by Rye Brewer
By the time Jonah finished, there were tears in my eyes.
“I wouldn’t put it past him,” I murmured when Jonah went silent.
“He’ll stop at nothing to destroy our family. Do you understand now how serious this is?” His eyes searched my face. “You can’t have a more dangerous enemy than Lucian. It gets no worse than him.”
I looked around. “I don’t know. There are so many other dimensions, places I never knew existed until now. It might get worse than him, right?” I tried to be lighthearted, but there was no helping Jonah just then.
He was way too far gone.
“And to think,” he murmured, “all this, even after our mother’s long gone. He won’t stop even now. For all I know, Lucian’s the reason she’s gone. Fane won’t tell me anything about that.”
“I’m sure it’s too painful for him—and he only wants to spare you the same pain. You can’t blame him for that.”
His expression hardened, and his eyes seemed to go dark. “No, I can’t blame him for that. But I can blame him for forgetting about my mother and getting himself involved with that witch.”
I gasped, then paused to absorb and sort this out. “The witch? You mean, Sirene?”
His nod was grim. “Yeah. Her. The one carrying his baby.” He might as well have been talking about garbage, he sounded so disgusted.
I covered my mouth with one hand to stifle another gasp, louder than the first one.
A baby?
“But she’s… she can’t!”
“No kidding,” he growled. “A witch, and after he was with somebody like my mother. He really fell far, didn’t he?”
I cringed. “I don’t mean it that way. I mean she’ll die. It will kill her.”
“What?”
“Don’t you know? A witch can’t bear a vampire’s baby. She’ll die.”
And she was so beautiful, too. How terrible. To think of her knowing the danger she was in, but carrying the baby anyway. Probably loving it more than herself. And the poor baby, never having its mother because she wouldn’t live through the childbirth.
And Fane. What would it be like to know his baby killed its own mother? Would he feel guilty over it?
I wasn’t sure what I expected from Jonah just then. Maybe concern. Sadness. Concern, at least.
Instead, his eyes turned hard.
“Why should I care what happens to that witch?”
If he had hit me, I couldn’t have felt more surprised. Who was the stranger standing in front of me?
“How can you say that?” I whispered.
“Easily. What, you think I should care that my father—who hasn’t been there for his kids in decades, in case you forgot—got a witch pregnant, and now she’s going to die? He said it himself. He’s different now. He’s the sort of vampire who consorts with a witch. He’s made his bed, and he can lie in it.”
“But… the baby. It’ll be your brother or sister, and it’ll grow up without its mother. Doesn’t that matter to you?”
“I’ve spent all these years without my mother. Am I supposed to feel sorry for it?”
He talked about his own sibling as a thing. He even sneered when he did it.
Nothing I said would get through to him.
That much was clear. He was determined to hold a grudge.
And it made me wonder about him. How well did we really know each other? I was so sure I understood what happened in his heart, wasn’t I? So who was I looking at? Could someone who loved me have so little compassion?
It was like I didn’t know him at all.
Maybe I didn’t.
“Do you ever feel like we never really got the time to get to know each other?” I asked.
He frowned. “Where did that come from?”
“I’m just wondering. We haven’t had a whole lot of time to get to know each other well. It’s easy to feel like we’re deeply connected when everything around us is so crazy. Isn’t it?”
“Sure. I guess so. I keep wishing for the time to just be us, if that’s what you’re talking about.”
“It is, in part.” I looked down at the ground—or, rather, the fog swirling around my legs. “I’m not sure what I mean, I guess. It’s not easy to say.”
How could I tell him I didn’t know how I felt about him anymore? I didn’t even want to look at him just then. He’d shown me a side I didn’t want to see again. Where was the kind Jonah I fell in love with?
“What’s the rest of it?”
At least he didn’t sound hateful or cold anymore. That was a plus.
I willed myself to lift my head and look him in the eye. “I’m sorry. You don’t know how hard it is for me to say this. It’s just that I don’t know about us right now.”
His eyes widened. “You can’t be serious. Since when? Is it because of the whole Fane thing?”
“It’s bigger than that. I just don’t know you. I don’t know what to think right now.” It had been too much of a tornado of emotions, accusations, and now his coldness.
I took a step back, then another.
“Where do you think you’re going? You’re not leaving, are you?”
“No, no. I just…” I wrapped my arms around myself to keep from shaking. I didn’t want us to be over, not when I didn’t know how I could survive without him. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. Only I wasn’t even sure I liked him very much just then.
“I can’t believe this,” he murmured. “You can’t mean it. You’re just—”
I cut him off. “I’m not saying I want us to be over. I’m only telling you I’m not sure what’s going to happen to us after this. Maybe we need more time to get to know each other, I don’t know. I just feel different all of a sudden, and I thought you should know that. I’ll still go with you to be of any help that I can. I won’t desert you now. But once that’s over, I’m going to see my mother. And I’m taking Sara with me. I’m sure they’ll want to see each other, too. I’m just letting you know, so you’re aware of my intentions.”
