‘Yes, I guess that’s what it must be,’ says Emily, relieved. ‘And if she was really different since Gramps died, you lot would have spotted it by now, surely?’
There’s a short silence as the others carry on with their jobs, clearly still thinking about Emily’s worries. Tristram is putting the day’s newspapers out on a stand for the customers, and Gina has started preparing tiny vases of fresh flowers for the tables.
Eventually, Vince clears his throat. ‘What does Andy think about this?’
‘He was the one who brought it up in the first place,’ says Emily. ‘He wrote to me. That was why I came home. Well, obviously I was planning to come over anyway …’
‘I tell you what, sweetheart, we’ll all keep our eyes open. If we notice anything strange, we’ll let you know. The more people looking out for Julia, the better. We all love your gran, don’t we?’ Tristram says.
The other two nod enthusiastically and Emily is so moved she can’t speak.
Tristram carries on. ‘I’ve always had a soft spot for Julia but she never had eyes for anyone but your grandpa. She’s a beautiful woman.’
His voice tails off and Emily sees that he’s blushing. Before she’s had a chance to process this interesting fact, her phone vibrates. A message from Max. Oh, joy.
Hey babe, sorry you had to dash off last night. I had a great time in the end with the bar staff. They’re all fans of my books, it turns out. Ned wants me to stay over at his holiday let tonight and maybe tomorrow so we can have a few drinks. I’ll give you a call when I’m back. Love you, M xxx
Is this man for real? She ran out on him, leaving him high and dry in a strange hotel, making it obvious she couldn’t stand him kissing and pawing her, and he still bounces back and expects life to go on as normal. What an ego. And why is he still telling her he loves her after all that’s happened? What part of ‘it’s over’ does he not understand?
She puts her phone away without answering, unsure how to express her feelings in a text. Tristram tops up her coffee cup.
‘I’m guessing you’re in need of this,’ he says, handing her another croissant.
Emily accepts, comforted by Tristram’s kindness, though what she really wants is for Max just to go away.
Chapter Nineteen
Julia decides to allow herself a good long lie-in. She hears Emily go out at the crack of dawn so there’s no point in getting up yet, and her bed feels like a sanctuary today. It was hard seeing Emily looking so miserable last night, and the long session digging up old memories at May’s yesterday has tired her more than she likes to think. There’s still a vague feeling of dizziness when she turns over, and a light-headedness that’s rather alarming. She drifts off to sleep again eventually, and when she wakes it’s past nine o’clock. She can hear Emily pottering round the kitchen. What a comforting sound that is.
She wishes Em would stay longer. She’s clearly come all this way because she’s worried. A fortnight isn’t anywhere near long enough. Julia’s heart aches at the thought of saying goodbye to her darling girl so soon. As she stretches herself in preparation for getting up, an idea pops into her head. Could she do it? It goes against her usual impeccable honesty and integrity. Just how much does she want Em to stay? Enough to play the batty old lady card? That shouldn’t be difficult the way she’s feeling. Enough to do some serious acting? Yes, indeed.
Easing herself out of bed, Julia wraps her dressing gown around her long nightie. It’s not her custom to go downstairs in her nightclothes. She usually likes to be fully dressed and made up before she faces the world, but today she doesn’t even run a brush through her hair.
Emily looks up and smiles as Julia enters the kitchen. As she notices what Julia’s wearing, her expression alters.
‘Aren’t you feeling well today, Gran? I thought it was a mistake you staying up and making me a hot drink. You should have been tucked up in bed.’
Julia sits down at the table and leans her forehead on one hand.
‘Gran? What’s the matter?’
‘Oh, nothing, darling. I’m just not quite … I think I’m … I wonder if you’d mind giving Allie a ring? She’s got some special herbal tablets that always pep me up.’
Emily is very still now. ‘Allie? Do you mean Andy’s wife?’
‘Yes, of course. There’s nobody else of that name round here, is there? Just nip over there for me, would you? She’ll probably be in the garden. There’ll be lots to tidy up after all that rain we had yesterday. Allie loves her flowers and vegetables.’
