by H. Melt
the vodka is free
I notice poets sitting
in the corner: Sam &
Franny & Cam & William
tells me Chelsea is here
I don’t believe him
but it’s true
there’s a circle around her
the host Mx. Justin Vivian Bond
the lawyer Chase Strangio
the journalist from vogue
the documentary filmmaker
I introduce myself
as a writer & ask
what she read
in solitary
I don’t know this is
her first night out
since release
I already know, we’ve both
read Nevada, both lived
in Chicago & considered suicide
like most trans people, I know.
TRANS LIT
after Jamila Woods
Trans Lit is bullshit unless it is written
by trans people, unless it is written
for trans people. I want Trans Lit
that breaks linear narrative.
I want Trans Lit to bash back
against the police. I want Trans Lit
to take up an entire bookshelf
in the library. I want Trans Lit
in every classroom, in every backpack,
in every pair of hands on a long commute.
I want Trans Lit not to be a federal crime.1
I want Trans Lit in prisons, to set my
brothers, sisters & siblings free.
1 In 2015, Chelsea Manning was facing solitary confinement, partially due to a “prohibited property” charge related to books and magazines that were confiscated from her cell, including Casey Plett’s book A Safe Girl to Love.
CITY OF TRANS LIBERATION
after Martín Espada
Where statues
of Lou & Sylvia
dance in the streets
Where no kids are
kicked out or run
away from home
Where no body
asks for ID or
our real names
Where every body
has a body
they believe in
Where we can go
outside in the daytime
without being harassed
Where we are taught
to love instead of kill
ourselves
Where Trans Day of Remembrance
celebrates those who died
of natural causes
Where there are no borders
between who we were
& who we are
Becoming.
ON TRANS STREET
on trans street
everyone knows
your chosen name
on trans street
there are bungalows
courtyard buildings
& rent control
on trans street
there are bike lanes
abundant wheelchair ramps
& prompt snow removal
on trans street
there is free STI & HIV testing
doctors prescribe hormones
& perform abortions
without a fight
on trans street
there is a school where
trans history is taught
by trans teachers
on trans street
there is a mural
of Miss Major
at Stonewall
on trans street
Juliana Huxtable
is the resident dj
on trans street
no TERFs
are allowed
on trans street
no catcalling
is allowed
on trans street
there are
no prisons
no checkpoints
no police stations
no military bases
no detention centers
on trans street
the cemetery
is always full
of visitors
on trans street
we are never
alone.
AT TRANS HOUSE
there is a garden
where berries &
sunflowers grow
in the backyard
kids learn how to swim
in suits that fit them
everyone cooks
or cleans in the
kitchen together
in the basement
there is a dungeon
& a dance floor
the neighbors are
not afraid to leave
a spare key
when a fuse blows
or the toilet overflows
we know how to fix it
light fills the living room
where comfy couches
allow us to finally relax.
TAKE ME TO THE TRANS SPA
where I can get my nails done
with my mom, without
toxic chemicals
let me change
in the locker room
soak in the jacuzzi tub
cool down in the pool
with a strawberry daiquiri
let me sweat in the sauna
& in the back room where
glory holes are filled
with fingers
let there be deep tissue
massages, drag bingo
on mondays, clothing
swaps on tuesdays
let there be a hair salon
sliding scale electrolysis
& lavender shampoo
let there be eyeliner tutorials
tips on beard trimming
& preventing hair loss
let there be an abundance
of ferns, aloe plants for
soothing scars &
a weeping willow
outside our doors
let us be beautiful
on our own terms.
