Oh God, the knife.
My hands fly to my chest in search of a wound, but there’s nothing there. Whatever that was… it was all in my head.
Yet, it felt so real.
Could it have been real?
The repeating images of snakes devouring their own tails play through my mind, and I can’t help but think of Ivy’s wrist tattoo or the fact that ouroboros’ are prominent all over Books and Brew from the coasters to the bricks over the doorways.
Could Ivy have done something to me and then made me forget?
The tip of my finger grazes the pendant, and just like that all thoughts of hooded figures, creepy chants, and a giant knife hurtling toward my chest slips from my mind. No. Ivy would never do anything to harm me. She’s my friend and only wants what’s best for me.
I shake out the tension still gripping my shoulders, then open the door. Ivy is waiting on the other side, her hand held out below her mouth. She blows out a breath and a blast of powder flies into my face.
“What are you…?” My knees give out and I grab hold of the doorframe. Her face swims in and out of focus as I slowly slide to the floor. She squats down in front of me as a tall male coalesces behind her. The same creepy smile he gave me the day he and Ivy were making out on the street spreads across his face. It stretches from ear to ear until it’s all I can see. With each slow blink I take, more and more pieces of his face disappear while the smile remains. It creeps into the darkness with me until it too eventually fades away, and I can’t see anything anymore.
“Indiana Grace Bellamy, wake up!” A set of dainty hands takes hold of my shoulders and proceeds to shake me. “Are you sick or something? I’ve been yelling for you to wake up for like ever. How late were you out last night? Jack and I tried waiting up for you, but eventually we fell asleep.” The bed dips where she takes a seat on the edge. A soft yet heavy sigh slips past her lips. “Are you okay? You know, after finding out about our family’s dark past?”
There’s so much tension rolling off her, the whole room seems to hold its breath. It’s suffocating, and I’m so tired of not being able to breathe.
“I’m fine.”
“Because if you’re not—”
“I said I’m fine, Liv.” It comes out dismissive and a little harsh, and I feel her stiffen beside me, but I can’t bring myself to apologize. Our ancestors did some pretty messed up things, but there’s nothing we can do about it now, so why dread over it? It is what it is. The past is the past and all that. All we can do now is move on, and that’s exactly what I intend to do.
She heaves herself off the bed. “Okay, sheesh, whatever. I just thought maybe you’d want to talk about it.”
“I don’t.”
“Yeah, you’ve made that pretty clear, but you still have to get up, or you’re going to be late for school.”
Cracking my eyes open is about as fun as prying apart fingers that have been super glued together. The overhead lights blind my eyes and send pinpricks of stabbing pain throughout my head. I throw the blankets over my face, taking comfort in the dark.
Maybe I am sick. Maybe the time spent in the cold last night slipped too far into my bones.
I have no idea how long I was out. I don’t even remember coming home. Not climbing through my window, whooshing in, or even being bold enough to strut through the front door after leaving while grounded. I don’t remember any of it.
What I do remember is relishing the cold night air, escaping to the water tower to find peace, confessing the sins of my ancestors to Sebastian, his silence, and feeling like I was drowning under the weight of everything hanging over my head. It’s after that things get a little fuzzy. I think I might have gone somewhere, but I can’t remember where. Only that I felt—that I still feel—lighter somehow. A little numb, even. I don’t know what happened to take the weight off, but I’m not going to fight against it. Feeling light and a little numb is way better than being stressed out and scared all the time that I’m going to make the wrong choice and cross a line I can’t come back from.
“Seriously, Indi, you’ve got like five minutes to get ready.”
“Since when are you so eager to get to school? It’s a Wednesday—shouldn’t you be telling Aunt Claudia you’ve contracted the plague and can’t go?”
“Ha ha, very funny.” Liv rips the blankets from my bed, leaving me to shiver in the cold. “Come on. Jack’s waiting downstairs.” Opening my closet, she yanks out a pastel pink sweater I never wear and a pair of black skinny jeans. Giving them the once over, she shrugs then tosses them at me. “There, half the work’s done.” She pauses at the door then tilts her head toward the singular item taking up space on top of my dresser. “Don’t forget to grab the ‘Gatorade’ for Evan.”
