She understood exactly what would happen if he got free, which is why it couldn’t happen until she was ready. If she ever would be.
Thirty-Six
Graham didn’t even try to stop Keira this time. He could probably tell she was three seconds away from total internal combustion that would spray female emotions all over the place, and he was smart enough to keep his distance.
A lifetime ago, she’d had to explain to her parents why she’d been suspended from school and tell them that her ex-boyfriend’s parents would be calling about their son’s broken nose. This was a billion times worse. Maybe because this time she had to come clean with people who would be unhappy that she hadn’t hurt the guy, when every ounce of good sense in her screamed, ‘You moron!’
It had been a long time since Keira worried about what anyone thought of her. But yeah, this was pretty damn horrible. The two women she respected and admired most in the entire world stared at her, confused. Because of all the words she’d used in the last few minutes, not a single one of them made any sense at all.
“And that’s why I need your help.” She took a breath. “Badly.”
Addison looked at Parker. “I got about seven percent of what she just said. D’you get more than that?”
“Yeah, but only because I’m a better listener than you.”
Addison’s laugh was quiet. “And because you wear glasses, which everyone knows makes you smarter than me.”
“I wasn’t going to bring it up, but since you did…”
Throughout their back and forth, they kept checking Keira out of the corner of their eyes. Obviously the teasing was deliberate—to give her a chance to calm down enough to be coherent.
She sat down on the long table and put her feet on the closest chair. “I know I screwed up.” They stopped talking and focused on her. “I ignored everything you told me, all your great advice about staying away from him, and now a demon is strapped to the bed in his apartment.”
“Seriously?” While Parker groaned, Addison leaned forward and put her hands on the sides of her head, pressing her temples.
“Are you okay?” Keira sensed something was wrong. But most things always seem wrong in the Heights.
“I’m fine,” Addison said dismissively as she lifted her head and forced a smile. “It’s just the massive déjà vu I’m having. Powers, I hope everything turns out differently for you.”
“I should’ve listened. I should’ve—” Keira’s eyes sprayed tears everywhere like a dog shaking after a bath. Damn it. She wiped her face harshly, looked up at the ceiling, the light, whatever might work.
“You fell in love with him.”
“I didn’t mean to.” She’d never felt more pathetic.
“Yeah well,” Addison said, “that doesn’t make a big difference now.”
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, with a humiliating amount of blubbering attached.
“Not what I meant. Powers know, I’m the last one who should be throwing stones around here. What I meant was that we need to deal with what’s going on now, regardless of how or why it happened.” She motioned for Keira to sit next to her. Parker went to get her some water and then sat at her other side.
“Let’s start at the beginning again. But this time, try to make us understand seventy-to-eighty percent of it.” Addison smiled. “Parker, can I borrow your glasses?”
“No way. Then I wouldn’t be better than you.”
“Use everything you can, my friend.” Addison shrugged. “Seventy or eighty percent, okay?”
Keira nodded. “He didn’t want to go back to hell because he—” She swallowed. “Because he knew what he’d do to me when he returned, and he didn’t want that to happen. But he fell through a portal during a fight. Or was pushed, I guess. I don’t know exactly how it happened.” More babbling. “Now he’s back and is totally different. He’s…you know…a demon, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t kill him, even knowing he’d kill me if he ever got free. So right now I’m stuck with keeping him inside the salt circle for the next fifty years and hoping no one sweeps. I don’t see that as a good long-term plan, do you?”
“Um…” And that was all they could manage.
So why not make it worse and tell them everything? “Even if it was, I couldn’t do that to him. Someone kept me prisoner for three years and, more than the pain, I remember the hopelessness. I can’t keep him trapped for fifty years, not after everything he did for me.”
Parker and Addison exchanged glances. “Well, we could...”
“If he’s...”
“Nah.” Parker got up and went to a shelf, her finger running across the spines of the books. “Um…”
“I want him back—the old him. I want him like he used to be.” Keira cleared her throat before saying the rest as quickly as she could, hoping they wouldn’t be able to hear how incredibly stupid it sounded. “The only way to fix this is to give him part of my soul, and I was wondering if you guys knew anything about that.”
“What?” they both yelled. “You can’t do that.”
“Do you even know how to do that?” Parker put out her hand. “Don’t answer that, because not having a soul seems like a really bad thing and is never going to happen. It would kill you, and that’s pretty much a best-case scenario.”
Keira shook her head. “I don’t think it will.” She explained the bits and pieces of what Davyn and Lamere had told her. But there were still so many holes, it was like the Swiss cheese of explanations.
Parker leaned forward, eyes darting around as if categorizing each bit of information as Keira gave it. “So sex doesn’t ruin a person, losing part of their soul does? And if this demon were to stay with you, you could share it.” Keira nodded, trying not to let her disappointment show. She’d come here for help they couldn’t give—she knew more than they did. “It makes sense, magically speaking.”
