by T. J. LONG
The next message is of said hubby. He’s a good-looking guy. Definitely Ann’s type: Tall, Tan, and Talented. The 3 T’s she typically goes for. Always an athlete, and I can tell from his build he’s definitely one.
Taylor: Sorry for the delayed response. I was taking a bath. Not surprised by Tristan’s behavior—he’s a douchebag.Your boy is looking like he’s a three T’er, so congrats on that, girlfriend! Haha. Hope you had fun. Glad I didn’t go. And don’t worry, I didn’t eat too much candy.
Are we still on for a run and swim tomorrow??
Ann: Hell yeah. I’ll tell you everything about Todd tomorrow. Love you. Sleep tight.
Taylor: Sounds good, love you.
I throw my towel in the dirty clothes bin and grab an oversized t-shirt to sleep in. I jump into bed and let the coziness swallow me whole. My eyes flutter closed and I let my dreams take me away.
Joshua - May
The music’s thumping in my ears. My foot is picking up the beat and dancing along to it. Two girls are shaking their asses in front of me, begging without words for my money. “Yeah, shake your hot little asses for me,” I say as I grab my drink, which is almost empty. I’ll be needing another refill soon. The ice cubes clink as I drain the last of the brown liquid, burning my throat on its way down.
A blonde woman with a similar build to Julia’s walks by dressed in a floor length gown, but she’s no princess. She’s just another gold digger looking for money, and I’m just depressed enough to give it to her.
“Hey, sweetie, what’s your name?” I slur to her.
She looks at my clean-shaven face and my designer clothing and smiles from ear to ear. She knows I’m trashed and have pockets of cash. It’s not my first night here, and I doubt it’ll be my last. It’s been two months since Julia and Mark broke me, and I’ve been getting fucked up and fucking whoever I can to dull the ache that still plagues me.
“It’s whatever you want it to be,” she says with a wink.
I point at her unsteadily. “You’re Julia now,” I say with slurred speech.
“It’s fine, baby. I’ll be Julia for you.”
The two girls who’d been entertaining me look upset that they will not be making any extra cash from me, so being the kind-hearted gentleman that I am, I hand them both hundred-dollar bills so they can get lost and go find another meal ticket, because I’m Julia’s for the night.
I look at her with hazy, bloodshot eyes. “Can we go some place a little more... private?” I say with a naughty laugh while rubbing my dick through my slacks.
She eyes me and looks around. “It’ll cost you, baby.”
I don’t doubt it. I know the drill by now. "How much for a suck and fuck?”
“One fifty,” she says.
I let out a laugh. Chump change. These girls are selling themselves for far too cheap. I reach into my pocket and hand her the money.
***
The next morning I wake with a headache from hell. I try to raise my head but it feels like it weighs as much as a boulder. My eyes are burning from the sun pissing in them. They flutter until they acclimate to the bright light and can open all of the way.
Blue scratchy carpet rubs against my face. Well, I’m definitely not home. Where the hell am I? I think. I lift myself and get a good look at my surroundings. It looks like a cheap motel.
“Well, this is a new low,” I say to myself. “Oh, shit.” My hand instinctively goes to my back pocket to check for my wallet. Thank fuck it's still there.
My pants are hanging low on my hips, the button and zipper undone. I can’t remember anything after the last drink I had in the VIP lounge. The stripper, or exotic dancer as they prefer to be called, gave me the beginnings of a BJ. It wasn’t anything to write home about, but it is the last thing I remember.
I have to get it together. I know this isn’t the kind of shit I should be doing. What if I get one of these girls pregnant? Mom wouldn’t be pleased with me bringing home a pregnant stripper.
I grab my shoes and socks, sit down on a chair, and rub my hands over my face. I stop at the bridge of my nose, tenting my hands in prayer position. I didn’t have my car last night, so I’m not sure how I got here.
I step outside and take a look around, realizing I’m only a few blocks from my place. I pull the door closed behind me and decide to walk home. First, I should stop and get some food, which could potentially help with this killer hangover.
