“I think I might have an idea about that.”
“I haven’t completed the genetic pairing, Crane. So let me ask you again, why are people having babies?”
“I’m sure you haven’t noticed because you have been working so hard all winter long, but the population has taken quite the hit, Andromeda.” Crane pauses dramatically, “at least one-quarter of the population has died already.”
“What? Why haven’t you told me this information?” My arms are tight with anger and I resume pacing as we speak. “Why haven’t I been told?”
“I didn’t want to upset you. Since you’re so busy and all. See what it’s doing to you now.” He points at me.
“Explain. Right now. This was never discussed in any of the Committee meetings. Do Alexander and Morris know?” He shakes his head no. “What about Remington, Ms. Black, Adam?” he shakes his head no again. “So you haven’t told anyone?”
“Well, our good doctor has informed me of the many deaths. So, he knows.”
“What are they dying from?”
“There’s a combination of factors.” He brings his hands in front of his chest, tapping his fingertips on each other. “This isn’t the healthiest community in the country, as you know. And certain medications are not available to us: there are cardiac medications, diabetic medications, asthma medications. The list goes on and on. Either way, we can’t risk the population getting too low. I had to make a decision to allow some of the women to get pregnant. But there have been, complications, just as you’ve seen tonight. The women keep delivering prematurely, their babies too early to be viable.”
I run the facts over in my head for a moment and the answer seems almost too easy. “It’s the medications, Crane. I can’t believe you haven’t realized this yet. You can’t give those hormones to a woman and expect her to carry a fetus without any ill effects.” He should know this, it doesn’t make sense that he would let this go on.
“Yes well, Ian’s child is the first to survive, thanks to you, that is.” He cocks his head to the side and raises his eyebrows waiting for my response.
“That’s great, Crane, I’m really glad I was there to experience the whole thing. I’m sure I can thank you personally for that.”
“I should thank you, for helping bring the first born of the Phoenix District into this world. There should be a celebration.”
“What is the point of the genetic pairing? I’m almost done with it. I was going to finish tonight before I was called to the hospital.” I have finally stopped pacing and my voice has lowered.
“Ah! Excellent! Just in time.” He’s back to smiling now.
“And now that I have completed the pairings what will I do?”
“The population will grow, Andromeda. Children will grow up, babies will be born. You will be responsible for their pairings also. You’re job will never be completed as long as the Phoenix District remains prosperous. This is excellent really, you are just in time.”
“Just in time for what?” I eye him skeptically.
“Just in time to withdrawal the medication and welcome the Residents fully alert into the Phoenix District.” My stomach drops at his words. He continues. “I think we should continue this conversation at another time. Perhaps after you’ve had time to rest. Goodnight, Andromeda!” He bows oddly to me, and then walks out the door.
I watch his car leave before I stomp back to the elevator. Adam is waiting with the door open. He follows me back to the loft, quietly. I open Lina’s door and check on her again. She and Stevie are still both fast asleep. When I turn around Adam is standing in the living room. Waiting to see what I do.
Normally, after a less than stellar night at work, I would help myself to a few glasses of wine to numb the pain and disappointment. Crane has outlawed all alcohol for the Residents but he included a bottle in one of the many gifts he has given me. I walk to the kitchen and pull it out from the back of the cupboard where I stashed it behind the cooking pans.
“Do you want some of this?” I ask Adam harshly as I twist open the cap on the wine bottle.
When I turn around he is running his hand through his hair. “Sure. Why not.”
I don’t have any wine glasses so I pour some into two coffee mugs and take a long gulp of the wine, it is dry and strong. I hand Adam his mug as I walk towards the living room and sit down on the floor with my mug and the wine bottle. Adam follows, sitting on the couch across from me.
“What did you think of that conversation, Adam?” I take another long swallow of the wine, hoping the spirits will numb the events of the night that are still sharp in my mind.
“It’s all a little much.” He takes a sip from his mug.
