Did he get what he needed from Seth and no longer needed to hold him captive for questioning? And if so, why not just manipulate Seth’s memories and send him on his way? Why manipulate Sebastian and me too? So we wouldn’t look into where Seth had been? And if Seth did reveal my vampirism-curing super power while he was being interrogated, why would Gavin let me go? It doesn’t make sense.
The burn of Jack’s stare on the side of my face has me tuning back to the conversation at hand. He tilts his head, his gaze becoming contemplative. “Maybe the reason you caught onto there being something off about your memories, Indi, has something to do with your angelic side. An angel’s mind can’t be manipulated. Their power is too great. It would explain why Mom had to dose your tea every day. And why there was a reinforcement spell on your pendant. Perhaps whoever messed with your mind this time didn’t know about your angelic side, or that they’d have to reinforce their spell. Without any reinforcements in place, I bet all of your memories will come back, given enough time.”
“Maybe, but how long will that take? Isn’t there something we can do to bring them back faster? Some kind of spell or something?” I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before. Why wait and hope for my tampered with memories to return on their own if there is a way to speed up the process?
“Technically, yes. But before we get ahead of ourselves, Liv and I should determine what kind of manipulations we’re dealing with first.” He pats the desk chair now positioned in front of him. “Have a seat, and I’ll see what I can gather from your mind while Liv looks over Sebastian’s.”
Jack’s hands hover over the sides of my head, words tumbling from his mouth in a string of lyrical whispers too low to make out, while the intent behind them prods at my mind with a gentle touch. After several minutes, the whispering stops, and he drops his arms to his side. “There’s definitely something there. Some kind of block… and something else. It’s hard to get a good read. Whoever cast the spell hardly left any traces behind to unravel.”
I swivel around in the desk chair to face him. “But you can still recover my memories, right?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know.” Stepping out from behind me, he takes a seat on the floor and leans against the foot of the bed.
“What do you mean, you don’t know?”
“Without knowing the type of spell used to suppress and rewrite your memories, finding an appropriate spell to recover them will be difficult.”
“But not impossible, right?”
“No, not impossible. But with the complexities of the spell used, I don’t think a recovery spell would be wise. It’s not worth the risk. Messing with the mind is dangerous to begin with, but this... If I try to do what you’re asking and I mess up, you could end up with amnesia or worse.”
“What’s worse than amnesia?”
He makes a point of looking me in the eye. “Plenty. I could accidentally scramble things and cause your mind to break from reality so you won’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore. Or I could inadvertently lobotomize you, and you’d spend the rest of your days drooling on yourself while trapped within your own head.”
“Oh.” My shoulders deflate. “I guess that is pretty bad. But so is not knowing who or why someone is messing with my memories. Couldn’t you just, I don’t know, maybe not do those things?”
An incredulous huff slips out of his mouth. “Not do those things? Yeah. Sure. Because you know, messing with someone’s mind is as simple as making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Were you not paying attention, Indi? This is dangerous stuff.”
“I know, but—”
“No, you don’t. You have no idea what you’re asking.” He holds up a hand to stave off any further arguments and redirects his attention to Liv and Sebastian sitting on the floor. “Have you been able to determine anything from Sebastian’s mind, Liv?”
I press my back into the chair and cross my arms over my chest. “So that’s it then. You’re just going to take it off the table and not even try?”
Liv shoots a glare at Jack and me. “Can you two stop bickering? I’m trying to concentrate.” Closing her eyes, she resumes whispering an incantation in a language both foreign and familiar. Standing on her knees behind Sebastian, who’s sitting with his legs folded into a pretzel, she holds her hands to the sides of his head. A soft glow emanates from beneath her palms, casting a soft bluish light over his raven hair. “I’m picking up on some kind of manipulation, but I can’t say for sure what it is. It could be lingering traces from when his memories were erased as a kid.” Lines crease her forehead, her face scrunching up in concentration. “Or it could be something more recent. I can’t be sure. The trail is too obscure to follow. Whoever cast this magic is good. Like really, really good.”