CAMP TRANS
At camp trans
no cis children
are allowed
cabins aren’t separated
by gender, instead
they are named
after riots:
Stonewall
Compton
& Dewey
the dining hall serves
Cooper’s Donuts
for dessert
Jennicet Gutiérrez leads
a workshop on making
protest signs
Chris Mosier guides
campers on bike rides
through the woods
Kye Allums coaches
basketball drills
on dribbling
& defense
Jiz Lee reads
Sex Is a Funny Word
aloud as the crowd
roasts marshmallows
Laura Jane Grace
plays guitar around
the campfire & lulls
everyone to sleep
in the morning
the ghost of Billy Tipton
blows sweet sounds
over the intercom as
we continue to rise.
TRANS MUSEUM
At the trans museum
admission is free
for trans people
trans students rush
off the bus, excited
for their first visit
every artist on the wall
is trans, every curator
& employee is trans
the bathrooms are blessed
with good lighting & ample
period products
the cafeteria is full
of foods high in
phytoestrogens
the gift shop sells
binders, chokers
flags & gaffs
the auditorium hosts
packed readings with trans
poets from around the
globe
the archive is open
to the public, ensuring
we will never disappear
EVERY DAY IS A TRANS DAY
Whether it’s raining
or snowing, midnight
or awaking from a nap
working an eight-hour shift
or watching reruns, buying
groceries or folding laundry
celebrating a birthday or
burying a friend, lighting
a candle or taking a bath
calling mom or cleaning
the kitchen, mixing paint
or cookie dough, waiting
for bread or the sun to rise
every day is a trans day.
TRANS DAY OF REVENGE
after G.L.O.S.S.
on trans day of revenge
cis people will come out as cis
use the wrong restroom, be called
by the wrong name, lose a job
for being cis, be the only cis
in the family, fail to pass as cis
never feel cis enough
on trans day of revenge
all books about cis people
will disappear, cis characters
will be played by trans actors
the news will only talk about
trans people, the train will be
crowded with trans workers
on trans day of revenge
playgrounds will be full
of trans children laughing
learning & loving
isn’t that the best
revenge.
I DON'T WANT A TRANS PRESIDENT
I want trans doctors
performing my surgery
trans journalists reporting
the news, trans historians writing
textbooks. I don’t want trans capitalists
walking on wall street or trans cops
patrolling my neighborhood. I want
trans musicians playing on my stereo
trans designers crafting my clothes
trans chefs filling my stomach
trans farmers planting my food
& trans gardeners picking
flowers for my funeral.
TRANS PEOPLE AGAINST BANS, WALLS & BORDERS
When news of the Muslim ban broke
protestors fled to airports to free
people being detained & deported
Chelsea called & I took the red line
to the blue line to O’Hare
to international arrivals
lawyers hunched over laptops
& scribbled on yellow legal pads
in the dining area of a mcdonalds
I saw cardboard signs
made out of ikea boxes
& held one reading
trans people
against bans
walls borders
we surrounded police
we sat down on the streets
we removed the american flag
& put it back upside down
I want to travel
to a world where
no one needs papers
or government approval
to visit friends & family
attend school & work
to return or build
a new home.
& AGAIN & AGAIN
The Illinois Holocaust Museum was born
after nazis tried to march in Skokie
home to more survivors than
anywhere in the country
my dad took me
to the museum
the day after 45
was elected
I saw the signs
Warsaw: 1943
Skokie: 1978
america: 2016
the agents, the cages
the camps, the curfews
the fences, the fires
the gases, the guns
protestors held signs reading
fight anti-semitism & racism
unite against fascism
smash the nazis
& never again
THE MOST DANGEROUS JEW IN GERMANY2
was gay. Magnus Hirschfeld
established the Institute for
Sexual Science in Berlin
a hybrid
health clinic
& lecture hall
library & archive
proving we exist
in 1933
nazis burned
Hirshfeld’s books
in the month of May
he fled the country
never to return for
the rest of his days
in the decades since
we’ve rebuilt what
was lost in the fire:
Affinity Affirmations
BreakOUT! Full Spectrum
On the Move Open Arms
Outreach True Colors
Youth Outlook Youth Seen
Callen-Lorde Hetrick-Martin
Lyon-Martin Thornhill Lopez
Whitman-Walker William Way
Have a Gay Day
Gay City
Magic City
Casa Ruby Proud Haven Unity House
The Attic The Living Room The Loft
We Are Family
2 This is how hitler referred to Magnus Hirschfeld.
TRANS TEMPLE
Build it & we will sing
together, rise together
sway & clap with parents
& partners & friends as
sun shines through stained
glass windows, we sip
wine & grape juice. we light
candles. we send money
in the tzedakah box
to Palestine. we skip
birthright. we cover
ourselves as we wish.
