“Why me?”
“You intrigue me. You’re not easy.”
That was it? He couldn’t say he thought she was pretty or interesting or sexy? Intriguing was as good as it was going to get?
“I’m not sure about your standards,” she muttered, feeling slightly sick to her stomach.
She turned away. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back so they were facing each other and suddenly much closer than they had been.
“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he said, staring directly into her eyes. “I want to see you again. Naked would be my first choice, but I’ll deal with clothes if I have to. Despite what those women you were talking to might have said, I don’t do this a whole lot. There’s something about you, Nicole. I can’t figure it out, but I will.”
And then what? He would be over her?
She didn’t know what to say, what to think. What was he asking? To date her? To have sex? Both?
She wanted to say yes, but the fear returned. The chilling emotion that warned her that, while she might be over Drew, she wasn’t over being hurt and she wasn’t ready to get involved or even play. Not that she’d ever been much of a player.
“Say yes,” he told her.
“I can’t.”
He leaned in and kissed her. It was hard and hot, his tongue pushing into her mouth. He took what he wanted and left her breathless. She kissed him back, feeling her blood heat. It was a battle of wills. Based on the way they were both breathing hard when they pulled apart, there was no clear winner.
“Say yes,” he repeated.
If only she could.
He sighed. “Bring dessert.”
“Okay.”
He released her and was gone. When her head stopped spinning, she saw he’d left a hundred-dollar bill on the counter, which would cover a whole lot of cookies and cupcakes.
Maggie walked in from the back.
“That was interesting,” she said. “He’s very clear about what he wants. I like that in a man. You should go out with him.”
“I can’t. I’m not ready to have a relationship.”
“Who said anything about a relationship?” Maggie’s smile faded. “Oh, right. Sorry. I forgot about what happened.”
Nicole bristled at the pity she saw in her friend’s eyes. She wanted to defend herself, to say she was doing fine. Based on how she couldn’t handle Hawk’s playful invitation, that wasn’t true.
“I’ll get the order together,” Maggie said. “You head home.”
“Okay. I’ll be in to pick it up tomorrow.”
Nicole left.
On the drive home, she tried to talk herself into a better mood. She should be grateful she had friends who cared. And she was. Sort of. But she really, really hated anyone feeling sorry for her. She prided herself on managing. Whatever happened in her life, she managed.
It was her own fault, she reminded herself. She’d wanted to go out with Drew. She’d accepted when he’d proposed. She’d known she wasn’t madly in love with him, but she’d begun to think no one would ever care about her enough to want to marry her. A stupid reason to get involved. There was nothing like a little hindsight to make everything clear. Unfortunately, knowing what she should have done didn’t change the past.
So now what? How did she get over what had happened? She wasn’t missing her bastard of an ex-husband, but she sure wanted her pride and self-respect back. If only she could buy them online.
She was still smiling at the thought when she pulled up in front of her house. A familiar car was parked on the street. The guy leaning against the car straightened as she drove by.
Speak of the devil, she thought grimly.
Drew waved as she circled around to the garage in back. She ignored him and parked, but he was waiting when she walked to the door and she had a bad feeling that ignoring him wasn’t going to make him go away.
CHAPTER FIVE
“GO AWAY,” Nicole said by way of greeting.
“You don’t mean that.”
“Amazingly I do.”
She thought about standing on the porch and refusing to go in the house, but wasn’t excited about providing entertainment for her neighbors.
She went inside, knowing he would follow, walked to the center of the room, then faced him.
“Say what you have to say and get out.”
“That’s not very friendly.”
“What a surprise.”
She was pleased to see that the gouge on his cheek wasn’t healing all that fast. The last time Drew had come calling, it had been the middle of the night. Claire had still been staying there. She’d attacked him with a high-heeled shoe that had done an impressive amount of damage.
Drew didn’t seem bothered by her lack of welcome. He smiled at her. “I’ve missed you, babe, and I know you’ve missed me.”
He still had the ability to leave her speechless, she thought, stunned by his arrogance. “What am I supposed to miss? You sleeping with my sister?”
He threw up his hands. “When are you going to let that go?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe when I feel as if either of you are the least bit remorseful about what you did. You’ve never apologized or admitted you did anything wrong.”
Jesse hadn’t. She kept complaining that Nicole wouldn’t believe her. So far she hadn’t heard anything that would excuse their actions.
“It wasn’t what you think,” Drew grumbled. “You’re taking it all wrong.”
That made Nicole wish she knew how to throw a knife. Or hit really, really hard. “You were in my sister’s bedroom, on her bed, kissing her. Her shirt was off and your hand was on her bare breast. What about that isn’t what I think?”
Drew shifted uncomfortably. “I made a mistake. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry isn’t good enough.”
“This is so typical,” he said, his voice getting angry. “You take everything so seriously. Yeah, I made a mistake. People do that. Even you. I told you Jesse shouldn’t be here after we were married.”