I put on my best intimidation face and give Jack the stare down as I lean forward in the chair. “Look, I get this is dangerous, and you’re scared. Hell, I’m scared, but I’m more afraid of what I’m being made to forget. I need to know what was taken and why.” I bite my tongue for half a second, knowing exactly what Jack is going to say and then spit it out, anyway. “There’s a spell in the Book of Shadows I gave you that might—”
“No.” The word flies from Jack’s mouth in record time, just like I knew it would. “I know what spell you’re talking about, and just. No. Not only is it complicated, it crosses the line. It’s not a typical recovery spell. You would be giving me unfiltered access to all your thoughts and memories from the day you were born. Your whole life would spread out before me. I’d have full control over you. I’d be able to change anything, make you do anything. I could change who you are. And it wouldn’t even have to be intentional. If I even thought the wrong thing, it could be disastrous.”
“I agree with Jack. A spell like that would be too dangerous.” Sebastian gives me a sympathetic look, and I give him a narrow-eyed glare. He’s supposed to be on my side. He should want his memories back just as much as I do.
I push away from the chair and run my hands through my hair. A frustrated growl tumbles from my mouth, and I drop my hands before I pull all my hair out. “Is there nothing else we can do? At the very least, something to protect the mind so it can’t be manipulated any further? I’m so sick of everyone playing fast and loose with my memories. Taking them away. Giving me false ones. When does it stop? When do my thoughts and my memories get to be solely mine?”
“I don’t know of any spells capable of fully shielding the mind against manipulation, but there is a spell using sigil magic that can alert you to when you’re being manipulated so you’re better able to fight against it,” Liv offers with a hopeful tone. “As for the false memories, like Jack said, there’s a good chance your true memories will continue to emerge given your lineage. Plus, you’re aware of the spell now. Once a spell is broken—or realized in your case—it can begin to unravel on its own. It all depends on how strong the caster was.”
An exasperated growl forms in the back of my throat. I swallow it down, grinding my teeth so hard in the process they hurt. “So, your solution is to sit around and wait? Like I’ve been doing with the memories buried by whoever tried to rip my soul out? Because we all know how well that’s been going.” I hold up a hand. “I know it hasn’t been that long since the first spell was broken and the second realized, but gah! You guys have no idea how frustrating it is to have your own mind working against you. Plus, you and Jack both just said the latest caster was good enough their spell was barely traceable. What if the memories they suppressed never fully return on their own?”
I kick a dirty shirt lying on the floor across the room, then drop back down into the chair. Throwing my head back, I stare up at the ceiling, hoping it’ll have some kind of solution scrawled across it. Waiting around for my memories to maybe return isn’t an option. “Also, Sebastian has one of those sigil thingies you mentioned, Liv, and it doesn’t seem to have worked for him.”
Movement catches my attention and I watch from the corner of my eye as Liv le
ans around Sebastian with a curious stare.
“You do? Can I see it?”
“Sure.” He lifts the hem of his shirt halfway up before he drops it back down. “Wait.” He meets my gaze, his eyes narrowing as he tilts his head. “You know about my mark?”
“Yeah. You showed it to me when we were…” I trail off as my mind goes blank. “I can’t remember, but I know you showed me.” I point to the left side of my ribs. “Here, right?”
He touches his side. “Yeah, but I don’t remember ever telling you about it.”
I shift my gaze from a perplexed Sebastian to my cousin. “See, Jack, this is why I want to do the spell to recover my memories. My knowing about Sebastian’s sigil is obviously one of the buried ones.”
“And you remembered it on your own,” Jack points out. “Why take the risk of having me dig around in your brain when it isn’t necessary? Have faith the rest will return, too. I do.” He waves a hand over Seth. “Besides, we have Seth now, and once he wakes up, maybe he can help fill in some of the blanks.”