“Well, I’m so glad it makes sense magically,” Addison said. “Because it makes absolutely no sense any other way. You can’t do it, Keira. You can’t depend on a demon. I’ve met two of them—one of whom you helped send back to hell. That bastard was the most evil being I’ve ever seen, even though I didn’t actually see him, but the other one was supposedly a nice one. Seriously, if he was an example of the decent kind, then I don’t understand why you would want a demon to stay with you, even if he would. Which…he won’t.”
“It’s a big risk.”
“It’s too big a risk.” Addison stood, grabbing the table when she wobbled. Keira caught Parker’s eye to see if she’d noticed it too. The historian was deliberately looking away from her friend, practically seething.
The dat vitae glanced between them, but continued to focus on Keira’s problem. “Look, I know you care about him, but this is your life. His isn’t worth more than yours.”
More? No, but she didn’t want to have to choose. She thought for a moment, allowing all the moments she and Davyn shared to come together and form a clear picture. From who she’d been before they met—bitter, angry, numb to everything else. To who both of them had become—friends, lovers, partners, by choice not necessity. To who they were now—him, a raging beast from hell set on burning her to death, probably slowly, and her, a woman with nothing, who’d only stopped living a perpetual nightmare a little while ago. The happiest she’d ever been, when life didn’t seem empty, was when she and a hot, egotistical jackass had a thing neither of them understood or wanted. A thing both of them needed.
Keira wanted Davyn back because she needed him and, even if he didn’t know, he needed her. The right place for them was next to each other. She wanted him back the way he used to be and she wanted to live. Not one of those. Both of those. And there was only one way she stood a chance of having them.
“If it were anyone else,” she said, “I would probably be thinking the same thing you are right now and figuring out a new dosage schedule for their meds. But I’m not crazy. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him, and I don’t want to know
who I’ll be without him.” Like she’d been before, but worse—angrier, with more resentment for a world that would never allow her to be happy, or content, or good.
“Shit,” Addison said on a sigh. “Parker, I swear to the powers, if you ever fall in love with one of them, I’m going to murder you.”
“Never going to happen. Don’t worry.” She paced the length of the bookshelves. “Let’s say for a minute it works just like the murderous demon and the psychotic vampire told you it would. Because obviously, they’d never lie to anyone.”
Keira didn’t need to see the eye roll to know it happened. “In my defense, the demon wasn’t murderous at the time. He was hoping the information would prove it was a bad idea. And the vampire was so psychotic he thought it would scare me away. So, if either of them were lying, they would’ve been exaggerating the negatives.”
“It’s disturbing that any of this actually makes sense,” Parker said. “But, even if your demon stays, what happens fifty years from now? He’ll still have half your soul.” Only if Keira was still alive. But she understood what Parker was asking: at the end of her life, he’d go back to hell, but what would happen to their shared soul? Would the Devil suck her down as well?
“Isn’t there anything in any of these books?”
Parker shook her head and then looked at Addison. “You could call—”
“No, Parker. I can’t call him every time we need something.” It was as if they’d learned how to read each other’s minds without magic.
“Your vamp friend?” Keira asked.
“No, her angel friend. M, the one you met. Remember?”
“He’s tough to forget.” Plus, she’d seen him just a few days ago. It had been hard enough to ask him for help then. He’d already done so much. For all she knew, asking him for more might get him in trouble with his people. “We’ve already had the demon discussion, and I doubt he knows any more than he told me then.”
“M may be great,” the historian said, “but he’s still a super. All of them keep secrets.” Even Davyn? “One simple question. Please? I want to try calling him.”
“His wings will probably be plucked if anyone found out he helped us,” Addison grumbled. “It’s not fair to expect this much of him, not in his position.”
“He’s a big boy.” Parker rolled her eyes and then closed them. “If he doesn’t want to help, he can always say no.”
“If you’re going to stalk him,” the dat vitae said, “he’ll probably change his name.”
Parker kept her eyes shut for a while, tilting her head, shaking it and nodding. Keira turned away, uncomfortable with the person right in front of her talking about her, but not being able to hear a word she was saying.
Addison pulled her sweater more tightly around herself. “It’s not that I don’t want to help you, Keira. Or your demon, for that matter. The world needs all the decent ones we can find—you know, if he ever becomes decent again. But this war is bigger than any one of us. Saying the wrong thing can get someone killed, and asking for favors means we owe favors. Shockingly, we don’t have a lot of support, so what we do have needs to be used sparingly. Know what I mean?”
“Completely. You don’t owe me anything, and I owe you everything.”
“Oh powers, don’t say that. If anything, I owe you for telling me straight-out I was being a moron. But I don’t want to play a Who Owes Who More contest. We’re in this together, a family, remember? Helping in different ways because we all have different strengths. Although some of us—meaning me—are still trying to locate ours.” Her grimace turned into a grin. “The favors and support I was talking about come from people outside the Rising.
“Plus, I don’t want to lose anyone else. I can’t. I just—” Addison stopped when she saw Parker almost bouncing with excitement. “What?”
“Knowing how much you love sappy shit,” Parker said, “I can’t wait until you hear this.”
