by Claire Kent
Lori gave him a little frown, although inside she was brimming with happiness. “Just once, I’d like to see you be wrong about something.”
“Oh, I’ve been wrong about plenty of things,” Ander murmured, pulling her toward him and draping both arms around her waist. “I just don’t like to advertise the fact.”
With a sniff, Lori said, “You don’t like to advertise much of anything.” She still wasn’t adept at keeping her balance on her skates while standing still, so she clung to Ander’s shoulders.
Ander’s blue-gray eyes softened, a familiar look igniting as he gazed down on her. “I believe I’ve advertised how incredibly gorgeous you are.”
She felt like melting, even in the middle of the ice rink. But it wouldn’t do to collapse into a pile of sap, so she lifted skeptical eyebrows. “You’re stretching credibility at the moment. My hair is a mess, my cheeks are beet red, and I’m a little suspicious of my nose.”
His lips twitched. “Your nose is red too.”
Lori released an outraged huff at this horrifying information and tried to pull away.
Ander wouldn’t let her go. He laughed and pressed a kiss on the side of her mouth. “I’ve never seen anything more gorgeous in my life.”
Lori couldn’t help but laugh too. She gave him a little hug, privately swooning with giddy affection and tender reassurance. The wounded part of her psyche that had always been insecure couldn’t help but bloom at his words.
But she wasn’t feeling entirely stable on her ice skates, despite the improvements she’d made since the first time they went almost five months ago.
Plus, she had a plan for the day, and she couldn’t let Ander’s irresistible sweetness distract her from that plan.
So she drew back and started to skate again. Ander easily overtook her. He circled the rink a few times as she went around more slowly. She didn’t mind. She was sure it must be frustrating for as good a skater as he was to keep pace with her. And anyway she suspected he might be showing off a little.
He deserved it. She couldn’t help but admire the surety, speed, and strength with which he crossed the ice. Ander might be as intelligent and experienced a man as she’d ever met, but he was still a man.
And men liked to show off.
She was having a private giggle over this when Ander fell in beside her. He eyed her warily. “Why are you laughing?”
“I wasn’t laughing.” The lie would have been more convincing had her lips not wobbled.
Ander narrowed his eyes. “Lori?”
“You’re a marvelous skater,” Lori said, wide-eyed and just a tiny bit exaggerated. “It’s breathtaking to watch you. If only I could skate half as well as you.”
He wasn’t fooled for a minute. “Fine. I get it. If you want to mock the urge to show off, we can discuss your insistence that we play a certain board game the other night, just so you could beat me and gloat about it for hours afterward.”
“That was different,” Lori said, absently reaching over to take his hand despite her indignant tone, “It’s one of the few things I can do better than you. You can’t begrudge me a little gloating, when you do everything better than poor inferior me.”
“Stop it.” Ander gave her an impatient, sideways look.
“Don’t snap at me,” she said, forgetting her plan in her annoyance. “And don’t tell me to stop like you’re the boss of me.”
Ander made a sudden move, so quickly she couldn’t follow it. One minute they were skating along hand-in-hand, and the next Ander had her pressed up against the wall of the rink, his body holding hers in place and his eyes intense, almost fierce. “I will tell you to stop. I’ll tell you to stop every time I hear you say something that implies you’re not valuing yourself. You might as well get used to it. Because it’s the only way we’ll be together.”
Lori’s mouth dropped open. She gaped up at Ander, breathless and startled and (absurdly) a little bit thrilled.
After a stretch of silence, Ander’s fierce expression softened a little. “Lori?” he prompted.
She swallowed hard and managed to speak. “All right. I get that. But I’ll only accept it if it goes both ways.”
Ander’s lips tightened slightly. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that you always get standoffish when I try to encourage you not to get angsty or brooding about...about your past. If you get to make sure I value myself, it’s only fair that I get to do the same with you.”
Ander’s expression was very still for a moment. But then he relaxed into a wry smile. “I’m not sure why I ever thought dating you was such a good idea. You’re sure to drive me crazy before a year is out.”
Lori laughed, in relief, in reaction to the aftermath of tension, and in genuine amusement. “I assure you that goes both ways.”
They started skating again, and Lori tried to overcome her rush of tenderness and affection so she could finally carry out her plan.
It wasn’t a large-scale or dramatic plan. She just wanted to find out why Ander didn’t want to have sex with her yet. And since he’d never been a forthcoming man, she was afraid a direct confrontation would backfire. So she’d suggested they go ice skating to give her the opportunity to ask him smaller questions and give him the chance to share in small doses.
And then maybe she could piece together what was going on.
They skated in companionable silence for a while until Lori asked with impressive casualness. “Did you think it was weird when I asked you to go ice skating the first time?”
Ander shot her a quick, sharp look, but he answered easily enough. “I was a little surprised, but by that time you’d already asked to do other things with me, so I wasn’t flabbergasted.”
She snickered at his choice of words but was quick to follow-up. “Were you flabbergasted when I asked you the first time to go out somewhere, rather than just going to the hotel?”
