His future mother-in-law had taken up residence in the house of a family who lived in Hanover Square, no more than a short walk from where he was. He would venture there and see if he could put matters right with her as, until he had, he and his beloved couldn't tie the knot.
As he approached the residence, he saw his quarry emerge from the front door and head in the direction of a waiting carriage. He increased his pace and hoped that he could prevent her leaving. To his astonishment she stopped, waved frantically and began to almost run towards him in her eagerness to speak.
'My dear boy, I was on my way to see you all. I've been out of Town for a few days and have just got back to hear what happened. It cannot have been Sarah who behaved with such disregard for convention so I can only suppose it was Beth.'
'Your grace, might I accompany you in your carriage?'
'It's not mine, my boy, but borrowed for the occasion. I cannot for the life of me think why I behaved as I did. You were right to stop me dipping so deep. Can you forgive me for what I said and allow me to come home?'
He stepped forward and took her hands. 'I'd come here with that very purpose. Your daughters miss you. You're an essential part of our family. It's a beautiful day – shall we walk back together and enjoy the sunshine?'
'I should like that above anything, your grace. First I must arrange for my belongings to be returned.'
A footman had been hovering close by waiting to hand her grace into the carriage and must have overheard every word. Richard tossed him a silver coin. 'Have her grace's trunks delivered immediately.'
The young man bowed, delighted with his gratuity. 'Yes, your grace. I shall see to it at once.'
He noticed several people turn and smile in their direction as they strolled past. 'I take it that you didn't try and turn any of your friends against us?'
'Of course I did not, I spoke in the heat of anger at being called out for my poor judgement. I have made a vow to myself to never play cards for money again.'
'I'm delighted to hear you say so, ma'am. Now to return to the more pressing question of the incident at Vauxhall Gardens.' He quickly explained what had actually happened and how he'd dealt with the crisis. 'I know you didn't wish for Beth's disability to become common knowledge but I had no choice but to reveal it.'
*
'Amanda, come at once to the window. You won't believe what I can see out there.'
'Sarah, it's most impolite to gawp from behind the curtains.' She stood up reluctantly and walked across to join her sister, making sure she was invisible from outside. 'My word, Richard has brought our mother home. They seem on the best of terms. I thought he'd gone to see Lord Eastham. I wonder how he and Mama come to be together.'
'Do you wish me to speak to the housekeeper? Ask to have mama's rooms made ready?'
'Her apartment's immaculate and awaiting her arrival and has been ever since her departure last week.' She knew exactly why he'd made peace with her parent – he was eager to set a date for their nuptials. When she'd agreed to marry him, it had been with the expectation of there being a long engagement. She'd expected to have had at least three months to get to know him and be quite sure she wished to enter into a permanent relationship. It hadn't occurred to her that he'd be able to put matters straight the same day.
Had she made an error of judgement in accepting him at all? Did she really want to become his wife when she'd known him scarcely two months? A truly chilling image filled her mind – that of him plunging his sword into another man's body. He was a killer, a violent man, how did she know he wouldn't turn on her if sufficiently provoked? The thought of sharing her body with a man who had killed for his living filled her with horror – why hadn't she considered the implications before accepting him so readily?
'Excuse me, Sarah, I suddenly feel most unwell. Could I ask you to apologise to our mother for my absence and thank Richard for reuniting the family?'
With a hand over her mouth she fled to her apartment and reached the safety of her dressing room not a moment too soon. When the hideous retching had stopped, she didn't protest when Mary helped her disrobe and tumble into bed.
Within the hour a megrim had her in its vice-like grip and for the next day and a half she was confined to her bed unable to keep anything down and almost blinded by her headache.
She awoke on the third day well enough to sit up and take stock of the situation. Her maid, having attended her more than once during these unpleasant episodes, kept the curtains drawn.
'My lady, I'll have a bath drawn for you immediately. I've sent the chambermaid to fetch you some tea and toast.'
'Thank you. I should like to wash my hair so ensure there's sufficient hot water to do so.'
'Yes, my lady. His grace has enquired several times as to your well-being as has her grace and Lady Sarah.'
'I've no wish to see anyone today. I'm still too unwell to make sensible conversation. Keep all the doors locked until I give you leave to open them.'
If her maid thought this a strange request she had the sense not to query it. Amanda's stomach clenched and cold sweat beaded her forehead at the thought of what she'd almost committed herself to. Until she was fully recovered and had her wits about her, she'd no wish to speak to anyone about anything.
It was quite possible Richard had already informed her mother and sisters of their plans to marry. How was she going to extricate herself from this betrothal without splitting the family apart again?
However, one thing she'd realised during her confinement to her bed was that she wasn't ready to marry anyone and certainly not a soldier. What she felt for him was lust, desire, not romantic love, and this was no basis for a marriage. That she could have such improper thoughts about a gentleman surprised her. Had this been the reason that her parents had married so young and why they'd had little to do with each other after Beth had been born?
