by Lindsay Becs
Then I hear her.
“Tavin! Tavin!” She’s yelling from outside.
I open the door and see her down below. The sun has gone down, and it’s almost dark outside where the moon bathes her in its light. I’m nearly brought to my knees seeing her again, calling me.
“Endy!” she yells again. This time there’s more relief in her voice when she says the name only she uses. I rush down the steps to get to her, to make sure she’s OK.
But her next words stun me.
“I swore on the moon and stars.”
“What?”
“I swore on the moon and stars that I’d always love you.” I slowly nod, trying to read her and what she’s thinking. “I remember the first time,” she says quietly, looking down to her feet.
Memories flood through me. I thought about killing myself that day. I wanted to die, deserved to die, after doing that to her. I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t let her be hurt again like that. Seeing her shut off like she did before with Zeus to save herself killed me, but I was thankful that she did it.
The only reason I didn’t end my disgusting existence that day was because of her. Because of her promise to love me. Her need and want to have me with her. And I knew if I left her alone with him, things would be a thousand times worse for her. So I stayed. I lived. I kept going, doing, hurting.
“I don’t deserve your love. I never have, Moon.”
“You keep saying that, but it doesn’t make it less true.”
“Moon…”
“I know it hurts. It guts me every time I remember something new. The memories burn and scar me just like they did living through them. But the love I felt, I feel again. The warmth and comfort and love I felt from you then, I feel again now. You’re the reason I survived. You’re the reason I got out of there. You’re the reason for so much. So please, please stop saying that you don’t deserve my trust or love. You deserve so much more.”
I stand there soaking in everything she says, feeling what she feels, wanting to believe her. But deep down, I feel the part of the monster that lives in me. The part that I fear is like him. I never want it to touch her. Not ever again.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I tell her, pleading for her to really hear me.
“You have never hurt me, and you won’t hurt me now.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Endy, I do. I know you.”
“I want to believe that so much.” I grip the back of my neck, wanting to relieve some of the pressure building.
“Believe it. Believe in the same moon and stars that we sat under night after night. Believe in me. Believe in us,” she says with so much conviction as she clutches her chest.
Those last three words Believe in us are what breaks me. I rush to her, pressing into her again, my lips on hers needing to feel her, taste her, again. She gasps at first, stiff from the sudden force of our bodies together.
But then a miracle happens under the stars. The moon… my Moon brightens.
Her hands go to my neck, holding me hostage to her. Little does she know that I’ve gladly been her prisoner for the past twenty-one years. I was bound to her, held as her captive since those eyes met mine and I kissed her little button nose.
Her touch is soft and hesitant, but her heat and desire are pouring from her. Her eyes bore into my soul just like they always have, tethering me to her even more. Her mouth, her fucking lips, are parted, waiting and wanting. When her tongue peeks out, wetting her lips, my jeans tighten and it’s all I can do not to devour her.
Flashes from before hit my mind one after another. I push away from her, closing my eyes, my brows pinched. I’m such a fucking monster.
“Are… Are you alright, Endy?”
“Fuck!” I yell into the dark sky, hating her concern for me when she should be running. She jumps at my sudden rage. “I’m sorry,” I say softer, turning to look at her now.
“Tell me what’s going on inside that mind of yours.”
I shake my head, gritting my jaw. “You don’t want to know.”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.” I can hear the hesitance in her voice warring with her need to know.
I huff a laugh. “You have no idea the things you do to me. I remember everything,” I say, needing her to understand. Maybe it’ll scare her a little and wake her to the fact that I’m a monster she should run from instead of toward.
She gasps, her eyes wide. But then she relaxes and takes a step in my direction. “Do you love me?”
Her question throws me for a second. “Yes,” I answer honestly after a minute of us staring.
“Then why do you keep pushing me away?”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? I told you, I don’t want to hurt you. I’m toxic. I shouldn’t have come back here.” I start to walk away, but she stops me with her next three words.
“Kiss me again.”
I pause and turn. “What?”
“I think… I think it might help.”
“No.”
“What do you mean no?” she asks, sounding genuinely confused and put off by my short answer.
“I’m not going to helping you remember the monster I was—I am. To put you back into the nightmare? No. No fucking way.”
“You aren’t a monster!” she yells into the night, frustration written all over her demeanor.
“Gah!” I yell, stalking my way up to her, taking all her personal space and getting right in her face. “I failed you. Over and over I couldn’t keep him from you. I tried like hell, and every damn time he still got to you. I never protected you. All I did was help him hurt you,” I say through gritted teeth. But then I see it. I see her bright moonstone eyes darken with lust as they dilate, staring into my own. “Damnit,” I rasp before I seal her mouth with mine, not able to hold back anymore.
My tongue pushes into her needy mouth, and when it collides with hers, we both groan from the perfection. The electric current that is running through us is palpable. We’re both so lost in each other as we’re found at the same time.
“Please,” she pleads into my mouth.
“Fuck…” I groan.
This is the part where the darkness hovers and the monsters come out to play.