He opened his mouth, then closed it.
The look on his face was enough to rip my heart apart. I wanted to take it all back, beg him to forgive me.
I hated to think I’d hurt him, especially when he was already going through so much.
He surprised me then. “If that’s the way you think it has to be, I won’t beg.”
And just like that, everything was different.
18
ANISSA
The air between us felt colder, somehow. I wished we had found a better time to talk things out—we were about to go into something neither of us had a clue about, and I had made things weird.
Allonic cleared his throat loudly before turning the corner and revealing himself to us. “Fane wants to speak to everyone before we move on.”
Jonah made a strained sort of choking sound, like a cross between a snort and an exasperated sigh.
I didn’t bother looking back at him.
They were waiting for us, grouped together at the gate to the mausoleum.
Philippa’s eyes were cold, full of judgment and accusation. All I felt when I looked at her was fatigue—I was that tired of fighting. What would she think of what just happened between me and her brother? Every marching band in the city would have to clear their schedule to perform in the parade she’d throw.
Fane waited until we were gathered together. He looked us all over with a critical eye, with his eyes lingering on his children before he spoke. “There’s no reason to sugarcoat this. What we’re about to go into—it’s dangerous. We have no idea what we’ll find, or who. We’ll have to be on guard at all times. We’ll have to keep our eyes open, as well as having each other’s backs. We have to protect each other once we start moving.”
He looked at his kids again. “It’s important for us to work together. As a family.”
“How can you say that?” Jonah asked. “You tell us you’re gone—the man who was our father, I mean—but then you tell us we have to wor
k together. Which is it?”
“Right now, we have to be as united as possible. Now isn’t the time for bringing up hurts and slights.”
“That’s not fair,” Philippa said. “Please, don’t belittle what we’ve been through.”
He nodded slowly. “You’re right, of course. The reason I brought you all together like this before we got started was answer a few of the questions you have. I want to remove as much of what stands between us as possible.”
“What about our mother?” Gage asked. He sounded stronger then than he had since he first showed up on the roof.
Philippa nodded. “Yeah. What happened to her?”
The pain etched on his face was very real.
I remembered what Jonah had just told me about the love between his parents, and what it had meant to them. Elena had turned Dommik so they could be together, instead of running away in shame the way Lucian had expected her to do. They had loved each other enough to build a life together and have children and walk into an entirely new life side by side.
“All I can tell you is that she didn’t make it. I know you want to know more, and I wish I could tell you—believe me, I do. Only it’s not something you want to hear. Trust me. And it’s not something I feel I can share. That’s the most I can say.”
He looked at them like he was offering a challenge. Would any of them dare press him on it?
I studied at them out of the corner of my eye and could tell they were torn between needing more, and wanting to stay out of a fight. They might even have been trying to respect his wishes.
When none of them spoke up, he went on. “It’s been many years since I lost your mother. I’ve always carried her memory with me, and I always will. She was the center of my world for a long time, and I’m sure nobody gets the chance to find love like that more than once. That sort of instant, soul-encompassing love.”
He looked at Sirene, and I realized where he was going. I looked at Jonah, standing on my right. His face was a mask of pain and anger. Was that the best time for Fane to announce an addition to the family? I wasn’t sure. Not if he really wanted his family to feel united.
“However,” he murmured, “someone else has come into my life, and you deserve to know about her.”
Philippa gaped openly. “Her?” She pointed to Sirene.
“Yes,” he said. “Sirene.”
“Tell them the rest,” Jonah muttered through clenched teeth. “They should know everything.”
“What?” Philippa asked, looking from Jonah to Fane. “What’s he talking about?”
Sirene nodded with a sweet, gentle smile and my heart ached for her. She had to know what was in store for her.
Fane looked pained, but managed to keep his composure. “Sirene is carrying my child.”
Philippa let out a strangled sound I had never heard from her before. I couldn’t tell if she was upset for the same reasons Jonah was—was it disgust? Heartache for her lost mother’s memory? Knowing Sirene wouldn’t live through it? All three?
Gage, on the other hand, didn’t make a sound. He only frowned.
I wondered what he was thinking. Did he feel the way Jonah felt? Meanwhile, I could almost see waves of emotion radiating from Jonah. He didn’t know how to feel, I realized. He couldn’t be on his father’s side for fear of betraying Elena’s memory. He couldn’t keep from feeling for them; I could tell. Once he had time to absorb the news and process it without the rest of the world falling in around us, he would do the right thing.
I reached out and took his hand in mine. I still loved him. I couldn’t help feeling for him. He glanced down at our hands, clasped together, but didn’t say a word. He didn’t let go, either.
Fane cleared his throat. “I’m going with you because I want to know what the brands mean. I need to know what’s happening to my sons.”
Jonah shifted from one foot to the other, like he was uncomfortable.
Fane continued, “I want to be there to free you from any danger the brands might mean, too. I have skills which might come in handy.”
