by Kris Pearson
“Dammit, Dad!” Christian protested.
“You’re as bad as each other,” Fiona said, trying not to grin. “Thank you, that’s very helpful. Good night gentlemen.” She sat, and Christian wheeled her from the room, but she made sure it was only as far as her bedroom door.
*
Her follow-up appointment was booked for ten-fifteen the next morning, and she washed and dressed in good time. Christian insisted on pushing her the small distance out to the car on his office chair, for which she was grateful. She’d had an uncomfortable night and her injured knee had ended up twisted and now ached horribly again. Jan had appeared in vivid and confusing nightmares, pale and sickly, ranting about the searing sex her sister and husband were indulging in.
In your dreams. Literally.
Fiona’s guilt had been terrible as she lay awake watching the minutes on the bedside clock tick over, but she flapped an annoyed hand at Christian when he attempted to help her settle into the car-seat.
“I’ve got to learn to do it.”
“You don’t have to be so independent just yet.”
“But I want to.”
At that, he stood back until she’d settled herself, then flashed her a strange sad smile as though acknowledging she’d made it politely plain she wanted no more attention from him. He closed her door, took his own seat, fired up the low-throbbing engine, signaled the gates, and drove out onto the steep road.
She inspected him from under her eyelashes as he guided the big car down to the city. He was casually dressed after yesterday’s impeccable business suit. Jeans again, a rusty-colored polo shirt, and with his dark hair still slightly damp from the shower.
Fiona had searched through Jan’s wardrobe and found a wine-red dress with a front closure of glossy buttons that looked for all the world like blackberries. As the price-ticket was still attached, she presumed Christian had never seen it on his wife. She’d managed to put it on unaided, but had forgone a bra, knowing the doctor would want to check her all over.
Sorting out Jan’s clothes and other private possessions was a job that needed doing sooner or later. Her mother had offered, but Christian had turned her down. “Not for a while yet, thanks,” he’d said with such firmness Rebecca hadn’t raised the subject again.
Fiona was secretly glad he still wanted reminders of Jan close to him. Somehow it proved the strength of his commitment to his lovely dead wife.
They coasted down the twisting streets until they reached level ground, then he slowed and turned the car into one of the angled parking spaces facing the sea.
“Plenty of time,” he said, looking straight ahead, feigning interest in two red tugs pulling a container ship away from one of the wharves half as mile away.
Fiona waited in silence, staring at his hands as they rested on the steering wheel of the purring car. Abruptly he cut the engine and turned to her.
“Look. About yesterday. It shouldn’t have happened.”
She nodded, still looking at his hands. Did he mean the morning or the evening? Or both?
Christian drew a deep breath.
“I loved your sister unreservedly. Even with all the traveling I did, I was never unfaithful to her.”
Fiona raised her eyes, surprised he’d been so candid. His hungry face looked haggard. She could see the torment etched there in the set of his mouth, and the lines where his brows drew together.
“Jan and I were great,” he continued. “And Nicky was the icing on the cake.” He looked out at the tugs, avoiding her gaze again. “Sorry I did what I did. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I truly loved Jan. I’m ashamed I lost my self-control with you.”
He rubbed a hand across his mouth, as though to stifle further words.
Had he hurt her? Fiona wasn’t sure. She’d certainly been surprised. But not hurt.
Hurt was what she felt now. Deep, pulsing hurt that rasped at her bones and dragged at her breath. He’d just turned everything upside-down. Yesterday morning had been an incandescent revelation. The pleasure had been intense, the desire unspeakably sharp. Why hadn’t he left it like that—a swift jewel-bright scene in an otherwise unremarkable play?
The evening’s surprising follow-on had completed the little drama. Fiona hadn’t expected him to touch her again after his earlier comments about cooling things down, but for a second time the intense physical attraction had flared. And now he felt ashamed?
Last night she’d found the courage to ask him not to continue. That should have been the end of it, but he was stirring things up again, trampling on her exquisite memories.
