of weeks ago. Hey, I may be a lovesick puppy, but I’m not a pervert.”
Chilly fingers of dread touched Lindsay’s spine and curled into her stomach. She nestled back under the covers again and pressed close to him, but the fear wouldn’t go away.
“Lin?” He kissed her ear and the nape of her neck. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.”
“We should have used some kid of birth control,” he muttered. “Darling, what if you get pregnant?”
“It’s the wrong time of month.” She hesitated, searching for words. “But if it happened, what would you think about that?”
“If you got pregnant with my baby? I’d think I was the luckiest guy in the world. I’d be over the moon with happiness.”
“Oh, Rex,” she whispered.
“Let’s get married, Lin,” he said. “We don’t need to know each other any better, we’ve been friends all our lives. And we’re not getting any younger, you know. Let’s get married and start making a baby.”
She felt tears stinging behind her eyes, and a weight of misery too cold and heavy to bear.
“Hey,” he said, “what’s wrong? Don’t you want to have babies? Because if you don’t, that’s all right. We’ll just adopt Danny instead.”
Lindsay thought about a bassinet lined with silk, and a fat baby with Rex’s blue eyes and crooked grin. She pictured the log house on the ranch with herself and Rex living there together, and Danny as their son, and other children running and playing.
She was sobbing now, holding him so tightly she could feel him wince.
“Lindsay?” He sounded terrified. “Darling, what’s the matter? What did I say to hurt you?”
She knew this was the time to tell him. Here was her opportunity to let him know the truth about her own terrible cowardice, and ask for his help in dealing with the terrors that plagued her.
But Lindsay had been afraid so long, she didn’t know how to change.
“You aren’t hurting me,” she said when she was able to speak. “I’m just...a little overwhelmed by all this, I guess.”
“You’re so lovely, darling,” he murmured, touching her face. “The most beautiful woman in the world. God, how I love you.”
He began to caress her with more purpose, and Lindsay’s body responded though her mind was still in turmoil. Soon they were making love again, and it was even sweeter than the first time.
There was poignancy, too, a shattering feeling of precious, fleeting happiness.
Because Lindsay knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that when they left the mountains, this sweetness was going to end. She would tell Rex goodbye, and she would never hold him again.
For more than four years she’d kept her painful secret. The knowledge of her cowardice was lodged at the very center of her being, destroying her life and blocking the possibility of an intimate relationship with anybody. Until Lindsay could bring herself to deal with the terrible thing that had happened to her, she could never move on to a normal life.
She didn’t deserve a man like Rex Trowbridge. And he certainly didn’t deserve the kind of pain and danger that she would undoubtedly bring into his life.
* * *
THEY FELL ASLEEP and drowsed together for a few hours in a warm, sweet tangle of arms and legs.
Rex woke and looked around in confusion for a couple of seconds, wondering where he was. Then he remembered and his heart soared with happiness.
The dying campfire flickered beyond the tent, barely giving enough light to make out her golden mass of hair and the delicate lines of her face.
“I love you,” he whispered under his breath because he didn’t want to wake her. “My sweet darling, I love you so much.”
He kissed the pillow by her cheek, wishing he could wake her up and make love. The memory of their night together had aroused him all over again. His groin was stiff and hard, aching with desire.
He rolled away from her and sat up to reach for his shirt, shivering in the morning chill.
Rex knew he was never going to get enough of this woman, even if they lived together for the next fifty years. Always she would fascinate him, tantalize him, thrill him with her loving and that elusive, teasing essence she’d had since girlhood.
Quietly, trying not to wake her, he pulled on his socks and jeans, wondering about Lindsay’s odd moment of withdrawal and tears the night before.
He’d always thought of her as a home-and-hearth kind of woman, the kind of woman who’d want a family. She had the boys at the ranch, and she genuinely loved little Danny, but Rex suspected she also longed for a husband and babies of her own.
So why had she sounded so distraught when he broached the topic? Was it possible she didn’t love him after all, that after their rich night of sex she would reject him?
He felt a chill of alarm and looked at her small body cuddled under the plaid blanket.
He couldn’t believe she didn’t want him. Lindsay was such an honest person, and she hadn’t been faking her responses the night before. He’d felt the intensity of her orgasm all the way to the core of himself.
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