by Ryan Taylor
I shook my head. “Not yet.”
He nodded slowly. “Why not go now? I’ll tell him you had to run out and will be right back.”
Duh! I wasn’t thinking clearly. No surprise there, considering. “You’re a genius. I’m out of here.”
He laughed, a snarky older brother chuckle. “Don’t wear yourself out. I’m sure Matt’ll want more exercise later.”
“Fucker!” I yelled, running upstairs to get my car keys, plus the key Mom had given me.
I was back home thirty minutes later. Mom had Matt and Ben in the living room, and they were all busy taking ornaments out of storage boxes.
“Hi, honey,” Mom said, raising her eyebrows. “Get what you needed?”
I gave her a big grin while I nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”
She matched my smile and nodded back.
Matthew
We took several hours to decorate the tree. The living room was two stories tall, and the tree must have been at least twelve feet, meaning we had to use a ladder to get to a lot of it. There were about a thousand ornaments—or maybe a million—and we had to keep redoing things because Aaron and Ben had all the finesse and patience of twelve-year-old boys, and Louise had very specific ideas about what she wanted.
It was well worth the effort, because the tree was an incredible sight when we were finished. All that was left was the topper, a sparkling blue and white Star of David, and of course Ben and Aaron argued over who’d put it on top.
“It’s my turn,” Aaron said. “You did it last year.”
“Did not,” Ben snapped back. “You did. Remember, you almost fell, and I caught you.”
“That was the year before.”
They went back and forth for too long, again making me think of children. It’s a wonder Louise didn’t have bigtime wrinkles from raising those two. She smiled at me, and we rolled our eyes in unison.
“I have an idea,” she finally said. They ignored her. “Boys! Listen.”
After another barb or two, they stopped sniping at each other and turned toward their mother.
“Since this is Matt’s first Hanukkah here, let’s get him in the rotation.”
Everything was quiet for a few seconds, and just when I thought they were going to start protesting, both brothers agreed. “That’s a fantastic idea.” Aaron walked over and draped an arm over my shoulder. “Go on. I’ll spot you.”
Louise smiled. “Matt, would you please put the star on top of the tree?”
“Yeah, I guess. If you’re all sure.” I looked at her. “Wouldn’t you like it to be a family member?”
She gave me the oddest smile. “Just put the star on the tree, Matt.”
Both brothers spotted me while Louise coached from below until she was satisfied the topper was exactly right. It was fun having a special role like that, but my mind kept picking over something she’d said. Since this is Matt’s first Hanukkah here, let’s get him in the rotation.
Aaron
Matt was so happy he got to put the star on the tree, and he listened to Mom with a lot more patience than Ben or I ever had. He was my Magic Matt. Actually, after this morning, he was my Stunning Stud, and I stood there thanking my lucky stars—Stars of David and every other kind—that I had met him. I used to shake my head when people talked about instalove, but considering what had happened in less than a month, I was now a firm believer.
With the tree finished, we took a break and ate the rest of the food Andie had brought over. After dinner, we got back to decorating the house, and by ten o’clock, we were done. It wasn’t nearly as much as what somebody like Andie did, but it made our house glimmer and shine. It seemed like a charmed castle, and I hoped the magic would last one more day. I decided the star on top of the tree was my talisman.
Mom said goodnight and went up to bed, but the three of us guys stayed up, playing video games and having a few drinks. After a while, Ben wanted to watch Elf. The movie was so funny that we all managed to stay awake, but the way Matt snuggled up to me under the sofa throw had me more than ready for bed when it was over.
Upstairs, we were no sooner under the covers than our hands got busy with each other. We messed around for a while, and it wasn’t long until Matt was pleading with me to fuck him. I showed him who was boss, fucking him within an inch of his life and getting so worked up in the process that I thought I might blast off into space when I blasted into the condom. Matt came hard, too, and we both howled so loudly that I was glad Mom’s bedroom was on the other side of the house. As for Ben, I’d listened to him and his girlfriends plenty of times. Turnabout is fair play.
