“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” My words trail off on a whisper as the darkness creeping in finally pulls me under.
7
I wake up screaming, kicking the blankets wrapped around me to the floor. Scrambling upright, I slam against the steel rails of a headboard, each one digging into my back. I pull my legs up to my chest, my eyes darting to every corner of the room. One small dresser, one sitting chair in the corner, one bedside table with a lamp and my phone—everything all white. No window.
I scoot to the edge of the bed, finding my Chucks tucked underneath. It’s then I realize I too am in all white. White t-shirt. White lounge pants. White socks.
What is going on?
Where am I?
How did I get changed into these clothes?
My heart momentarily comes to a screeching stop within my chest.
Am I at the center?
Am I… being held… at the center?
Do they know what I did at the diner?
Did Liv tell?
Every single one of my nightmares involving being tortured, tested on, and ultimately dissected returns with a vengeance. My stomach churns, the throbbing in my head intensifying until it feels like my brain might explode straight out of my skull, adding color to the walls. The room dips below me, then spins in dizzying circles as the walls close in.
I can’t breathe.
I claw at my shirt, my lungs full of concrete so nothing can get in or out. I’m going to suffocate. The walls move a little closer. I spread my arms out to slow them down. My fingers touch nothing but air, the walls where they’ve always been.
I need to get out of here.
I can’t be here.
I can’t…
I grab my phone and shoes as air swirls around me, the heavy weight of it pressing against my skin, making it even harder to breathe. My insides vibrate at a hundred miles an hour, the bed beneath my knees becoming less solid.
The door in front of me opens. Sebastian calls my name, the tray in his hand crashing to the floor as he runs toward me, but it’s too late. I’m already gone.
The world around me blurs in a smear of white, my body weightless as the bed disappears from beneath me. I slam my eyes shut against the rush, and when I open them, I’m in my room.
I brace my hands against my dresser, sucking air in through my teeth. For a second my shoulders relax at being home, but then thoughts of uncertainty slither in beneath my skin. If Liv did tell the chasers about my use of dark magic, it’s not a stretch to think she could have told Aunt Claudia and Uncle Caleb too. I have no idea how they might react to that. Home might not be safe anymore.
I strain my ears, listening for any sounds. Apart from my racing heartbeats and the whistling of air moving through my lips, the house is deathly quiet. Not even Coco is barking. I slow my breaths, taking deeper, longer inhales as my muscles relax, my lungs finally opening up so I can breathe properly.
I twist around, staring out over my room. I spent the last eleven years of my life here, and though the first was hard after the death of my mom, it became home. My sanctuary. The one place I knew I’d always be safe. Now I’m not so sure that’s true anymore. If there truly is darkness in me…
I wipe a wayward tear from my cheek.
Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I can’t stay here anymore, so there’s no sense dwelling on things I can’t change.
I grab my backpack off the floor and dump the contents onto my bed, then stuff it with whatever clothes I can grab. Stepping inside my closet, I strip off the white attire in favor of a pair of skinny black jeans, a gray sweater, and a pair of black high top Chucks. I pause in the doorway, my gaze going to the boxes of old board games in the back. Dropping to my knees, I pull off the cover to Trouble and set it aside. The Book of Shadows from Books and Brew stares up at me.
I should burn it and be done with it before it can cause any more harm.
I grab it and head back out into my room, where I throw it in the trashcan. All I need now is something to light it with. I don’t trust myself enough to use magic. I probably wouldn’t be able to access it in my current state, anyway.
Rummaging through my nightstand drawer, I pull out a book of matches I normally use to light candles with. Ripping one out, I strike it over the red phosphorous on the side of the box, watching as the tip ignites into a small dancing flame. All I have to do is drop it.
The flame burns down until it reaches my fingers, and I have to blow it out.
I strike another. It too burns down to my fingertips.
I can’t do it. I can’t burn the stupid book. Why can’t I burn it?
