A soft orange glow has my eyes darting down to my hand where a small fireball is forming. I lift it up, holding it in front of my face. It hovers just above my skin. This is new… I think? I mean, I’ve set vampires on fire with my thoughts, and my room on fire in my sleep, but I’ve never just conjured a fireball in my hand before. While awake, anyway.
“Indi?”
A high-pitched scream tears from my lungs, and the fireball goes flying.
Sebastian’s eyes widen, the fireball coming too fast for him to move out of the way.
No. No. No. No. No.
I Throw my hands up in the air, and the fireball shimmers and turns into a dozen bright orange Gerbera Daisies. They bounce off his chest and land at his feet.
“I’m so sorry. I was freaked out, and I didn’t know it was you and… God, I could have set you on fire.” The thought hits me hard—a ton of bricks over the head hard. I stare down at my hands like the evil appendages they are. Bad magic. All I have is bad magic. The floor sways under my feet, the world in front of me undulating as though I were looking through water. I grab at my chest, tugging at my shirt to no avail. There’s no air. “I could have… set you… on fire.” I fall forward right into his arms as darkness steals the light, and I slip into its cold embrace.
“Indi.”
The soft cadence of Sebastian’s voice has my eyes fluttering open to his shadowed face hovering above my own. Deep blue irises darkened with enough concern to nearly swallow the spot of brown in his left eye roam over my face as his fingers gently comb through my hair. A sigh of relief has his eyebrows leveling out and his mouth curving into a smile the moment our eyes meet.
“There you are.”
“What happened?” And then it hits me. Where we are and what I did. I sit straight up, my hands flying over the front of his shirt in search of scorch marks. There’s nothing there.
He pops an orange Gerbera Daisy in front of my face. “It’s okay. You only hit me with these. That was some fast magic.”
I take the flower from between his fingers, the petals brushing underneath my nose. Everything about it smells and feels real. A tear slips down my cheek, and then another. As real as this flower is in my hands, so were the flames I threw before it. “I could have killed you.”
“But you didn’t.” He plucks the daisy from my fingers, and I throw my arms around his neck, straddling his lap to hold him as close as possible. He rubs circles over my back in comforting strokes that only fuel the tears flooding down my cheeks. “I’m okay, Indi. You didn’t hurt me.”
“But I could have,” I mumble into his shoulder. It’s so blubbery even I barely understand what I said. “I always do the wrong thing. Why do I always do the wrong thing? Why does my magic always go to the darkest and most destructive places when I’m scared? My emotions get out of control—the sky darkens and opens up. I have nightmares—I set my room on fire. Vampires threaten the people I love—I exsanguinate them, or burn them to ash. Sometimes both.” My mind becomes a whirlwind of all the destructive things I’ve done as I try so hard to find the good. “All I have is bad magic.”
He pries my arms away from around his neck then pushes me back to look me in the eye in what bit of light shines from his phone on the ground beside us. “Your magic is not bad, Indi. The only thing you’re guilty of is being untrained, and we can fix that. I know your cousins are working with you, but if you’re willing, I know someone else who might be able to help you harness your emotions, and with it, your magic.”
“I know you’re trying to help, but I’m starting to think it might be best if I went back to drinking Aunt Claudia’s suppression tea. Maybe even let her wipe my memories too. I don’t know why I ever thought I could do this. I’m not some tough badass witch who can stand up and defend herself against the supernatural world like I claim to be. I’m an inexperienced abomination who shouldn’t even exist. Heaven was right to send bounty hunters after me because all I seem to do is cause harm to everyone around me.
“I nearly got Jack killed at the diner because psycho vampires are hell-bent on killing me, and he happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I terrified Liv when I went dark to stop them. I nearly set you on fire just now. I made a mess of Ev—” Evan’s true emotions “—of everything.” Something inside of me breaks at the thought of giving up after I’ve fought so hard to prove I’m capable of being in control of my life and my magic, but maybe that just means it’s the right choice. Maybe hiding who I am, even from myself, really is what’s best. “I can’t hurt anybody if I can’t use my magic.”
