Shattering the Myth

by Zane

  He pointed to the sign on the door stating the hours of business, but I told him, “Please, I need to get a quickie!” I meant that shit literally, too.

  Keanu unlocked the door and countered, “Miss, we’re closed for the evening.”

  “My name’s Tammy, not Miss, and this won’t take long. I just want a quick shape-up.”

  We stood there staring in each other’s eyes for a brief moment. I noticed his were a dark gray. My punnany heater meter went up ten degrees.

  “Okay, I guess I can shape you up real quick.” He grinned at me and stepped aside to let me in.

  Now ordinarily it would seem strange for a woman to go to a barbershop for a shape-up, but my do is short. Any shorter, and it wouldn’t be a do but a don’t, so I wasn’t too obvious. My real hairdresser did use clippers on it.

  He motioned for me to get into his chair and went to get a smock for me. I waved it off and told him, “I won’t be needing that.”

  He looked at me, dumbfounded. “You should really wear this so your clothes won’t get messed up.”

  “Don’t worry. My clothes won’t get messed up.” With that, I let down the straps of my black sundress and let the bad boy fall to the floor, revealing my naked-as-a-Butterball-turkey ass.

  That’s when something came over him. Maybe he realized freaks really do come out at night. He giggled and blushed nervously. “What are you doing?”

  I bit my bottom lip and grabbed him by the chin so he would look me in the face. “Getting ready for my shape-up.”

  Then I sat in his chair and spread my legs, letting each one dangle over the sides. My pussy was so exposed, you could have taken pictures of my fallopian tubes from thirty feet away.

  “Have you ever had a woman do something totally freaky to you?” I ran the fingers of my right hand through my baby-fine pubic hair and then played with my clit, gliding my middle finger in and out of my pussy walls. “I was wondering if you could shape this up for me?”

  He hesitated, then gleamed like a lighthouse beacon. “I’m a professional barber. There’s nothing I can’t shape up.”

  “Kewl! Then get some shaving cream and a razor and get to work.”

  He silently obeyed my wishes. I couldn’t help but notice the sudden pep in his step as he gathered all his shaving equipment. He stepped on the bottom of the chair, pumping it a few times to make it go higher on the riser, and then pulled up a wooden chair. He sat down, positioning himself between my calves, and then grabbed the heels of my black pumps, the only things I had on, and spread my legs open even wider.

  “UMMMMMM, you like this, huh?” I asked him, still playing with myself with my right hand and lifting up one of my breasts with my left one so I could flick my tongue seductively over my hard nipple.

  “No damn doubt about it,” he responded and then removed my hand from my pussy, holding it by the wrist and licking the juice off my middle finger. He drew the entire thing into his mouth and then let it out slowly.

  “UMMMMM, that’s what I’m talking about,” I moaned. “Let’s get jiggy with it.”

  He laughed. “Yeah, let’s!”

  He mixed up some shaving cream and then gently spread it on my pussy, commenting as he went along. “You know, I’ve never shaved a woman’s pussy before, but I have often dreamed about it. I think it’s sooooooo sexy.”

  “Well, I’m living proof that sometimes dreams do indeed come true.” I reached out and started rubbing his sexy-ass bald head while he gently and methodically started to shed my vagina of its fur. “I wanna see it. Hand me a mirror.”

  He complied, and then I held the mirror at an angle where I could watch him go to work. Five minutes later, my coochie was officially free like a runaway slave, and I was ready to get to the good part.

  “You did an excellent job. Thank you!”

  “No, thank you. The pleasure was all mine.”

  “Would you like me to take my legs down now, or did you want to do a closer inspection of your work?”

  He knew the dilly. “No, don’t take them down yet. Hang on a sec while I get a towel.”

  I knew it was coming. The dick I had been helplessly craving. He came back with the towel, wiped the remaining shaving cream off, and then positioned the towel beneath my ass cheeks.

  Brotha man must have had the munchies, because he wasted no time eating his late-night dinner. I think I came about five times in twenty minutes. He spread my pussy lips open with his long fingers and then gave me one hell of a tongue-lashing with his thick, juicy tongue. He was so starved, eating me up like Pac-Man devours dots, I pondered whether he might have smoked a dime bag of weed before I got there.