I wrapped myself around my spent lover, and he mumbled a little while he fell asleep. While he snoozed, I lay there thinking about the amazing sex we’d had that day, not quite believing that I’d enjoyed bottoming as much as I had. You liked being a bottom, you dirty boy. Think of all the fun that lies ahead.
Saturday, December 24
Matthew
I awoke to a buzzing phone and patted my hand over the nightstand, not wanting to open my eyes. It stopped, thank God. I’d just realized the bed was empty and wondered where Aaron was when the damned phone started vibrating again. Fuck! I opened my eyes and picked it up, groaning when I saw the caller ID: MOM.
“Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way….”
“Why are you singing at me?” I glanced at the clock. “Why are you singing at me at eight o’clock in the morning?”
“It’s Christmas Eve and my baby boy left me a message asking me to call him back. Can’t I be happy?”
I sighed as I lay back against the pillow. “I left that message yesterday.”
“I’m sorry, son. Ida had a very bad day. We had to take her to the ER and didn’t get home until late last night.”
My heart pinched. I’d never known Aunt Ida very well, but she’d always been good to me. I don’t think kids ever forget that. “Is she okay?”
“A lot better. They gave her a shot and sent her home with some different pain meds.”
I winced, feeling bad for all of them. “I’m sorry you and Dad are having such a depressing Christmas. I miss you.”
“We both miss you, honey.” She cleared her throat. “Here’s a life lesson for you. It isn’t as depressing as you might think. Life has its ups and downs, and you have to learn to roll with them. It’s not a bit of fun seeing Ida suffer, but to see how she’s fighting… that’s inspirational. It feels good to take care of people you love.”
I plucked a tissue out of the box by the bed to wipe a tear off my cheek. Why do I always have to be so fucking emotional about everything?
“I wanted to tell you I got a job. Aaron and I both did.”
“Oh, honey!” she fairly well shrieked. “It’s a Christmas blessing. What will you be doing?”
I spent a couple of minutes telling her all about the Macadam Lawton firm, and how excited Aaron and I were to start our new jobs there.
“Congratulations to both of you. I never liked that asshole place you worked anyway, Craig Swan. Your nickname for it, Craig Slum, was about right. I’m glad you’re out of there.”
“You still haven’t said ‘I told you so’.” I sniffed Aaron’s pillow and wrapped myself around it while I waited for her to respond.
“I haven’t,” she eventually said, “and I won’t. You tried to do the right thing, and if they’re so small-minded they couldn’t deal with that, they don’t deserve either one of you.” Something rustled in the background. “Aaron’s happy about his new position?”
I smiled at his empty place on the bed. “He’s thrilled. It’s the kind of work he’s always wanted to do, helping people. I think he was only doing the other job to make his dad happy, but that’s a whole other story.”
There was a pause, and I could sense her settling down for a long talk. “I’ve got time.”
I thought about launching into the whole thing about Aaron’s dad but didn’t feel up to it. Instead, I gave her a short report on L
ouise’s recovery and what a good time we were all having.
“I’m glad you’re with his family since we can’t be together. Promise me you’ll both come to see us in January? How about MLK weekend?”
“Me and Aaron?”
“Don’t sound so surprised. You love him, and I want him to feel like a part of our family, too. Get to know him better.”
That gave me a few more tears to wipe up. “I love you, Mom.” I cleared my throat. “I’ll have to talk to Aaron, but I’m sure he’ll want to. Assuming the office is closed that Monday.”
“Stay in touch and we’ll make plans.”
“Thanks for understanding how much I love him. Maybe someday—”
“You need to understand something, son.” Dad spoke to her in the background and she told him she’d be there in a minute, then she was back. “Your father and I love you more than our own lives. We’d do anything for you, always have. I know you’ve lived through some of the worst boyfriends anybody could, but now it’s your turn to be happy. Your dad and I support you all the way.”
“Oh, Mom….”