Right, Evan. Got to give him the cleansing juice to clean up my mess without him knowing what I’m doing.
Because that will be super easy.
Gah. If only I could skip this part. It’s not like he’s going to want anything to do with me after everything, anyway. He’ll be too busy hating me.
Like he should be.
I’d hate me too if I were him.
Which begs the question: how am I going to make him take part in a ritual he can’t know about?
Maybe I should just tell him the truth about everything. It would certainly make giving him the ‘Gatorade’ a lot easier than having to find some way to trick him into drinking it. We’re not together anymore. Why should it be a big deal if he knows I’m a witch and magic is real? With us broken up, there won’t be any reason for the Big Bads in my life to use him as a way to get to me.
In the grand scheme of things, will it matter if he knows the truth or not?
Yes, because keeping him safely in the dark is the right thing to do, my inner voice whispers in my head, despite my hoping for the easier no.
Whatever. If I don’t give it to him how we planned, I’ll never hear the end of it from Jack, anyway. Might as well do it and be done with it. At least I will have done something right, and that has to count for something.
I throw on the clothes Liv tossed at me, then shove the bottle into my backpack. Not bothering to brush out or straighten my hair, I sweep it up into a messy bun. My normally side-swept bangs want to hang straight down to poke me in the eyes, but oh well. I’m not out to impress anyone. Evan and I are long over as a couple, and the likelihood of our friendship surviving everything probably isn’t good either. As for Sebastian, he said all he needed to say when he said nothing at all last night.
My heart trips over a painful beat at the thought of Sebastian before it steadies out to the warmth seeping into my chest from beneath the pendant pressed against my skin. The heat spreads through my veins like armor, shielding me from all the pain trying to dig its claws in. If I don’t think about him, if I close myself off from all the feelings, then it can’t hurt.
Coco snarls at me from the doorway, and I mumble an incantation under my breath. I’m done with attacks on me no matter where they come from. Pointing my finger at her, a small bolt of electricity shoots out and hits the floor near her paw. Startled, she yelps and takes off down the hallway. “Maybe now you’ll stop growling at me all the time.”
I wait for the guilt to come. I expect it to, but it never does. I don’t feel good or bad about frightening Coco. I know I should, but I don’t. Somewhere deep inside I know it’s wrong, that I shouldn’t be this indifferent, but whatever this numbness is blocking my pain and easing my worry levels over casting magic, it’s nice. A little peaceful, even, and I could use some peace.
“Indi!” Liv yells from somewhere downstairs.
I roll my eyes for what I’m guessing is only the start of a million times today. “I’m coming.” Sheesh, what is the freaking hurry today?
I brush by my cousins waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. “Better get this show on the road. Don’t want to be late.” Giving Liv a pointed stare and a big toothy smile, I snatch the Pop Tart from Uncle Caleb’s outstretched
hand and head out the door as he yells after me to have a good day. I reply with a wave of my fingers, if only to keep myself from voicing the crap show this day will most likely be.
I stop dead in my tracks at the edge of the porch. Across the street, Sebastian leans against a sleek black sedan with tinted windows. Head tilted down, the wind blows strands of raven colored hair over his forehead as he stares at the ground, his thumbs tucked into the pockets of his jeans. All the breath held in my lungs freezes while the world around him fades away until it’s only him I see. Pain and hope rush in without restraint, crashing together in a volatile dance of sharp claws and silent I love you’s that threaten to rip me in two.
A piercing sting has me rubbing the palm of my hand over the center of my chest as blissful numbness rushes back in to wash away the feelings primed to take me down.