  “Rub your head in it,” I instructed him and when he placed that shiny, café au lait, bald head deep in between my cum-drenched thighs and rubbed it around, it looked like a glazed doughnut that put Dunkin’ to shame.

  I grabbed the back of his head and pushed his tongue deep into my pussy. I’m surprised I don’t have his facial features branded into my vaginal lips to this very day.

  This went on and on, the only sounds in the shop being my moans, his moans, his sucking, and the irritating second hand on the wall clock. By the time he was done, the towel beneath my ass was drenched.

  “Fuck me,” I requested.

  “I fully intend to. I’m going to fuck the living daylights out of you.”

  He stood up, and I helped him whip his dick out faster than a ninja whips out his sword. It was just like I love them too. I have a predilection for big-dick men, and Keanu definitely fit the bill.

  He pulled me by the heels of my shoes again, like they were the joysticks on an arcade game, repositioning my ass closer to the edge of the chair so he could get to the good stuff easier. I grabbed the head of his dick and directed it where I wanted it to go. My vagina burned a little at first. Minute particles of the shaving cream probably went in with his dick, but I didn’t care. After all, that’s why they make Monistat 7. I wanted it all. I got it all.

  He pushed it completely in and lifted my legs up in the air, working the hell out them joysticks and fucking me without mercy. He leaned over and grabbed a hold of one of my nipples with his teeth and worked me all over. No, this was not a homie-sexual. This was a superhero. A man’s man. A hoochie’s delight.

  “Aw yeah, take this pussy, baby!”

  “Where do you want me to take it?”

  “To the bridge.” We both laughed, realizing how corny we were being, but the sex was the bomb.

  He took his dick out and told me to stand up and turn around. I bent over the chair so he could hit it from the back. Boy, did I get into that shit then. I put one knee up on the worn leather of the chair, grabbed a hold of the neckrest, and worked my pussy on his ass.

  He grabbed me by the shoulder, taking it deeper, and I started howling like a damn dog. At first, I was wondering what or who was making those noises. Then I realized it was me, and Cujo wasn’t waiting outside the door after all.

  Keanu started babbling. “Oh shit! Oh damn! This is some good-ass pussy! Oh shit!”

  That’s when I knew he was about to shoot the mother load. Damn, did he! He pulled it out and came all over my ass so much, I needed about four other sistas’ asses for backup purposes.

  We rested up for a good fifteen minutes. Okay, make it two minutes, and then I went to town on his dick. It was amazing. It was spectacular. It was a fucking miracle, the way I sucked his damn dick. I wish we had a camcorder rolling, because I could have sold that shit on the Internet and clocked some serious dollars. I never knew I had it like that. Sheit! I would have made my girl Kandi, a part-time college student and part-time call girl, jealous as a mug.

  Keanu started babbling again as I sucked the life out of his loins. I caught a rhythm, relaxed my throat, and let the head of his dick bang up against my tonsils until he exploded, lining my stomach with some Negropectate.

  We fell asleep that night, right there in his barber chair, with me sitting on his lap with my legs hu
ng over an armrest. When the sun came up, Keanu fucked me royally again on the rinky-dink table covered with sports and skin mags. We had to end up throwing all those back issues away. A foreign substance was sticking the pages together, if you get my drift.

  Keanu and I have been dating seriously for nine months now, and I’m not letting his ass go anywhere. I don’t have to pay for haircuts anymore, my pussy stays smooth as silk, and my sex life is all that plus a buck fifty. I may have stretched it a bit when I called him a superhero, since he can’t fly and he can’t shoot spiderwebs from his wrist. He may not be a superhero, but he’s damn sure a superman.

  If You Were Here Right Now

  If you were here right now, we would lie in my bed, butt-naked, slow music on the radio, maybe some Maxwell. Just talking and chillin’ out at first, talking about life in general, caressing each other’s bodies, sipping some wine. We would have a few scented candles burning while we applied scented oils to our bodies.

