Ren continued training Toagrurt after the morning meal, but now she began to swing the sphere. Toagrurt was horrified that he was unable to hit the target.
“You have to anticipate when it will reach a certain point and aim for that point. You know how to hit a still target now, but you need to learn how to hit a moving one. It just takes more learning.”
Toagrurt worked for a while and then seemed to lose all interest. Ren tried to encourge him without success.
“Well, if you plan to learn the skills of a hunter only for still targets, then you’re living in the wrong world, Toagrurt,” she said with some irritation. “I’m going to go to do some things that are a better use of time than this,” she stated and left him.
Suddenly, Toagrurt found himself in the meadow alone. He had learned that when he put himself in a position like this, it would be much time before anyone came to him. Toagrurt picked up the sling and reached for a pebble. Ren had always handed them to him, because they were piled on the ground. In reaching for a pebble, he fell over on his side. He had to twist and turn, holding onto the log to put himself back into position. It took him a long time. By the time Toagrurt was back, he realized he’d left the pebble on the ground. It took him a long time to try to reach a pebble again. This time he was successful, but he could only hold a few at a time. Toagrurt lined them up on the log.
Hidden in the vegetation Loraz tossed a rock and set the sphere to swinging. Toagrurt was shocked. He knew someone had to have done that, but he didn’t see anyone anywhere nearby. He could see Ren at a distance, so he knew it wasn’t Ren. Toagrurt took the slingshot, loaded a pebble, and tried to hit the sphere. He missed. He tried five times and missed each time. Toagrurt had to gather more pebbles. The fun he’d been having each day had turned to frustration. He admitted to himself that Ren left, because he had become irritating and showed no interest in working hard to learn the next skill. He didn’t know that when a student became irritated and refused to try, the student was dismissed immediately. Toagrurt learned. He gathered more pebbles, and he shot at the target. The target was as still as stone. To make matters worse, his father was late in picking him up for the evening meal.
Renwen was not feeling well. She had burning pain in her chest and arm. She wondered whether she was having a spell like Bruilimi had. She made a little sound and fell over. Kew lifted her up and knew instantly his wife was gone. He had the awkward thought that she hadn’t eaten any of the sturgeon, her favorite meat. They were both seventy-five. He wasn’t terribly surprised, but somehow he had been convinced that he’d die before she did. Kew’s belly ripped apart. They’d been joined for sixty years. Somehow, he couldn’t imagine life without Renwen. He wasn’t sure he could even remember life without her.
Item, Tuksook, Ghopi, and Brill immediately began to take care of the body of Renwen. Gumui and Bit-n brought cloths and containers of water to clean her. Men left their food unfinished and went to the house for tools and then to the place for burials to begin to dig a grave. Others went to comfort Kew. Young People sat quietly, a little fearful, having minimal experience with death.
Finally, Ren realized the children were a bit daunted. She called them together and suggested they tour the meadow’s edge looking for flowers. There were many flowers blooming. She warned them to stay away from the mother of red rash, but any of the others were fine. With some goal in mind, the children became very busy. Ren paid no attention to Toagrurt at all. Instead, she watched over the very little children with Pilly, Meha, Lamo, and Pica.
Toagrurt called to her.
She looked at him disinterestedly.
“Ren, I apologize for earlier today. I was wrong. If the weather’s good tomorrow, will you teach me to aim for the moving target?”
“I’ll consider it, but you had better not disappoint me again.”
“I’ll be very serious about it, Ren. I really want to know.”
“Then hope the weather’s good,” she said and turned to other things with the smaller children, including his brother and sister.
The girls encouraged the young ones to continue their evening meal. Most did very well without help from their parents. Some were just too small, so Pilly, Lamo, and Pica helped them. Meha took care of the infants.
Although it was becoming late, the men who’d been hunting returned with the giant deer they sought. They were surprised that there were none to meet them, but, looking towards the south part of the meadow, they realized soon someone had died. The young boys and new hunters eagerly helped the men with their burdens. The men took care of storing the meat in the catch pond, put weapons away, and washed up. They were very hungry, so they stopped to eat.
Item returned to the food preparation place and hit the rocks together to let everyone know to assemble at the grave. All the People went there except Toagrurt. It was half way through the circle before Orad realized he’d left Toagrurt. He had already made his comments, so he ran back to Toagrurt and picked him up. He carried him to the grave side. Tuksook had just begun the creation story.
Toagrurt remained silent about having been left. He realized the finality of being one who could order others about, and now, being just like everyone else, only maybe a little lower when it came to the concern of others. He knew he’d brought this on himself. It hurt Toagrurt to have been forgotten at Renwen’s grave. He thought the flowers were wonderful. There were so many that you couldn’t see the body of Renwen. She was completely covered in a deep layer of flowers. Toagrurt thought that when the People one day put his body in the ground, he’d like it, if People cared enough for him to pile flowers on his body, as they did for Renwen.
That night, Oneg brought out her flute. She played music that was gentle, as if one floated on a slow moving stream. It wasn’t sad, just peaceful. Oneg played tunes no one had ever heard—tunes even she had never heard. They came from down deep inside. Oneg did not play too long. After a brief time of playing four tunes, she put her flute back in its wrapping and stowed it beneath the sleeping place she shared with Nal.