“Sometimes having faith isn’t enough. Sometimes you have to take action, Jack, and this is one of those times. I can’t just sit around and wait for who knows how long for something to trigger them. I need to know what’s real, what’s not, and what I’ve forgotten. So long as I can’t remember things, my enemies have all the power. Don’t you think it would be better to take that power back so we know whom we’re fighting against? And who’s to say Seth will have any information to give, anyway? His mind could be just as manipulated as mine.”
“I get why you want to do a recovery spell, I do, but you’re asking me to do something I’m not confident I can do.” Jerking up from his position on the floor, Jack paces back and forth as he bites his fingernails. “At least give me time to think about it and research all our options.” He comes to a sudden stop, his gaze locked on mine. “Give me a week?”
A week? You’re insane! I yell, but only in my head. “Fine, but not a week. I’ll give you three days.”
“Fine.” He plops back down and spits out a piece of nail onto the floor.
I make a face. “Gross, Jack. I hope you’re not planning on leaving that there.”
He rolls his eyes, but picks it up. “Better?”
“Yes.”
Liv shakes her head at Jack and me like we’re two-year-olds, then turns her attention to Sebastian. “If you don’t mind, Sebastian, I’d still like to see your mark.” She maneuvers around, so she’s sitting in front of him, a slow smile teasing at her mouth. “Shirt off, please.”
He strips his shirt off as commanded, and tosses it on top of his jacket at the foot of the bed. As someone who never blushes under any circumstances, Liv slowly rakes her gaze over him unabashed with an appreciative eye. I close my eyes and shake my head at her blatant ogling while Sebastian smirks. He isn’t one to blush either. He lifts his arm, and she leans in to get a better look.
She reaches out to touch it. “Actually, could you stand, please? And turn to the side so I can see it better?”
“Sure.”
While he’s twisting around, she glances over her shoulder, gives me a quick two thumbs up, and mouths Oh. My. God. Those. Abs!
She’s getting way too much pleasure out of this. But she’s not wrong about Sebastian’s spectacular abs.
Liv cocks her head to the side, studying the sigil on Sebastian’s ribs from different angles until she’s so close her eyelashes practically dust over it. “It’s possible this one didn’t work because it’s designed to work against a specific type of influence only. I wouldn’t know for sure unless I unraveled it.” She gazes up at Sebastian. “But I’m sure you don’t want me to do that.”
“I’d prefer you didn’t. And you’re right. This particular sigil was created to strengthen my mind against vampire compulsion.”
“I could add to it and create a broader sigil to encompass all types of mind manipulation for you.” Liv cuts a sideways glance in Jack’s direction and then mine. “I can make one for all of us. We’ll have to reinforce it at least once a week to keep it active, and practice throwing up mental blocks, but it’ll at least alert us to whenever someone is trying to mess with our minds.”
“Great. Then it’s settled. We’ll all get one, work on projecting mental blocks—however that’s done—and then redirect our attention back to finding a suitable memory recovery spell Jack can be comfortable with.” I meet Jack’s gaze and instill as much emotion into mine as I can get, hoping he’ll see how important this is. “I need to know what really happened with Seth, and why someone tried to take my soul away. Whatever the risks are, I’m willing to take them.”
“Oh, I just thought of a memory spell we might be able to use,” Liv says with too much excitement for Jack’s liking, judging by the glare he’s shooting her. “I completely forgot about it until just now.” She drops her hand from Sebastian’s side, where she had been tracing over the sigil, though not before copping a feel first by trailing her fingers all the way down to the waist of his jeans. She shrugs a shoulder and smiles sweetly at me, fully aware I saw her do it. I roll my eyes, and she laughs.
“Instead of me or Jack poking around in your head to unravel the spell,” she continues. “You would be the one doing all the unraveling from within a dreamscape. Jack and I would act only as your anchors. But I have to warn you, it won’t be easy. There will be measures in place to keep you from accessing the truth, and if things go sideways, you may not be able to find your way out. We’ll also need at least five people to cast it if we’re performing it on both of you. Though a whole coven would be better.”