With a half-shrug, Ander admitted, “Yes. You’d said all along you didn’t want to pretend with me and you didn’t want to do anything that would feel like a date. I assumed you wouldn’t change in that. Why did you?”
Since it wasn’t fair to expect him to share without sharing herself, she answered honestly, “I was a mess over finding out your real identity. You’d become more and more real to me as our sessions went on, and that was the last straw. It just felt so cheap and dirty getting together just for sex.”
Because she was looking up at him, she caught a flicker of something like pain on his face. “It felt cheap and dirty to you?”
“No!” she gasped, realizing he’d misunderstood. “Being with you didn’t feel that way. It was that I was paying you for sex. It felt like I was using you the way everyone else had always used you, and I hated myself for that. But not enough to stop. I didn’t want to give you up. So the dates were the only compromise I could live with.”
Ander let out a small breath. “I see.”
When he didn’t continue, Lori prodded him. “So did you want to go on those dates with me or were you happier for it just to be sex?”
He pulled to a sudden stop, bringing her to a halt too. He put his arms out to keep her balanced and held her eyes with an unwavering gaze. “I was thrilled when you changed the routine. You know by now that, at that point, I was...I was crazy about you. You were my only client, and I longed to get rid of the professional side of the relationship. I didn’t know how. And I had to hope the dates were a sign that you were trying to change our relationship too.
Lori made sure not to show any dramatic reaction to his words, even though her pulse pounded and her heart soared. He didn’t open up easily, and she couldn’t make him uncomfortable now that he had. She just gave him a little smile. “They were. I wanted to change it too. I was just too scared to admit it to myself because I thought it was impossible.”
He returned her smile and suggested they wrap up the skating. Lori agreed, since her legs were getting tired and she had more stages of her plan to carry out.
; So far, things were going wonderfully well, and she hoped that by the end of the night she would be in bed with Ander again.
And, even better, finally hear him put all of his feelings into words.
* * *
They were walking from the ice rink to Ander’s favorite Italian restaurant when Lori asked into the peaceful silence that had lingered between them, “What did you think when I asked you to go with me to Quebec?”
“What?” Ander had his hand on the small of her back as they walked, and he glanced down with a quizzical look.
“You heard me,” she insisted. “I was just thinking of what you told me about when I asked you to ice skate, and I was wondering what you thought when I asked you to go with me to Quebec.”
Ander narrowed his eyes warily. “But that was before all the dates.”
“I know,” Lori said, frowning. “Is there some rule about my having to ask questions in chronological order?”
With a chuckle, Ander relented, “I was...I was glad that you asked me. But you already know that.”
Her frown deepened. “I have some thoughts, based on what I know now. I had no idea at the time, but now I think back and I can see that maybe you were ...” She cleared her throat and concluded a little shyly, “Maybe you were fishing for the invitation.”
“I was,” he admitted, his voice dry rather than sentimental. “As soon as I got even the smallest hint that you were trying to work up to an invitation, I did everything I could to make myself available.”
She giggled. “Even acted like you didn’t remember which weekend I was planning to go?”
Ander had the grace to look a bit sheepish. “Well,” he drawled, “I couldn’t look too eager.” At her delighted snicker, he added, “It would have scared you.”
“It would have. I was liking you more and more, but I was still obsessed with it being professional.”
“And you wouldn’t stop bringing up the money. Every time you did, it was like a slap in the face.”
Lori couldn’t help but feel bad—now that she knew how Ander had been feeling. But she wasn’t about to take all the blame. “Well, I was still paying you. What was I supposed to do? Throw the money out the window and assume we’d fall into each other’s arms?”
“Of course not,” Ander admitted, staring ahead of him with wry, knowing eyes. “You were just doing what you were supposed to. I was the wreck who kept letting his feelings get trampled on because he was too attached to pull back like he should.”
“You weren’t a wreck,” she insisted, defensive of Ander even against himself and even without much evidence on her side. “What else was there for you to do?”
“Nothing.” Ander sighed and moved his hand from the small of her back so he could wrap it around her and pull her against him. “I was hopelessly trapped. I’d never felt that way before. I couldn’t lose you. But I couldn’t move forward because of the nature of our arrangement. No wonder I was a wreck.”
Lori poked him with a scowl. “You weren’t a wreck.”
Ander’s lips twitched. “You say that because you never got to see any of the brooding.”
She stopped walking and reached up to wrap her arms around his neck. Peering at him closely, she asked, “You’re not brooding anymore, are you?”
His eyes took on the most delicious warmth. “No. I’m not brooding anymore.”
* * *
The host of the restaurant, whose name Lori knew now as Don, greeted them ecstatically and was able to seat them immediately.
Lori and Ander had been to the restaurant many times in the last month, and she always enjoyed herself there.
They talked about Ander’s plans for next summer—another field project on a Greek island—and about Lori’s next book. And they’d gotten their orders and started to eat when Lori took advantage of a lull in conversation to launch into her next question. “Why did Don look so surprised, the first time you took me here?”
Ander’s shoulders stiffened a little and he looked uncomfortable. She felt a pang of disappointment at his reaction, since he’d be far more open than usual this evening.