She refused the toast when it arrived but drank the tea gratefully. Whilst the water was being tipped into the hip bath in front of the fire in the dressing room she had ample time to mull over how she'd got herself into this predicament.
Whatever he wasn't, Richard was physically attractive, charming and intelligent and something about him stirred unwanted feelings in her nether regions. She was fond of him as a person, desired him as a man, but wasn't in love with him, didn't have the depth of emotion that would make her marriage successful.
He was in love with her. She had no doubt about this and it was going to make it so much harder to tell him that she didn't intend to marry him after all. They couldn't continue to live under the same roof – but now Mama was back there was no necessity for them all to be here to supervise Sarah's debut.
She would take Beth back to the country where they could both be safe. Richard would remain here and life would go on as it should and it was unlikely that her absence would even be noticed.
Bathing and washing her hair quite exhausted her; once her locks were dry she flopped into bed and demanded that the curtains remained drawn and that she be left in peace.
When a tray was brought to her later that afternoon she refused the soup and rolls and drank the lemonade. The mere thought of food made her nauseous again. Her head no longer felt as if it was being split asunder by a cleaver but her vision had yet to return to normal.
The last time she'd been so prostrated by a megrim had been after the death of her dearest father almost three years ago. It was as if her head was filled with feathers and she couldn't form a coherent thought.
She was rudely awakened on the fifth day by Richard lifting her out of bed and carrying her into her sitting room.
'Now, my girl, you will sit there and eat what is put before you. This nonsense has gone on long enough. Your mother and sisters are beside themselves with worry – as am I.'
She blinked and stared at him. He appeared to have aged ten years since she'd last seen him. 'How did you get in here? I expressly asked for the doors to remain locked against intruders.'
'Through the servants' passageway.'
She now noticed there was already a table laid and an appetising array of items placed upon it. The aroma of coffee wafted towards her.
'I would like some coffee – but I have no wish to eat.'
'I don't give a damn what you wish, Amanda. I'm not leaving here until you've eaten even if I have to feed you myself.'
Having him so close was unsettling so she had no choice but to do as he bid if she wanted to get rid of him. Her appetite didn't miraculously return but she managed to drink three cups of coffee and eat two slices of dry toast.
'I've eaten. Now please go away, Richard, I'm really not well enough to speak to you at the moment.'
He picked the table up and carried it across the room as if it was of no weight at all. He then returned and pulled up a straight-backed chair so he could sit close to her.
'What has upset you so much that you're refusing to eat or leave your bed?'
Her eyes filled and she shook her head, unable to answer.
'I release you from your promise. I didn't speak to your family as we'd agreed not to announce our intention to get married.'
His eyes were damp, his expression sad and for a moment she wanted to deny that this was what was making her so ill.
'Thank you. Do I have your permission to take Beth back to Denchester?' Her voice was little above a whisper but he heard her well enough.
'I was going to suggest you do so. Miss Westley and your mother are quite capable of overseeing things. I'll remain here. I won't return to the Dower House in June but move to Radley Manor until the new hall is completed in a year or two.'
He stood up and replaced the chair, brushed her cheek with his fingertips and then left her to the misery of her own making.
*
Richard had suffered injuries, illnesses, but nothing hurt as much as losing the woman he loved. The thought that his beloved so hated the idea of becoming his wife that she was unable to eat or rise from her bed filled him with anguish.
He'd never marry. Didn't give a damn about providing an heir. If he couldn't have the woman he loved, he'd remain celibate and a bachelor until his last breath.
When two days later he returned from a business meeting to find that Amanda and Beth had left without bidding him farewell he wasn't surprised.
'My dear boy, I've never seen my daughter so laid low. It's a malaise of some sort but she refuses to see the physician here. She's promised me she will see Doctor Jenkins on her return.'
'The country air will soon restore her health, your grace. I cannot wait to return myself. I find the confines of society not to my taste after my life as a soldier.'
'That's hardly surprising. Do you think you might call me something less formal than your grace now that we are friends?'
'You may use my given name, perhaps I could call you Aunt Ellen? Would that be acceptable?' The pain in his chest was like a knife at the thought that he could have been calling her mama if things had worked out as he'd hoped.
'That will do very nicely, Richard. I have been thinking that after Sarah's ball in two weeks' time I should like to return to Denchester as well. My girls are not happy here without their older sister and I miss Amanda too.'
'Then you must set things in motion to that end. I don't believe I mentioned that I won't be returning to the Dower House with you. I think it inappropriate that I live under the same roof as three unmarried young ladies even if I am their guardian. Radley Manor has been prepared for me.'
'Perhaps that will be best, but you will be only a few miles from us and we can see each other often.'
He had no intention of visiting but now was not the time to mention it. He would do his duty by them, would always be fond of them, but he must make his life elsewhere. Seeing Amanda would be too painful for him. He prayed that with the passing of time he might feel less, but he doubted it.
The next few days were purgatory but somehow he got through them without revealing his true feelings. He received an update from the country and was not reassured by the news.
'Aunt Ellen, have you had a letter from Amanda?'