“After you moved into my house and no longer had to pay rent, you mean.”
“Don’t do this, Nicole. Don’t be hard.”
What was she supposed to be? Happy?
“If Jesse hadn’t been here…” he began.
“So you’re saying it’s my fault you were tempted and gave in to that temptation. That you have no responsibility for what you did?”
“You’re twisting my words. You always do that.”
She looked at the man she’d married. He was reasonably good-looking, but he didn’t make her heart beat faster. He’d been a mistake—one she would be recovering from for a while.
“You need to take me back,” he told her.
She shook her head. “There’s no way you just said that.”
“It’s true. I love you. No one is going to love you like me.”
He was trying to hurt her. Or maybe just scare her. “People in love don’t cheat.”
“Sure they do.”
“I don’t.” She shook her head. “You can’t make this right. I can’t trust you, Drew, and I don’t want to try.”
His expression hardened. “You’re going to be alone forever. Is that what you want?”
She knew she shouldn’t listen to him. The fact that he was speaking her deepest fears didn’t make them the truth.
“I don’t believe that,” she said with a conviction she didn’t feel. “You’re a loser, Drew. My mistake was hooking up with you in the first place.”
“My mistake was trying to make it work. No one’s surprised I cheated on you, Nicole. You’re not easy to love. You’re closed off and distant and you can be a real bitch, but I’m trying here.”
She felt as if he’d slapped her. Knowing he was trying to hurt her didn’t make the words any less painful.
“Aren’t you magnanimous,” she murmured. “How did I get so lucky? Tell you what, Drew. You stop trying to win me back with your own peculiar brand of charm and I’ll do my best to g
et over you.”
“You don’t want to get over me. That’s your problem.”
“Get out,” she said as she walked to the door and held it open. “Don’t bother coming back.”
He hesitated, as if he had more to say, then he left. She shut the door behind him and locked it, then told herself she wouldn’t cry.
When she was alone, she crossed to the sofa and sank onto a cushion. She had no idea what Drew’s visit had been about. Did he just want to punish her? Did he actually think they could make their marriage work and that insulting her was the best way to win her back? No one was that stupid.
So why didn’t he want to let her go? Pride? The fact that she was a great meal ticket? She doubted he still loved her. Maybe he never had.
Doubts crowded in on her. She hated how they made her feel. She needed a distraction.
Just then the phone rang. She jumped up and ran into the kitchen.
“Hello?”
“Hi. How’s it going?”
While hearing from Claire wasn’t as exciting as an inappropriate sexual advance from Hawk, it was still better than thinking about Drew.
“Okay. How are you?”
“Still waiting to look pregnant. Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?”
Nicole hesitated. Did she want to spend the evening with her sister and Wyatt, watching them coo over each other as the waves of their love filled the room with more hormones than should be allowed by any state agency?
“Thanks, but I’m going to pass.”
Claire sighed. “You’re spending too much time alone.”
“No, I’m not. I was just at the bakery.”
“Work doesn’t count. Don’t be crabby. I’m worried because I love you. That’s a good thing.”
Nicole didn’t want to remember Drew telling her she wasn’t easy to love, but the words popped into her brain.
“You’ve been dealing with a lot of crap,” Claire said. “Come over and have fun.”
There it was—just like with Maggie. Pity. Nicole hated being pitied.
“You’re sweet to worry,” she said, trying not to clench her teeth. “But I’m great. Better than great. Another time.”
“You need to get out.”
“With a guy, right? You’d stop worrying about me if I showed up with a fabulous guy, wouldn’t you?”
Claire laughed. “Actually, I would.”
That made Nicole smile. “So you don’t actually care about how I feel. This is all about you.”
“Well, maybe. But you’re a part of it.”
“And I appreciate that. Look, I’m fine. I swear. I’ve gotta run. Talk to you later.”
She hung up and grabbed her purse. As she opened the front door and stepped out, the phone was already ringing again. She ignored it, even as she wished she had somewhere to go.
HAWK STACKED the DVDs he’d made of the raw footage from the game. He’d already been over the material and knew the points he wanted to emphasize. Normally he would use the few minutes he had before the guys started arriving to make notes, but on this Sunday, he kept checking his watch and wondering when Nicole was going to show.
He knew he was acting like a kid around her. And even when he wasn’t around her. He couldn’t seem to stop thinking about her. Okay—thinking was a stretch. Fantasizing would be better. He kept picturing her naked and begging. In his fantasy he was always happy to oblige. It was just the kind of man he was.
He didn’t know why she got to him, but he was enjoying the ride. She was funny and sarcastic. She challenged him. She had attitude. He liked attitude in a woman.
He heard footsteps in the hallway outside the meeting room. Light footsteps that didn’t belong to any of his players. His gut clenched in anticipation. Sure enough, Nicole entered the room.
“I have about six boxes of desserts in my car,” she said. “Want to help me carry them?”