She knew she’d replay those scenes in her mind for months—years?—and she wanted them left unsullied. Her wistful recollections of their brief time together would have been consolation on the far side of the world, but not if he tarnished and trashed them.
“I wasn’t hurt yesterday, Christian,” she said in a low shaky voice. “But you’re doing a very good job of hurting me now. Let’s just leave it. It happened. It won’t be happening again—but don’t grind it into the dirt.” She stared out through the windscreen, teeth clenched.
The harbor sparkled. The gulls wheeled in the summer sky. And her heart, or something very near to it, felt as though it had been ripped apart.
He swung around in the driver’s seat, eyes hugely black.
“I was not grinding it into the dirt,” he grated.
Fiona jumped at his sudden movement and fierce declaration.
“God—you have no idea what I went through yesterday. You can’t imagine how I whipped myself for letting that happen!”
“Twice,” she muttered.
“Yes, all right then—bloody twice. I can’t keep my hands off you. My wife is hardly dead and I’m chasing the pants off her sister. Sick or what?”
They sat together in stunned silence, staring at each other. With a sudden curse, he started the engine and shot backwards out of the parking space. Fiona gasped and doubled over as the seat-belt bit savagely into the big graze across her hip.
Christian realized what he’d done and rolled back into the park, braking gently. He unsnapped his own belt and gathered her into his arms.
“Blondie, I’m so sorry, so sorry. I’d give anything not to have done that to you.” He stroked her face, pressed his lips against her brow, and with a groan of absolute defeat, nuzzled down until his mouth once again claimed hers.
Fiona reeled from pain and confusion and rapture. After nearly killing her with unkind words and physical agony, he’d swept her yet again into his possessive embrace. This time his kiss was gentler, regretful, tender. She followed him blindly, emotions in utter disarray.
Finally she drew back from him.
“Christian,” she whispered. “We can’t keep doing this. And not here, for sure. It’s too public. Your face is too well-known...”
He glanced at his watch. “And it’s almost time for your appointment. Dammit, Fiona...” He shrugged his shoulders, blew out a long breath of resignation, and reached for his seat-belt again.
“I’ll go home to Mom and Dad’s the day you’re due back from Japan. Out of sight, out of mind.”
Christian fired up the car and reversed with care.
“Wanna bet, doll?” he drawled in a cartoon accent.
“I can’t stay longer.”
“I know. You’re right... you’re right. But it’ll kill me not having you around.”
“You spent most of your time trying to get rid of me.”
“I can’t have you, but I don’t want to let you go.” He pulled out into the traffic with a bitter laugh.
“It’s the shock of losing Jan,” she said. “Nothing’s normal right now. Once some time goes by, you’ll be different. Busy with work again. Getting back into life.”
She hated the truth she’d so precisely described.
“And you’ll be on the other side of the world.”
“Problem solved.”
“If you say so...”
The big silver car ga
thered speed and she settled deeper into her leather-scented seat. “Blondie?” she inquired, with a lift of her eyebrows.
“Who?” he asked, his expression innocent.
“You called me Blondie.”
“Did I?”
Blondie. He has a special name for me.
*
Christian drew up close to the clinic’s entrance and insisted on helping her from the car and making sure she was steady on her crutches. He went to re-park as soon as he’d seen her safely seated in the waiting room.
Her injuries were checked, stitches inspected, dressings replaced, and her concussion discussed.
When they peeled away the pad above her eye she asked, “Can I see what I’ve done there?”
The nurse produced a mirror. “Don’t worry—it won’t look anything like that in a few weeks.”
Fiona grimaced at the stitched-up gash, yellow with iodine.
“What a mess,” she murmured. No wonder Christian had been so concerned.
“At least you didn’t damage any teeth or endanger your eyesight. You’re healing beautifully. We can cover that with something smaller now. Stitches out on Tuesday. Make the appointment with reception as you leave please, Miss Delaporte.” Fiona hobbled out and Christian went to retrieve the car.
