by Gary Paulsen
The bad thinking came sometime toward morning. He did not know how it started and would never know how it started and, later, did not wish to remember it when he did.
Two nights without sleep tore at him and the raft seemed bolted down as he tried to get it along the edge of the lake to where the river moved again. Somewhere there, as he tried to keep the raft moving and fought sleep, there came the idea, the wild idea, the sick idea.
The raft moved slowly because it was heavy. What made it heavy, sank it into the water so that it could not move, was the extra weight of the man tied in the middle. If the man were gone — if the man were gone it would be lighter and he could move fast and it would be better.
It would be better if Derek were gone. What was the difference? He was dumb enough to rise up and get hit by the lightning, and he should be gone.
Brian looked down at the still form and thought the thought; and it was so awful that he did not believe he was thinking it, but it was there, the thought.
If Derek were gone.
Just gone.
None of this would have happened if Derek weren’t there — not any of it. And if Derek were gone… gone somehow in the water, gone down and down….
“No!” He nearly screamed it and the sound of his voice snapped him awake, alert, and he touched Derek’s leg to make certain he was still there, that Brian hadn’t cut him loose in the night and that he would always be there and that Brian would never even think the thought again. Not even for an instant.
“All the way,” he mumbled, reaching with the paddle again. “We go all the way together.”
He paddled another half hour, fighting sleep and then at the same time he felt a coolness that he knew was morning coming and he saw that the eastern sky was beginning to lighten.
He stopped paddling, looked at the sky and was amazed at how fast the dawn came. One moment it was so dark he couldn’t see Derek on the raft and the next he could make out the bank, see the trees in the gray light of dawn.
And they were moving.
The banks were moving along, even though he wasn’t paddling. He’d done it, he was through the lake and had moved back onto the river and the current had him.
“Thank you,” he whispered, and realized when he said it that it was another kind of prayer and that he was grateful not just for the river, the current, the movement — but the other thing as well.
Coming through the night with Derek… grateful that he had made it.
“Thank you.”
19
With the arrival of good light Brian took the map out and spread it on the briefcase.
The lake he had crossed did not show. He was positive. There were lakes, some large and small, but he was not moving fast enough to have reached any of them yet and that meant the map was not accurate.
It showed clean river with narrow banks where he guessed the lake to be and if it was inaccurate about this one thing then it might be wrong about all things.
Say the distance to the trading post. If the map had been made many years before and not updated, then the river might have changed direction, might not even go by the trading post any longer.
The trading post might not even be there.
The thought stunned him and he realized how foolish it had been to leave the lake and trust the map. There were so many variables, so many ways to go wrong.
He studied the map again and took some heart from it. It was so… so definite. It must be basically right. Close. Things could change, but not that much. The river was probably up a bit and the lake he had come through in the night was a low place that filled when the river ran high and not really a permanent lake that would be on the map.
Sure. There was logic there. All right. All he had to do was test the map, find some way to ensure that it was mostly right.
He put his finger on the river and followed it, tracing the path as the blue line cut through the green, followed it to where he thought he must be.
There.
If the map was right and he was guessing right, he should be about where his finger had stopped. It showed a long straight stretch and the contour lines were spread far apart, which would indicate a large low or flat area where there might be a lake.
Better yet, in a short distance — less than two miles — the contour lines came closer and closer together and showed two hills, one on either side of the river, just after a sharp S turn.
The raft was moving well now and the morning sun was cutting away some of the ache and tiredness of the night. He put the map back in the briefcase and checked on Derek. His face was swollen from the mosquitoes in the night, his eyes puffy and shut, and Brian used his T-shirt to wipe cool water on Derek’s face. He rinsed it in the river and dampened Derek’s mouth with fresh, clean water.
He wasn’t sure if his eyes were being tricked or if it was real, but Derek looked thinner to him and he wondered if getting thinner was a sign of dehydration.
He dampened the T-shirt once more and put it over Derek’s head. If he stays cool, Brian thought, cool and moist, it might help. If I can keep him out of the sun….
If the raft had a canopy, a cover, it would help. He paddled to the shore and jammed the raft into some willows and grass. It took him a half hour to use some green willows and swatches of grass to arrange a crude awning over Derek. It did not cover the whole man, but kept most of him in shade, and when it was done Brian pushed the raft back out into the current and started moving again.
He watched for the hills. Hunger came with the morning and he started thinking about food. Cereal and milk, toast, bacon, fried eggs — the smells of breakfast seemed to hang over the raft.
It bothered him, but it was an old friend/enemy. He made himself quit thinking of food, thought instead of what to do, planning each move of the day.