Emily doesn’t speak for a moment. Then she comes over and puts a hand on Julia’s shoulder. ‘Have you had a very deep sleep, Gran? You seem a bit … confused?’
‘I’m not in the least confused. What do you mean?’
‘Well, Allie died when Tamsin was born, didn’t she? You remember?’
Julia hears the touch of desperation in Emily’s voice and isn’t sure whether to be jubilant or ashamed, but she has to keep going with this charade now she’s begun it. Em mustn’t go home yet. It’s not just for her own sake she wants to keep her. How is Andy going to woo the girl if she hops off back to America?
‘Allie’s died? What do you mean? Does Andy know? What’s Tamsin going to do without a mother?’ Julia lets her voice wobble and puts a hand to her mouth.
‘Gran, why don’t you go back to bed and I’ll bring you some breakfast on a tray? A poached egg on toast? That was what you always gave me when I was poorly.’
‘Am I poorly then? I must admit I do feel a bit peculiar this morning. Are you sure you don’t mind?’
‘Off you go. I’ll be up as soon as I’ve rustled you up an egg and a pot of tea. I won’t be long.’
Emily’s got a hand under Julia’s elbow now and is helping her to her feet. Julia lets herself be guided towards the stairs and then goes up very slowly, holding tight to the banisters, bringing one foot up to join the other like a small child. She looks back at Emily’s pale face gazing up after her and feels a sharp pang of guilt but this has got to be done. And anyway, it’s quite true that she’s been forgetting things. This is only a slight exaggeration of the facts.
As she turns towards her bedroom Julia sees Emily dart back into the kitchen. She’ll be going to find her phone. Andy will soon know what’s happening, and he’ll come over as soon as he finishes work, if not before. He’s only up the road at Ida’s again today – she’s summoned him back to add an extra step to her new porch.
‘Are you safely tucked up in bed yet, Gran?’ Emily calls.
‘Yes, dear,’ Julia answers, wriggling under the covers and leaning back on her pillows. She lies very quietly, beating her conscience into submission.
Looking around the familiar bedroom, Julia is reassured by the friendly pattern on her wallpaper of wild flowers in subtle colours climbing up trellises. The window is open and the birds are still singing away, happy that the rain is over for now. What she’s doing can’t be wrong if she’s doing it for the right reasons, surely? Looking for a diversion from all this soul-searching, she reaches under her pillow and pulls out a letter, one of the small pile she kept back. She was halfway through reading it when she fell asleep the night before, having waded through a recipe for rock buns, an account of a church social and Elsie’s moans about her mother. Now comes the interesting part.
Could you do me a favour, Don? I’ve been trying to think of a suitable present for us to give Will for his twenty-first birthday next month and I’ve hit on a plan. How about if we ask Charles if we could pay him to give Will a few proper sailing lessons? Do you think you could sound him out for me? Will really likes Charles, and I reckon that would be a great gift.
Julia pushes the letter back under the pillow as she hears Emily on the stairs. Mustn’t blow her cover. She snuggles down and concentrates on looking wan. But sailing lessons? She hadn’t known about those. No wonder Will and Charles became so close all of a sudden. Elsie played right into his hands there. Julia closes her eyes as a few unwel
come memories float back, patchy now but still painful. It’s like trying to catch a cloud in her hands. Will she ever feel like herself again or is this the beginning of the end?
Chapter Twenty
Andy finishes Ida’s wooden step in record time and is knocking at Julia’s kitchen door as the church clock strikes eleven. Emily is in there mechanically wiping down work surfaces and looks up as he comes in. He feels a sinking sensation when he sees the alarm in her eyes. Andy has never coped well with illness, especially since Allie first started to show signs of toxaemia in late pregnancy. He tends to panic and lose the ability to think sensibly.
‘Oh, you made it sooner than you expected. Thanks so much for coming,’ she whispers, opening the door wide.
‘Is she asleep?’ Andy’s whispering, too.
‘I think so. I crept in a few minutes ago and she was out. She looks completely shattered. Sit down, I’ll make tea.’
