by T. J. Klune
And then he pressed his snout against my forehead, the lights exploding all around us, and—
Chapter 20: Tripping Balls Again
I GROANED, head pounding, trying to find the will to open my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to sink into sleep, but I knew that wasn’t what I needed to do.
I had to get up.
I had to get up.
I had to get up—
I forced my eyes open.
Everything was bright and shining, and I brought my hand up to my face to shield my eyes and—
I was made of stars.
My fingers. My hand. My arm.
All of it was stars.
They reminded me of Zero’s fireflies, his little lights that brought beauty into this world.
I was in the night sky.
I said, “What the fuck is this shit?”
From off to my left, a voice said, “That’s probably the first time I’ve heard a constellation curse.”
I looked over.
The star dragon stood there, watching me.
“You,” I said, narrowing my eyes. Or rather, I think I did. It was hard to tell what I was doing. I didn’t even know if I had eyelids.
“Hullo, Sam.”
“You.”
“So you’ve said.”
“Am I dead?”
He snorted. It shot little comets across the sky. “Not hardly.”
“Oh. Did you drug me? Is that what’s going on? You drugged me so I’m tripping balls again and are now about to have your way with me? Dude, that is so fucked-up. What is wrong with you dragons? I do not consent for you to touch my body.”
He sighed. “And you’re the chosen one. Wonderful.”
“Can we not call me that? Or say anything about destiny? I feel like it’s creating an aura of expectation that I may not live up to.”
“Oh, I’m aware.”
“You’re mocking me, aren’t you.”
“Possibly.”
“But—but, you’re a god.”
He cocked his starry head at me. “And you don’t think gods can have a sense of humor? Of course we do. We made you, after all.”
“Hey! That’s not very nice! Stars aren’t supposed to be dicks!”
“I would have thought you believed the opposite,” he said quietly. “Most of the wishes you’ve made upon us didn’t come true.”
“Well, yeah. But they aren’t supposed to.”
“How do you figure that, Sam?”
I shrugged. “It’s not how wishing works. If we got everything we ever wished for, we wouldn’t have the capacity to be thankful for all the things we’d already been given. I’ve got so much already. I don’t ever want to lose sight of why it’s important.”
“And you wonder why you were chosen,” the star dragon said. “You wonder why, out of everyone, the light has shined down upon you. Sam, it was you because it could only be you. You were always meant to be strong and brave. You were always meant to have power unlike anyone else. But it was always up in the air what direction you would go with it. You could have chosen a path that led to the dark. But instead your heart was lightning-struck, and it split and spilled its light upon those around you. You were chosen, Sam, because there was no one else it could have been.”
“I still don’t know if I’m good enough,” I admitted. “And I don’t know what will happen if I am.”
“What do you mean?”
And I finally said the one thing that’d been weighing on me the most since I’d found out the truth. “It’s either me or Myrin, right? There’s no middle ground.”
David’s Dragon said, “Yes, Sam. That’s correct. There is no middle ground.”
“He won’t turn back?”
“Would you turn to the dark?”
“No. Never.”
“You seem sure about that.”
“I am.”
“Because of the path you’ve chosen.”
“Yes.”
“Myrin is the same way,” the star dragon said. “He has chosen his path. Yes, Sam. There is no middle ground.”
“And if I win? If I beat him? What will they think of me?” My voice was small.
“Morgan and Randall.”
I looked away.
The star dragon chuckled. “How you could think they would love you any less, I will never understand. Your heart is an astonishing thing, Sam of Wilds. I’ve never heard one beat quite like it. They will love you as they always have. They have made their choices. They have chosen their paths, like you have. There might be regret, but not the way you think. It was always going to end this way.”
“Why?” I asked, suddenly angry. “Why, if you knew about this, if the gods knew this was inevitable, why would you stand by and do nothing? Why would you let this happen? Why wouldn’t you stop it?” I knew I was probably foolish, yelling at a god while made of stars in some fucked-up hallucination, but I had no fucks left to give. Turning into a constellation after having a heart to heart with a snake dragon could do that to you.
“Because we do not interfere,” the star dragon said.
“Bullshit. You interfere all the time. You interfered with Vadoma. With Zero. With Kevin, and with me right now.”
The star dragon looked chagrined. “I still have secrets.”
“Do you know how this will end?”
The briefest of hesitations. “It could go either way.”
“Fuck you sideways, you vague asshole.”
“I like you,” the star dragon said. “I always have.”
“Are you telling him the same thing? Playing both sides?”
“No. Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone?”
“Can I say no?”
“You can do anything you want.”
I sighed. “Fine. Tell me.”
“I hope it’s you,” he said. “I hope it’s you who overcomes. I’m not supposed to choose sides, but I would choose you, Sam. I have seen you, more than you could possibly know. The life you’ve led. The decisions you’ve made. It hurts me, sometimes, knowing what I do. And because of that, I offer you this: the road to triumph is littered with sorrow. It is the way of things. For there to be success, sacrifices have to be made.”
I went cold, remembering Ryan upon a slab, eyes closed, sword clasped against his chest. “What do you mean?”