“How annoyed was he?”
“He’s an angel. Half their job is listening to people whine, so I’m sure he has a really high annoyance threshold. If you don’t believe me, ask him when he gets here.” She threw her hands up. “What? I didn’t ask him to come.” Ignoring Addison’s curse, she turned to Keira. “The only way to keep your demon out of hell is to get him into the Great Beyond. The tricky part is that demons aren’t allowed to go there.”
“Then how’s he supposed to do it?”
“Love, kindness, and a bunch of other things no one would ever believe a demon could do.”
Suddenly M was there, looking very unhappy.
“I tried telling her she was annoying, M. Maybe if you tried—” Addison paused. “Wait a minute! This place is warded to keep non-humans away. You’re a non-human.”
“You noticed that, did you?” he asked. “What gave me away?”
“You’re not supposed to be here, M.”
“True.” He cocked his head to the side, glancing at Parker. “As true as the fact that you weren’t supposed to tell anyone my name.”
“I know.” The dat vitae chewed on her nail. “It was a slip-up I’m positive I’ll never repeat. If it makes you feel any better, as soon as I said it, I told her to forget it.”
“How would that—?” The angel’s sigh calmed everyone in the room. Powerful stuff. “I will feel better once you’ve earned back my trust…and are well again.”
“It’s the flu.”
Oh, shit. Their leader was ill, and all Keira had been doing was causing her more stress.
“Are all women of the Rising this stubborn and beyond reproach?” When no one answered—not a big surprise there—he turned to Keira. “I advised you against this, hunter. Strongly. Even prior to this possibility. A demon is…even that one…” Did all angels do this much sad head shaking? “I wish to see.”
“See what?” As he approached, she tilted her head up to keep eye contact.
“Into your mind.” Her shield wasn’t angel-proof, so Micah was asking for permission. “Before I discuss any of this, I need to know if your feelings are pure, not created by magic or by your humanity’s self-destructive needs.” Good call. She had a lot of those. She also had nothing to hide.
“Okay.” She relaxed and let him in, dropping her shield and hoping he’d see enough to convince him of what she already knew.
After a moment, he let out a burst of laughter under his breath and mumbled, “What have you done, old friend?” What did that mean?
“Addison, Parker,” he said. “You cannot hear what I am about to tell her.”
“Okay, we’ll be in the break room…breaking, I guess. And covering our ears with the music on really loud.”
After they were gone, Micah came closer, keeping his voice low. “What I am about to tell you is something unknown outside of my race and the Devil himself. Not even his subjects know, because he does not allow them to remember.” He looked away, as if reconsidering the whole thing. “I should not be here, should not be telling you this. Do you understand how vital it is that you never repeat what I’m about to tell you? It will not only tear apart the Highworld. Both worlds will suffer.”
She nodded.
“I’m taking this risk because you are as stubborn as the women who just left, and you will bond with the demon regardless of what I advise. It affects his future as well as yours, and there are things you need to know in order to be successful.
“The soul must be given,” he continued. “It must be given freely as a gift of love, not stolen or shared under duress. If there is doubt in your heart, any hesitation, your soul will be ripped apart. There is no way to determine how that fissure will run, how much will remain inside you and how much he will take within himself. If you’re left with too little…”
“That’s what you were looking for in my mind? Doubt?”
“In part. The other was to see if you were sane. Do not be offended—who in their right mind would give away something so integral to their being?”
“I would.”
/>
“Yes, you would.” A sympathetic smile flickered across his face. “As would some of us.”
“Angels? Why would an angel do that?”
“That is a discussion I cannot have. All you need to know is demons and angels are far more connected than one might think. It is from this connection I can surmise how to keep him free from an eternity in hell. If you do this, you are committing half your soul and the rest of your life to make certain he will never go back there. To have even half a human soul in hell…you cannot let it happen. Do you understand?”
“Not really, but I think I got the big no-nos.”
“Once the soul enters his body, his humanity will return. Were he to fight that part of himself, to revert to his demonic self at any time, the soul would weaken beyond repair.”
“So he needs to behave.”
He nodded. “Something Davyn is not particularly skilled at, even late in his tour. He will have your lifetime before his demonic side is called back to hell. Therefore, he will have your lifetime minus a day to redeem himself. He must pass from this world before the Devil calls for his return. If he has done enough good, experienced enough love, the Devil will not want him back.”
The risk was enormous. If Davyn didn’t love her the way she thought he did, Keira would drift away into nothing. At least he’d be able to live it up, until she died and he got hauled down to the bottom of hell. Nothing to worry about. Nothing at all. At least not after she passed the point of no return. There was no use worrying about what happened next. Because everything after that would be out of her control. She had to hope, to believe in both of them.
“No problem,” she said.
“For Davyn, yes. But for you to have to put up with him that long?” The angel smiled. “I don’t envy you that. I suggest you wait until you’ve considered exactly what it means for both of you. Of course, as of late, my recommendations seem to be going unheard.”
Unearthed Page 30