I’ve got two choices. There’s a Starbucks in front of me, or I can walk an extra two blocks to a Dunkin’ Donuts. I decide on Dunkin’. I figure they won’t be as judgy with my less than favorable appearance. I can smell myself, and it’s not good. I imagine I look as bad as I feel.
The door opens and the smell wafts into my senses, fresh brewed coffee and donuts.
“What can I get for you?” a young girl asks from behind the counter.
I can’t remember when I last ate, so mouth watering, I quickly glance at the menu. “I’ll have a sausage, egg, and cheese croissant, and... umm... a large black coffee,” I say and pass the woman some bills. Then I sit in a chair looking through my phone as I wait for my order.
The young girl brings me my food and lingers to the left of me. I awkwardly look up at her and smile because, well, it’s customary to smile when someone is staring at you. She bats her lashes and looks shyly at her feet.
“Can I help you with something?” I question.
“Oh, um, no. I’m sorry, I just thought you were cute.”
That's fucking flattering. I’m bemused. I let out a little laugh. I know I look like shit now, but I am normally a good-looking fella, if I say so myself.
“I’m flattered, thank you.”
Her cheeks blush, and she slowly walks back to the counter. I may be on a using-women-for-sex streak but she’s too damn innocent looking. Even I have my limits. In fact, after last night, I may need to reevaluate the whole sleazebag thing I’ve been doing. I could have gotten robbed or worse.
My thumb scrolls through my Facebook feed as I sip my coffee. I flick my thumb on the screen, and my eyes bug out of my head. I spit the coffee from my mouth.
“How the... What the... Engaged?” I say in a whispered voice.
We just fucking broke up and now Julia and Mark are fucking engaged? I’m fuming.
My phone drops from my hands and clinks on the tabletop. My left hand raises to squeeze my jaw like I’m in thought, but really I just need to do something with my hands before I hulk smash the damn table. My eyes close so I can stabilize my breathing and pull myself together. This is my new reality, and fuck them for posting that shit when they knew I’d see it.
“Fucking disrespectful mother fucker…”
“Sir, are you okay? Was your coffee too hot?”
Oh shit, I’m making a scene.
“Yes, it's fine. I’m very sorry,” I say, grabbing a handful of napkins and cleaning up my spit out coffee. “I just got some... bad news.”
She looks at me with sad eyes. “I’m sorry, sir.” She bites at her lip and travels back around the counter.
I try my best to finish my breakfast, but after seeing that announcement, it’s hard to stomach it. I just want to go to my apartment so I can shower the last eight weeks off of me. I dump the rest of my breakfast in the trash and head out.
Back at home, the water falls on my head, mating my hair to my scalp. I stay under the stream for what seems like forever, not moving, just letting the water take over me. My mind goes to Julia and the life I thought we’d have. I had no indication anything was going on. We were happy. At least, that’s what I thought. Fuck, I couldn’t have been more wrong.
And Mark, he was supposed to be my best friend, my brother. He was supposed to stand by my side when I married Julia, not marry her instead.
Losing two of closest people in my life is fucking tough. My hand falls to the shower wall and I take a deep breath. I search for the numbness that comes after a few whiskeys and shake the feelings away; feelings just mak
e you hurt, and I don’t want this pain again. I’ve learned my lesson. From now on, I’ll keep everyone at a distance.
***
A knock at my door wakes me from my afternoon slumber. Who the fuck is that? I wonder. Unlucky for them, I don’t feel like getting up. There’s no one in this town I want to see, so whoever it is can take a hike.
Another knock comes, this one more urgent.
“I’m comin’. I’m comin’. Damn.” I pull on my jeans and head down the hall to see who the persistent knocker is.
“Joshua,” a stern woman’s voice calls from the other side of the door.
“Mom?” I say in confusion as I open the door. There’s a perplexed look on her face when she notices my disheveled state. “Mom, what are you doing here?”
“Do you think I’m clueless, Son?”