“A warning. All of you will not survive until the end. There will be loss, Sam. And it will burn like nothing has ever burned before. You must remember to keep to the light, even when the dark begins to curl around your feet.”
“She showed me,” I said hoarsely. “Vadoma. About Ryan. I won’t let it happen. I won’t let anyone take him from me.”
“Open your eyes, Sam,” the star dragon said.
“They are open.”
“Sam! Open your eyes!”
“What the hell are you talking about. I’m right here—”
The stars exploded.
VOICES ABOVE me.
“Move, you dippy little cunts! You obviously don’t know how to wake an unconscious Sam. You have to slap the shit out of him. And there is no one who does a better bitch-slap than a unicorn. This is proven science.”
“I didn’t do it!” another voice cried. “Or if I did, I didn’t mean it! One moment we were talking, and then there was magic and lights and decisions. I don’t even know!”
“You are not going to slap him. Do you know how hard your hooves are? I’m not going to let you hurt him.”
“I know how hard his hooves are, ba-zing.”
“Kevin, now is not the time to discuss the firmness of my hooves, you disgusting cretin. And now that I think about it, you don’t get to talk about my hardness ever again.”
“Oh, like that’s a hardship. Ha. Get it? Hardship.”
“Is this always how it is with all of you?” yet another voice asked, this one heavily accented.
“No. Wait. Yes. Mostly. Sometimes, I smash things.”
“Oh my gods, you guys are so loud
,” I groaned. “I can’t even pass out, have visions, and then wake up in peace. Sweet fucking molasses.”
“He’s not making any sense!” Gary cried. “He must be crazed. I can still slap him.”
I opened my eyes.
Many faces peered down at me.
“Why does this keep happening to me?” I moaned.
“Waking up on your back without really remembering what you’ve been doing the night before?” Kevin asked sympathetically. “Invite me next time. Let you find out what a real man tastes like, not some twinky little dragon.”
“I am not a twink,” Zero said. “I refuse to let you label me into something I want no part—”
“I didn’t have sex with him,” I growled. “What the hell.”
“Hey, no judgments.”
“Kevin.”
“Yes, Sam?”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Shutting up, Sam.”
“You okay?” Ryan asked me, crouched at my side. He helped me sit up, and I closed my eyes against the way my stomach rolled.
“Yeah,” I muttered. “I just need a minute.”
“What the hell happened?”
“How long was I out?”
“I don’t know,” Ryan said. “It’s almost dawn. I woke up and you were gone. I found you in here, passed out with Zero above you.”
“I didn’t attack him,” Zero said petulantly. “I wouldn’t hurt him.”
“He didn’t,” I said before Ryan could follow through with the look he shot the snake dragon. “It was…. I had a vision. I think.”
Gary leaned down until we were eye level, his nose almost pressed against my face. “You trippin’ balls, son? How many Garys do you see?”
“Too many,” I said, shoving his face away as he cackled.
“What happened?”
“Zero agreed to help us, his face touched my face, I passed out and became a constellation and talked with the star dragon who hinted that he’s rooting for us but that he can’t exactly come out and say that. Oh, and I also called him a dick. You know. The usual.”
Everyone gaped at me.
I sighed. “I don’t know why you’re all acting so surprised. This is the kind of shit that happens to us all the godsdamned time. I’m actually getting kind of sick of it. For once, why can’t I just be a normal twentysomething who goes out and gets drunk and ends up having sloppy drunk sex with his boyfriend while eating cake off his ass?”
The gaping continued.
“What,” I said, sounding grumpy. “It’s a thing.”
“I don’t want your ass cake,” Tiggy said solemnly. “No more cake for Tiggy.”
Ryan helped me up, arm wrapped around my waist. The lights of Zero’s magic were gone, and the forest around us was dark, but I felt… lighter, somehow. Like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I glanced at Zero, who was curled in on himself, looking pensive and nervous, like he’d done something wrong.
“It worked, didn’t it?” I asked him.
“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I didn’t know what was going to happen. I didn’t mean—”
“Zero.”
He flinched.
I pulled away from Ryan and took a slow step toward the snake dragon. He looked as if he was about to flee, but I reached up and touched his face, trailing my fingers along his jaw. I thought he’d jerk his head back, and for a moment, he almost did. But then I pressed my hand firmly against him, and he shuddered before nuzzling into my touch. There was a spark deep within me, and it felt like his firefly lights, like he’d given me part of himself. It was warm and sweet, and it felt right, like it was supposed to be there. Like he was supposed to be there. But it was still timid, unsure.
“Thank you,” I said.
“You really want me?” he whispered.
“I do.”
“And you think I can help?”
“Yes. Because you’re not a villain, Zero. And when this is over, I will help you make things beautiful again.”
And for the first time, Zero smiled at me, a wide, toothy thing that was really rather remarkable.
That spark in me burned a little brighter at that.
“ARE YOU sure about this?” Ryan asked, watching as Kevin carried Tiggy across the divide. The dragon had already brought Gary and Ruv across, given the stone path had been broken during the mermaid attack. “It just feels… weird. Leaving him here.”