Andy pulls a chair up to the table and absent-mindedly reaches for a biscuit. Julia always buys chocolate digestives especially for him and sure enough, the battered tin biscuit barrel is fully stocked. He eats two while Emily’s pouring boiling water onto the tea leaves that Julia favours and then realises that this must have looked very rude.
‘I’m sorry, I’ve walked in here and started munching digestives as if I own the place,’ he says, reddening.
‘Don’t be silly, Gran enjoys you making yourself at home. She’s very fond of you and Tamsin. Protective, too.’
‘Well, we love her. Everybody loves Julia. Even May likes her now. Or at least they’re talking.’
‘I know, unbelievable after the years of cold-shouldering each other. I think they each needed a friend. Anyway, that’s heart-warming to hear and you’re not the first person to say it, but it should be me looking after her, particularly if …’
She hesitates for a moment as if trying to find the right words, and then spills out her worries about Julia’s appearance and what she said about Allie this morning. Andy listens, his face grave.
‘Maybe it’s just tiredness,’ he says hopefully. ‘She’s been spending an awful lot of time poring over those letters with May, and before that she’s been sorting and getting rid of things ever since your grandpa passed away. It’s got to have been hard for her.’
‘But you’ve noticed this kind of thing before – that’s why you wrote to me.’
He nods. ‘It’s been making me think about all sorts of things to do with getting old. My grandpa’s completely confused now. That’s mainly why my mum and dad went up to Yorkshire, to be near him.’
‘Oh, I didn’t realise. It’s only when you start talking about dementia that you realise how many people are suffering.’
‘I know. When I look back, I can see that he’d been having problems for a long time. He got very withdrawn, almost reclusive after my grandma died. He stopped going to play bowls and gave up his allotment. His friends were all about the same age and they were all suffering in different ways. They needed an Ida-type person to get them together.’
‘Every village needs an Ida, I guess. Does your grandpa live with your parents?’
‘No. He did to begin with but then he kept wandering off and getting lost. My mum agonised over what to do for ages. Nobody spotted how bad he was getting until the rot had really set in. We couldn’t help thinking if we’d noticed sooner, he might have got some kind of treatment in time to make a difference.’
‘So where is he now?’
‘In a little private nursing home in Harrogate. They’re brilliant. He does all sorts of activities to stimulate his memory. Some of them work, some don’t.’
‘But at least they’re trying.’
‘Yes, and that gives my folks some hope too. They don’t feel so useless.’
‘Andy, I don’t want to look on the black side, but I’m really scared. If Gran gets like that, what am I going to do? I can’t be here all the time.’
‘Maybe we should get her to see her doctor before it gets any worse?’
Emily grimaces. ‘I doubt she’d go, but we can try.’
They sit warming their hands on the mugs of tea, even though the kitchen isn’t in the least chilly. Andy stirs himself and tries to make his next question sound light and unconcerned.
‘Changing the subject, but where’s your friend Max today? I thought you might have stopped over at the hotel last night. Did you come back early this morning?’
Emily shakes her head. ‘I got home last night about ten.’
‘Oh? Had he got an early start to see his agent?’ Andy can’t seem to keep the sarcasm out of his tone but Emily just shrugs.
‘Not that I know of,’ she says.
‘And so … is he coming over here later?’
‘No.’
The one-word answer and grim look that goes with it doesn’t encourage further comment, but he presses on. ‘So, are you free tonight?’
‘I suppose so. If Gran picks up a bit. Why?’
‘I thought maybe you could come over to mine for a drink after Tamsin’s in bed? We can have a chat about what to do next to help Julia. I’ll have a word with May too in a bit, see if she noticed anything strange yesterday.’
‘Well … OK. That sounds like a good place to start. What time? I’ll need to have dinner with Gran first.’
‘Eight-ish? I usually start bath time about half-six but the stories seem to take longer and longer every night. She does love a good book.’
‘Oh, me too. I could come a bit earlier and read a few to give you a break if you like?’