I rub the back of my neck. Shit, she knows. “Come in, Mom. Unless you’d like to keep standing at the door like an uninvited guest.” I make my way to the couch and hear the door close behind me.
“So, why didn’t you tell your father and I that you and Julia broke up?”
She gets right to the point.
I love my parents, and we usually communicate about everything, but this one was just too embarrassing for me.
“Do you know we found out through her Facebook post? Imagine your dad’s and my surprise.”
Yeah, her surprise. No one was more shocked than me. “Well, Mom, there’s really not much to explain. When I got back from Guatemala, I walked in on her and Mark fuc—having sex. I haven’t talked to either of them since. And, yes, before you ask, I saw they are engaged. Good for them.” I push through the bile rising in my throat to get out those last three words.
Her eyes soften and her hand lands on my knee. “My poor boy. You didn’t have to go through that alone. You could have come to Colorado. Or we would have come to you.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I grab her hand from my knee and squeeze it.
“Son, I know we always seemed quite taken with Julia, but let me be frank. Your father and I couldn’t stand her snooty, stuck up ass. Our warmness toward her was purely for your benefit.”
I let out a full belly chuckle. My mother never cusses. She chose a tame one, but I’m grateful for it. She is the type of woman I’d hope to find. I doubt I’ll ever find anyone as good as her. “Thanks, Mom, you’re a real gem.” I put my hand on her back and pull her in to me for a hug.
“So, what are you doing in Philly?” I ask.
She rolls her eyes. “Well, after your father and I saw the engagement announcement, I knew I should check on you. I didn’t understand how it happened and I’m quite appalled by it all, but you’re a stand-up guy, Joshua. You should not let someone so mindless take the beauty from you.”
My mouth opens to dispute what she said, but she takes her hand and puts it in the air as a stop sign for my mouth. “I’m not just speaking about your physical looks, which even disheveled, are still there.” She smiles lovingly at me. “I’m your mother and I love you. But, to be blunt, you smell of booze and you look like you’re not doing too well.”
“Mom, really, I’ll be fine. So you came all the way from Colorado to check on me? You could have just called,” I say with a laugh.
“Yes, I wanted to see my boy, and I had some business to handle.” She pats my hand.
My parents grew tired of city life and moved to Colorado after I graduated college. Of course they come back often to check in on their hotel. It’s one of the best establishments in Philly and it’s also where the gala is held for the family’s nonprofit every year.
“I know you’re not well, because you haven't even offered me a refreshment,” she says accusingly.
Oh, shit.
I rub my hand through my hair. “Sorry, Mom.”
She smiles at me as I stand, but she pushes me by my shoulders so I fall back onto the couch. “I’m just busting your chops,” she says while rubbing her hand across my cheek.
“You look like you could use a coffee too.”
I shrug. The caffeine may mess with my nap, which I will happily get back to soon. I watch as she walks to the kitchen and opens the cupboard, grabbing two mugs.
I relax back into the cushions and rest my hands behind my head.
“How are things at the hotel?”
She puts one cup under the Keurig spout and pushes the pod into place.
“Everything is fine. Although, we had to fire Theresa. You remember her, don’t you?” she says with a smirk.
How could I forget? The girl I dated when I was in college. I ended it shortly after it began. She started doing weird shit, like showing up everywhere I was. At first, I let it slide, thinking it could have been coincidence, but when I caught her hiding in the bushes of my friend's apartment complex, I knew I had to cut her loose.
Reflecting, it seems I don't have the best taste in women.
“Yeah, I remember her.” I narrow my eyes. “What did she do?”
Mom takes the full cup off the machine and places it on the counter. “Tom caught her stealing from a guest’s room.” She turns to me. “Multiple pairs of worn and dirty underwear were found on her person,” Mom says in disgust.
I can't help but laugh out loud. I knew she was a fucking weirdo.
“It’s not funny, Joshua. It’s sick.”
I laugh again. “But it’s so sick that it’s funny, Mom.”
She rolls her eyes and turns around to make the next cup of coffee.