“That’s all you have to say?” I figure since I’m on a tirade. Calling everyone out, the doctor, the Volker, Crane, why stop at Adam? “After all this time, Adam, you haven’t spoken to me in months. One minute you’re saving us from wolves, you’re pulling out my stitches, you’re kissing me in the basement, asking me to trust you, and then you’re gone. I think I even called you a few weeks ago and you didn’t answer. I take it all very personally.” I take another long drink from my mug, emptying it, and then refill it from the wine bottle.
“You don’t understand, Andie.” He sets his mug down and rubs his face. “Crane is running me ragged. He has me out surveying the wall, the fence, the gateway, assigning new recruits, training Remington. I barely have time to sleep.”
“And all this time I’ve been wondering what I did wrong to put you on edge.” My lips start to tingle from the wine. Seeing Ian tonight, seeing his newborn son, it was like a slap in the face, another one, from Crane. Ian is gone, forced to move on, following the path designated by us, the Sovereign. I have been alone with Lina and the threats from Crane, alone with the knowledge that he wants us paired. I am tired of taking orders. I stare at Adam as he leans forward to take a few sips from his mug. I decide it’s time for him to know some of what I’ve been keeping from him.
“Do you remember at Lina’s birthday party? When I told you Crane slapped me across the face and split my lip?” His eyes dart to mine. Good, I have his attention. “He was trying to kiss me, Adam.” Now his eyes flick open a little wider.
“What do you mean he was trying to kiss you?” He twists his face into a scowl.
“Just what I said, he was trying to kiss me, and I pushed him away, that’s why he slapped me for denying him.” I raise my fingers to quote the phrase in the air. “That was right after he told me that I would be expected to reproduce and that he expects us to be paired. Me and Crane, can’t you just picture it in your head like a sick putrid little love story?” I take another long drink from my mug tying to erase the image of Crane from my mind. “Does it make you want to vomit, because I do, every time I replay it in my head?”
Adam stops, frozen, watching me. “You’re serious.” He knows when I’m lying, and I’m guessing it didn’t take long for him to realize this is not a lie. It’s the cold, hard, disgusting truth.
“Unfortunately I am.” I refill my mug, knowing well that I shouldn’t, my lips are fully numb now.
“This is bullshit.” Adam stands abruptly and paces the living room. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“You don’t talk to me anymore. We’ve gone over this already, Adam.” I wave my hand at him, dismissing the conversation.
“I can’t protect you if you don’t tell me these things. Crane keeps me too busy to watch you all the time like I did before.”
I laugh a little, the wine exaggerating my responses. “You used to watch me?”
He just stares at me, rubbing his jaw, fidgeting.
I kick off my shoes and socks, rubbing my feet into the plush living room carpet. Adam continues his pacing. Now I know I’ve truly made him mad. I watch his jaw tense, his fists clench. I drain the mug. He runs his hands through his hair and I watch as the muscles in his arms push through the thin cotton of his shirt as it rises, just to the top of his jeans without showing even a wink o
f skin.
I can feel the heat in my cheeks from the flush of embarrassment. I’m not sure if it is because the last man I looked at in this manner I was married to or because I just can’t stop watching him, talking to him, trying to make him angry. I stand up and walk over to Adam, waiting for him to stop pacing in front of me.
“What?” He asks as I stand in front of him.
“I’m tired of this, Adam. I’m tired of Crane controlling me. I’m tired of living in fear of him. I’m tired of you being gone all the time. I’m tired of being trapped up here, alone.” I reach out and grab the front of his shirt, crumpling it in my fist and pulling him towards me.
“Andie, Stop,” he puts his hand over mine; it’s warm and heavy, just like I remember. “You’re drunk, already. It’s only been like five minutes.”
“What can I say? I’m a cheap date. Most men like that in a woman.” I pull myself closer to him, invading his space. “Did you hear me Adam? I’m done with you ignoring me all the time.” I stand on my toes and wrap my arms around his neck. “I need you,” I breathe the words into his ear, trying my best to imitate what he did to me in the dark hallway so many months ago.