She sighed. “I’m sorry, but I have to go. Have a wonderful Christmas Eve and Hanukkah. You’ll have to tell us what it’s like. I’ve always wondered, and I’m a little jealous you get to experience it.”
She always knew how to leave me smiling. “You guys take care, and I’ll call you tomorrow. Love you, Mom.”
Aaron had left a note saying he’d gone running, and I supposed I may as well get used to that. After a shower, I found Ben in the TV room with the paper. It fell to the floor as he jumped up, a desperate look in his eye. “Matt! I’m so glad you came down! Mom’s tired, so she’s still in bed. Do you think you could make some breakfast? I don’t feel like toast or a bagel.”
“Toast or a bagel? Is that the best you can do?” I laughed. “Jesus, you’re as helpless as Aaron.”
His sheepish expression said it all, and I rolled my eyes. “Okay, come on. Let’s see what we can find.”
Aaron
I got home just as Matt was starting to make breakfast. Since he apparently didn’t like my sweat unless we were fucking, I stuck out my neck and gave him a quick kiss before going upstairs for a shower. Back in the kitchen, I found Mom there, with him and Ben. Matt was slinging French toast and sausages like a short order cook. Maybe we’ll sling our sausages at each other later.
Ben struggled to swallow some French toast. “We doing our usual Christmas Eve thing, bro?”
It took me a few seconds to realize what he was talking about. “Absolutely.” I looked at Matt. “We have the best tradition the day before Christmas and you’ve got to join. Ice skating!”
“I’d love to, but I’m sure I won’t be as good as you, Mr. Hockey Stud.”
Ben cracked up. “You mean, Mr. Hockey Dud.”
“Fuck you, man! While you were busy swimming like a little girl, I played a real sport. A manly sport.”
“Wait’ll I tell your new boss you said that. Remember, Liam was a swimmer, too.”
Mom shook her head. “Boys, play nice. Hanukkah starts tonight.” She groaned. “They’re just being silly, Matt. Don’t pay them any attention because that’s exactly what they want.”
Matt was doing his best not to laugh. “It’s okay—they’re funny. I always wanted a brother.”
“Now you got one,” Ben said, grinning. “Your boyfriend’s brother is your brother.”
Louise smiled. “I know you’ll all have fun skating. We’ll light the candles at six o’clock, so be home by then.”
“Leave at one thirty?” Ben asked.
I nodded and grinned at Matt. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep you safe.”
He giggled, a little trill that made my stomach flutter. “In that case, I’m all yours.”
God, I hope so.
Matthew
Louise said she’d ordered food for dinner because she didn’t expect Andie to cook two holiday meals, and after breakfast she asked me to drive her to the shop to pick it up. We left Aaron and Ben cleaning up the kitchen and hoped for the best.
“Maybe they’ll get more things into the dishwasher than they break,” she said, looking dubious. We both chuckled, and I marveled at how quickly she was recovering. Modern medicine is amazing.
After surviving a brutal crowd at the specialty store where she’d ordered the food, we got home to find an astonishingly clean kitchen and the two brothers locked into a fierce battle in one of the Call of Duty games. After Louise went up to rest, I settled down with Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, which I liked to read every year.
A little before one o’clock, the doorbell rang. It was John, Liam’s husband, burdened down with more food. “Andie and I have been cooking up a storm and wanted to share. I guess Louise said not to worry about bringing anything else, but we’ve got way more over there than we’ll ever eat.”
That was a little hard to believe, given the houseful I’d seen at the Macadam place, and I thought again about how nice the family was. When we got everything put away, I asked John if he wanted some tea. It was awfully cold outside, and his cheeks were still pink from the walk over.
“Thanks, that would be nice.” He hesitated, turning his head to the side in a way that made him look especially charming. “I actually wanted to talk to you.”
John was much quieter than his husband, but you could tell there was a sensitive, intelligent man behind the calm exterior. We made our tea and went into the living room, where he stood admiring the tree. “How beautiful this is. I love blue spruce, and these decorations are so interesting. The mix of Jewish symbols and secular holiday ornaments is fascinating.”