At the exact same time, Sebastian rubs the same spot on his own chest. His eyes flick up, seeking me out. Even from across the street, it’s not hard to see the melee of emotions swimming in their deep blue depths, the strongest being fear and hope. He watches me as though he’s afraid I’ll whoosh away any second if he were to take a single step. Last night I would have. But that was last night. Today, I’m stronger. Today I don’t care why he’s here or what he has to say. I don’t expect an explanation, nor do I want to hear one. His silence last night told me all I needed to know. The sins of my ancestors are too much to overcome. Just like I knew they would be, and that’s okay.
It’s for the best that things end between us now, anyway. I’ve caused him enough harm, and we were always going to go our separate ways in the end anyhow. He’s a chaser. I’m a witch. He’s goodness incarnate, and I bring death and darkness everywhere I go simply because I was born forbidden to exist. So why try or hope to prolong things between us when it was never going to work out in the long run?
No. It’s better to put the idea of us in the past and get our heads in the game so we can both move on, and that starts with me confronting my Ludvikas problem once I free Seth from Gavin’s secret lair. After I find out what Ludivkas’ issue with me is and deal with it, Sebastian can close the case and move on to his next assignment where he can forget all about me.
He takes a step forward, and I ignore him as I hook a left at the bottom of the stairs and head for the bus stop. He stops in the middle of the street, and I catch a glimpse of a frown pulling the corners of his mouth down. “Indi, please, hear me out. It’s not what you think.”
Liv catches up with me and nudges her shoulder against mine. “What’s up with you and Sebastian?”
“There is no me and Sebastian.”
23
Taylor and Paige are waiting for me at my locker like usual, and I plaster on a smile I don’t really feel. “Hey.”
“Hey,” they both say together in unison as they scoot closer together.
“Um, I’m going to need in my locker.”
“I already got your morning books out for you.” Paige hands me a stack of textbooks, an overly big smile on her face.
“What about my jacket? I had planned on putting it in there.”
“It’s kind of chilly in the school today. Maybe you should keep it on,” Paige suggests. She’s acting weird. They both are.
“She’s going to find out, eventually. It may as well be now.” Taylor takes a step to the left while Paige moves further in front of my locker. “Paige. Let her see it.”
“Fine.” Paige moves to the right, revealing the word ‘skank’ scrawled across my locker in Sharpie.
Taylor clenches her hand into a fist. “This has Kayla written all over it. If you want me to kick her ass, I—”
“It’s fine. Kayla is an insecure, petty girl who doesn’t deserve my attention. Or yours. She’ll eventually get bored and move on once she sees Evan and I are truly over.” Now that he has his rightful feelings and emotions back, I’m sure he’ll go right back to hating me in no time, and these past several weeks of creepy, flirty, obsessive behavior he’s displayed toward me will be forgotten. He’ll realize I’m what makes him miserable and sad, not happy. Once Kayla sees I’m not a threat, I’ll go back to being a non-existent blip on her radar.
“Wow. You’re taking this way better than I thought you would. If she did this to my locker...” Taylor makes a fist while mumbling incoherent insults before she catches on to what I said and jerks her gaze back in my direction. “Wait. Did you say you and Evan are truly over? Like for real for real? No hopes of getting back together whatsoever? Because with the flowers he left the other day, and the way he’s been all flirty and cozying back up to you, I was hoping you’d come to your senses and give him another chance. I mean, it’s Evan Lewis, and it doesn’t get much better than that. Except for Jacob, of course, but Jacob’s all mine.”
In the depths of her eyes, I see the idea of Evan and me as the perfect couple slowly dying the longer I hesitate to say anything. Taylor can put on a tough outer shell, but she’s a hopeless romantic underneath who’s always seen Evan and me as a teen rom-com couple. Me the smart and pretty-but-doesn’t-know-it wallflower, and Evan the hot, popular football star who defies the hierarchy of high school to get the girl.
“I doubt he’ll want anything to do with me anymore.”
The look of confusion and fear held in his baby blue eyes and etched over every frozen feature of his face as I locked him into an immobility spell flashes over my mind. On some level, I know I should be feeling hurt, sad, and guilty over what I did, misusing my magic like that. And maybe those feelings are still there somewhere, buried deep below, because I did feel all those things at one time, but for whatever reason I can’t feel them now. All I can muster up is indifference and even that wants to succumb to the numbness.