  Then I would prop myself up on a pillow and dip my nipple into a glass of wine and hold my breast, letting you suckle the wine off it. I would do the same thing with my other nipple, feed it to you. I would use my other hand to rub up and down the shaft of your dick, rub my thumb over the head, get some of your precum and suck it off my fingers.

  I would lie down on the pillow and tell you to dip your dick in the wine and then feed it to me. Tell you to fuck me in my mouth as you swirl your middle finger around the opening of my hot pussy. You would straddle my head and slide your dick in my mouth. I would grab onto your buttocks, pushing your dick deeper and deeper into my mouth. You would feel my throat squeeze the head of your dick as I arch my neck so I could deep-throat it, sucking my cheek muscles in and out, feeling your balls on my chin as you fuck my throat.

  I would moan and gag a little but keep sucking it with pure delight as you finger my pussy into a creamy forth. We would begin to sixty-nine, with you on top lowering your dick into my mouth. As you lower your head to taste my sweet pussy, you would suck my cum off your finger. I would squeeze your buttocks tightly while I sucked your dick deeper and deeper, telling you that you taste so good and to fuck my mouth harder, baby. You would open my clit and slide your tongue inside me as you pumped your dick in and out my mouth.

  I would feel your tongue flicker inside my pussy walls as I fed off your dick. You would slowly start to finger my asshole while you hummed on my clit. We would lie there devouring each other, the only noises being the sounds of Maxwell and us sucking each other’s juices.

  You would pull back on the hood of my clit and clench my love button between your teeth, gently biting on it. I would feel your balls slamming up against my nose as you slide two more fingers into my pussy and pinch my nipples as I arch my neck up more so I can gently suckle on your balls. You would suck the cum out of my pussy as though it were life itself while you continue to finger my asshole. I would suck you harder and deeper and then begin to taste your hot cum going down my throat, shooting deep in my belly. “MMMMMMMMMMMMM!! You taste so delicious, boo!!!”

  It would run out the side of my lips, down my cheek. I would tell you I want you to take this ass, baby, and take it now. You would tell me to turn over on my stomach and I would comply. You would slowly slide a greased finger into my asshole. I would grab onto the railings of the headboard, ass muscles tense with anticipation as you play with my pussy with a dildo. You would insert another finger in and start to pump my asshole. You would add a third finger, moving them in and out to prepare me for your thick dick.

  As you position yourself behind me, you would use your other hand to rub my ass cheeks, priming them for action. Continuing to fuck my pussy with the dildo and with pussy juice all over your hands, you would bend over and bite my ass cheeks. Left then right, and then smack me on the ass. My pussy would cream and my asshole would loosen as you grease up your dick. You would hold my ass cheeks open and put the head of your dick into my ass, slowly sliding it in as you remove your fingers. Then you would move it in and out, pushing another inch into my ass each time until you get it all the way in, and then we would just freeze, dick all up in my ass, letting my ass muscles relax around it.

  I would tell you to fuck this ass, baby. The initial thrust would be fantastic as you pump deeper and deeper into my sweet asshole. I would want it so bad as you stretch my ass to the limit. You would begin to slide it out and thrust it back in slowly, grinding it in deep. You would reach under me and I would hold on tighter to the bed rails, moaning beyond control as you put the dildo back in my pussy, working it in and out my pussy walls. I would begin to scream as you fuck me into oblivion, balls swinging back and forth against my ass. Banging my clit with the dildo, you would feel it through the walls of my asshole. The sounds of your thighs slapping my ass would echo throughout the room.

  I would tell you to cum in my ass, baby. You would slap my ass and reach and grab my hair, pulling my head back. You would tell me to lick my pussy off the dildo. I would take it out and suck my own juices off of it. Dayum, I would taste so good. Your dick would glisten as you fuck my asshole deep and hard. You would reach under and pinch my nipples and twist them gently. Then, you would reach back and pinch my clit as I lick all around the dildo, sucking my juices off of it like I am sucking your dick.