If I can’t get rid of it by fire, then I’ll just leave it in the trash, and it can make its way to the city dump. Problem solved. I turn my back on it, but it’s like an insistent, nagging itch on the back of my neck I can’t ignore.
What if someone finds it? What if someone uses it? What if by throwing it away I inadvertently release evil upon the world? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if any of that happened.
Yanking it out of the trash, I shove it down into my backpack, resigned to keeping it… for now. But the moment I can find away to get rid of it, it’s gone.
I look around my room for anything else I might need. My gaze lands on a picture of my mom and me. I was three or four, and it was Halloween. She was dressed as Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movies, and I was Mini-Me. A tear streams down my cheek, despite the slight smile on my face as I imagine what it would have been like to spend every Halloween with her. The crazy costumes we could have come up with. I place it in my backpack, along with a family photo of Aunt Claudia, Uncle Caleb, Liv, Jack, and me at the water park.
Snatching a hair tie off the dresser, I twist it around my hair so it’s pulled back into a low ponytail, then throw on a zip up hoodie before raiding my secret stash of cash beneath my mattress. Slipping my backpack on, I stand in the middle of my room having no real place to go. I can’t go to Paige or Taylor’s house, and I definitely can’t go to Evan’s.
For better or worse, I’m on my own.
For half a second, I want to fall to the floor and cry. I want to throw my stuff back into my closet and curl up in the middle of my bed. I want to stay. I want to hope everything will be okay. That Liv won’t be afraid of me. That my family will be safe and not get caught up in the mess my life has become. That Sebastian won’t see the darkness in me. But I can’t. I can’t afford to fall apart, and I can’t afford to stay. I have to keep it together, and I have to leave.
I close my eyes, trying my hand at whooshing, but with my headache still raging at full capacity from already using suppressed magic, I can’t. I’m going to have to run away the old-fashioned way.
I press my palm against my forehead, wishing I could get my hands on some of Jack’s Headache Be Gone Juice.
Jack. Oh my God, Jack. He was…
Thoughts of what happened at the diner fill my mind. Damian bit him, drank from him, and he was so, so still lying there on the floor. I don’t even know if he’s okay. God, I hope he’s okay. Please, let him be okay. Please. Please. Please.
I pull my phone out, my thumbs hovering over the screen. I can’t leave without knowing Jack’s okay because what if he’s not? What if they need me to save him once my magic recovers? What if Damian turned him? What if he’s a vampire now? What if I need to cure him?
I grip my phone tighter, knowing exactly what I’ll do if he needs me. I’ll risk exposing all my secrets to the chasers and let them do whatever they want with me, so long as it means Jack will be okay.
~ Jack? I hit send, then wait in agony for Sebastian’s reply.
~ The Venari healers are with him now. Where are you?
I fall to my knees, hugging the phone to my chest. He’s alive. Thank the stars in heaven above; he’s alive and the healers are with him. He’ll be okay. Sebastian will make sure of it. He’s alive. Jack’s alive.
But he so easily could have not been.
If
it weren’t for vampires hunting me down, Jack never would have been put in the position he was. I’m a walking time bomb to those around me. The best thing I can do for all of them is to keep to the plan and leave. At least then they can be safe.
I wipe the tears from my eyes, stuff my phone in my backpack, and slowly open my bedroom door, all my breath held tight within my lungs. The hallway is dark, no sounds stirring from within the house. The knotted muscles in my shoulders relax a little with a slow exhale. Nobody’s home to stop me, question me, or detain me for being an evil witch—providing Liv actually did tell them all about my black eyes and dark magic.
Liv’s face flashes in my mind. The way she looked at me at the diner… There was so much fear in her eyes.
Fresh tears spill down my cheeks. What if she can never look at me the same again? What if I can never truly come home? What if I can never see my family again?
“Stop.”
Shoving my emotions down, I wipe my eyes dry and force myself to get it together. Dwelling and questioning won’t bring me anything other than pain, and I’m already drowning in enough of it. If I go under any further, I’ll never be able to breathe.