“It’s no big deal,” she said quickly, not wanting to put him on the spot. Before, she would have pried mercilessly, but she cared for him too much to rip open his heart like that now. If he couldn't yet share, he didn't have to.
The corner of Ander’s mouth flickered with a familiar, ironic expression. “Very generous of you to give me the out.”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “Seriously, Ander, I know I’m being nosy.”
Ander cleared his throat. Took a long sip of wine. Then said, “He was surprised because I’d never taken a woman here before.”
“Your clients?”
“I never took them here. I’ve always liked this place. It’s...it’s special to me. I didn’t want to mar that by bringing my work with me.”
Lori’s breath hitched. “But you brought me?”
“Yes,” Ander said softly, holding her gaze with obvious significance. “I brought you.”
Her cheeks flushed with pleasure and she had to hide her face behind her wine glass for a moment to mask her reaction. There had been so many tiny hints and clues to Ander’s feelings—all along, for so long—and so many of them she had missed.
It took her breath way sometimes. The knowledge that she’d meant so much to him when she was supposed to just be his client.
When she’d recovered her equilibrium, she asked, not as part of her plan but because she’d always wanted to know, “Do you know what your dad was doing here that night?”
Ander looked stiff again. But he bit out, “I don’t know. I can only assume he knew I spent a lot of time here.”
“So he came here on purpose?” she gasped, her eyes widening in outrage. She hated Peter Milton more than she’d ever hated anyone, and nothing she learned about him made her hate him any less.
With an awkward shrug, Ander said, “Maybe. I don’t know.”
“Maybe ...” Her voice cracked with a sudden pang of fear and she couldn’t bring herself to voice the idea.
“Maybe what?”
She took a deep breath to work up her courage. “Maybe he didn't come here just to be mean. Maybe he actually wanted...wanted to see you.”
Ander jerked his head to the side, breaking off their shared gaze. And a variety of emotions twisted on his face before he was able to reply. “I doubt it. But it doesn’t matter. There’s no reconciliation in store for us. I hope you’re not thinking there is.”
“I’m not. I just thought it might be good for you to see that you’re not the only one who might ...” She trailed off, suddenly scared she was presuming too much. Ander’s eyes were cool and wary on her face. But she pushed on, “Who might wish that things were different.”
After a tense moment, his expression changed and he let out a hoarse breath. “Yeah.”
Lori tried to hide her relief, once again determined not to make a big deal about any kind of sharing Ander was willing to do.
“Were you mad at me?” she asked in a small voice, staring down at her pasta. She felt Ander give her a sharp look, so she explained, “When you found out I knew who you were?”
“No.” Only then did she dare to look back up at him. He appeared strangely tired all of a sudden. “The truth is I was so glad you knew.”
* * *
They went back to Ander’s place, since it was only a few blocks from the restaurant. Lori wasn’t sure he would suggest it, so she just acted like it was understood and headed there after they'd told Don goodbye.
She’d been over to his place countless times. There didn’t have to be anything significant about her going there tonight.
But Ander’s silence on the walk revealed that he knew there was.
They’d gotten inside and Ander had locked the door before he finally spoke. They faced each other in the entry hall and he asked, “So are you going to tell me the final intention of your little inquisition tonight?”
&
nbsp; Lori sucked in a sharp breath. “It wasn’t an inquisition! Really. I didn’t mean—”
“I didn’t intend to imply it was rude or intrusive,” Ander interrupted, his face calm and his voice even. “But there’s something underlying it. Are you going to tell me what it is?”
Groaning, she rubbed her scalp in frustration. “I thought I was being clever and subtle.”
Ander actually laughed. “It was very well done. But I know you too well, Lori.” When she just stared at him, he prompted, “Are you going to tell me?”
Since he’d asked for it, she just blurted it out, “Why won’t you have sex with me?”
He shook his head with a rueful smile. “I thought that might be what this lingering stroll down memory-lane was about.”
“I’m serious, Ander,” she insisted, afraid he was going to dismiss the issue with characteristic irony. “I’m happy to wait as long as you need if you’re not ready, but can’t you tell me what’s going on?”
Ander’s spine stiffened, almost imperceptibly. And he licked his lips in what she understood was hesitation. But when he spoke his voice was natural, almost casual. “We can have sex, Lori. Of course, we can have sex.”
“But—”
“I wasn’t sure if you were ready. But, if you want, we can have sex tonight.”
Lori stood frozen in place, confused and disoriented. He had to have known she was ready before tonight. There was no evidence of dissembling in his manner or tone, but something about his response didn’t ring true.
“Ander?”
He smiled at her as he moved farther into his loft. “Surely, you know how much you turn me on. You weren’t worried about that, were you?”
“No,” she said, trying to keep up. “But I thought...I mean, you were...” She stopped and stared at the floor so she could focus. Forced her mind to work clearly.
Ander walked through the living area toward his bedroom. When her mind cleared enough, she followed him and found him standing in the entrance to the bedroom with a look of concentration on his face.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, grabbing him by the arm. Something wasn’t right here, and she still wasn’t positive about what it was.