“Do you have any biscuits or cookies?” she asks while opening cupboards.
I recoil. “Ha. Probably not, Mom.”
“Joshua!”
She closes one cupboard and moves to the next.
“Everything is empty. Where’s all of your food?”
I shrug and suck my lips in. “Now that it’s just me, I haven't felt like making shit.”
She hates when I curse.
“Sorry.” I side eye before she can reprimand me.
She walks to the fridge to grab milk that probably isn't there, and if it is, it's spoiled just like my ex.
“You don’t have milk,” she states as she turns toward me.
I get up from my cozy spot on the sofa and walk toward her.
“Guess you’ve got to drink it black, just like me,” I say as I grab a cup and drink a big gulp down. “Mmm, that’s delicious,” I say, smiling as I wrap an arm around her shoulders.
She pushes me playfully and grabs her mug, blowing on the hot liquid before cautiously taking a sip. Her face screws and her eyelids flutter as she sets the mug down. “I’ll just wait until I’m back at the hotel.” She walks toward the door. “Well, if you need me, you know where I’ll be, honey.”
She embraces me in a hug that only a mother can give, where you can feel the love radiating into you. It’s pretty damn great.
“Love you, Mom.”
“I love you, Son,” she says while gripping my shoulders. She takes a few steps and then turns around to face me. “Before I leave, I have a proposition for you.”
My lips bunch upward and a bemused look takes over my face. "Oookay.”
“Bill called me about a week ago. He said that there is a position open in California if you are interested. I told him you wouldn't move for work, but now that Julia isn’t in the picture, maybe you should consider it.”
Though her suggestion is a lot more interesting than I was expecting, I say, “Eh, I don't know, Mom.”
“Well, you don’t have to think too much about it right now. The job wouldn’t start until August. Why don’t I email you the details later?”
“Sure, Mom, sounds good.”
She gives me a nod and shuts the door behind her. The moment it is closed, I saunter back to bed, ready for my nap to commence, and without another thought about her proposition.
June
Tonight is really damn boring. I don’t know how many more mundane things I can do. After I woke up, showered, and brushed my teeth, I sat in front of the
television and flipped through the channels, never settling on one. After two hours of that, I got up and cleaned. Then I got the idea to reorganize my furniture. Though it’s not like anyone is ever over to see it.
I sit down on my couch. It’s in a new place, but my apartment still feels the same. I hate feeling soft, but life has become lonely. I gave up drinking like a fish and screwing everyone in sight after waking up in that motel room without a clue as to how I got there. Now it’s just me and my still apartment. And the constant silence is deafening.
I try to shrug off my melancholy by logging onto Facebook for the first time in a month. I took a much-needed hiatus off of social media after reading about a certain engagement. I didn’t want to come across any more pictures of the happy couple.
Though, as if the gods want to smite me, as soon as I log on, I’m met by pictures of them. “What—what is that?” My eyes squint at an odd picture before I begin scrolling through their album titled “In the oven,” because apparently I’m in to pain. The last picture in the album is of a pregnancy test. “Oh come on,” I scream, my face and hands pointed to the heavens. I swear this shit is out of a damn movie.
It makes me consider the job in California. The way things are going, I’ll probably end up running into them and their baby every day if I stick around here, which would not be good for my mental health. Maybe one day I’ll come to terms with them being together, but right now, it’s still too shitty to be constantly shoved in my face.
I close Facebook and go to my inbox. I skimmed through the email when Mom sent it but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to fully consider it at the time. I’m still not ready. But after seeing photos of my ex-girlfriend and ex-best friend as a happy, growing family with their perfect fucking life, well… I think it is time I give it another look.
While re-reading the email, I grow increasingly more interested. For one, I’ll have year round warm weather. No more sliding on black ice and being hit in the face with arctic chill. The pay is unbelievable, not that I have to worry about money, but a perk nonetheless. The best thing about the job is having summers off. It would be easy to catch a flight to Colorado and spend the time with my Mom and Dad, and it would leave plenty of time for volunteer work.