When we escaped from the pack and ended up in Seattle, I couldn’t believe how big and strange and wonderful the world really was. And when I eventually made friends with Michelle, I couldn’t believe how kind people who weren’t my mother could be. The thought of losing that was so terrifying, I vowed never to let anyone know what I was or where I come from.
When I return from work, I’m very on edge and I’m desperate for something to do that will make me feel better.
The text to Michelle is a whim. I figure dinner went okay. Maybe I can relax around the Tremblays more than I think I can, even if I can’t be with Micah.
Can I babysit Trevor tonight?
I sit on the couch, clutching the phone in my hands, praying Michelle is as desperate to get out of the house with her husband for a while as I am to spend some time with an adorable little pup who looks at me like I’m not a pathetic excuse for a shifter.
Are you serious? Please be serious?
I sigh in relief at her text and answer right away, begging her to take her husband out for a date. Michelle moves fast. Apparently she’s got cabin fever and she’d love to get out. All the better for me. I change into a t-shirt and jeans and grab my purse before dashing out the door.
“Oh my God, you’re the best!” Michelle practically shoves Trevor into my arms at the door and then just as quickly her brow furrows even though he does not seem particularly upset. She kisses his little dumpling foot and murmurs about how she’ll be right back. Aaron comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist.
“I have not had a proper date with this woman since he was born,” he says darkly. “It’s been forever.”
I know that’s not true because I’ve babysat for them before for a couple date nights. But Aaron’s being sweet, so I don’t argue.
“It’s my pleasure,” I say, squeezing the babbling infant. I kiss the top of his head. “He’s like a little human Xanax pill.”
“I’m not sure how to take that,” Michelle says, squinting. “So I’m not going to think about it too much. I know you know the routine so I won’t give a speech. I wrote everything down, it’s on the fridge.”
“We’ll be fine,” I murmur, rocking back and forth on my heels. I kiss Trevor’s temple and he laughs at me.
When they’re gone, Trevor fusses a bit for his mom, but I manage to calm him down. I know he’ll need to be fed in an hour. Microwaved breast milk etc. etc.
Trevor is endlessly entertaining. I turn on some 80’s pop and find it a lot easier not to think about things with Micah or about my past or about anything bad because Trevor is gurgling when he laughs, biting my finger, and trying to growl like a little wolf. Pups do that. I’ve had to bite my tongue several times to keep myself from mentioning it to Michelle who laughs that stuff off as weird baby behavior while exchanging a nervous look with Aaron. It’s the kind of thing I wish I could talk to them about freely.
There is, however, one person I can talk to about it.
“Hey, little puppy,” I coo in Trevor’s ear. “Are you a ferocious little wolfie?” I play growl and scrunch up my nose and Trevor mimics me. “Rawr!”
“Rah rah rah!” Trevor says.
I kiss his cheek. “You’re gonna be such a good wolfie just like your daddy and your uncle Micah.”
As if summoned, there’s a knock on the door. I know it’s Micah. I can feel it. And a second later I smell him through the door.
It’s heavenly.
“Hey, Aaron! Can I come in a minute?”
I wonder if he doesn’t have a key or if he’s just polite.
Well, this is going to be weird.
Chapter Six: Micah
I call out for Aaron and halfway through the sentence, I pick up Luna’s scent. Suddenly I can feel her on the other side of the door. There’s her perfume, her shampoo, her skin… Trevor is there too. Baby scents are always strong. My brother is definitely not home and neither is Michelle.
My heart leaps. I spent the entire day almost texting Luna to apologize, but the whole thing was pissing me off and bumming me out and generally turning me in a hundred directions. I figured I’d give her time. Also, it’s probably not great to apologize when you’re still pissed. Sometimes it can make things worse. But now that I know she’s right there on the other side of the door, I am definitely ready to throw myself at her feet.
