“Yeah. Me too.”
“So, what happens if she wakes up?”
“When,” Lincoln corrected.
“When,” Spence confirmed.
“That’s up to her.”
“What if she wants to go back to London? Stay with the Rogues?”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.”
I waited for Spence to make some kind of barbed comment, but none came. Instead, he just said, “Fair enough, man. I hope you two get your chance at happiness. You deserve it. Call me if there’s any change.”
“You got it.”
Time passed from there. I could hear machines beep. And more people as they came and went. Steph was a constant. She talked about her wedding and deliberated over candles or lanterns, sit-down dinner or cocktail-party receptions, honeymoon locations, and music until I would sense her slump beside me and sob as she begged me to wake up.
Dapper read books to me, ancient tales intended for few to hear. Onyx came with him, throwing in his own biased recollections of particular events. And all the while I lay still, wishing I could heal myself, but my power remained dormant. Or gone.
I heard Phoenix come and go. Unlike the others, he didn’t speak to me, but when he was there, he always held my hand.
“I know you still love her,” Lincoln said, his tone matter-of-fact.
“I’ll always love her. But she has always and will always love you. I won’t ever stand in your way again.”
“That might be wise since you’re significantly easier to hurt nowadays.”
I felt their smiles.
“What are you going to do now?” Lincoln went on.
“Wait for her to open her eyes and say the words we all need to hear her say.”
The darkness pulled me under after that.
• • •
Finally, dreams started to flit into the darkness. Growing up with Dad. Silly moments, such as making him a Father’s Day painting and breakfast in bed only to realize when I snuck into his room that he’d already left for work. And other things: the look of desperation on his face when he’d come to collect me from the hospital after a teacher had attacked and very nearly raped me. I’d never seen how badly that broke him at the time, but watching it now, I saw the love and the agony of not knowing what to do or how to help.
I dreamed of my first day at a new school after the court case and meeting Steph. She was like a blast of fresh air, and I knew from day one I had a friend for life.
Then there was the first time I met Lincoln—the self-defense course that delivered me my very own guardian angel. He watched over me, and in my dream, I saw in a new light how he cared, how he worried. I saw our friendship grow and the conflict in his eyes when it became so much more and his care turned to torment.
I dreamed of the night he first kissed me, feeling once again the overwhelming passion and sureness that this man was my other half, that we were absolutely meant for one another. How right I’d been.
And then suddenly, I was outside his warehouse discovering the truth, feeling the sting of betrayal. But this time, I saw so much more. I saw his pain and fears for me and us. I saw my innocence drift away and my rage, and I wished, not for the first time, that I’d found it in my heart to be more forgiving, and yet I knew that the path had been the one I’d had to travel to reach this day of understanding.
The dreams kept coming. Life and death, and love and loss. All painful and beautiful. All real.
I felt Lincoln’s hand, warm and wrapped around mine.
“Come back to me, baby. Please come back to me.”
This time when I tried, my eyes cracked open and I saw him beside me, ruffled and beautiful.
“I never left,” I whispered. My throat was dry and my body ached all over.
Lincoln jolted then looked at me, his entire body sagging in relief.
“Hey,” he rasped, his fingers trailing along the curve of my chin.
“Hey.” I tried—and failed—to smile. “Where?” I croaked.
“We’re back in New York. We moved you here about a week ago.”
“How long?”
“Two weeks since the hurricane.”
I nodded. “New Orleans?”
He smiled, going along with my two-word vocab. “The city was saved. The outer areas closer to the ocean are gone, but the navy managed to evacuate many people. Lives and homes were lost, but nothing near what would’ve…”
Then I felt something. It wasn’t my power but it was powerful. “Someone’s here,” I whispered.
Lincoln looked around, shaking his head. “Just us.”
“No,” I replied, waiting. Sure enough, a few moments later, I could see him. Michael.
“Am I dying?” I asked.
Lincoln immediately moved to stand between Michael and me.
Michael raised his hands gently. “I have come to take you both somewhere, but rest assured you will be returned.”
“Can’t this wait?” asked Lincoln. “She’s only just woken up. The doctors haven’t even seen her yet.”
“Do you fear she may suffer a medical emergency while under my care?” Michael asked.
Wow. Did he just crack a joke?
I smiled weakly, reaching up to take Lincoln’s hand. “As long as we’re together,” I said.
Michael nodded. “I would not dream of anything other,” he said, and suddenly the pain was gone from my body and Lincoln and I were in the place that I could only call…other, standing in a field facing Michael. But not just any field.
A field of white lilies beneath a violet sky and a glowing golden sun.
It was warm, like home. Like love.
“My painting,” I whispered.
“Your heart,” Michael corrected.
And I agreed.
Lincoln held my hands in both of his, looking at the field with a sense of contentment and understanding.
“Your souls are bound in every way?” Michael asked Lincoln.
Lincoln turned to him and nodded. “Every way.”