Get a firm location, figure his speed, keep moving — a step at a time.
Time.
Time was so strange. It didn’t mean anything, then it meant everything. It was like food. When he didn’t have it he wanted it, when there was plenty of it he didn’t care about it.
He stretched, sighed. “You know, if we were in a canoe and had a lunch and a cooler full of pop, we’d think this was the most beautiful place in the world.”
And it was, he thought, truly beautiful. The trees, pines and spruce and cedars, towered so high they made the river seem to become narrow and in places where the bank was cut away by the moving water the trees had actually leaned out over the river until they were almost touching. They made the river seem like a soft, green tunnel.
The character of the river had changed. It happened almost suddenly, but with such a natural flow that Brian didn’t notice it for a short time. The trees grew closer, the brush thicker and the banks higher.
Where they had been grassy and sloping away gradually, the banks were steeper and cut away, exposing the dirt and mud. The trees were so close and high that Brian would not be able to see the hills on the map when he came to them. He could see nothing but a wall of green.
He wiped Derek’s face several times. All this time the raft had kept moving, and when his break was over he saw that they were coming into another bend.
He put the T-shirt back on, wet, and picked up the paddle and started to work, swinging the stern of the raft, keeping it in the middle of the current.
It would get hot soon and cook him, but he thought that it wouldn’t matter. His hands were raw from the rough wood of the paddle and he thought that it wouldn’t matter either.
All that mattered now was to keep moving.
20
He saw the hills from the map sooner than he thought he should see them.
But they were the right ones. He was sure of it. They rose steeply ahead and on either side, rounded but high, covered with trees.
It was just about noon and the sun was beating down on him. He reached under the shelter and used the damp T-shirt to cool Derek again.
“We’re moving,” he said, his vo
ice thick with exhaustion, not believing it. “We’re moving along now….”
And when he said it he knew it was true. The raft was increasing in speed. Even as he watched, the speed seemed to pick up.
“We’re hauling….” He started, then trailed off as it dawned on him.
The contour lines being close together on the map meant that the banks steepened between the hills.
If there were hills and steep banks, the river might drop, fall a bit.
He reached for the briefcase to take another look at the map, but stopped with his hand halfway out.
A sound.
Some sound was there that at first he could not place. It was so soft, he could almost not hear it at all over the sounds of the birds.
But there it was again. A hissing? Was that it?
No.
It was lower than that. Not to be heard, but felt.
A whooshing—water.
A water sound.
A rumbling sound. The sound of water moving fast, dropping, falling.
Falling water.
A waterfall.
They were heading for a waterfall!
21
There was no time left. The river had narrowed slightly, but now there was more of a drop and the speed had increased dramatically.
They were dead in the middle of the river and Brian knew he had to get to shore, had to stop, but there was no time.
Twice as fast as he could walk, the raft was fairly careening now.
The sound was louder.
If he tried to paddle for shore, he would succeed only in turning the raft sideways. He was not sure how he could get over a waterfall — if indeed he could at all — but he was fairly certain he did not want to try it with the raft sideways. If it went the long way over the waterfall, it would be harder to roll over. Sideways and it would roll easily.
The sound was a definite rumble now, and in seconds they wheeled around a bend and Brian could see it.
“God…”
It was a whisper.
It was not a waterfall, but it might as well have been.
The river moved between two large stone bluffs that formed the sides of the two hills Brian had seen on the map.
The bluffs forced the river to a narrower width, deeper, and at the same time aimed it through some boulders that had split off either side and dropped in the middle.
All of this had the effect of making a monstrous chute where the water fought and roared to get through, smashing around the rocks in huge sprays of white water.
And the raft was aimed right down the middle of the chute.
Things happened so fast after that, there was not a way he could prepare for it.
The raft seemed to come alive, turn into a wild, crazy animal.
The front end took the river, swung down and into the current, grabbed the madness of the water and ran with it.
Brian had just time to look down at Derek, just time to see that he was still tied to the raft securely, and they were into it.
The raft bucked and tore at the water, slammed sideways. Brian tried to steer, using the paddle to swing the stern to the left and right, trying to avoid the boulders, but it was no use.
The water owned the raft, owned Derek, owned him. In the roaring, piling thunder of the river he had no control.
They were flying, the logs of the raft rearing out of the water on pressure ridges, slamming back down so hard it rattled his teeth.
In the middle of the chute was a boulder — huge, gray, wet with waves and spray — and the raft aimed directly at the center of it.
He had time to scream — sound lost in the roar of water — and throw himself on Derek. The raft wheeled slightly to the left and struck the boulder.
Brian thought for part of a second that they had made it.