“You can’t help them either.”
“Am I really helping anyone now?”
“Yes. If it weren’t for your magic, I wouldn’t be here. You saved my life, and in doing so, saved the lives of all the people I’ve ever rescued from vampire attacks, or any other monster out there. Your magic has done more good and saved more lives than you think, so stop doubting yourself. For all the bad magic you think you cast, there’s good magic in there too. There are two sides to everything. Good and bad, darkness and light. It’s what side you decide to nurture that counts. You are capable of great things, Indi. You just need to have more faith in yourself.”
“Have more faith in myself? You make it sound so easy. I’ll be sure to get right on that.”
He cracks a smile at my sarcasm, and I want to hate him for it. How can he be so positive when everything around us is so negative? How can he see the light when all I can see is the dark?
“I didn’t say it was going to be easy, but it’s not as hard as you think it is, either. All I ask is that you believe in yourself a little more. You have a good heart and a pure soul, Indi. If you didn’t, I wouldn’t be holding these daisies.” Scooping up the pile beside his leg, he holds them out for me.
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
“Well, I do know, Indiana Grace Bellamy,” he says busting out my full name. “One day you’ll see what I see, and until you do, I’ll be here to remind you.”
His words are meant to be kind and encouraging, but all they do is crawl under my skin, where they ignite.
“How can you be so damn positive about everything all the damn time given all you’ve been through?” I don’t mean to blow up at him, but I just don’t get how he can be so optimistic all the time. How he can have any faith in something good at all when he’s spent his life growing up with an abusive father who beat and blamed him for the tragedy of his sister, then forced him into a life of vampire hunting under the notion it would redeem him for things that were never his fault? I’ve seen the way he is in the field, all arrogant and self-assured with an underlying death wish. So how can he sit here now and spew all this have faith, believe in yourself bull crap when deep down, I’m not so sure he believes it himself?
He rubs at the center of his chest, a frown pulling the corners of his mouth down. “Because the alternative sucks. I know because I lived it. I still live it. But when I’m with you, you spark something in me I thought died a long time ago. You give me hope, Indi. Hope that there’s still light in all the darkness I live in every day. Hope that maybe life really is worth living. You make me want to be a better person. You give me faith.”
All my words halt before they can reach my tongue because, honestly, I have no idea how to respond. Part of me loves that I inspire him to not be so careless with his life, but the other half of me questions his sanity for looking at me as a source of faith when I’m barely keeping it together. I like to put on a brave face, and I talk tough, but it’s all a façade. On the inside, I’m struggling to hold it all together because I have no idea what I’m doing. I went from being just ordinary me to being a supernatural so fast, I don’t know who I am anymore. Everything keeps changing and I’m just trying to catch up.
“You’re stronger than you think, Indi.”
“Okay, this whole you feeling what I’m feeling thing is going to get old fast if all you’re going to do is give me constant pep talks when I fall
into a depressive funk.”
“Then don’t fall into a depressive funk and doubt yourself, and I won’t have to.”
“Ugh. I’m going to hit you.”
“No, you’re not, but if you’d like to explore some other feeling—something a little more…” his gaze drops to my mouth, “pleasant in the name of research of course. It wouldn’t take much to persuade me.”
“You’re unbelievable.”
His only response is a shrug and a teasing grin.
“I know what you’re doing and it isn’t going to work.”
“We’ll see.”
Pushing thoughts of his lips pressed against mine along with the uh-huh, I know what you’re thinking about look he’s giving me right now out of my head, I ask, “Did you find Seth?”
The flirty smile encompassing his mouth falls away. “Not exactly, but I did find something.”
My heart skips a beat at the way he says something. “What?”
Rows of florescent bulbs flicker on above us, flooding the space with light. In the sudden silence, a soft scraping sound echoes from the hall just to the left of us—the one leading to the hidden entrance.