Uri and Nox appeared behind Michael. They were wearing their usual contrasting clothing and yet they seemed more relaxed than usual, closer together rather than so far apart.
“You have finally surrendered?” Uri asked.
I nodded. “My self.”
Uri bowed his head.
Michael took a step toward us. “We would offer you a final binding if you choose to accept.”
“I think we are already quite final, Michael,” Lincoln said.
“That is true, but symbolism has its place too. It comes after but still carries weight. Join your left hands.”
Lincoln and I did as Michael asked, not sure what was going on but trusting that it was right.
A light pressure began to build and then something akin to an electrical current ran through our hands, causing us both to flinch. When I looked down, I saw a new marking—intricate, like the designs on my wrist markings, again with tiny wisps like feathers, but so much finer. A ring on my wedding finger, and another on Lincoln’s. Matching in design, but whereas mine was purple with a shimmer like stars in the night, Lincoln’s was silver, just like my wrists.
We looked to Michael, who seemed pleased with the result.
“In Hebrew,” he said, “amethyst means dream stone.”
Michael, commander of all armies, the greatest of the Sole angels, bowed. “May your dreams be many.”
Lincoln bowed his head in return. “Thank you.”
“Will I ever see you again?” I asked.
“If you need me, yes.” He tilted his head in that way of his. “So it is unlikely. You know who you are and what you can do.”
I smiled. “I am you. Like you are me.”
Michael nodded once. “We do not run. We do not quit.”
&n
bsp; My smile widened. “And what of fairy tales?”
He raised his hands, palms up. “Life, child. Is life not the greatest fairy tale of all?”
I nodded in understanding. “What about if you need me?”
His eyebrow twitched. “There is always that possibility.”
I rolled my eyes at his inability to admit he might just want to see me. I guess only time would tell, though I did realize one thing. “I can’t come back here, can I?” I was a danger to them, and we could no longer deny it.
“It is your space to command, and it will not be taken from you, but no, it would not be wise.”
Somehow this space had become a part of me, and already I mourned its loss, but I knew that this was right and what I wanted to do. It was the idea that had first come to me after facing Sammael and now it was time to make it happen.
“It’s your space now,” I said before I looked off into the distance and closed my eyes, smiling.
First, I returned it to its true form of nothingness, with its searching souls glimmering in the distance and countless smatterings of rainbows connecting what might be. Then I thought of my senses—the gifts that the angels had given me. Why had I been given all five? Why had that been necessary?
Perhaps…for this.
I breathed deeply and brought forward the conflicting sensations I’d always felt in my blood and bones—rivers of cool, lands of warmth. I thought of the sounds of birds flying and trees blowing in the wind. I drew on the smell of flowers, in particular white lilies and all they invoked, and then the flashes of morning and evening. And finally, the taste of apple.
Slowly I opened my eyes. Before me was a vast meadow of rolling hills with a carpet of white flowers and trees in the distance, birds circling and swooping. The rainbows shone brightly, casting light, and in the center…a tree bursting with ripe red apples.
Beyond my field, there was still the great expanse of nothingness. I had not created a new world or even a new city, but it was a start.
I smirked, gesturing to the apples. “Feel free to help yourselves.”
“You take great assumption by thinking this is something we would desire,” Michael said flatly. “If we would desire anything.”
I nodded. “Rest your pride, Michael. Rest your pride and maybe we can all evolve.” Maybe this could be a place where angels could indulge and experience time in a physical sense. Angels might be the higher beings, but that didn’t mean they could not learn.
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.”
Washington Irving
Disoriented, I opened my eyes. My groggy mind took a few moments before it allowed the memories to flood in. I looked at my left hand to see the violet ring and then to the end of my bed where Lincoln sat in a chair, watching me.
“When was the last time you slept in a bed?” I asked, smiling.
He shrugged in response.
“I see.”
“How are you feeling?” he asked, moving closer.
“Okay. Physically, I feel like I’m mending.” I frowned as I combed my fingers through my now considerably shorter hair. “But my power…I still can’t feel it like I normally can.” I tried to hide my concern, but of course he saw right through me.
Lincoln brushed the loose strands of hair back from my face. “I know. I can’t heal you like I should be able to. Griffin thinks you probably burned out. It might take a little time for everything to come back online.”
I exhaled, but not fully. There was a part of me that worried I had lost it for good. It made me realize just how much I’d come to embrace my power and role as Grigori. It is who I am.
I’d been out of it for a couple weeks, and I knew that not all the news waiting for me would be good. It couldn’t be. I took Lincoln’s hands in mine.
“Milo?” I whispered.
He shook his head.
“Who else?”
Lincoln’s eyes glassed over and he swallowed thickly. I felt the tears slip down my cheeks.
Later that night, Chloe sat on the edge of my bed while Spence and Lincoln moved back to give us some space.