Derek’s body lurched beneath him and dropped back, the raft took the blow, flexed, gave, but held together; and Brian started one clear thought: we made it.
Then it hit. There was an underwater boulder next to the giant in the middle of the river. Hidden by a pressure wave, it lay sideways out and to the left, halfway to the left wall.
The nose of the raft made it, carried over by the pressure ridge, hung for a second, then dropped, plummeted down.
As it tipped forward the rear of the raft cut down into the water and came against the submerged ledge.
“Whunk!”
Brian heard it hit, felt the impact and the sound through his whole body. He grabbed, tried to hold on to the logs beneath Derek, but it was no use.
The stern kicked off the ledge, slapped him up and away, clear of the raft, completely in the air.
He hung for a split instant in midair, looking down on the raft, on Derek — then he plunged down, down into the boiling, ripping water.
Everything was madness — frothy green bubbles, hissing, roiling water.
He came up for a moment, saw the raft shooting away downstream carrying Derek, then he was down again, mashed down and tumbled by the pressure wave, smashed into the rocks on the bottom, and all he could think was that he had to stay alive, had to get up, get air, get back to the raft.
But the wave was a great weight on him, a house on him; the world was on him and he could not move up against it.
He fought and clawed against the rock, broke his face free, then was driven down again, hammered into the bottom.
Sideways.
He’d have to work sideways. Smashed, buffeted, he dragged himself to the side beneath the pressure wave.
It became stronger. He could not rise, could not get air, and his lungs seemed about to burst, demanded that he breathe, even if it was water. He willed the urge away, down, but it grew worse, and just when he knew it was over, when he would have to let the water in — when he would die — just then he made the edge of the pressure wave at the side of the boulder.
The current roared past the rock and took him like a chip, sucking him downstream.
He brought his head clear for one tearing breath, opened and shook water out of his eyes long enough to see that the raft was gone, out of sight — then he was driven back under, down to the bottom, smashing into boulders in a roaring green thunder, end over end until he knew nothing but the screaming need to breathe, to live, and then his head smashed into something explosively hard and he thought nothing at all.
22
Bright light flashed inside Brian’s eyes — red and glaring — and he opened them to find that he was on his back, staring directly at the sun.
“Ecchh!” He rolled onto his stomach and spit and nearly choked on water.
He was in the shallows below the rapids, caught up in a small alcove in the shoreline.
The water was six or seven inches deep, with a gravel bottom. His senses returned and with them came the realization that he was all right. He was bruised, but nothing was broken; he had taken a little water, but apparently had coughed it out.
He was all right.
Derek.
The word slammed into him. Somehow, he had forgotten….
He stood — his legs were a bit wobbly, but they held — and looked down the river.
It stretched away for half a mile, becoming more calm and peaceful as it dropped, nestled in trees and thick brush, a blue line in a green background. Birds flew across the water, ducks swam….
There was no raft.
Brian turned, stood dripping, looking upriver into the rapids.
From below they did not look as bad. The pressure waves appeared smaller — even the boulder didn’t seem as large. There was still the sound of the water — although that, too, was muted.
But there was no raft.
No Derek.
“Derek!”
He yelled, knowing it was futile.
He looked downriver again. There was no way the raft would have stopped in the rapids. It had to have come down, floated on downstream.
What had he seen? He frowned, trying to remember what had happened.
Oh,
yes — the wave. The big submerged rock and the wave, the great wave had taken the raft and he had seen that — the raft moving off downriver. He did not think it had tipped; he seemed to remember that it was upright.
But Derek — was he still on the raft? He couldn’t remember for certain, but it seemed that he was — everything was so confused. Tumbling in the rapids seemed to have shaken his brain loose.
He fought panic.
Things were — were what they were. If the raft rolled or if Derek fell off the raft, then… well then, that was it.
If not, Derek might still be all right.
“I have to figure he’s still alive.”
And if Derek was still on the raft, still alive, he was downriver.
Brian had to catch him, catch the raft.
He started to move along the bank, and did well for fifty or so yards. The bottom was gravel — spilled out by the rapids — but then it ended.
The river moved rapidly back into flatter country, swamps, lakes, and the first thing that happened was the bottom turned to mud.
Brian tried to move to the bank and run, but the brush was so thick and wild that it was like a jungle — grass, willows, and thick vines grabbed at him, holding him.
He moved back into the river — where the mud stopped him. If he tried to walk, when his weight came down, his feet sunk and just kept on going — two, three feet. The mud was so thick it pulled his right tennis shoe off, and when he groped to find it the mud held his arm, seemed to pull at him, tried to take him down.