I glanced back over my shoulder where Zero lay curled up behind us, tail twitching back and forth. “Yeah,” I said. “I’m sure. He needs to stay here for now. He’s not ready to leave yet. And I’m not ready for him. There’s still work to do.”
“The other dragons,” he said.
“I don’t know how they’ll react,” I admitted. “And I don’t want anything to happen to him.”
“Ah, but that doesn’t necessarily bode well for the rest of us.”
I laughed, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. “I’ll protect you, babe. I got your back.”
He rolled his eyes, but I could see the blush on his face. “Maybe I want to protect you,” he muttered.
“Yeah, yeah, big strong knight. I get you.”
“What if Myrin comes for him?”
That name. I felt chilled every time I heard it. “Even if he does, Zero’s already chosen. I trust him.”
He searched my face for something. What, I didn’t know. “And you don’t think someone like Myrin could bend another’s will?”
“I don’t think it’s possible for someone to make a dragon do anything they don’t want to do.”
“You have a lot of faith in that.”
“I have to,” I admitted. “Because the alternative scares me.”
“North, then? To Randall.”
Hurray for conversational whiplash. I thought maybe he did it on purpose. “Yes,” I said stiffly. “To Randall.”
Ryan sighed as he hooked an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. “You ever gonna tell me what happened?”
Even though I knew what he meant, I played dumb. “With what?”
“Sam.”
“Ryan.”
“You know more than you’re telling me. About all of this. About Myrin and Randall. Morgan.”
“I’m still… working through it. It’s a lot. More than I thought it would be.”
“You need more time.”
I nodded.
“And you’re not withholding anything that could hurt us?”
That was tougher, but I shook my head anyway.
“Okay,” he said. “That’s fair. But you know when you’re ready, I’ll be here, right?”
I knew that. I knew that probably better than anything else. I leaned in and kissed him again, a little desperate, but his mouth opened against mine, and the press of his tongue was light and wet. His arm was still around my shoulders, his other hand cupping my face, and I allowed him to direct the kiss.
“That shit’s so hot,” Kevin said as he landed. “Oops. Didn’t mean to interrupt. Don’t mind me, though, if you want to keep going. I could even give you some pointers if you wanted. Sam, lick his—”
I sighed against Ryan’s smile. “It’s not funny.”
“If I didn’t laugh, I’d be screaming,” Ryan assured me, kissing me on the tip of the nose. He stepped away. “You first?”
I shook my head. “Gonna say goodbye to Zero.”
“Great. So I’ll just let Kevin carry me across the gigantic divide by hanging from his claws.”
“I promise I’ll try to not drop you,” Kevin said. “And I’m mostly good at keeping my promises. Though if you want, I could always just chuck you across. See how good the old arm is. Sam! Tell your side of beef I’ve got a good throwing arm. Sam knows. I play ball with my boy. Father-son time, you know.”
“Kevin, don’t throw my boyfriend across the cavern.”
“You sure?”
“Pretty sure.”
“You guys are no fun,” Kevin grumbled.
“What do you mean pretty sure?” Ryan asked me with a scowl.
“Love you,” I said sweetly before turning back toward Zero.
“There,” Kevin said as I walked away. “You’ve said your goodbyes. You’ve had a little lip action. We appreciate you flying Kevin Air, emergency exits are all around you, but I suggest you use them only if you have a death wish. Should there be a water landing, I’m sure your ego could be used as a flotation device.”
“Har, har, can we just—holy fucking gods, why are you going so fast!”
The sand and dust kicked up around me as Kevin rocketed into the air. I glanced up, lifting my hand against the sun in time to see Kevin catching an updraft and flying far higher than he should have, just to fuck with Ryan. I was going to give Ryan so much shit about the way he was screaming. It was awesome.
Zero was waiting for me, lying in the shade of a crumbling battlement. I hadn’t been lying when I told Ryan that it was better if Zero stayed here. I honestly believed that. But I couldn’t help but think that I wanted him with us, at my side, so I could keep an eye on him. I’d known him for less than a day, but I already felt protective of him. Maybe it was his mental age. Maybe it was because of his insecurities. Or maybe it was just because for all intents and purposes, he was my dragon, just like Kevin was. I didn’t know him as well as Kevin, but I could feel him like I could the other dragon, though I wasn’t sure when that had happened. I had my suspicions, but I’d have to ask Kevin about it.
Zero understood. In fact, I thought he was probably relieved that he’d be staying behind, at least for now. It was a lot to take in. And it felt… right, that we had a deadline, given that he’d only be awake for a year. Everything would be said and done by the time the year was over. It had to be. There was no other choice.
“You didn’t tell them,” he said.
I arched an eyebrow at him. “Tell them what?”
“What the star dragon told you.”
This made me pause. “You heard?”
“Bits and pieces. It was… blurred. Like a dream.”
“You can dream?” I asked, unsure why this surprised me.
Zero sounded amused. “I am alive.”
“What do you dream about?”