we let the torah fall
without punishment.
we repair & repair
& repair.
PRAYER FOR MY TRANS SIBLINGS
Praised are you who remember
Leelah & Blake, Greyson
& Mark, Layleen & Leslie
Praised are you who hold up
the trans universe, who
agitate & educate
migrate & radiate
Praised are you who shelter us
in libraries & nursing homes
locker rooms & train cars
prison cells & hospital beds
Praised are you who clothe us
in combat boots & leggings
button ups & chainmail
leather & pleather
faux fur & sequins
Praised are you who share
our joy in naming & renaming
screaming & dreaming
injecting & rejecting
Praised are you who soothe us
from the harms we inflict on
ourselves & each other
Let us hope for a day
when we no longer
need to pray for
our safety.
THE RIOTS MUST CONTINUE
For my 29th birthday, I went to Philadelphia
where my grandparents met at Temple University
& my great aunt was a docent at the art museum
& my great grandmother lived by Rittenhouse Square
which I visit in the rain, walking under my
purple umbrella, pausing at the fountain
reading off my phone, Philly’s first
pride parade began right here
I walk a block to Dewey’s Diner
to visit my trancestors
who were denied service
& arrested here in 1965
my nana lived so close
she could’ve heard the protests
or waved to me from her window
as River snapped a picture of me
in front of the bronze plaque
where Dewey’s previously sat
now it is a construction site
most of my relatives are gone<
br />
but the marches & the sit-ins
& the riots must continue.
AFTERWORD
Writing this book challenged me to center trans joy. I am a lot more familiar with writing about grief. Most of the trans literature I’ve read focuses on the pain, discrimination, and violence trans people experience. Which is understandable, because our realities can be bleak. I’ve written about many of those moments in my own life. It was what I needed at the time. Now, I need trans joy. I need to know trans joy exists in order to imagine myself living in the future.
I remember the first time I picked up Nan Goldin’s photography book The Other Side. It documents many of her trans and gender nonconforming friends at a drag bar in 1970s Boston. I found the book sitting on the shelf at a trans friend’s apartment in Los Angeles. When I spotted the book and pulled it down, I opened a portal to the trans past. I was moved by the introduction, which states: “the pictures in this book are not of people suffering gender dysphoria but rather expressing gender euphoria.”3 I didn’t know gender euphoria was possible. I knew that trans joy existed, but it was difficult to find. In those photographs, I recognized the deep joy of trans friendship through a historical lens.
While The Other Side gave me a glimpse at trans history, another book of photographs gifted me a vision of my future. The collection To Survive on This Shore by Jess T. Dugan and Vanessa Fabbre features portraits and interviews with trans elders from across the United States. On the cover is Mama Gloria, posing in the middle of a snowy Chicago street in a full-length fur coat. Inside the book, I found more trans elders who I recognize, know, and love. Flipping through its pages, I was able to imagine my future as a trans person for the first time. Reading To Survive on This Shore inspired me to write towards trans futures. It inspired me to organize an event with local trans elders who were featured in the book. At that event, I began to understand that I shouldn’t only mourn the queer and trans elders lost to us. It is equally important for me to honor my elders who are still here. My future was no longer unimaginable. This opened up so many possibilities in my poetry because my focus expanded beyond surviving my day-to-day life. Finally, I could dream.