Grabbing her by the ass, I pull her up against me. Her legs wrap around my middle as I clumsily carry her up to my room. I can feel the heat of her center as it grinds against me with each step I take. Her hands are in my hair, tugging and pulling as our mouths stay fused together. Everything is wet and sloppy and chaotic.
Once we reach my room, I push the door open and spin to close it, but look past her for just a second and catch the crescent moon shining behind her. It’s like a sign that this is our time, this is right and we are doing exactly as we’re meant to. My goddess of the moon is giving me everything, and I swear to the night sky that I won’t waste a second of it. I push the door closed as I set her on the table next to it. The curtains hanging from the window behind her are open, with the stars behind us lighting up the darkness, giving us their approval.
I look down at her, taking in her eyes hooded with want. “You are so beautiful,” I breathe out, tracing my fingers down her flushed face. I cup her cheek with my hand, rubbing my thumb over the bottom lip of her parted mouth. I lean down, not able to keep from her any longer, and claim her hot mouth again.
Pulling my lips away, I lean my forehead against hers to slow down before I let go completely. “You have to take the lead. I don’t want to push you too much too soon.”
The confident girl from a few minutes ago is gone then. I see the nerves lining her face. “I… I don’t know what to… to do. I don’t know how… how to, um, to do, uh, that. This. I…”
“Hey.” I try to soothe her. I push her chin up with my finger so she’ll look at me. “It’s just me and you. No one else.” I kiss her on the nose. “Just like it should have always been.”
“Endy…” She breathes out my name, and I almost lose control, needing t
o fill her.
I close my eyes and grit my teeth, letting out a breath. “Moon, you consume me. You are all I’ve ever wanted, needed, for as long as I can remember. Now that we’re here, together, with no one between us, I want to kiss and lick and lavish you from head to toe. I want to touch and trace and feel every dip and curve of your body. I want to fill you in every way from your beautiful soul to your sweet heat. I need to, want to, take you in every way once and then all over again and again because it’ll never be enough. But I refuse to hurt you.”
“Oh,” she sighs, her chest rising and falling.
I kiss the corner of her mouth, her chin, down her neck. My lips reach the pulse point in her neck, and I smile feeling the beat of her heart against my mouth. I kiss her there once, twice, and then I lick up her neck to her ear, nipping at her earlobe. “I need to mark you as mine,” I whisper in her ear, sending a shiver through her. “Can I?”
My mouth kisses back down her neck to her rocketing pulse point again. I pause for a beat and hear her whisper back, “I trust you.”
“Yeah?” Kiss.
“Yeah.” Kiss.
And then I latch on. Biting and sucking and making her mine. Only mine.
12
Moon
Strong, secure holding me tight
Maybe now I’ll sleep through the night
Muddy and muddled are my thoughts
Inside my mind I feel them rot
Heart pounding.
Breath panting.
Body vibrating.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Sweaty skin.
Swollen lips.
Fingers tracing.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Teeth marking.
Licking.
Kissing.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Moaning.
Growls and mewls.
Groaning.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
“Stop!” I yell, stilling both of us. I open my eyes, focusing on the stars behind me through the window.
“I’m sorry.” Endy pulls away, leaving me panting on the table. Suddenly I feel cold without him pressed against me. “I knew I’d hurt you. Fuck!”
“No.” I sit up, my legs hanging from the edge of the table. My heart stutters looking at him. He’s sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. “You didn’t hurt me. It’s just… It’s a lot. As much as I want this. Us. Everything. It kind of all hit me at once. I just need a minute. Is that alright?”
He turns his head to look at me. He looks so broken and vulnerable. “You can have all the minutes. Every last one.”
I kick off my shoes and slide off the table, dropping to my knees in front of him. “I like kissing you.” I smile.
“Yeah?” He smirks.
“Yeah. Can we keep going?”
“Moon, we don’t—”
He stops mid-sentence when I pull my shirt up and over my head. “Please?”
“What are you doing to me?” he asks as his eyes rake over my skin that’s still flushed from the want coursing through me.
“Loving you.”
I lean in and kiss him, my tongue running along the seam of his lips. My hands glide up his strong thighs, and when I reach the hem of his shirt, I pull it up, my fingers tickling his skin on the way. We stop kissing for me to pull his shirt over his head. Then it’s my turn to rake my eyes over his toned torso. It fills me with a new hunger. My hands meet his hot skin, running up to his shoulders and back down. I follow the trail of dark hair from his chest past his belly button until it dips into his jeans. My mouth waters, wanting to know what it looks like where his pants conceal the rest.
“Come here,” he says in a raspier voice, pulling both my hands until I’m standing before him. My hands go to his shoulders and his to my hips. One at a time my knees go to either side of his legs until I’m straddling his lap on the bed. His hands then go into my hair, pulling me to him again, kissing all over my face. Before I know it, he’s flipped us around so I’m lying on my back on the bed and he’s over me, nestled between my legs. More moans and groans escape us as our hips swivel and grind against each other.