Besides, it’s better I stay away, I remind myself for the umpteenth time. Safer. Vampires will have no reason to target them if I’m gone, and that’s all that matters. The pain I feel now at leaving everyone behind will eventually lessen as time passes, even if right now it feels like my chest is being pried apart and my heart shredded into a million different pieces with a pair of gardening shears. My leaving is what’s best for everyone.
I make a pit stop in the bathroom to grab a few toiletries to add to my pack then jog down the stairs, hooking a right at the bottom toward the kitchen. Swiping a set of garage keys from the hook hanging by the door, I exit out the back. My bike’s got a flat, but maybe I’ll get lucky and Liv’s or Jack’s won’t. Providing I can dig them out from behind all the junk piled up in front of them at the back of the garage. A taxi or an Über would be better, considering it’ll be full on dark soon, but waiting around for it to arrive probably wouldn’t be wise with Sebastian more than likely out looking for me. I have no idea what he’ll do if he finds me. Hug me or turn me in?
“Going somewhere?”
I jump, clenching the keys in my hands so hard I draw blood. I will my heartbeats to slow, lest they break straight through my ribs before I turn around. “Evan.” I take a breath, hoping I can keep my voice steady. “What are you doing here?”
He moves out from the shadows slinking across the backyard with the setting sun. Tucking his hands in his letterman jacket, he leans against the garage door. “I came to see you. I thought we could hang out like old times. We’re still friends, right?”
“Of course we are.” I swallow the lump of fear lodging itself in my throat and plaster on a smile while keeping my fingers crossed it doesn’t appear fake.
The smile he offers in return sends a shiver down my back.
“Look, um, I’m actually on my way out.” I take a few backward steps, needing to put a little distance between us. “Can we, um, maybe hang out another day?”
Gazing at me with big, sad eyes, he juts out his bottom lip. “But I miss you and being around you makes me happy. You want me to be happy, don’t you, Indi?”
My heartbeats kick into high gear. When I cast the spell over him that day at school, I told him to find what makes him happy. Never for a second did I think I might be that thing. Or that he would twist my words into some dark obsession, providing the things I’m suspecting him of really are true.
He takes my hand, capturing it between his own. “You’re all I ever think about.” A smile bordering on the creepy side returns to his face. “In a purely platonic way, of course.” His smile disappears as his eyes shift toward the ground. “You’re one of my best friends, Indi, always have been, and I don’t want to lose that part of us too. I’m okay with us not being a couple anymore because it’s what you want. I just miss you and hanging out like we used to. Don’t you?” The emotions swirling in his big blue eyes when he looks back up at me speak of sadness and sincerity. It tugs at my heart and makes me question everything. Could I be wrong about him?
“I do.” His smile returns, but something about it still feels off. Like he’s smiling for a whole different reason. I pull my hand from his, pretending to have an itch. “Hey, um, you weren’t near the park earlier today were you?” I must be completely lacking in brain cells to be asking him this now… when we’re all alone… in the dark… and I can’t tell what his motives truly are. But I have to know his answer. Maybe it’ll give me some kind of clarity.
“Nope, can’t say that I was. I spent most of the day lounging around the house playing the Xbox with Jeremy. Why?”
“No reason. Just curious.”
“I got something for you.” He reaches into his back pocket. “Close your eyes.”
“Evan, it’s getting late, and I really do need to go.” I hook a thumb over my shoulder and take another step backward.
“Come on. It’ll only take a second, and then I promise I’ll let you go.” He juts his bottom lip out once again, adding in a heavy dose of sad puppy eyes. “I swear you’ll love it.”
Against my better judgment, I do what he asks. Shoving a hand in my pocket, I wrap my fingers around a switchblade I stole from Jack’s knife collection—just in case. It shouldn’t be this way. Evan was always so sweet. He would never hurt anyone. At least the Evan he was before I messed with his emotions and free will wouldn’t. But this new Evan, I can’t get a read on. What he would do now is anyone’s guess.