I’ve been going nuts ever since I left her at her door, second-guessing everything I said, and cursing Luna’s name up and down because she won’t tell me why we can’t be together. I’ve generally been a pain in the ass to everyone I know. I was pretty useless at work. Aaron wasn’t answering his messages with anything other than an emoji which usually means he’s letting me know he’s alive and just doesn’t feel like talking. Usually, I would respect that, but tonight I wasn’t in the mood to be nice or understanding. I planned to come over and grill him for information on Luna and not give up until I got something out of him or Michelle.
This was much better.
“Luna,” I whisper. I close my eyes and lean my forehead on the door. I’m not supposed to know she’s there. Her car isn’t outside. I knock on the door again, preying she answers.
The door slowly opens and my heart thumps when Luna appears with Trevor in her arms. She’s just wearing a t-shirt and jeans but she looks so pretty and fresh-faced. Her hair is down, which it never is when she goes out. I want to run my fingers through it.
“Hey,” I say softly. “I was just… I came to talk to Aaron.”
“I figured,” Luna says. “He’s not here. They’re not here. Date night.”
If she doesn’t let me in, I might actually lose my mind. “Can I come in?”
Luna’s face has an argument with itself. She seems unable to make up her mind. Finally, she says, “Okay.”
“I just want to see my nephew,” I say casually, ambling inside when she opens the door wide. “We don’t spend enough time together. I was going to ask him for financial advice.”
Luna snorts at that and says, “Right. I see. Well, go ahead. He’s right here.” Luna holds up Trevor who laughs at me and points. He loves his uncle. Of course, he loves his uncle. I’m the one who gives him chocolate pudding made by his grandma whenever I come over.
I’m a little heartened that Luna is being cute. She has no reason to be cute with me right now.
“Well…” I bite my lip and hold out my arms, cradling Trevor who gurgles and play growls. “Trev, I’ve been maxing out my IRA contributions every year. So I was wondering if you think I should also get a CD or maybe a high interest money market account. What do you think?”
Trevor says, “Rah rah rah!”
“Yeah, that’s what my broker says.”
Luna laughs at that; that beautiful, chiming laugh. I can’t hold it back any longer. I rock Trevor on my hip and let him gum my finger even as I fix Luna with a pleading gaze. “I owe you an apology.”
“Oh, you don’t have to...” Her face falls a little. I’m sure she doesn’t feel like talking about it, but I have to.
“No, Luna, please. I am so sorry. I am so so sorry for what I said. It was petty and mean and I don’t know shit about your life really.” I shrug helplessly. “All I know is that you’re Michelle’s best friend. I know you like old man ice cream and you prefer wearing flats to heels and you like white wines over red. Hey, wait, maybe I do know you really well.”
Luna chuckles at that and looks away. At least I can charm her.
“I just really like you,” I say. It’s an understatement but it’s not like I can explain the almost instant connection I felt with her because we’re mates. Gotta work up to that, I think. “And I felt rejected and I lashed out and you’re not a coward.”
“Maybe I am,” she mutters.
“No!” I sigh. I can’t hug her because I’m holding a baby but I lean in and kiss her forehead because it seems like a safe bet. “You’re not. I know you probably have your reasons. I just wish you’d tell me what you are.” She look
s truly pained by that and I stroke her cheek and take pity. “But maybe we can work up to that. If you ever let me.”
“I can’t…”
“Yeah, I know,” I say quietly. “You can’t. Can you babysit?”
“Yeah,” she says, looking slightly lost. “That’s what I was doing.”
“Can I happen to hang around here while you babysit?”
She considers that. She wrings her hands and plays with her hair. She’s not great at covering her emotions. It’s adorable. “Sure. I mean, he is your nephew. Who am I to come between an uncle and his nephew?”
I sigh in relief. One more night near Luna. That’s something. “Alright,” I say. I feel absurdly triumphant. “What are we doing then? Other than listening to Duran Duran?”