He grabs my upper arms trying to stop me, holding me still. I can see the muscle in his jaw tighten. I kiss him, hard at first, and his response is immediate. His hands are in my hair, against the small of my back, pulling me closer to him, pressing my body to his, tipping my head back as his lips kiss me back. He tastes sweet, more so than the wine, and it’s intoxicating. Each time he pulls his lips from mine I ache for them to return. The wine is having its full effect, clouding my mind, lowering my inhibitions. I clench his shirt in my hands, to pull him back towards the bedroom, but he stops me, holding my face between his warm hands.
“Are you sure you want to do this, Andie?” His eyes search mine, using whatever method it is to see if I’m telling the truth. Last time we were in the bedroom together I was too stunned by his scars to do anything. And then he was gone.
He stands rigid in front of me, waiting for my response.
“Yes.”
This time I do not fumble nervously with the buttons of his shirt. I know what lies under it, I’m no longer afraid of the scars marring his body. Adam watches me as I reach out and run my hand over them, feeling the long slashes across his ribs, the burn marks pocking his upper chest, the three bullet wounds near his shoulder, they have turned his skin into a jagged landscape.
I’m afraid the effects of the wine will consume me soon; it is already making me wobbly. I fumble with my own clothes, the stiff scrubs, not out of nervousness, but because my fingertips are swollen and clumsy with intoxication and I can barely keep my balance. Somehow, my body knows this is not Ian, and my heart races with the anticipation of the unknown. Adam steps towards me, assisting, and before I know it he has our clothes off, discarded on the floor. He reaches for me, pressing his lips to mine and my bare body to his. We stand, kissing, with nothing between us but the thin gold band on my left ring finger. Adam reaches down, slowly dragging his hand across my side, pulling me into his arms and carrying me to the side of bed. The wine sloshes in my stomach as he sets me down. And when he bends down to kiss me again I feel the wine burning up the back of my esophagus. I try to ignore it and focus on the task at hand, the burning deep inside me and the desire for him to continue.
Suddenly my mouth starts to feel heavy, filling with thick saliva. I pull away, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths. Now, I realize that it has been much too long since the last time I consumed alcohol and that downing almost the entire bottle in just a few minutes was not a good idea. But I want so badly to continue, I want to carry on exploring each other and extinguishing the tension that has been hovering around us for so long. Now that I know for certain Ian has moved on without me. When I open my eyes Adam is pulling me back to him, bending down to kiss me again. Saliva gushes into my mouth, making my tongue heavy, churning my stomach. I reach out, placing my hand on his chest.
“What’s wrong?” Adam whispers, his voice thick, heavy with desire.
I can’t respond, I know what will happen if I open my mouth. I quickly turn away from him, running naked to the small master bathroom, slamming the door behind me and locking it, vomiting the bottle of wine into the toilet.
--
I hear Adam knocking on the door but I can’t open it or respond between the retching of my stomach. The last thing I need is him in here, offering to hold my hair back. When it feels like my insides may have settled I sit on the floor of the bathroom feeling ridiculous. Here I am naked and vomiting. No better than a drunk college girl. Adam knocks on the door again, but now, I am too embarrassed to respond. I brush my teeth and take a quick shower. Thankful that there are towels in the bathroom, since, my clothes remain on the floor in the bedroom.
When I’m done, I stand wrapped in a towel, with my hand on the door handle, trying to work up the courage to face Adam again, without puking. I take a few deep breaths and open the door. Adam sits on the end of the bed, fully dressed, my discarded clothes now neatly folded in a pile next to him. He watches me, saying nothing about my alcohol intolerance. I walk to the dresser and pull out undergarments and sleeping clothes, and then I return to the bathroom to get dressed.
Adam is still sitting in the same place when I walk out of the bathroom, dressed in my pajamas. I walk towards him, slowly, nervously. “I’m sorry,” I tell him as I stare at the floor, embarrassed.