He pulls the strap of my bra down my arm but gets frustrated when the cup won’t stay where he wants it. I chuckle, arching my back so he can unclasp it to remove it completely. I’m rewarded with his mouth covering my nipple while his hand goes to the other, stimulating me in the best way. I feel wetness pool between my legs as his mouth and hands manipulate my breasts.
I feel ready to combust soon, my body tingling and sparking. “Endy.”
“Yeah?”
“I need you to touch me.”
“I am touching you,” he responds between sucks on my hard nipple.
“No.” I pull his face up to look at me. “I need you there,” I say my eyes dropping down.
I watch him visibly swallow. “Oh.” Then a smile spreads on his face. His hands drop to my jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping them before pushing them down my legs. His eyes look over my legs, and then his hand is between them, fingers running over my wet panties. “You wet for me?” I can only nod my head as my mouth goes dry. His smile grows again before he kisses me more. His fingers move my panties aside and run through my wetness before plunging inside of me. I gasp into his mouth as he kisses me in rhythm with his hand. It doesn’t take long before I see the stars from outside behind my closed eyes and my body is shaking with pleasure.
I open my eyes to his smiling face watching me in adoration. I smile at him in return. Then I start to giggle, feeling lighter than I have in years. I push on his shoulder until he’s on his back. I drop off the edge of the bed and pull off his boots. Crawling back up his body, I reach his belt and unbuckle it before popping the button on his jeans. I pull them down his muscled legs, leaving him in only a pair of boxers and socks. I chuckle again.
“What is so funny over there?” he asks, sitting up on his elbows with a smirk showing under his beard.
“We are both in only our underwear and socks.”
“Get over here, you,” he says, yanking me by the hand and pulling me on top of him once again.
I keep giggling against his chest for a minute, but then I feel his hard length pressed against me and suddenly it’s not so funny anymore. My laughter turns to moaning as our mouths and bodies slide and grind against each other more and more.
My hand pushes his boxers down. He kicks them the rest of the way off as our legs tangle together. I sit back enough to look at him. My mouth waters again when I see exactly where that hair ends: at his glorious hard length that I need to touch and feel. Reaching down, I wrap my hand around the velvet hardness, stroking him up and down a few times. His groan pulls my eyes up to meet his hooded dark blues.
“You have to stop that, or I’m going to blow. It’s been a while.”
“Maybe I want you to.” I don’t know where this girl came from. The one that flirts and doesn’t hold back any reservations. Is this the real me? Is this the one that’s been hidden?
I keep my eyes focused on his, my fist wrapped tightly around him, pumping up and down. His mouth parts a little and his brows pinch together, but the sound he makes tells me it’s nothing but right. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just going on instinct that I can’t explain. It feels foreign and familiar all at once. It scares me and excites me.
Then he makes the sexiest noise as he tenses and warmth spills out on my hand, running over my fingers. I look down and watch, licking my lips as I milk him to the end.
“Let’s go get cleaned up. For once, I’ll take care of you like I always wanted to.” He kisses me one last time on the lips, soft and sweet.
He helps me into the shower, and good thing because my legs are shaky and feel like mush. Once we’re both under the hot spray, we stand there in each other’s arms. I want to stay like this forever.
“I missed you so much,” he says while lathering my hair.
“I missed you, too.” I bite back my s
mile.
“Don’t do that. Don’t fight your smile with me.”
So, I let go and smile. Letting it stretch across my whole face for him to see how he makes me feel.
“There it is. When your smile reaches your moonstone eyes, they glitter like the galaxies in the sky. My Moon.” He kisses me a few more times before we finish washing and drying off.
I pull my shirt over my head sans bra and find my wet panties in a far corner. When I reach for my jeans, Endy smacks them out of my hand. “What are you doing?”
“Stay with me.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“No,” he chuckles. “But I want you to stay. I want to hold you through the night and wake up next to you.”
As much as I wasn’t sure how this was going to go, especially with the dreams/memories I keep having, I too wanted everything he just said. “Alright.”
“Good. Then you don’t need pants,” he says, climbing in bed.
“But my shirt hardly covers my butt,” I tell him, trying to pull it down to cover me.
“I don’t see the problem.”
I smile and roll my eyes, climbing in next to him. I like this. Us joking around. Feeling lighter, fun even. It is such a drastic change from how my life has been for as long as I can remember. I don’t want this to end.
We turn on the TV and watch some movie that’s playing, but I don’t pay much attention. I’m still just lost in Endy. Once it’s over, he turns off the TV and lamp, thinking I am asleep.
“I love you, Moon,” he whispers, kissing the top of my head and hugging me close.
“I love you, too, Endy,” I whisper back, tilting my head up to kiss his lips.
Sleep finds us not much later as we lie spooning for the first time together in a bed that wasn’t in front of Zeus, waiting for him to pervert our love.
Moon: 15 years old/Endy: 18 years old
Day after day Zeus took. Every last shred of my innocence gone. In its place was left a shell of a girl. I’ve gotten good at shutting off my mind, hiding there while the monsters play. I only see Endy now on the nights when he can come to see me, which isn’t as often anymore. I think I’m fifteen now. At least that’s what I’m guessing from the number of marks on the walls around me. It’s hard to keep track.