Once they’d pulled onto the main road again he said, “I think I’ll drop you back to the house and go to work for the afternoon.”
“That’ll take care of our little problem,” she agreed.
“It’s good to see a bit more of you, anyway.” He looked pointedly at the wound above her eye, now covered with a much smaller dressing.
“They’ve taken the big one off my knee, too.” She slid her skirt aside to reveal her much smaller patch.
“Don’t tempt me!” he growled, directing his attention back to his driving.
They proceeded across the city and swooped up the steep roads on Mt Victoria again until they were home. From the street frontage, the garage damage was very obvious.
“Poor lovely house,” Fiona said as they slowed for the gates to swing aside.
“I’ve got plans for it.”
“You’re not selling it?”
He shook his head. “No way. But I want the security upgraded after this. The best there is. I’m not leaving my daughter and a nanny here without upgrading the system to the very latest. They wouldn’t stand a chance if any more thugs decided to break in.”
Fiona shivered at the thought. “Good idea then.”
“I expect it’ll mean ripping pieces of the interior apart to get cables through,” he continued. “But the place is almost six years old now. Once it’s done, I’ll have it redecorated.”
“Everything?”
“It’s probably time. Have a think about colors for me. What should be updated and so on.”
“I wouldn’t feel right changing Jan’s choices.”
“It’s mostly the original architect’s choices. Jan chose the shade to re-paint Nic’s room, but that was about all.”
Fiona nodded, picturing the upheaval. “It’ll be awful to live in while the work’s being done.”
“Part two of the plan. I should be able to get things started a couple of weeks into the New Year. Amy Houndsworth’s planning to go and visit her sister in Melbourne. I’ll take Kathy and Nic out to the Lodge for a while. Do some fishing. Recharge the batteries. See if I can get my brain back to where it should be.”
“You’d better grab some paint charts then. Unless you want to get an interior decorator’s advice?”
She opened the car door and hauled herself out before he could offer help.
The rest of her day slid by pleasantly enough. Christian went straight to his study and reappeared soon after, shaved, suited and sensational. He grabbed a coffee and departed.
Nicola played sandpit games while Fiona lounged nearby, reading. Kathy brought a picnic lunch outside and then asked Fiona if she could watch Nicky for a while. There was ‘a really, really great sale’ on at one of the city stores and she wanted to nip down the hill for a look during her lunch break. Nicky was in a happy mood—Fiona foresaw no problems. Kathy returned in good time with a tiny blue bikini, which she insisted on modeling for them.
*
“Had a nice time without me, Blondie?”
Fiona jumped from her half-doze under the sun-umbrella. Christian squatted beside her, flipping through a professional-looking swatch of paint colors.
“Just the thing for the front entrance,” he added, tapping a particularly bilious bright green.
He’d exchanged his business clothing for racy swim-briefs. Beads of moisture dotted his golden skin, and his hair was slicked close to his head. The scene in the en suite rushed back to taunt her.
From the side of the house she heard squeals and splashing as Nicky and Kathy continued to enjoy the big outdoor pool. No doubt Kathy wore her new purchase. She pictured the perky nanny showing off in the tiny blue bikini. Trying her luck with her new employer, maybe? Fiona’s teeth practically curled at the thought.
“Shame you can’t join us,” Christian said, stroking around the dressing on her knee. Her heart-rate jumped with every suggestive circle of his finger.
“Next week, maybe.”
“Next week I’ll be gone.” His eyes darkened, sending a shaft of purest regret to shatter her composure.
“Next week I’ll be gone too,” she countered. “It’s Wednesday you’re back from Japan, isn’t it? So on Wednesday I’ll fly up to Auckland.”
“To get away from me?” He stood, challenging her to ignore him. She found it impossible. Her hungry eyes roamed all over his impressive body, enjoying his lean strength, unable to forego even a few seconds of his teasing display.
She drew a deep breath. “To see Mom and Dad for Christmas,” she corrected.
“Ah, Christmas.” It sounded so bleak the way he said it.