“And then?” Philippa asked. She didn’t sound like the petulant party girl anymore.
“And then, we’ll come back. I’ll go to the penthouse to see Scott—I have to see him at least once—but after that, I’m gone. This time, it has to be forever. We don’t have a choice.”
“We don’t have a say in whether or not we can see you again?” Gage asked.
Fane practically snarled. “What about this don’t you understand? I know you want us to be together again, but it’s impossible. Things have changed. I didn’t want it to be this way, but sometimes things have to be the way they are for a reason. It wasn’t in our control whether or not we could stay with you kids, and this isn’t in my control, either. All I can do is keep you safe for as long as I can. Let me do that.”
“This this about Lucian?” Philippa asked.
All eyes fell on her, including mine. How did she know?
“Yes. If he knows you know Fane—and Fane is me—there’s no telling what will happen. He’s the most dangerous vampire in our world, at least when it comes to our family. He’ll stop at nothing to make me pay for what happened a very long time ago.”
“Haven’t you paid enough?” Philippa’s eyes filled with tears.
“I’ll never pay enough for him. It will never end.” He looked at the three of them. “I’m sorry. This has nothing to do with you, but he’s making you pay, too.”
“We can handle it,” Gage said.
Fane smiled a little. “Yes, it looks like you handled it well so far.” He gestured to the scars on his Gage’s chest. “I won’t let that happen again. You won’t have to pay the price for what I did anymore. You’ll all have to go on like you never saw me once we return from Sorrowswatch. That means telling no one you know about me.”
Philippa glanced at me. “No one?” I glared at her until I realized it wasn’t me she was talking about. She looked nervous, distracted.
“No one. It’s unfortunate that so many others have found out about me already, but there’s nothing we can do now.”
Philippa chewed her lip over her father’s words. What was she so nervous over?
“Understand, that this isn’t the way I want things to be, but it’s a way to keep Lucian from you. And to keep him from getting any closer to me.”
Philippa shook her head. “But, Fath—I mean, Fane—he’s already close to you. You’re in more trouble than you know.”
19
ANISSA
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jonah asked. “What are you holding back?”
Philippa didn’t look at him. She only had eyes for her father. “I’ve been meaning to tell you.”
“Tell me what?” Fane asked.
“Lucian has a Special Ops team with one mission. They have to find you—and kill you when they do.” She seemed to almost crumble under the unspoken pressure from her brothers.
Their eyes practically bored holes into her.
She sucked air in. “They’re close, or they were from what I last heard.”
“How do you know about this?” Gage asked.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” Jonah said. “How can you say it doesn’t? I mean, do you know whether your contact knows what they’re talking about? Can you trust them? Why would they even tell you?”
“Stop questioning me,” she warned before crossing her arms over herself. “I can’t tell you, all right? But yes, my contact is reliable. They wouldn’t lie to me. They don’t even know who Fane is to me—that’s the only reason they shared information.” There was still an edge to her voice, as always. Like she dared any of them to try to get more out of her than that. Under that edge, there was something else.
I wondered if I was the only one who heard it. A vulnerability. Softness. I remembered the way she was when we first met. The ultimate party girl. All sharp edges. Defiant.
There was an intensity to her that hadn’t been there
before, too. Like the attack on the roof—there was no way she never thought about doing that before, I was sure she’d wanted to rip my throat out before. Her animosity had been barely concealed. But she hadn’t gone through with it until then. Claws around my neck. Eyes that spat fire. She’d wanted to kill me. Nothing less than that.
What happened to her?
Fane held up his hands to quiet his sons, who hadn’t stopped asking questions even though Philippa told them to. “Enough. Don’t worry about the Special Ops team. They’re nothing.”
“Are you sure?” Jonah asked. “You want us to believe his Special Ops team isn’t a threat?”
“This isn’t the first time somebody’s tried to find me. I’ve always managed to stay safe before now. Staying out of sight is something I’ve become pretty good at.” He looked at Sirene, who’d been standing off to the side the whole time.
She smiled.
“We’ve worked hard at keeping him out of sight,” she said. “That’s why we’re here right now. No one can access this realm, since they can’t use witch passages.”
“All I have to do is get back here and know you all will stick to the story that you’ve never seen me. Not since I first disappeared. Otherwise, even when I have to travel, I’ll take pains to avoid being noticed.”
“We’ll do everything we can,” Sirene confirmed. “You don’t have to worry.”
I could tell from the looks on the faces of the Bourkes that this wasn’t enough to convince them. It was easy to feel sorry for Sirene—she was only doing her best to work as a member of the team, but the three of them weren’t impressed because of Fane’s relationship with her.
Allonic cleared his throat. “I don’t want to interrupt, but…”
Fane looked relieved for the interruption. “You’re right. We need to move out. Are you ready?”
My brother looked to Sirene, who nodded. The two of them stood together.
“You can’t do this alone?” Gage asked.
“No—it takes more than my powers alone,” Sirene explained as she raised her arms.