“Okay, you can open them.”
In his hand is a long-stemmed blue rose. For a second my heart ceases to beat before it comes back with unsteady thuds. Every bit of moisture in my mouth evaporates, leaving me unable to say a word.
“Do you like it? My mom just got them in a few days ago, and I know you’ve always liked the color blue.” He holds it out to me.
I force my tongue to move. “It’s beautiful.” It takes every ounce of willpower for my voice to stay steady and my hand to not shake. “Are you sure you weren’t at the park today?”
“Yep. Why would I lie about something like that?”
“I guess you wouldn’t.” I stare at the rose. “I just thought maybe…” I trail off, not sure what to say. It’s not like I can outright accuse him of trashing Sebastian’s car because I found a blue rose under the chassis. “Never mind. Thank you for the flower.”
He takes it from my hand, then tucks it behind my ear like he always used to do before. His fingers linger over loose strands of hair that didn’t get swept up into my ponytail. He twirls it around his finger as he takes several steps closer, eliminating the majority of the distance between us. “I always liked it when you wore the flowers I gave you in your hair.”
My heart jackhammers in my chest, my nerves on edge. Every cell in my body wants to flee from the wrongness of his touch. I force myself to stay still, afraid to provoke him in any way when I have no idea how he’ll react.
I hate this. I hate thinking the worst about him. I hate feeling the way he’s changed. I hate knowing it’s my fault. He’s different now because of me, because I used magic when I had no right to. The sting of tears burns my eyes, and I bite my lip to keep them from falling. I’d have no idea how to answer if he questioned why I was crying. “Evan, I really—”
“Have to go. I know,” he says, finishing my sentence. He untangles his fingers from my hair and takes a step back. “I won’t keep you.”
He doesn’t move away from the garage door, and I don’t want to ask him to.
“I’ll, uh… I’ll see you later.” I take a few backward steps before turning around. I spare a glance over my shoulder. He’s still there, his eyes following my every move. A half-smile tugs at his mouth as he lifts his hand, wiggling his fingers in goodbye.
I pick up the pace and turn the corner, needing to get the feel of his gaze off the back of
my neck. I need to find Ivy sooner rather than later. I can’t let things keep going on the way they are with Evan. I need to make it right, and I need to do it now.
Letting out a groan, I shove the garage keys into a side pocket on my backpack, wishing I’d had the nerve to ask Evan to step aside so I could get a bike from the garage. I really don’t like being on foot with nightfall approaching, but Evan freaks me out too much to go back, and I can’t hide in my room anymore after what I did at the diner. I’ve got no choice but to keep going with the hope I can make it somewhere safe before another vampire tracks me down. I just need to figure out where that safe place is.
8
The tips of my Chucks press against the stone steps leading up to Saint Michael’s as I stare up at the gothic spires stretching toward the heavens above. I’ve never been to church. I’m not even sure if I’d be welcomed there, or if it would be the safe haven I’d like to think it would be given, well, everything. Maybe I should turn away now and not even tempt fate, considering the things I’ve done. I’ve used dark magic more than once. I compelled my aunt and uncle to forget they told me the truth about my mom and dad—and into thinking they suppressed my memories again. I manipulated Evan’s feelings into what I wanted them to be, and in doing so created someone I no longer recognize, someone who’s potentially dangerous. I’ve been lying to my family and friends left and right about one thing or another. Then there’s the possibility of potential vampire traits I may have inherited from Seth’s bite.
Of course, those same abilities could have been passed onto me from my father. Self-healing. Compelling. All things angels can potentially do, too, according to Liv. Which brings me around to the biggest reason of all to not tempt fate—the very blood that runs through my veins. The bounty on my head from angels who think I shouldn’t exist still stands. What if going through those doors alerts them to where I am? What if they eliminate me just like that with a snap of their fingers, making all the sacrifices my family has made in the name of keeping me safe all for nothing?
Of Darkness & Light: Blood Descent Book 2 Page 7