Andy considers this, touched that she wants to help. ‘That’s a lovely idea. The only thing is that if she knows I’ve got a visitor, she takes for ever to settle down. She thinks she should be down with me to help entertain. Maybe when she knows you better and you’re not such a novelty?’
‘I don’t suppose I’ll ever be here long enough for that to happen, will I?’
They look at each other sadly. Andy can’t think of anything to say that doesn’t sound needy. Emily chews her lip.
‘Mind you, if Gran carries on like this, I don’t see how I can leave her, do you? I’m worried sick.’
‘What about your job, though?’ Andy feels like punching the air and shouting ‘YES!’ at the top of his voice, but manages to keep a lid on his glee.
‘I’m still owed at least another week’s leave even after I’ve taken this fortnight. I’ll just need to sweet-talk Colin. He’s my boss.’
Andy tries to keep from beaming but he can’t. Emily grins back, eyes sparkling.
‘Gran comes first,’ she says, ‘because my dad won’t be free to help, I’m sure of that, and there’s nobody else.’
‘There’s me,’ says Andy. Oh, no, she’s doing that thing with her hair again, unplaiting it and running her fingers through it to get the tangles out. He swallows hard and concentrates on the view of the garden.
‘I must look a wreck,’ Emily says, shaking her hair. ‘I haven’t even managed to have a shower this morning. I went out on the beach and bumped into Tristram and his dogs again. He took me to his restaurant for breakfast.’
‘Cool. It’s a great place. Did you meet Gina and Vince?’
She nods. ‘If I’m here a bit longer, I’d like to get to know them properly.’
There’s a noise in the hall and they both look towards the open door. Julia is standing there, pale but bright-eyed.
‘What are you doing out of bed?’ asks Emily. ‘I was just thinking about making you some lunch.’
‘I overheard you both talking. Did you say you might be staying a bit longer, darling?’
‘There’s nothing wrong with your hearing, is there?’ says Emily. ‘I was thinking aloud. It depends on Colin really. Why, would you like that?’
Julia blinks back happy tears and Andy gets up to leave. This is all too emotional for him. He needs to pay a visit to May.
Across the road, May is sitting with her feet up on a stool watching one of her favouri
te daytime programmes. The TV is turned down because she likes the subtitles. That way she can still hear what’s going on outside.
‘Hello, dear,’ she says, smiling up at Andy. ‘I thought it was Julia when I heard the door open.’
‘And that’s why I’m here.’
He brings her up to date on the morning’s events. May clasps her hands in her lap and listens attentively. When Andy gets to the part about Emily making plans to see if she can stay longer, May smiles so broadly that Andy thinks she’s going to lose her dentures.
‘That’s the best news I’ve had all year,’ she says. ‘And how’s Julia today?’
‘Emily packed her off back to bed. She’s been asleep again. That’s not like her, is it?’
May shakes her head, looking very thoughtful. Fossil comes running in and jumps onto her knee, his bony little head nudging May’s hand to be stroked. Time seems to slow down as the clock on the mantelpiece ticks away and the electric fire flickers and ticks gently.
Andy leans back in May’s rocking chair and lets his worries flow away for a little while. He’s not been able to relax properly for a very long time, what with assuming sole responsibility for Tamsin and the dragging melancholy that’s dogged him, but somehow today feels like a new beginning. If Emily stays, they’ll be bound to have the chance to get to know each other.
‘So what’s your angle?’ May’s words come out of the blue, and Andy sees that she’s watching him closely now, her head on one side like a curious little bird.
‘How do you mean?’
‘Well, how are you going to help Julia to get Emily to stay?’
‘Me?’
‘We can’t do it all for you, Andy. You’re not a bad-looking chap, you know, and you’ve got a kind heart, even if you are a bit gloomy. That Candice isn’t the one. Teeth, hair and not much going on between the ears, if you ask me.’
Andy’s hackles rise immediately. Who is May to criticise him? She didn’t like her husband all that much, by all accounts, so she can’t have been too devastated when he died, and she’s never had children so how can she understand the pressures of being on your own with a small, demanding child?
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