Tuksook snuggled against Gumui. He had recovered from his fatigue. He put his arm around her and pulled her close. Tonight Gumui was taken by Oneg’s music. It wrapped him in feelings that were deep and abiding. Timeless feelings. He thought of Kew and Renwen. Gumui hoped that he’d die before Tuksook and then realized that was not a very thoughtful wish. He pulled Tuksook to him hoping deep down inside that both would live long, healthful lives. Tuksook lifted his hand and kissed it before replacing it on her belly.
Chapter Eight
“I lost it,” Tuksook said to Gumui, her face filled with grief. “It’s the fourth one I’ve lost. I feel a total failure. Four lives, and I couldn’t hold onto even one of them.”
She looked so small lying there. So hurt. Surely, Wisdom would not prevent Tuksook from being a mother, he thought.
“Tuksook, I love you. If you never have a living baby, I’ll love you no less. I know you wish to be a mother. I’m so sorry this one didn’t make it. In no way are you a failure.” He held her in his arms while she allowed water to flow freely from her eyes and his joined hers.
Item walked by. She saw the grief of Tuksook and Gumui. She stopped. “I’m so sorry. We tried the best we knew. It’s that so much of the original People continues on in us. Those of us who have the beautiful sloping heads also have trouble giving birth. That’s just how it is. It doesn’t make it any easier on you at times like this.”
Tuksook looked at her mother. She knew that People with her head shape had difficult births, but somehow she hadn’t applied that to herself. So that was the curse. There was an old saying that the beautiful were cursed. The saying was from the women of very long ago, she thought, not Wisdom. Tuksook never considered herself beautiful, but the People prized the head shape she had as the greatest sign of beauty. Gumui’s head had a little slope, and his family had the trait. Still, Tuksook thought, she might have had an easier time had she chosen someone with a straight forehead,
but that would be impossible—she loved Gumui. She could think of being with no one else.
“Gumui, will you bury the baby?”
He nodded. It was not usual to bury the body of a baby that didn’t live, but there was no rule against it. He would do it. Gumui laid her back on their sleeping place and touched her shoulder. Their eyes met in silent understanding. He picked up the little leather wrapped bundle.
He went to the tool container for digging tools.
“Want some help?” Togomoo asked.
“I’d appreciate that a lot.”
Togomoo gathered tools and headed toward the burial place with Gumui. Together they dug the grave, gathered some flowers, and laid the little body in the ground, covered it with the flowers, and replaced the dirt.
“If there is life in you, little one,” Gumui said, “go to Wisdom.”
“Do you think they go to Wisdom when they’ve never breathed?” Togomoo asked.
“I have no idea. I just know that it’s very important to Tuksook to bury these babies with the People who have gone before. When I look at that tiny little perfect body, I cannot see why it is not one of us, even though it failed to breathe. Its looks are what I reason as being People. The little body looked exactly like People.”
“Brill lost two. It’s terrible for the women to have carried a baby they could feel and then it comes dead.”
“If you can say the babies came dead, that means that once they had life, doesn’t it? Tuksook could feel this one kick from time to time. Even though it never breathed, I think it still had life. So, burial may be appropriate,” Gumui said.
“I guess it’s just how the parents feel whether it’s buried or goes to the trash heap.” Togomoo picked up the tools he’d brought.
“I think so. I don’t know that anyone has ever known what Wisdom’s way is regarding burying these little ones. Thanks for the help. It was good to have someone else here,” Gumui said as he picked up the tools he’d brought.
In another part of the meadow, Oneg and Ren were teaching children to sing and dance. Because there was little space in the house in the cold time, they taught the children to dance in place, moving no more than two steps at any given time all in the same direction. They danced using their whole bodies. They made dances about fishing for the sea aurochs, hunting the giant deer, and bringing down a goose with a slingshot. They made dances about the sun dying and coming back to life, about the sky lights, about the big earthquake. The favorite was the dance about fishing for sea aurochs, because they had some People act like a boat with other People rowing, two People crawling out of the boat and looping the tail of the sea aurochs, and People rowing with great effort back to the meadow. One person played the sea aurochs. That person’s feet represented the sea aurochs’ tail. On the way back, the person playing the sea aurochs would roll from side to side, while People rowed twice as hard in imagined travel to go against the current of the river and carry the heavy load.
Oneg’s flute and Bitro’s drum were wonderful accompaniment for the song and dance. Taman had made the drum for Bitro. Oneg taught him how to count. The drum and the flute together were a wonder to People just introduced to music. The dance would entertain People during the cold time when they rarely went outside. Oneg wanted the children to respond to the music by making their moves correspond to the beat of the music. It was difficult, but they were learning it. Oneg thought that not only would the dancers provide cold time entertainment, but also they’d give the children exercise when they were limited in time outside. Dance encouraged them to move without running about inside. Running about inside the house was not permitted.