“Someone’s got to talk to those Rogues out there,” Spence said to Lincoln. “Steph almost lost her shit with them earlier when she tried to visit. And they made us leave all our weapons with them like they own the place or something.”
I bit back a sad smile, confused by the Rogues’ uncharacteristic behavior.
“You know they don’t care what I say,” Lincoln said plainly.
Spence crossed his arms. “Then who the hell will they listen to?”
Lincoln looked at me, and my chest started to hurt even more.
“Are you sure this will work?” I asked Chloe.
She nodded. “We were there. Spence and I were running along the rooftops, trying to get to them. We saw you with Phoenix and then what happened below. Spence tried, Violet. He leapt right off the roof and into the fight. He did everything he could.”
I held back the tears that seemed to have been streaming for the past twenty-four hours.
“Are you sure you want to see this?” Chloe asked tentatively.
“Show me,” I said.
• • •
Two days later, I laid a white rose on Milo’s gravestone. The Grigori who had given their lives had been brought back and buried in a special Grigori graveyard just outside Manhattan. Given that most of us have outlived our families by the time we die, the graveyard had been established to keep us together.
More than two hundred Grigori had died in the battle, making it the largest loss in Grigori history. Many senior Grigori from all corners of the world and a large number of Grigori still too young to be gone had given their lives.
Drenson and Adele had been given headstones like everyone else. I had placed a flower on each of their graves. Sure, Drenson had tried to kill me, but I understood how heady a thing power is. Drenson had been unable to fight the lure. Did that make him unaccountable? Of course not. Did that make him evil? I don’t believe so. Mostly it just made him an ass who had lost control and paid the price. His judgment would come, but not by my hand.
I passed by Seth’s and Decima’s headstones, feeling a sense of relief for them. In many ways, I think their end was their gift. They were ready, and to go out fighting seemed only right.
Finally, I stopped at the last grave, grateful that Lincoln had seen to this while I was asleep. It was white marble and sat beneath a weeping willow tree, separate from the rest, as I knew he would wish. After all, his life had always been lived apart.
I stood at his grave for many hours.
Sometimes I cried. Sometimes I just shook my head, wishing it wasn’t true.
Mostly, I prayed.
Stupid, I know. Me? I still didn’t even know the truth of it all. Whether there was a god and, if there was, if it was even a god I cared much for. But still…I prayed for his peace. I prayed for his happiness, and I prayed that he knew how much he had done for me, that at that craziest, darkest time of my life, he had been there for me and somehow managed to drag me through day after day.
He had been my savior when I had least accepted that I needed one. He had been my friend. And I would do anything to have him back. But he was gone.
It was fast, at least. Chloe had shown me that much with her gift. He had stepped in the way of a younger Grigori’s fight. He had saved the girl’s life and pushed her aside, leaving himself wide open for the exile, who had not hesitated to drive his sword right into his chest. Spence had leapt into the fight at the same moment, but he’d been too late. There was nothing anyone could have done.
Lincoln stood quietly to the side, where he had been for hours, waiting patiently, but no
w he joined me, saying softly, “It’s time.”
I nodded, brushing my hands across the marble headstone. “Mondays and Thursdays will never feel right without you,” I whispered.
I placed the last dozen roses, all white apart from one red—because he stood apart and because he would always carry a place in my heart.
“Love you, Gray,” I said. “Thank you for dancing with me.”
“How are you holding up?” Lincoln asked as we rode the elevator back up to the Academy.
I took his hand while my other hand tucked my hair behind my ear. I just couldn’t get used to it being short. “I’ll be okay,” I said. And it was true. Dealing with the losses, especially Gray, was going to hurt for a long time, but I knew that they had not died in vain, and that helped. “What’s happening now that Drenson’s gone?” I asked. “Has Josephine taken over?”
Lincoln shrugged, helping me out of the lift as I still hobbled with aches and pains. At least the worst of the bruising on my face had settled.
“I’m not sure. The Assembly and senior Grigori have been convening all week here and at the main headquarters around the world. There’s supposed to be an announcement today and Josephine told me to be there.” He checked his watch. “It’s already started.”
I nodded. “Then let’s go.”
But he simply smiled and backed me into the wall beside the hall doors.
“What?” I asked, grinning.
He took a few strands of my hair in his fingers and I couldn’t help the wave of self-consciousness. Lincoln had always liked my long hair. He leaned in close, kissing me lightly just below the ear. “Have I mentioned how damn sexy your hair is?”
When I started to shake my head, he stopped me by kissing me again, on the lips this time.
“Just when I thought you couldn’t be any more stunning, you prove me wrong.” He watched my reaction until he was satisfied that my embarrassment had gone and then planted a quick kiss on my forehead. “You know you’re incredible, right?”
I blushed. Only Lincoln could have made me suddenly love my new hair in just two sentences.
He pulled me away from the wall as he chuckled, that laugh he reserved just for me, and we pushed open the doors to the hall.
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