“Sure,” he said, wondering if there was time to kiss her before his students started arriving. He moved toward her, stopping when he saw something dark and painful flicker in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“I don’t believe you,” he told her. “Something happened.”
Now that he studied her, he could see it in the slight slump of her shoulders and the paleness of her skin. “Someone hurt you.”
“I’m fine,” she told him, then shrugged. “It’s nothing.”
“I was married for twelve years. ‘Nothing’ in this context is female code for ‘you’re going to have to keep asking to prove you’re seriously interested.’ What’s wrong?”
“I’m fine.”
“I’m not letting this go.” He wouldn’t until he knew who or what had upset her.
She sighed. “I’m… I’m having a little trouble with my ex.”
What kind of trouble? “You’re divorced?”
“I’m in the process. The papers have been filed and the terms agreed to. I’m waiting out the time.”
“You still miss him?” Hawk asked, not wanting to know the answer. What if she said yes?
“Not even a little. He came by yesterday. He wants me back. His way of convincing me is to be insulting and mean.”
Hawk bristled. “Did he hurt you.”
She managed a smile. “Not really.”
“I can beat him up for you.”
Her smile widened. “I’m sure you’d do so with amazing efficiency, but no.”
He really wanted to. “I don’t mind. I’m always looking for new ways to stay in shape.”
“It wouldn’t be much of a workout for you.”
“You think?”
“I’m sure of it. You’re nice to offer, though. Thanks.”
There was more. He could read it in her eyes. The problem with an ex was that person knew the best way to hurt. He or she knew the weak spots, the soft underbelly. Apparently her ex wasn’t afraid to attack there.
He touched her cheek. “He’s wrong.”
“About what?”
“Whatever he said.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yeah, I do.”
Hawk’s expression was kind, his touch comforting and just a little sexy. He was exactly what she needed, Nicole thought.
His gaze dropped from her eyes to her mouth. Her body reacted with tingles and little sighs, and the man wasn’t even kissing her. How did he do that?
Before she could find out, there was the sound of several teenagers in the hallway. She stepped back.
“Reinforcements,” he said lightly. “I’ll get them to bring in the boxes.”
Which meant it could be done in a single trip, leaving her no excuse to stay and, for some reason, she wanted to stay.
“I have your change.” She dug in her jeans pocket and pulled out the money.
“Keep that for next time,” he said. “I’ll be ordering in a week.”
“Okay.”
“You’re going to stay for the meeting, aren’t you?”
“I, ah, sure.” Because the alternative was going home and avoiding her friends who all currently felt sorry for her.
Hawk sent several of the guys out to get the desserts she’d brought. Raoul returned with them and called out a greeting. She moved over to help with the setup.
“Am I freaking you out by being here?” she asked. “Is it too much like your boss being around in your personal life?”
He smiled. “No one says freaking anymore.”
“Sure they do.”
“Because you’re so hip?”
“No one says hip. I know that much.”
The teenager laughed. “It’s fine if you stay.”
“Good. Maybe I can give you a few pointers.”
“Maybe. Coach says women are a mysterious island and a smart man always knows the limits of his abilities.”
It was an interesting mixed metaphor. She didn’t doubt that Hawk had more experience than the average guy and that Raoul would be smart to listen to him.
> In a matter of minutes, everyone was settled on folding chairs. Nicole found herself sitting next to Hawk, which made her happy. He was exactly the distraction she needed.
He pushed a remote. The lights went down and a grainy image of the game came on the big screen on the wall.
“You guys got lucky,” he said. “The snap was sloppy. Fundamentals are everything. Wilson, you were two seconds late off the line. Green, you’re supposed to be covering the quarterback. Their guys get through, we don’t score. It’s that simple.”
He dissected every second of the game, offering praise where it was deserved—which didn’t seem that often—and giving constructive criticism. He explained things simply. Even Nicole was able to follow what he was saying…at least for the first ten minutes or so. Then she felt a hand lightly brush her arm.
The unexpected contact nearly made her jump. She managed to stay in her seat and casually glanced down to see him running his fingers across the inside of her wrist. Slowly, gently, without once looking at her.
In theory there was nothing sexual about the contact. It shouldn’t have been meaningful. But there was something about the heat of his skin, the way he brushed his thumb across the inside of her palm, that made her want to squirm. She had to consciously control her breathing. After about ten minutes, she had to tell herself that throwing herself into his arms was completely inappropriate.
They took a break at halftime. The guys dove into the cupcakes and brownies, consuming everything she’d brought in a matter of seconds. Hawk leaned back in his chair.
“You enjoying the game?” he asked.
He sounds so damn casual, she thought, more than a little annoyed. With the lights on, they weren’t touching. He was acting like nothing had happened. Like they were little more than people who’d run into each other at the grocery store. She felt all squishy and swollen inside and desperately hungry for more than a light brush against her arm.
“I’m learning a lot,” she told him, determined not to let him know how he got to her. “I’ve never been into sports. It’s a lot more complicated than I’d realized.”
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