Sebastian mumbles a curse under his breath as he pulls me to my feet. “He’s early.” He whips his head left then right, peering up and down the hall before settling his gaze on me. Fear and anger clash with a reckless defiance in the depths of his eyes. “We have to hide. Or at least you do. I can handle it if he catches me, but if he finds you, nothing good will come of it.”
I’ve never seen Sebastian show an ounce of fear. Ever. He’s always so cocky and self-assured, so to see the hint of it now kind of freaks me out. But what’s down the hall he’s dragging me toward freaks me out way more. I don’t want to be anywhere near that vampire girl again. I don’t know if I can trust myself not to unlock the door a second time.
I dig my feet in, jerking us to a stop.
“What are you doing? He’ll reach the hall any second. We have to find another hall to go down or an unlocked room to hide in.” He twists the knob on the closest door, but like all the rest he’s tried, it’s locked too. He tilts to the side to peer around me, the tension in his shoulders slightly relaxing. Gavin must not have gotten far enough to spot us yet.
“I want to try something.” Please, please, please let this work down here. I pull him closer until there’s barely any space separating us. The air around us presses in, drawing him even closer as the hallway begins to blur and the ground beneath our feet no longer feels so solid anymore.
He bumps into me in the pitch-blackness of the room, then staggers back. A loud clang fills the room, followed by a harsh thwack.
“Ow.” He shifts around, moving things in the dark. “Did you whoosh us into the janitor’s closet upstairs?”
“It’s the first place that popped into my head.”
I pull my phone out of my back pocket, the flashlight still on, to find him rubbing the back of his head as he gives a mop handle the death glare. I’ve been there. I bite my lip to keep from laughing, but a little slips out anyway. And then a lot more slip out until I can barely stand up straight. I can’t help it. After all the intense doom and gloom we just faced, a little comedic relief is needed.
“Oh, so this is funny, huh? How’s this for funny?” He grabs hold of me, tickling me all along my ribs until I’m laughing so hard it hurts, and no sound comes out.
“Okay, okay, it’s not funny,” I squeak out. His fingers cease their dance over all my ticklish spots, and I take a deep breath in. “It’s just… two seconds ago everything was serious, and scary, and we were about to get busted poking around a secret part of the center to you then glaring at a mop handle like you’re about to teach it a lesson. It’s a little surreal. Plus, it reminded me of my own fight with the janitorial equipment in here the day I shorted out the VR system.”
“So the mop attacked you too, huh?”
“The mop. The broom. The bucket. It wasn’t a good five minutes.” I look around the small space, shining the light into all the corners. “The center doesn’t have hidden cameras in here, do they?”
“Nope. No need for them. Only the pure of heart can get in, remember? Though, I kind of wish we did now so I can see you square off with the bucket, mop, and broom. I bet they had you beat.”
“Oh, ha, ha. I’ll show you who has who beat.” I punch his shoulder, and he takes hold of my wrist, spinning me around so my back is pressed against his chest, and my arm locked across my stomach.
“Who has who beat again?” he whispers into my ear.
I elbow him in the side with my free arm, then twist back around, slipping my wrist free from his grip. “You were saying?”
His mouth curls in a slow grin.
“Why are you smiling like that?”
“Because I still have the advantage.” He lifts his hands, wiggling his fingers. “Wonder if I can make you pee your pants?”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Wouldn’t I?” He takes a tiny step closer in the confined space, giving me absolutely nowhere to go.
18
“What are we going to do about Seth? And what was the something you found?” I ask once we’re outside the center, thankfully with dry pants. The impromptu tickle attack might have cut the tension a bit with a much-needed distraction for a few minutes, but we can’t escape reality forever. Seth is our best lead in discovering what Ludvikas is up to, as well as my biggest threat if Gavin gets him to spill my secret.