He laughs a little. “I’ve never had a cheap date do that before,” he responds, pulling me into his arms. I hold my hand over my mouth and try to quiet my stomach from the movement. “Another time then.” He pulls me down onto the bed, and we lay together, curled round each other, with my head on his chest and his lips pressing against my forehead. I feel ill from the wine and my failed seduction. And I’m sure the uneasy feeling in my stomach includes the reaction from seeing Ian and realizing our marriage is over and things can never go back to the way they were. After a few short minutes my tears saturate Adam’s shirt.
Afterwards, when I’m done sobbing, Adam pulls the heavy blanket at the foot of the bed over us both and reaches out to tuck a few stray hairs behind my ear, kissing me.
“You can’t let Crane find out, Andie.” He tells me softly.
“Find out what?”
“About us.”
“Why?”
“Don’t you see? He planned this so thoroughly, taking over our town, protecting you, making you Sovereign, and the luxuries he affords for you. You being present at the delivery of Ian’s baby, he planned it, he had to. A person like Crane, he doesn’t plan to lose, if he wants you, he needs to think he is going to get you. He can’t find out about us, no one can.”
“Does this mean you’re going to disappear and ignore me for another seven months?” I ask him half joking, but mostly serious. “Because I’m not sure I could handle that right now.”
“I’ve told you before. I’ll always come back for you.”
“Good.” I reach up and pull him down to kiss me, again.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“Mom, wake up. Stevie has to pee.” Lina is shaking my shoulder and Stevie is pacing the room, whining, waiting for someone to let her outside. I wake panicked, afraid of what she will see in the room. But Adam must have cleaned up before he left. The scrubs I wore home last night are folded neatly next to me.
“Okay Lina, just give me a moment.”
When I bring Lina to the atrium Ms. Black says nothing of Ian’s baby being born. Crane must be keeping it a secret. I’ve discovered lately that he is excellent at keeping secrets. The Volker guards greet me at the entrance to the lab making no mention of my outburst at the hospital. I try not to think about last night, about Ian’s baby, my accusations towards Crane, Adam.
I delve deep into the data analysis, burying myself, ignoring the world around me.
By lunch time my analysis is complete.
All of the current District Residents have bee
n assigned their genetic pair. Female residents over the age of 35 have been removed and males over the age of 45 have also been removed, since their reproductive organs are highly prone to genetic errors. Thankfully, Crane allowed me to leave a few current families intact, even though he ruined mine.
I call Kira to the lab so she can match the Resident codes with their actual names. The children of the District have been assigned their own genetic pair but they will not be told of their match until they are of age.
I call Crane and tell him that I have completed the task. Slamming the phone down before he has a time to respond to me. I tell neither of them that I have pulled the Sovereign names from the analysis, and they sit in a separate file, unpaired. I save the completed file on a removable drive and set it on Kira’s desk. Then I go to the atrium and sit on the tall curved stairwell that leads to the empty second floor of the building and watch the children and Ms. Black.
A Volker guard walks up next to me. He’s the same one from yesterday, who brought me to the hospital and then brought me back to the loft, a completely changed person.
“I heard you’re done with the pairings.” This is new with the Volker, usually they don’t talk to me they just stand quietly, watching, protecting. This one must be testing his boundaries.
“News travels fast I guess.”
“Do you know who I’ve been paired with?” I look at the guard, he looks hopeful, possibly even a little excited.
“How do you know about the pairings?” I wasn’t aware that anyone outside of the Committee meetings knew of my task, or what I was responsible for. The knowledge that I am directly responsible for deciding who will spend the rest of their lives together gnaws on my conscience. Especially because somewhere in that list was Ian’s code.
“Only some of us know,” he responds sheepishly.
“I don’t know the names. They’ve been assigned by codes. Kira will be here soon to fill in the actual names.”
The Volker walks back towards the laboratory door and waits.
The Phoenix Project Page 21