“Taylor has a point regarding Kayla,” Paige says, ignoring the pouty look on Taylor’s face over Evan and me. It’s a little unlike her, as she’s always one to discuss boys in any context, but maybe she’s getting tired of Taylor’s hopes of Evan and me getting back together just as much as I am. “I don’t get why you let her walk over you the way she does. Girls like her don’t deserve your kindness. Sometimes you have to be as mean as they are before they stop.” Paige tips her chin down the hall behind me. “And now is your chance.”
I don’t have to look to know Kayla’s back there. I can hear the click of her heels echoing throughout the hallway, along with that of her two shadows. They’re so ridiculous with their high heels, designer everything, and holier than thou attitudes. If they knew what was really out there in the world, they wouldn’t be so smug about everything.
“Skank. Hmm, sounds fitting.” Kayla’s shrill voice grates against my eardrums. The massive eye roll that comes over me can’t be helped. This whole mean-girl thing with her is way past old.
Paige shoots me a don’t take her crap look out the side of her eye. Maybe she has a point. It’s been on and off bully drama with Kayla since seventh grade. If I’m mean right back, maybe she won’t get the thrill of tearing me down like she’s hoping for, and she’ll move on.
“You would know,” I say as I open my locker to put my jacket inside.
“What’s that supposed to mean? I hope you’re not accusing me of writing such a despicable word on your locker.” I can practically see the smile dripping off all her words. Of course she wrote it on my locker. She knows it, I know it, and she knows I know it. It’s a classic Kayla move.
“Nope, not accusing you at all. It’s just… you know what they say? It takes one to know one.”
“Did you just call me a skank?” The amount of shocked disbelief in her voice is almost comical.
“Just stating facts.”
I can feel her hate-filled glare on the back of my head, and I really don’t care. I’m so over her jealous antics, but if this ‘fight’ has to happen between us, I’d rather get it out of the way now so I can deal with more important concerns. Like finding a way to incorporate Evan into a cleansing ritual without him knowing about it, finding Seth t
o get some answers before something terrible happens to him—if it hasn’t already—and confronting my supernatural enemies so I can take back my life. I have no room for Kayla and her issues.
“You’re a bitch,” she spats.
I close my locker and turn with a sigh. “So are you. The only difference is I don’t care. Why do you? And don’t use Evan as an excuse. If you want him so bad go get him. Seduce him with your ‘bigger than mine’ boobs and the layers of makeup you use to make yourself look pretty. I don’t care. I’m not stopping you. If he doesn’t want you, that’s not my fault. Maybe he just doesn’t like vapid, shallow girls like you.”
Her jaw hangs open so far her chin is practically grazing the straps of her Jimmy Choos. She snaps it shut and straightens her shoulders. “You can’t talk to me like that.”
“I just did. Now if you’ll excuse me, I don’t want to be late for chemistry.” I shoulder past her, knocking her back a step and straight into her minions, the Parker twins.
Taylor throws her hand up. “That was one of the most awesomest things I’ve seen this morning. It deserves a high five.”
I smack my hand against hers. “Awesomest is not a word.”
“Maybe not, but it does accurately describe what just happened.”
“The look on her face when you called her vapid and shallow was priceless,” Paige chimes in.
Something hits me in the back, then falls to the floor with a soft thud. I turn to find a pencil at my feet and Kayla smiling like she’s the queen of some perceived kingdom. “Seriously, Kayla? A pencil? What are we, in kindergarten?” I roll my eyes and continue on my way to class. Two steps forward, and I trip over nothing. My right knee and elbow take the brunt of the fall as my books scatter over the floor and the other students kick them in every direction. Laughter fills the hallway with the loudest giggles coming out of Kayla’s red-stained mouth.
Of Darkness & Light: Blood Descent Book 2 Page 23