“You could bring Nicky up to Auckland for a few days. To Mom and Dad’s? We’re going out to the beach-house at Orewa.”
“And good old Greg and Rebecca could chaperone us? See we don’t get up to any mischief? No thanks.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Of course you didn’t, Blondie.”
Of course I did.
Chapter Twelve—Apart for Christmas
On December 23rd Fiona stood her crutches in the corner of the bedroom for the final time and placed her presents for Nicky on Christian’s tallboy so he’d find them there when he returned from Sakai that evening. There were small gifts for Kathy and Amy Houndsworth, too.
She’d purposely bought nothing for him. After all, she was trying to discourage his attentions and keep him at arm’s length.
She thought this with a virtuous sigh, almost changed her mind, found her resolve again, hesitated, and at the last moment retrieved one of Kathy’s snapshots. The photography was enthusiastic rather than expert. She’d caught Fiona reading under the sun-umbrella, long legs dappled by the shade of a nearby tree, with Nicky on the lawn beside her.
Fiona kissed the back of the photo, quickly wrote her cell-phone number under the faint lip-gloss print, and slid it into his top drawer. What would it matter? She’d be out of his life from now on.
She zipped up her carry-bag. Kathy had already wheeled her suitcase to the front door as though anxious to hurry her out. She presumed the nanny looked forward to having Christian and the house all to herself. She had no trouble picturing Kathy squealing and splashing with Nicky while he looked on from beside the pool.
With amusement or lust?
She bit down on her bottom lip and went to hug Nicky goodbye.
He was due back about six. She was in a taxi by four.
And for the twenty-minute cab-ride, the thirty-minute check-in wait, the hour-long flight to Auckland, she could think of nothing but him.
*
“Darling!” Rebecca Delaporte exclaimed as Fiona finally limped into view, the last passenger to disembark. She drew her into
a careful hug. Ahead of them most of the other Christmas travelers hurried away. “You’re looking much better—I’m so relieved. But I wish you still had your beautiful hair.”
“Time for a change,” Fiona murmured, kissing her mother’s soft cheek and breathing in her familiar Chanel No 5 perfume. “Don’t start, Mom—I love it.”
“I suppose we’ll get used to it,” her father said. “It’s a small price to pay to have you alive and well. Prepare to be spoiled rotten,” he added, reaching over for her hand luggage.
“Well, she’s doubly precious to us now—of course she deserves spoiling.”
And just like that Jan crashed back into all their memories. The missing, much-loved elder daughter and mother of their only grandchild. The daughter who’d stayed in New Zealand and not gone gadding off around the world. All the unspoken words that set Jan apart. Fiona grimaced while her mother couldn’t see her face.
Then Rebecca leaned away and surveyed her with pursed lips as she swung briskly into doctor mode. They were almost on their own at the arrivals gate now, for which Fiona felt grateful.
“Stitches all out? No nasty infections?”
“No—I’m good thanks, Mom. They had me on antibiotics to start with, just to be sure, I guess.”
Her mother nodded and released her.
“Does a father get a hug as well?” Greg asked, holding his arms wide.
“Of course you do, but don’t squeeze this shoulder too hard. I’m still a bit tender there.”
“Rotator cuff damage?”
“They said I was basically fine. Just a big bruise that’s taking its time, I think.”
Greg shot his wife a meaningful look as he drew Fiona close and kissed her brow.
“Hmm, we’ll see about that. Might get you some ultra-sound in case it shows anything.”
“Oh Dad!” Fiona scoffed as she turned to start the trek to the baggage claim. “Rest and sunshine—that’s all I need.”
And Christian out of my reach and out of my brain.
“How’s Christian coping?”
Thanks Mom...
“Sad of course, but managing,” she said, tucking a hand into each parent’s arm. “He had to go to Japan urgently, but he’s due back today.” They fell into slow step together behind the rest of the passengers. Christmas music blared from the speakers. Tinsel decorations glittered from high vantage points. Fiona barely noticed.