  You would lay me on my side, without pulling your dick out, and continue to fuck me up the ass. I would throw my leg over your thigh and rub my clit as you finger my pussy with three fingers. You would bite my shoulders, then my neck, and make me scream as you slam into my asshole. I would squeeze my ass muscles around your dick, rubbing my clit and sucking my pussy juices off the dildo. You would feel your balls tighten as my ass clenches at your dick. You would wanna cum but you wouldn’t. Instead, you would pull out and lay me on my back, placing my legs in the air wide open.

  You would drop your dick deep into my pussy, and I would wrap my legs around your neck, grinding my pussy up toward your dick. You would start to frantically but deliberately pound my pussy, fucking me hard and deep. I would feel it in my stomach as I grab the back of your head with one hand. Your balls would tickle my asshole. I would grab one of your buttocks with the other hand, pushing you deep into my pussy walls. I would pull your head down and lick the top of your freshly shaven head. You would suck my tongue deep into your mouth as you push my legs back farther.

  I would kiss you passionately as you put my ankles over my head, shoving your dick deeper into my pussy. You would fuck me faster, and the bed would start to rattle. A bead of sweat would fall from your head and would land on my lips. You would start moving your dick into my pussy from side to side as I lick your sweat off my lips. You would put one of my legs down and straddle it while you hold the other straight in the air and turn me on my side. You would ride my thigh and fuck me sideways, watching your dick go in and out, glistening with my juices. My cum would be all over your dick and balls and trickling down onto the bedsheets. You would catch some of the cum running down my thigh, wipe up some with your finger, and put it in my mouth.

  My orgasm would start to build as you fucked me harder. I would start to gasp for air as cum exploded out of my pussy and squirted all over the bed. You would ride me like there is no end to this pussy. I would beg you to stop, but I really wouldn’t want you to, so you wouldn’t. You would pull your dick out and suck on my pussy, taking me beyond the limit of any ecstasy I could ever handle. You would lie here, nibbling gently on my pussy, as we both passed out from exhaustion, both knowing that once we woke up, we would be ready to go at it all over again.

  That’s what we would do if you were here right now!

  The Airport

  You meet me at the airport right on time after my return flight from Jamaica. Even though I had a great time vacationing with my friends, I can hardly wait to see you. My eyes light up as I see you walking toward the gate to meet me. You look so sexy in the khaki slacks, black jacket, and white button-down cotton shirt. I can feel my panties begin to get damp underneath t
he red spaghetti-strap sundress that I have on.

  I look into your eyes and see the same sparkle that is in my own as you put your arms around me. Just then, a female customs agent approaches me and says she needs to search my bags. She is very pretty in her regulation uniform and has long dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and smooth caramel skin just like mine. She searches my bags and then tells me she needs me to follow her to a room.

  I grow concerned because I have no idea what she thinks I am guilty of. I follow her to a nearby room while you wait for me by the gate. She takes me in the room and tells me she needs me to disrobe so that she can strip-search me. I ask why, and she says it is common procedure, with women traveling alone from the islands, to ensure I am not smuggling drugs in as a mule.

  I obey and take off my dress. I am braless, and all that remains on are my red silk panties and my black high-heeled shoes. She instructs me to take my panties off as well. She approaches me and lifts up each of my breasts, examining them, and I begin to realize what it is she really wants. She tells me to turn around and bend over the single table in the room, and I comply. I feel her spread my ass cheeks open, and then, without warning, she sticks a finger up my ass. I immediately get nervous because I have never been with a woman before. Yet her hands on me, and now her finger in my ass, are making me very aroused.

  I can see her take a seat in a chair at the end of the table out the corner of my eye. Then she sticks her tongue into my asshole, and I shiver. While I know that you are waiting patiently for me to come back out to the gate, I begin to wonder how far she is going to take this.

  I don’t have to wonder long, because she tells me to turn around and face her. As soon as I do, she cups one of my breasts in her hand and begins suckling on my nipple, more gently but with more intensity than any man ever has.

  Suddenly I hear the door creak open, and you are standing there. You have a look of shock mixed with excitement on your face as you close the door, asking, “What the hell is going on?” She looks at you and tells you, “Just watch and see!”