“That was pretty much what we were doing,” Luna says. Now she smiles a genuine smile and I grin at her over the baby’s head. “We were dancing.” She demonstrates, giving me a shimmy. I join in, dancing with Trevor who laughs when I swing him up high and bring him back down. His laugh makes Luna laugh.
The 80’s dance party becomes a Giving Trevor an Airplane Contest. We lie on the floor and hold him over our heads, which endlessly delights him. We see who can hold him up longer. I inevitably win every round which is hardly surprising since I’m addicted to my free weights and my biceps are my pride and joy. Luna teases me and we banter back and forth about it. Somehow she ends up betting me I can’t hold her over my head.
Game on.
I accept her challenge and Trevor ends up in his walker while Luna and I discuss the parameters of the challenge. She suggests a Dirty Dancing lift.
I’m assuming she’s bored or she has a thing for Dirty Dancing because the idea that I’m going to have the slightest trouble lifting this tiny blonde over my head is, quite frankly, laughable.
But I try to take it seriously. I stroke my chin and smile tightly as I nod. “That sounds reasonable,” I say gravely.
“Okay, let me just put on the song.”
“What?”
It’s proof that I’m smitten. When “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” starts blaring from Aaron’s speakers, I feel like some high school pup with a hopeless crush. Luna starts dancing around like Jennifer Gray and I guess it’s a testament to my looks that she is actually looking at me like I’m Patrick Swayze.
“If I’m gonna lift you, I should get a dance out of it,” I say, taking her hand.
She looks a little nervous at that, but she lets me wrap my arm around her waist. I waggle my eyebrows at Trevor down in his walker as if to say, “Check out what your uncle scored.”
Luna is like butter in my arms. I’m not sure what that means, since dancing with butter probably isn’t ideal. But I don’t know how else to say it. She must be my mate because she feels so perfectly in sync with me. I feel as if there’s some understanding that tonight is locked in time. We won’t go forward or backward, we’ll just let tonight be tonight. Somehow, every night with Luna is ending up like that. Sooner or later things will come to a head, but for now I’m going to keep dancing.
She melts in my arms. She molds herself against me. Her eyes sparkle and shine as I turn her, our steps nimble. She’s definitely danced before, if not often. I know what I’m doing because my mother used to throw balls at the estate when we were young and all the Tremblay brothers had to learn to dance. I know how to lead. I turn Luna in clever little spins, trapping her against me so that I feel her sigh and the racing of her heart. I bring her in close and keep eye contact with her and she doesn’t look away. I feel like she’s telling me: I’m yours too. But I know I can’t count on that. Not yet.
Finally, at the crescendo, Luna dances away, and takes a breath. I smirk and casually motion towards myself with a quirk of my hand. She rolls her eyes. She’s perfect for me. I want her to roll her eyes at me when we’re ninety. She takes a running jump and I find my balance and bend my knees at just the right moment, grabbing the sides of her tight little stomach in my palms and lifting her as she jumps. I stand up straight as I lift and she wobbles for a moment. But then, she’s in perfect form, her arms outstretched, her legs straight behind her as I lift her over my head in my brother’s fortunately high-ceilinged house.
Trevor laughs with glee and Luna shrieks as the music plays. It becomes clear after a few seconds that I could do this all night and Luna finally bursts out laughing.
“Put me down, you weirdo!”
I let her down slowly which necessarily involves her tightly sliding against my body with my arms around her. She has her arms around my neck and there’s a thrilling few moments of heat before the song ends, the baby laughs, and she hops down. Flinching, she pushes her hair behind her ear.
“I told you,” I say lightly. “Besides, you’re so little.”
She smiles again and I unclench. Slightly. “I’m not that little.” She goes to Trevor and makes a face. “Oooh, I’ll be much more impressed if you can change a bad diaper because this is a doozy.”
“Um…” I take a deep breath. I’m sure she’s willing to do it herself. But I have to think me changing a diaper would put a lot of points in my column and I am ready to fight tooth and nail for this woman. If that involves diapers, so be it. “Sure. No problem. I’ve changed his diaper a buncha times. That’s the kinda quality uncle I am.”