“Look at the star on top,” I said, pointing upward. “They let me put it up there.” A swell of pride bloomed in my chest, showing how much the Roths’ love and acceptance meant to me.
John smiled. “I’m not surprised. You and Aaron are in love, and Liam has told me how nice the whole Roth family is. I guess he and Ben were really close growing up, but he and Aaron were good friends, too.”
“I think so. Won’t you sit down?”
We took facing chairs next to the fireplace. After we’d exhausted conversation about the snow they were predicting, he cocked his head to the side again, wearing a handsome, enigmatic smile. “You’re a very nice guy, Matt, and I think maybe you and I have a lot in common. This is none of my business, but may I give you a little advice?”
“Absolutely,” I said, suddenly curious. “What’s on your mind?”
He put his cup down and leaned forward on the chair. “I don’t have to tell you that I’m a lot older than you are, and I’ve learned some things the hard way. I—”
“You don’t look—”
He held up a hand, shaking his head. “I wasn’t fishing for compliments. What I meant was, if I can save you some of the mistakes I’ve made, I’d be happy about that.”
I nodded, more curious by the second.
“I made a terrible mistake when Liam and I were first getting together.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before looking at me again. “I thought up every reason I could that we were moving too fast, and of all the reasons that things couldn’t work out between us.” His hands trembled and he pressed them on his knees. “I was afraid, and when something happened that….” He took another hesitant breath.
“It’s okay,” I said. “You don’t have to go on.”
He sharpened his gaze. “Yes, I want to. I acted like an idiot and hurt Liam terribly in the process.” He sighed and rolled his eyes in a way that made me feel like I was looking in a mirror. “I hurt myself a lot, as well.”
I needed to lighten the mood a little. “It all worked out, though, right?”
He nodded, smiling again. “It did, thank goodness.” He scratched his fingernails against the chair’s arm. “Matt, listen to your heart. Whatever happens with you and Aaron, don’t pay attention to negative thoughts—yours or anyone else’s—if they disagree with what your heart is telli
ng you.”
He glanced at the tree and then back my way. “Your heart can get you hurt, too, but you’ll never have regrets if you follow it. You might end up in pain, but at least you’ll know you tried.” He picked up his tea and took a long sip. “On the other hand, you might spend a lifetime regretting things if you give in to negative ideas that keep you from being happy.” He put his teacup back down on the table.
“I understand,” I said. “Thank you.”
He smiled. “Promise me that you won’t let yourself get caught up worrying about how things are usually done or what people expect. Just go with what you know is right, in here.” He moved his fingers against his chest.
“I promise, and thanks for caring so much. I think we’re going to be good friends.”
He smiled and nodded. “I do too.”
Someone came into the room, and I looked over to see Aaron walking toward us. “You guys having a good visit?” He perched on the arm of my chair and put a hand on my shoulder. “Ready to go soon, babe?”
John looked at his watch and jumped up. “Oh gosh, I didn’t realize I’d been here so long. I’ve got to get back for the family Scrabble tournament.”
Aaron walked with us to the door, and I gave John a hug before he left.
“Remember what I said,” he whispered into my ear.
I pulled back, nodding, and Aaron gave him a hug, too. “Tell everybody over there Merry Christmas for us.”
“I will, and Happy Hanukkah to all of you.”
Aaron
The air had that steely edge it gets when it’s going to snow. I’d always loved the white stuff and couldn’t wait for it to stop teasing us and actually fall. I had to drive around the overflowing parking lot for about ten minutes, and finally stalked some people who were leaving and took their spot.
Matt squealed as soon as we got out of the car. “It’s going to snow! Can you feel it?” He stuck out his arms and did a one of those twirls again, the kind he did in the mall that night back in DC. He was looking up at the sky, and his face beamed like the sun on a perfect day. Just for good measure, he twirled another time or two.