'I've heard nothing at all and am most concerned about it. My daughter is usually most punctilious about such things. Do you think you could send Mr O'Riley down to ensure that everything is well?'
'I'll do that today. I would go myself but…'
She looked at him with compassion and he knew then that she was aware of his feelings for her daughter.
'I don't know why Amanda ran away from you, dear boy, but she will understand in time that you are meant to be together.'
For the first time in a week he felt a glimmer of hope. 'Did she tell you that I offered for her and that she accepted but then changed her mind?'
'She said nothing at all on the subject. I'm not blind, I could see that both of you were suffering. I can assure you that you have my complete support and blessing for your union when you eventually become engaged.'
'How long do I leave it before I approach her a second time? I had a letter from Denchester this morning and it didn't read well. Amanda's not riding Othello, not eating enough to keep a sparrow alive, and is only taking an interest in Beth's well-being, not her own.'
'Then you must go yourself, Richard. You must talk to her and find out why she changed her mind. Until you do so neither of you will be happy.'
Chapter Seventeen
'Amanda, why are you so sad? Please play with me, Nanny says her bones are aching and she doesn't want to go outside with me today.'
'I'm sorry to hear that and of course I'll play with you. Shall we walk to the lake and feed the ducks and the fish? If we take the path through the woods we'll avoid the builders and be perfectly safe. If you go to the kitchen I'm certain that Cook will give you a basket of stale bread we can take.'
Beth ran off happy to have persuaded her to put aside her reading and go out and enjoy the lovely late spring sunshine. This past week had been a torment for her. She was being torn apart by conflicting emotions. When she'd first met Richard she had been quite certain that he wasn't the man for her, that his past ruled out a future for them together.
Now, however, she was beginning to think that being without him in her life might be worse than the alternative. There were thousands of soldiers with wives and families – if those women could accept the bloody duties of their partners then so, perhaps, could she.
She vacillated from one opinion to another. One moment she was certain she would never change her mind and the next that she couldn't live without him.
One thing was certain, however, her feelings for him were not that of a sister and neither were they just driven by physical attraction. She loved him as much as he loved her and it seemed ridiculous that her squeamishness was keeping them apart.
The sun was warm for the end of April, the trees were in leaf, the birds singing brightly and her spirits lifted a little.
'Be careful near the water's edge, Beth, remember the last time we were here you fell in and you didn't enjoy it one bit.'
Her sister stopped and swung the basket around sending pieces of bread flying in all directions much to the delight of the waiting ducks.
'It was horrid and cold and I had a weed in my hair and my gown was quite ruined and stuck to my legs.'
'Then I'm sure that today you'll be more careful.'
When the basket was empty Beth was determined to continue the walk and refused to return to the house. No amount of cajoling would persuade her to change her mind. Eventually, Amanda gave in. 'Very well, shall we walk through the woods and pick some bluebells and primroses? You can fill your basket and then take them back and arrange them. Nanny would be happy to have such a gift.'
'I'll do that. I like bluebells and primroses. Will there be any for me to find?'
'Didn't you notice the bluebells on either side of the path when we walked through the wood to come here?'
'I didn't. I'm a silly girl. Hurry up, Amanda, I want to fill my basket quickly
and take it back for Nanny.'
A pleasant half an hour was spent gathering the blooms and then her sister was happy to run ahead, her basket brimming with blue and yellow flowers. This left Amanda to complete the walk through the woods on her own.
They had only been out for an hour or two and not walked more than two miles but suddenly she was light-headed. Her vision blurred; her knees buckled. She staggered towards the nearest tree trunk in the hope that she could brace herself against it and thus remain upright.
Her hands missed the target and, unable to prevent it, she fell forward into the undergrowth and her world went black.
*
Richard travelled at a leisurely pace and stopped at Chelmsford and Colchester overnight. He had been persuaded by Patrick to have a groom accompany him and this man carried his bag.
There was ample opportunity to consider how he was going to approach Amanda when he arrived. She obviously now found him repugnant for some reason and he wasn't sure he wanted to know why this was. That was being quite nonsensical – if he was to marry the woman he loved he must ask her why she'd changed her mind.
He was on the last leg of his journey when he had a revelation. He'd quite forgotten that the first day of their acquaintance he'd appeared stark naked in his window and she'd seen him. She was a gently bred young lady and such a sight must have been shocking to her. He urged his gelding into a canter. Knowing the dowager, he was doubtful that her daughters had been told about the intimacies of marriage.
This wasn't something a future husband would be expected to talk about but his beloved needed to know the details and be reassured that he'd never hurt her in any way. She must understand that lovemaking was a pleasurable pastime for both parties and nothing to be afraid of.
When he clattered into the stable yard the groom who'd accompanied him dismounted and took the gelding's reins. Richard strolled to the house and let himself in through the side door. As he wasn't expected there would have been no preparations made.
A footman jumped to attention. 'Your grace, do you wish for refreshments to be sent to your apartment?'
The Duke's Ward (The Reluctant Duke Book 1) Page 15