Tuksook could hear the happy sounds in the meadow. She found herself resenting the happiness of children learning something that made them laugh. She felt her sense of humor left when her child arrived lifeless. Tuksook reasoned in her mind web that this was part of life, but at the moment she felt wrapped in death. She knew that it was good that the music and laughter went on, but she wished she could avoid hearing it. Tired from the labor, Tuksook fell into a deep sleep.
In her sleep she drifted into a long tunnel. The tunnel was the green color of the sky lights. It seemed to go forever pulling her along quickly. Then, she could see white light. She wondered whether the tunnel was ending. Tuksook slid out of the tunnel into a room of white light. She stood, a little shaky on her feet after the strange pull through the green tunnel. Wisdom walked into the room.
Tuksook immediately lowered herself to her knees. “Wisdom,” she murmured.
“Your body does not hold children well,” Wisdom said without emotion. “Stand.”
“That is true,” Tuksook said chagrined while rising to stand.
“Tuksook, even in Ki’ti’s time they learned that the original People had difficulty in birth. Now, the People are beginning the final change for life in the future. Some things are more helpful to life in the future. One of the ways success in the future is assured is through births. Those who would survive better in the future will have more children than those who would have difficulty in the future. It is my way. The original People will seemingly die off, leaving only traces of themselves in those who follow. You will not disappear altogether—your original People will live in others. The others will not remain unchanged. They will carry the original People and others while part of them vanishes. Do you understand?”
“That is why my baby died?”
“Yes. It lacked what is needed for the future.”
“There’s no way to eat certain things to put back what is lacking?”
“No, Tuksook. It isn’t a function of eating right things. The People all eat the same things. If eating would do it, all would have the same health, but such is not the case.”
“I understand. It’s sad, Wisdom.”
“It’s just change, Tuksook.”
“It seems unfair somehow,” she said.
“Tuksook, life is not fair. You of all People know that. I will explain differently. Individuals have life lines. So do peoples. Those with Mol, Big Lake, and original People heritage have far, far longer life line experience than the people with Minguat heritage. Your lines are drawing short, but theirs are just reaching their fullness. They will carry you and those others with long life lines into the future. You don’t disappear, but you lose the prominence you’ve had. The Minguat take on that prominence. Future People will look more like the Minguat.”
Tuksook stood looking at the floor. In front of her were Wisdom’s feet. One foot was longer than she was tall.
“Come with me, I will show you things to come.”
Tuksook followed.
“Tuksook, what are you thinking?”
“I’m sorry, Wisdom. I was thinking that my expectation is that when you walk, the earth should rumble, but I feel nothing.”
“Ah, Tuksook, after all this time do you still not know that I am spirit? I do not weigh as you weigh. I made this representation of me to be with you. What you see is not real. You knew that as a young child. It is a way you can be with me and see me to communicate seemingly face-to-face. If you were to look on my face as it really is, you would die. Yet, when you die, you’ll see my face, because you’ll be fully spirit. When a spirit does not make the earth rumble when walking, don’t expect a representation of a spirit to do it.”
“I understand.”
“Now, look here. What do you see?”
“It is Eagle’s Grasp and the land around it.”
“Yes. Now, watch this.”
The picture that Wisdom had created, looking down at the land where Tuksook and the People lived, began by small degrees to change. The river carried much more water from rains, and then there was snow. Lots of snow. The snow became ice. The ice grew. In time the whole land was under the ice—very, very thick ice.
“When I flew over Eagle’s Grasp the first time, that’s what I felt put pressure on the land, but I didn’t see it then?”
“Yes, Tuksook. The land, like Peopl
e, changes. This ice will come and remain for a long time. When it goes, well, watch.”
Tuksook watched the ice melting. She saw that the ice had carved out the valley very, very wide. She was amazed. Hills where the sheep had their young were gone, and the dirt from that land meandered down the valley and was cast into the sea. Tuksook was overwhelmed with the enormity of the thing.
“Wisdom, is this inevitable? It looks to me that our meadow will be under water.”
“Yes. It is certain. Yes. Your meadow land will be gone and the place where it is will be under water. You have a special time to live in Eagle’s Grasp. It is a time of plenty, a place of peace, a good time in a good land. All living things have life lines. All living things are temporary.”
“Thank you, Wisdom, for leading us here now.”
“Reach out to the picture of Eagle’s Grasp and touch the water by the location of where your meadow was. Then taste the water.”
Tuksook did.
“Wisdom, the water is salty.” She shook it from her fingers.
Wisdom smiled. “There will be huge change after the ice sits above the land. The ice weighs much, lowering the land and when the ice leaves the valley, the sea will replace your river, and the People who remain will have to survive all this change. They’ll survive by changing. The land makes a significant change and so too do the people and all life. This occurs normally, but People rarely see it because in your time things change slowly. Most People are born and die without ever knowing of anything like the volcano of Ki’ti’s time or the massive ice that is about to come—the significant winds of change. They see little things as the winds of change, but it is the enormous earth changes that are the real winds of change. The small ones merely hint at the big ones. Small ones make a change in lives of individuals or groups of individuals; large ones affect the inhabitants of earth.”
Tuksook's Story, 35,000 BC Page 26