I’m lying through my teeth. I’ve never changed a diaper in my life. I’ve talked to Aaron while he was changing Trevor’s diaper though. I’m...pretty sure I can pull it off.
Five minutes later I’m shouting for Luna’s help. This doesn’t please me. I’m not exactly proud of myself. But the diapers defeat me. Badly.
“LUNA!”
Luna laughs at me and then refuses to do the changing. Instead she crosses her arms and talks me through the entire process.
“Is this the kinda mom you’d be, huh?” I say loftily when Trevor is nice and clean and freshly diapered. “You’d just let some incompetent nitwit like me change your baby’s diaper instead of doing it yourself?”
The implication that we’re the parents in this scenario is heavy and I see a shadow cross her face but she’s trying to keep it light. “I know your type, Tremblay,” she says dryly. “Pretending to be helpless so I’ll do your work for you? Such a guy move. Not on my watch.”
Oh man, she’d give me shit in the best way for the rest our lives. I love her.
Trevor demands to be fed and then entertained and it’s shockingly exhausting. I can’t believe such a tiny human can so easily drain a person’s energy. I almost wonder if he’s even more tiring because he’s a shifter, but there’s actually no difference on that front that I know of. When he’s finally asleep in his crib, I realize how close Luna is. She’s standing right next to me in the dim little nursery, her silky blonde hair a curtain as she smiles down at the now slumbering Trevor.
I’m staring at her, smiling like an idiot. I don’t care when she catches me. “What’re you lookin’ at?” She asks softly.
“The most beautiful girl in the world,” I say. The thing is, it’s not even a line for me.
“You’re stupid,” she whispers, the corner of the her mouth turning up.
“Okay.”
She glances at me and I see her eyes go to my mouth before she steps away and takes a deep breath. “God, those little things are tiring, huh?” She plops down on the thick, soft carpet in the nursery. The room is full of baby furniture and ostentatious toys and Luna is sitting up against the wall next to a gigantic blue teddy bear. She fidgets with the stuffed toys piled up by a bookshelf and finds a nightlight on top of the shelf. When she turns it on, it starts rotating and projecting little blue and yellow moons and stars around the walls.
“Pretty,” she murmurs.
I sit down next to her against the wall. I feel like now that the kid’s asleep, we’re going to have to deal with each other and I don’t think either of us knows how to act about it. For my part, I just want to stay here with her as long as I can. That’s the
wolf again. He just wants to be close to her always.
“Thanks for babysitting with me,” she says.
“Thanks for letting me,” I reply. She leans against my shoulder and lets me put my arm around her and I feel like I’ve just won a Nobel prize or something. “What were you like when you were a little girl?” The question bursts out of me and my voice sounds too loud in the room. I feel Luna tense up against me and I’m sure I’ve fucked up. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to… Nevermind.”
She doesn’t say anything but she doesn’t move either. Finally she says in a small voice, “ I was scared. And hungry. Mostly just that.”
That’s not what I would have guessed and I don’t like the sound of it at all. I frown against her hair and the possessive wolf in me wants to know every detail of just who hurt my mate, but I’m going to have to keep him contained. “That sounds awful.”
“It’s hard to explain how I grew up,” she says, her voice low and halting. She sounds like a kid as she talks. “It was very rough. And I don’t really like to talk about it. But my father was… He was a really bad guy. My mom wasn’t always there to protect me and there were a lot of dangerous people around. So... scared. Hungry. I had to fend for myself most of the time. Even when I was little.”
I squeeze her a little tighter and close my eyes. I kiss her hair again and she doesn’t object. “I wish I could’ve been there to take care of you.”
“Hell, I wish you could’ve been there to tell me jokes,“ Luna laughs, faintly chuckling. But I can hear her sniffle and squeeze her a little tighter.
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