“I know how adamant you are against it,” Jack says. “But if you’re serious about doing a recovery spell, then maybe now is the time to bring in Mom and Dad. They have experience with memory manipulation and a coven at their disposal. Two things we don’t.”
He makes a good point, and if I weren’t so afraid they’d just mess with my mind further, I’d almost consider it. “I know you’re nervous about casting this spell, but we can’t go to Aunt Claudia and Uncle Caleb, Jack. You know what would happen if we did, and it isn’t memory recovery. You and Liv both have had years of training when it comes to magic. I have faith you two can do this. I trust you guys.”
“I could ask Ava, Grayson, and Wyatt to help,” Sebastian offers. “They’re skilled and wouldn’t ask any questions.”
Liv nods. “Perfect. Jack and I will head to Raven’s Apothecary in the city after school tomorrow, while you two see if you can get Ava, Grayson, and Wyatt on board. We’ll also need some place private to complete the spell with no interruptions.”
“I haven’t agreed to any of this yet,” Jack states. “I’ve got three days to research.”
Liv gives him a pointed look. “We all know you’re going to agree. It might be reluctantly, but you will, so we may as well go ahead and pick up the ingredients for the spell.”
Jack takes hold of her wrist and turns her toward him. “Why are you so willing to cast a spell we have no business doing? Mom and Dad would kill us both if they knew what we were up to. And they’ll definitely kill us if we end up scrambling their brains.”
“Because I agree with Indi. If someone were messing with my mind and stealing, suppressing, or creating false memories, I’d be demanding to know what was what too. And so would you.” She stares at him until he concedes. “And we’re not going to scramble their brains.”
“Fine. But I still want to research before we commit to any one spell.” His tone doesn’t leave any room for argument. “If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it right.”
“Fine.”
35
I rub my face with the back of my hand and snuggle deeper into the blankets where everything is warm and safe. I drift back into dreamland only to rub my face a second time a few seconds later. I mumble something my sleep-addled brain barely comprehends, then smoosh my face further into the fluffiness of my pillow. Something tickles the entire lef
t side of my face, and I jerk my eyes open.
Sebastian stares at me in the darkness of my room, the outer edges of his mussed hair haloed by the soft light of the streetlamps outside. “Good morning, sleepy head. Time to rise and shine.” He twists a small feather he must have pulled from my pillow between his thumb and finger, then traces my upper lip with it. I shiver and scrape my teeth over the area before burying my face into the pillow. The soft sound of his whispered laugh surrounds me, and I groan. It’s inhuman for someone to be this chipper so early in the morning.
Pressing my hand against his chest, I shove him away. “Why do you have to be so mean?” I mumble into the pillow. I chance a peek and find him grinning. “You enjoy torturing me, don’t you?” I yank the blankets up until the only thing visible is the half of my face not smothered in my pillow.
“You’re the one who agreed to early morning training.”
“Clearly, I was crazy.” I close my heavy eyelids. “Can’t we skip this morning and sleep instead? We can make it an every other day thing. Yesterday we trained so today we sleep in. Sleeping in is good. Running around the school gymnasium is bad.”
“Nope.”
“So you’re saying you’d rather run millions of laps around the gym than stay here where it’s warm and cozy beneath the blankets with me?” Untucking the blankets wrapped around me like a burrito, I scoot closer and wrap him up in them with me.
“Now who’s being mean?”
I hook my leg around his and lock my arm around his waist. “Not mean. Sleep deprived.”
He runs his fingers through my hair and my eyes drift close. “Five minutes, and then we need to go.”
“Ugh. Fine.”
I twist my damp hair into a loose braid and grab my backpack from the bench bisecting a row of gym lockers. Stifling a yawn—I have got to convince Sebastian we should run after school and leave the predawn hours reserved for sleep, as they should be—I head out into the gymnasium expecting to see him waiting for me, but he’s nowhere to be found.
Of Darkness & Light: Blood Descent Book 2 Page 35