My mind automatically drums up nightmares of what’ll happen to me if I’m discovered. Needles. Testing. Draining. A shiver slips down my back and I wrap my arms around myself. Finding Seth has to be top priority.
Ignoring my question, Sebastian bypasses the death trap on wheels and leads me across the street into another section of abandoned warehouses covered in graffiti. He stops outside the third one down and pulls out a set of keys from his pocket. He whispers something under his breath as he unlocks a large, thick steel padlock. A soft click fills the silence while a series of blue symbols race over the face of the garage door.
Rust covered industrial lamps suspended from the rafters pop on the moment he steps inside the building. Their bright glow illuminates several rows of various cars, trucks, vans, and motorcycles ranging from beaters to high end. There are so many it could almost be considered a small car lot in here.
Gazing at him over my shoulder, I raise an eyebrow.
“The center keeps extra vehicles on hand as backups should a visiting chaser require one.”
“You mean you could have taken any one of these this morning, and you chose a motorcycle?”
He shrugs. “I thought it would be fun.”
“I can assure you, it was anything but fun.” My stomach does an unsettling flip just thinking about being back on the bike. Never again will I get on one, even if it means it’s the difference between having a ride to safety and facing certain death.
Okay, maybe I might consider it if I were facing certain death. But I wouldn’t like it.
“So which one do you want to take? Lady’s choice.” He waves his arms out with a dramatic flourish.
“How many car exhibits did you have to attend to learn all the fancy hand gestures?” I tease.
“I learned all my moves from television game shows, thank you very much.” He tips his chin toward the vehicles. “Take a look around.”
I run my fingers over a black sedan with tinted windows. Why couldn’t he have chosen something like this to pick me up in this morning? I could have been riding in style instead of having my heart lodged in my throat.
“See anything you like?” His voice echoes from somewhere behind me, and I turn to find him staring at a covered car in the corner. A forlorn expression settles over his face before he straightens his shoulders and replaces it with one of determination. Grabbing two fistfuls, he rips the cover off, then lets it flutter to the floor.
Guilt blooms within my chest. It’s my fault his car looks
like this. If I’d just left Evan alone to deal with his feelings in his own way and time instead of taking matters into my own hands to muck up, Sebastian wouldn’t be standing here so dejected. It’s obvious the Camaro doesn’t belong to the center and means something more to him than just a way to get around. It holds a deep sentimental value that can’t be replaced.
Bad magic. All I have is bad magic, my inner voice reiterates.
Despite the faith Sebastian has in my magic and in me, it doesn’t change the fact that every time I use it, it always seems to end in disaster more often than not. Try to ease Evan’s pain over our breakup—make a monster. Try to save my cousins—become a monster. My magic only ever leads to darkness.
Is the darkness really so bad when it saves the ones you love? an unrecognizable voice whispers in my ear. I whip my head to the side, looking for the source, but there’s no one there.
The charm around my neck heats the skin beneath it. Warmth seeps below the surface and spreads like wildfire through my veins, encasing me in blissful contentment. I lay my hand over the pendant as ripples of energy course from it into my palm.
When it protects them from harm? The voice whispers again, though this time it’s closer to sounding like my own voice.
“The darkness protects them,” I mumble under my breath. “It can’t be bad when it protects them, right?”
A loud clank echoes across the large space with a reverberating echo.
I jump at least two feet, clutching the pendant hard enough to have it stabbing into flesh. Sebastian picks up the tray of tools he’d knocked over, then sticks his head back under the hood of the Camaro, oblivious to the heart attack he just gave me.
I drop the pendant, shaking my head clear of the strange thoughts lingering in the back of my mind.
Is the darkness really so bad when it saves the ones you love?
Where did that even come from? Of course the darkness is bad. It’s why I spent the last couple days freaking out. Black eyes. Dark intent. Deadly magic. Evil book. No way any of that could ever be good, no matter how you spin it.
Of Darkness & Light: Blood Descent Book 2 Page 18